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Something I caught whilst watching the NBC pregame show just now:

The slogan:  “Subway – Where winners eat”.

And whom just happens  to be one of their spokesmorons?

Why, none other than ARRRRRRR GEEEEEEE OH-AND-THREEEEEEEEE!!!

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Well, Denizens, now that the Texass stRangers are well on their way to Oblivion™ (six games out of first as of this writing, and falling), it’s finally time to turn our attention to the Official Sport™ of the Realm™…

MERLIN:  Running libdouches through with bayonets?

OZY McCOOL:  Knocking them upside the head with spiked maces?

KORRIOTH:  Feeding them to the Sarlacc on Tattooine?

Ah, I love my job. 

No, guys, it’s time to crank up the phenomonon known around these parts as the Perfect Football Weekend™.

If you’ve been reading me for any length of time – and yes, I know, that’s only about Six or Seven™ of you – then you know what this is about:  Every Thursday or Friday or so during football season, I chronicle the exploits of my favorite football teams – “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there), college & pro.  I size up their games for a given weekend…and if my teams all win, it’s a PFW.

Occasionally, at my whim and mine alone, I will declare a PFW by Executive Fiat™ – usually because a team I hate with The Purplest Of Passions™ gets their heads handed to them (yes, even if it’s by one point).  More on that later.

(And as usual, I don’t give two shits about your  teams – that’s what the comments are for, of course.  Knock yerselfs out.  You people who are reading this and would like to get in on it – now’s a good time to get an account set up here.  Email me.  (Link on the right sidebar.))

Now, back in February, I promised that changes were coming – and, so help me Cthulhu, I bloody well meant what I said.

(Once again, Denizens, let me acknowledge For The Record™ that the World At Large™ does not revolve around me.  I’m perfectly aware that all this angst-filled rhetoric has the net effect of a gnat’s fart in a whirlwind.  This is as much for my entertainment as it is for yours, mkay?  Bite Sue me.)

With all that in mind, here are the teams I’m following in 2013:

High school:  The (Fort Worth, TX) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.  I kept seeing indications that Ged Kates was coming back to coach the Jackets, and my heart raced.  But it sounded too good to be true, especially after the disaster that was the Todd Whitten era.

Then I went to this FWISD page, and got my answer.

Arlington Heights High School has selected Philip Young to serve as the new Head Football Coach. Coach Young graduated from Texas Tech where he played football on teams that played in the Independence Bowl in 1986 and the Coca Cola Bowl in Tokyo, Japan in 1988. While completing graduate work in History, he worked as a graduate assistant coach for two years at Rice University. He later coached at the University of North Texas from 1991 to 1994. Later, Coach Young started coaching and teaching at Denton Liberty Christian High School was part of two state championship teams. He also coached two state championship games as the offensive coordinator at Gainesville High School, winning the title in 2003. Before joining the Arlington Heights High School staff this year, Coach Young also served as head coach at Cleburne High School.

Okay, then.  Best of luck to you, Coach Young.  You’ve got a near-empty cupboard with which to work, so I don’t envy you.  Let’s see what you can do.

College:  The Texas Christian University Horned Frogs.  It’s Year Two of the Big XII experiment for Gary Patterson’s bunch, and even though there was once again attrition that we didn’t really want to see, this group should be better able to handle it.

Josh Boyce & Stansley Maponga took their talents to the NFL – Boyce through graduation (apparently, he was a senior when I thought he was a junior), Maponga through listening to some fool agent who convinced him that he’d done all he could at TCU.

Devonte Fields will take over as the Defensive End To Stop™ – he already has a Big XII Defensive Player Of The Year under his belt, and should only get better.  Jason Verrett & Sam Carter return to anchor a secondary that helped TCU lead the Big XII in defense last year

Casey Pachall is back, and even though Coach P is being coy about who will start against LSU, conventional wisdom dictates that Pachall is a better quarterback right now than Trevone Boykin.  He’ll have Waymon James & B.J. Catalon to hand off to, and Cam White, LaDarius Brown & Bailey Desormeaux to throw to (and why Desormeaux isn’t playing for LSU, I’ve no idea).

