Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...

This…is not  good.

Fifteen TCU students, including four members of the football team, were among 18 people arrested early Wednesday after a six-month drug sting in which deals allegedly went down everywhere from players’ homes to a Hooters restaurant.


The bust ensnared members of the Horned Frog football team, which recently celebrated an invitation to the Big 12 conference, and information in the documents revealed a surprise team-wide drug test on National Signing Day.

I am reminded of a time nearly 30 years ago.  TCU’s new head coach, Jim Wacker, had just led his Horned Frogs to an 8-4 record and a berth in the Bluebonnet Bowl, and things were looking good for the Purple & White for the foreseeable future.

Then came 1985.

NCAA investigators arrived on the Texas Christian University campus Wednesday to look into reports that as many as 29 players accepted money from alumni trying to beef up the school’s football program.


TCU turned itself in to the NCAA for inspection and suspended seven players, including All-American running back Kenneth Davis, who admitted taking money from boosters.

The resulting scandal crippled the Frog program for 15 years.  Only when Dennis Franchione brought his act from New Mexico did Frog fortunes begin to turn.

Now we’ve got this.  And it’s all over the media here – the three four major affiliates, ESPN – everyone’s covering it.  Dale Hansen even went “unplugged” on it (gee, wonder why the fatass never goes “unplugged” when something good  happens to them, hm?).

One of the perps, Devin Johnson, stated to police that as many as 82 players failed a mandatory drug test sprung on the players by Gary Patterson on Feb 1st.  And if that’s  the case, one wonders how long it’ll cripple TCU this  time.

I’ve got a bad  feeling about this…


What I wouldn’t give to have a nuke I could drop on New York/New Jersey right now.

Fuck you, E-why (Wo)manning, Bwandi Jackoff and the rest of the NY Football Douchebags.  And  the pussies masquerading as zebras that gave them Super Bowl XLVI.

Bastards, all.


Denizens, welcome to this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™.

Arlington Heights gets its season ended by Birdville tonight, fifth-ranked Smurf Turf Douchebag State proves once again it can’t beat TCU without their so-called “trickeration” (they’ll win, but they’ll have to use trick plays to do so), sixth-ranked Oklahoma has the week off, so we’ll plug in 18th-ranked Wisconsin at UMinne-haha, 19th-ranked Nebraska is at 12th-ranked Penn State, and Dallas has Beefalo at home on Sunday.

And I’m not pontificating on the games this weekend, because I’ve got a Red Curtain o’ Blood™ covering my eyes RightAboutNow™, and a certain Filipina bitch – not to mention a lot of other Lame-Assed Media™ types – are at the top of my shit list.

Some background.  A damned good man lost his job today, and he lost it for the CARDINAL, UNFORGIVABLE SIN!!!!11!!!ONE!!1!ELEVENTYMILLION!!1!…of following Pennsylvania state law.

I refer, of course, to Joe Paterno.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


As you’ve probably heard by now, pro football lost probably its most colorful character over the decades this weekend.  Al Davis, former Oakland Raider head coach who became the franchise’s owner/managing general partner, is dead at the age of 82.

Davis was charming, cantankerous and compassionate. But he was best known as a rebel, a man who established a team whose silver-and-black colors and pirate logo symbolized his attitude toward authority, both on the field and off.

Until the recent decline of the Raiders, he was a winner, the man who as a coach, then owner-general manager-de facto coach, established what he called “the team of the decades” based on another slogan: “Commitment to excellence.”

Under Al Davis, who joined the franchise in 1963 as GM/coach and later became its owner, the Raiders also won three Super Bowls.

And the Raiders were excellent, winning three Super Bowls during the 1970s and 1980s and contending almost every other season — an organization filled with castoffs and troublemakers who turned into trouble for opponents.

“Al was a football man — his entire life revolved around the game he loved,” said Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams, an original AFL owner of the Houston Oilers. “He worked his way up through the ranks and had a knowledge of all phases of the game. That experience aided him as an owner.

The Realm™ sends its condolences to the Davis family.


Time for a massive RCOB™ moment.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


Did you hear the pop Dubya got while Lea Michele was singing America?  And then the massive  pop the troops got while Chrissy Aggie-Hocktuey sand the national anthem?

I’ll guaran-damn-tee you Bambi doesn’t get that if he’s there.  (Aguilera might have, had she had a “wardrobe malfunction”.)

Good on ya, NFL fans.


In Super Bowl XIII, it was Fred Swearingen & a phantom pass interference call on Benny Barnes.

In Super Bowl XL, it was Bill Leavy’s crew and a phantom Ben Roethelisberger touchdown – one that the entire city of Seattle still maintains never happened.

In Super Bowl XLIII, it was Terry McAulay’s crew and a phantom Santonio Holmes touchdown catch to give his team a gift win over the Arizona Cardinals.  You still can’t convince me that Holmes got both feet down.

The point?

Pathetic-burgh is just like the New England Pansies – they can’t win without officiating help.

Therefore, you can take it to the bank:  If Lombardi’s trophy is handed to the Rooney family today, it’ll be because it was another 11-on-18 “Steal”er circle-jerk.

Because as tough as “Pits”-burgh thinks it is – the fact is that it can’t win without help.

Green Bay 31, Pittsburgh 14.

UPDATE:  What did I fucking tell you?  Shitsburgh holds on every damned play and it doesn’t get called, but a phantom facemask penalty on a Packer punt led to the “Steal”ers’ second TD.  Swung the momentum 180 degrees.

Now GB’ll be lucky to hang on.

Update the 2nd:  Shitsburgh misses a 52-yard field goal attempt.  That’s  the Shawn Suisham we all know & love! 

Update the 3rd:  And again  Green Bay gets screwed by the officiating – and this time replay gave ‘em a reach-around, as well – on a reception/fumble/recovery that was ruled incomplete.

Now the penalties are coming fast & furious for GB.  The NFL has already decided who they want to win.

Update the Finalth:  GB held on and denied the NFL its prize.

31-28 25.



Denizens, remember The Receiver Formerly Known As Chad Johnson™?

Yeah, this guy.

Two years ago, Johnson gave himself the moniker — a reference in Spanish to his No. 85 — and put it on the back of his uniform before a game. Quarterback Carson Palmer ripped it off before the kickoff. After the season, coach Marvin Lewis — who dislikes Johnson’s attention-getting stunts — referred to the receiver as “Ocho Psycho.”

Well, guess what?  Now that the novelty’s worn off, now that people have finally started giving him the rolled-eyes treatment, now that he’s finally an average player on a piss-poor team…the light’s finally come on in that skull-still-full-o’-mush of his, common sense has finally taken hold…and he’s changing his name back.

Chad Johnson is making a comeback. Three years after changing his last name to Ochocinco, the man born Chad Javon Johnson will be going back to his given surname.

“I’ve done enough with Ochocinco,” the former Mr. Johnson told ESPN’s Trey Wingo. Yes, like having the least productive stretch of his career since the name change became official.

What with being a not-all-that-and-a-bag-o’-chips-type player ‘n all – in other words, being unable to walk his talk, he’s finally realized that he’d best snap out of it before he becomes a bigger joke than he already is.

Welcome back to the Real World™, Chad.  Some of us, of course, never did buy in to that “Ochocinco” bullshit – we’ve just been waiting for you to rejoin us, is all.


…I don’t have to put up with Moochelle’s Wookiee stench in two weeks.

Thank you, Green Bay.

Now if you can just handle Pathetics-burgh and the seven zebras they’re gonna bring with ‘em in two weeks…


ITEM:  T-sip U. the other day inked a 20-year, $300 extra-large (that’s million  to those of you in the Church of the SubTarded) contract with the four-lettered Mickey Mouse outfit (that’d be “ESPN” to the aforementioned SubTarded) to broadcast TU athletic events.

UT President William Powers Jr. said the agreement, which also involves IMG College, a company that handles marketing and licensing for the university, will create 50 to 100 network jobs based at Royal-Memorial Stadium, fund some academic initiatives and further cement the university’s sports brand, already one of the most lucrative in the nation.

”We see this as a very important part of sort of continuing to reinvent the models through which we do business,” Powers said. “This is reflective of being much more creative in how public higher education positions itself as we go forward, even aside from the athletics.”

LORD VENOMOUS’ REACTION:  Well, they have to meet the player payroll somehow.

(NOTE:  The above is my First Amendment-protected opinion.  TU attorneys – you can turn it sideways and go fuck yourselves with it.)


If Gary Patterson doesn’t get fooled by a Smurf Turf Eff-head State fake punt a year ago, this is TCU v. Auburn we’re watching tonight.


Memo to Smurf Turf Dickweed State:

We  beat them 47-7.

In their own fucking backyard.

And  we didn’t have to use trick plays to get there, either.

Yeah, I think we’re a helluva lot better than you pussies.  We  don’t lose to teams like Nevada.


Turn out the lights – the party really is  over now.

“Dandy Don” Meredith has passed.

He was well known as the Cowboys’ first winning quarterback, i.e. he ran the team the first time they posted a winning record.  And he was already well-known in Dallas as SMU’s quarterback.  But his fame (notoriety?) took off a couple years after he retired – for that’s when he became the third man in the triumvirate of announcers doing ABC’s Monday Night Football, opposite Frank Gifford & Howard Cosell.  And America became enamored with the song:

Turn out the lights

The party’s over

They say that

All good things must end

Call it tonight

The party’s over

And tomorrow starts

The same old thing again

Goodnight, Dandy Don.  You left us too soon.


Didja see this?


And the final from Reno, NV:

#3 Smurf Turf Bullshit State 31, at #19 Nevada 34

It is a Perfect Football Weekend™ already.  I don’t give a shit what  the rest of my teams do.


UPDATE:  ESPN showed one of the Wolfpack touchdowns coming off what looked like a double reverse (though it coulda been just a single – I only got one look at it).

Memo to Chrissy Peterson:  Live by the trick play, die by the trick play, you dumbass.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer team. 


« Previous Articles    Next Articles »
Glossary -  Disclaimer - Privacy Policy - History - The SpatulaFAQ
This blog is best viewed with your eyes. 
It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer  set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated.  (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)

(KORRIOTH:  Oh, great.  More wormholes.)

Mozilla Firefox doesn't do too badly, either; in fact, it's His Rudeness' browser of choice.
You can  use Nutscrape,  if you so desire - but why in blazes would you want to use a browser from a company that had to hide behind Janet El Reño's skirt to be successful?

And don't even  get me started on Opera or Chrome.  I'm not about  to trust any browser that won't let me change its color scheme.
Spatula City BBS! was based on WordPress platform 2.6 (it's 3.05 3.31 now), RSS tech , RSS comments design by Gx3.