It’s about a month to LSU at the Death Star, and we’ll find out a lot about this group in a hurry right about then.

College:  The Liberty University Flames.  It’s Year Two for Turner Gill as well at Jerry Falwell University, and things are looking up:

Seniors Kevin Fogg and Richard Wright have been named to 2013 Phil Steele Preseason FCS All-American teams, while 13 players are among those listed by the organization in its preseason all-conference lists.

Both Fogg and Wright were named to the Phil Steele Preseason FCS All-American first-team listing, with Fogg grabbing a spot on the team as a kickoff return specialist and Wright at long snapper.

Liberty was the only Big South program to have two first-team honorees on the Phil Steele listing. Players from Gardner-Webb (one second-team and one fourth-team) and Coastal Carolina (both third-team) were also named to the FCS All-American listing.

The first game is vs. Kent State in about one month’s time.  As usual, Liberty will be under the SpatulaLine™, getting points when they appear way overmatched.

Pros:  The Houston Texans.  It’s time the Southern Command got some love from HQ, and I’m sick & tired of Cowgirl mediocrity, so the Texans get the nod this year.

Matt Schaub is back at QB, Arian Foster runs the ball, Andre Johnson catches it, and JJ Watt will anchor the defense.  It got them a 12-4 record & an AFC South championship last year, and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be a contender this year as well.

More teams may be added to this mix as I see fit, or not.  In the meantime, this is a good group.

First games are next weekend, and I have a helluva story to launch with, so watch this space.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this.

Here’s to football!

UPDATE:  Oops – almost forgot.

The team that I hate with the Purplest of Passions™…

K’HADIBAK’H:  You mean, besides SMU & TU?

VENOMOUS:  Something like that.

…is the Penn State Nittany Lions.

For the way they dragged Joe Paterno’s name though the mud, they are on the Eternal Shit List™.  Anytime they lose, it doesn’t matter what  any of the rest of my teams have done – I will declare a PFW by Executive Fiat™, because they got their asses kicked.

Now let’s go have some fun!

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Though I am not the big Football fan in this forum, I must point out that Mississippi State goes into this weeks match-up against Alabama with a 7 and 0 record. This is the second time since 1895(the start of MSU football) that the school has accomplished such a feat. I think it safe to say that Dan Mullens is doing a god job.

Unfortunately, Alabama is also undefeated and against them MSU cannot afford to take a quarter off, like they did against Middle Tennessee. They are going to have to play 4 quarters of all out quality football, if they hope to repeat the results of 1980.

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Last evening, in the last seconds of the Mississippi State, University of Tennessee game, we saw this:

Photo: CLUTCH

State was already three points up, all they had to do was to keep the ball away from UT. As luck would happen, this guy was open, and State won 41-31. We are now 6 and 0. Next week, we have a chance to be 7 and 0. The following week we play Alabama. On that game, all bets are off.

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Not quite as easy when your All-Universe™ offense is going against an experienced  defense, is it?

BWAH-HAHAHHAHAHAHA…!!!!1!!ELEVENTEENTYMILLION!!!!!111!!~

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Several years ago the University of Mississippi gave into the political correctness crowd and gave Colonel Reb a dishonourable discharge. The stated reason for this was that the colonel glorified a racist past and thus was not suited to continue as school mascot. After much discussion and a vote by the student body, the new mascot became the black bear. Since then several thins have happened.

First, on Thanksgiving weekend of 2011, the Mississippi State Bulldogs went bear hunting and got their bear. Second, Colonel Reb just refuses to stay gone. Most folks in this area, including the on air personalities on at least one TV station continue to refer to Ole Miss as the Rebels.

Having said that, this year the Bulldogs will again get their bear, or kick Rebel butt, depending on how you wish to see it! :)

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Well, never let it be said that the dumbass doesn’t have a sense of humor.

We always knew that Donna McCrabbs, aka the World’s Greatest Ever Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever!™, had a severely overinflated opinion of himself.  Certainly all of Leftist Libtardia™ always thought so, and made it a point to shout down anyone who dared to disagree.

Now McBlabby is…(snicker)…tooting his own horn.

During an appearance on the interview show Barfly , former Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb said he saw himself as a Hall of Famer, even invoking the name of a few former greats to make his point.

“Absolutely,” McNabb said when asked if he would vote for himself for the Hall of Fame. “One thing that people don’t realize [is] I never played the game to make it to the Hall of Fame. I played the game because I love it. I played the game to win. I’m a competitor. When I step out on that field, I feel like I’m the best player on the field. … I played at the pinnacle, I played at the highest of my career. And I would vote for myself for the Hall of Fame, and I played with probably two or three other Hall of Famers.”

Yeah, well, Reggie White was a helluva lot better player than you ever were, Donna.

Helluva lot better man, too, come to think of it.

“Peyton never won the big game until he won the Super Bowl finally. Dan Marino never won the big game. But does that mean his career is a failure? No, not at all,” McNabb said. “And a lot of times, if we want to sit and look at the numbers for certain players, then we need to look at numbers for all of them.”

“When we want to sit and look at numbers — because that’s what it is when it comes to the Hall of Fame — my numbers are better than Jim Kelly, better than Troy Aikman, better than a lot of the guys who are in the Hall of Fame. But one thing they do have is a Super Bowl.”

That may  have just a weeeeeeeeee  little bit to do with it, don’t you think?

But no worries, Donna.  You may get in the Hall some day.  On the Senior ballot, perhaps.

But you know the old adage: If one could buy you for what you were worth, and sell you for what you thought  you were worth… 

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Was it something I said?

Ged Kates can keep his job another year – but dammit, son, you need to find you a secondary.

Guess it was too daunting a task.  Kates is taking his marbles and moving to Beverly Hills Richland Hills.

The Arlington Heights football program, one of the most successful teams in the district, took the biggest hit, with seven coaches resigning.

In 2009, with Ged Kates as their head coach, the Yellow Jackets became the first Fort Worth team in eight years to win a playoff game. Heights also won a playoff game in 2011. In January, Kates accepted the head coaching position at Richland.

Former Kates assistants Brian Brown, Steven Burkett, Jacob Johnson, William Kates, Cody McCauley, Derek Ward and Whitney Wyatt have decided to leave.

Kates said three of his former Heights assistants will join him at Richland.

They’re calling it a cost-cutting measure.  I call it the gutting of a once-proud football program.

Sigh.

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This…is not  good.

Fifteen TCU students, including four members of the football team, were among 18 people arrested early Wednesday after a six-month drug sting in which deals allegedly went down everywhere from players’ homes to a Hooters restaurant.

[...]

The bust ensnared members of the Horned Frog football team, which recently celebrated an invitation to the Big 12 conference, and information in the documents revealed a surprise team-wide drug test on National Signing Day.

I am reminded of a time nearly 30 years ago.  TCU’s new head coach, Jim Wacker, had just led his Horned Frogs to an 8-4 record and a berth in the Bluebonnet Bowl, and things were looking good for the Purple & White for the foreseeable future.

Then came 1985.

NCAA investigators arrived on the Texas Christian University campus Wednesday to look into reports that as many as 29 players accepted money from alumni trying to beef up the school’s football program.

[...]

TCU turned itself in to the NCAA for inspection and suspended seven players, including All-American running back Kenneth Davis, who admitted taking money from boosters.

The resulting scandal crippled the Frog program for 15 years.  Only when Dennis Franchione brought his act from New Mexico did Frog fortunes begin to turn.

Now we’ve got this.  And it’s all over the media here – the three four major affiliates, ESPN – everyone’s covering it.  Dale Hansen even went “unplugged” on it (gee, wonder why the fatass never goes “unplugged” when something good  happens to them, hm?).

One of the perps, Devin Johnson, stated to police that as many as 82 players failed a mandatory drug test sprung on the players by Gary Patterson on Feb 1st.  And if that’s  the case, one wonders how long it’ll cripple TCU this  time.

I’ve got a bad  feeling about this…

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What I wouldn’t give to have a nuke I could drop on New York/New Jersey right now.

Fuck you, E-why (Wo)manning, Bwandi Jackoff and the rest of the NY Football Douchebags.  And  the pussies masquerading as zebras that gave them Super Bowl XLVI.

Bastards, all.

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Denizens, welcome to this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™.

Arlington Heights gets its season ended by Birdville tonight, fifth-ranked Smurf Turf Douchebag State proves once again it can’t beat TCU without their so-called “trickeration” (they’ll win, but they’ll have to use trick plays to do so), sixth-ranked Oklahoma has the week off, so we’ll plug in 18th-ranked Wisconsin at UMinne-haha, 19th-ranked Nebraska is at 12th-ranked Penn State, and Dallas has Beefalo at home on Sunday.

And I’m not pontificating on the games this weekend, because I’ve got a Red Curtain o’ Blood™ covering my eyes RightAboutNow™, and a certain Filipina bitch – not to mention a lot of other Lame-Assed Media™ types – are at the top of my shit list.

Some background.  A damned good man lost his job today, and he lost it for the CARDINAL, UNFORGIVABLE SIN!!!!11!!!ONE!!1!ELEVENTYMILLION!!1!…of following Pennsylvania state law.

I refer, of course, to Joe Paterno.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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As you’ve probably heard by now, pro football lost probably its most colorful character over the decades this weekend.  Al Davis, former Oakland Raider head coach who became the franchise’s owner/managing general partner, is dead at the age of 82.

Davis was charming, cantankerous and compassionate. But he was best known as a rebel, a man who established a team whose silver-and-black colors and pirate logo symbolized his attitude toward authority, both on the field and off.

Until the recent decline of the Raiders, he was a winner, the man who as a coach, then owner-general manager-de facto coach, established what he called “the team of the decades” based on another slogan: “Commitment to excellence.”

Under Al Davis, who joined the franchise in 1963 as GM/coach and later became its owner, the Raiders also won three Super Bowls.

And the Raiders were excellent, winning three Super Bowls during the 1970s and 1980s and contending almost every other season — an organization filled with castoffs and troublemakers who turned into trouble for opponents.

“Al was a football man — his entire life revolved around the game he loved,” said Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams, an original AFL owner of the Houston Oilers. “He worked his way up through the ranks and had a knowledge of all phases of the game. That experience aided him as an owner.

The Realm™ sends its condolences to the Davis family.

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Time for a massive RCOB™ moment.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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Did you hear the pop Dubya got while Lea Michele was singing America?  And then the massive  pop the troops got while Chrissy Aggie-Hocktuey sand the national anthem?

I’ll guaran-damn-tee you Bambi doesn’t get that if he’s there.  (Aguilera might have, had she had a “wardrobe malfunction”.)

Good on ya, NFL fans.

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In Super Bowl XIII, it was Fred Swearingen & a phantom pass interference call on Benny Barnes.

In Super Bowl XL, it was Bill Leavy’s crew and a phantom Ben Roethelisberger touchdown – one that the entire city of Seattle still maintains never happened.

In Super Bowl XLIII, it was Terry McAulay’s crew and a phantom Santonio Holmes touchdown catch to give his team a gift win over the Arizona Cardinals.  You still can’t convince me that Holmes got both feet down.

The point?

Pathetic-burgh is just like the New England Pansies – they can’t win without officiating help.

Therefore, you can take it to the bank:  If Lombardi’s trophy is handed to the Rooney family today, it’ll be because it was another 11-on-18 “Steal”er circle-jerk.

Because as tough as “Pits”-burgh thinks it is – the fact is that it can’t win without help.

Green Bay 31, Pittsburgh 14.

UPDATE:  What did I fucking tell you?  Shitsburgh holds on every damned play and it doesn’t get called, but a phantom facemask penalty on a Packer punt led to the “Steal”ers’ second TD.  Swung the momentum 180 degrees.

Now GB’ll be lucky to hang on.

Update the 2nd:  Shitsburgh misses a 52-yard field goal attempt.  That’s  the Shawn Suisham we all know & love! 

Update the 3rd:  And again  Green Bay gets screwed by the officiating – and this time replay gave ‘em a reach-around, as well – on a reception/fumble/recovery that was ruled incomplete.

Now the penalties are coming fast & furious for GB.  The NFL has already decided who they want to win.

Update the Finalth:  GB held on and denied the NFL its prize.

31-28 25.

Phew.

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