Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

Y’know, Denizens, I would&#160 tell the Fag Scouts of Amerika what they can do with themselves – that they can kiss my lily-white cracker ass & come suck my dick.

But I have the distinct feeling that that…is what those effeminate, sitzpinkling pussies that remain would like&#160 to do.

IN THE SOUTHERN COMMAND –

“The senior senator of Arizona urged senators to trust House Republicans … and frankly, I don’t trust Republicans,” Cruz said. “It’s the leaders of both parties that got us in this mess. … A lot of Republicans were complicit in this spending spree.”

Guess what?&#160 I don’t fucking trust them, either.

SAN ANTONIO – (Actually, I probably got it right the first time.)

As I’m sure you know by now, Denizens, the Outer Northern Rim of the Realm&#153 (aka Oklahoma City) was blasted yesterday, and we here are praying for the missing and the survivors & their families.

At least, those of us with a bare minimum of some semblance of humanity are.&#160 Others…well, not so much.

The mile-wide tornado that destroyed Moore, Okla., and leveled at least two elementary schools was still weaving a path of devastation when Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead thought up a funny. Too soon?

With all respect due, Twitchy owner Malicious Malkin…never&#160 would be too fucking soon.&#160 And I guess you and the rest of the Twitched-ass douchbags over there think it’s okay, now that this waste of oxygen has “apologized”.

Made a political joke, Twas before devastation revealed. In hindsight, had I understood, I would have refrained. Beyond sorry. #LetMeHaveIt

Believe me, bitch, you wouldn’t like it very much if I “let [you] have it”.

Trust me on that.

Asswipe.&#160

Denizens, as you probably know by now, there were two explosions near the finish line at the Boston Marathon today.&#160 Latest count is three dead, 30 injured.&#160 (*UPDATE*:&#160 Now 12 dead, 50 injured two dead, 22 injured, according to Ace.)

This came from the Facebook page of one Nikki Kristof a few minutes ago:

Most inspiring glimpse here of the Boston marathon: runners who reportedly finished the 26 miles and then ran over to Mass General Hospital to donate blood.

And the least&#160 inspiring would have to be this bastard Kristof…blaming the explosions on Republicans.

The @nytimes is advertising its “free” coverage on mobile phones, hoping to use the tragedy to gin up marketshare; meanwhile, Nick Kristof springs into action, blaming the explosion on the GOP:

explosion is a reminder that ATF needs a director. Shame on Senate Republicans for blocking apptment articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-02-01/wor… — Nicholas Kristof (@NickKristof) April 15, 2013

Kristof, you cowardly little pussy, it’s a Damn Good Thing&#153 you are where you are, and that I am where I am.

Because if I were anywhere near you, you’d be getting your syphillis-infested, skanky, swishy ass handed to you on a platter RightAboutNow&#153.

Little doucherifles like you, Nikki, need to taken out back and put out of our&#160 misery.&#160 And one of these days, you’re gonna say the wrong thing to someone’s face, and he’s gonna rearrange it to where you need to take your meals through a straw.

And when that happens…I’ll stand that patriot to a beer.

Pansy-assed little chickenshit…&#160

(Oh, and as to the title of the post…Hey, Nikki, you little cuntmuffin – if you can do it, so can I, you asswipe.)

UPDATE the 2nd:&#160 Well, looks like the pusstard recanted.

People jumping on me for criticizing Sen Repubs for blocking ATF appointments. ok, that was low blow. i take it back

And that’s it.&#160 No apology, no mea culpa.&#160 Just “i take it back”.

What was it they said about toothpaste?

Not far from Realm&#153 Headquarters, at Texas Motor Speedway in FNFW (Far North Fort Worth), they just completed a night-day NASCAR double-header, capped off by the NRA 500.&#160 Kyle Busch took both ends of the twin-bill.

Now comes word that NASCAR is about to commit financial suicide.

NASCAR plans to become more involved in race-sponsorship decisions by speedways in light of the continuing controversy surrounding the National Rifle Association’s sponsorship of the Sprint Cup race Saturday at Texas Motor Speedway.

“The NRA’s sponsorship of the event at Texas Motor Speedway fit within existing parameters that NASCAR affords tracks in securing partnerships,” said NASCAR spokesman David Higdon. “However, this situation has made it clear that we need to take a closer look at our approval process moving forward, as current circumstances need to be factored in when making decisions.”

The “situation”?&#160 The “current circumstances”?&#160 Why, the whining, kvetching & sniveling du jour&#160 from the Lame-assed Limp-wristed Leftards&#153, of course!

In some respects, this weekend at TMS has become more about politics than racing for the NRA 500, as the sponsorship coincides with the current national gun control debate to become the prevailing storyline.

Democratic Sen. Chris Murphy of Connecticut wrote to News Corp. chief Rupert Murdoch asking the Fox network not broadcast Saturday night’s race because of the NRA sponsorship.

“Eez a vaddy nize tellyvizhan netvork you have zere, Meezter Ayyyyllllllzzzzz. A zhame, no, eef somfzink vere to happen&#160 to eeet…?”

Sources confirmed Friday that two drivers were advised by their public relations directors not to do interviews in the TMS media center so they could avoid having the NRA logo behind them.

Y’know, Denizens, I think now would be a damned good time to remind NASCAR that a goodly portion of their fan base…um, how to put this diplomatically?…happen to also be NRA members.

And if you backhand them, NASCAR, by backhanding the NRA…well, it’s been said that you’re doing this because of “backlash”?

Trust me, dumbasses:&#160 You haven’t seen&#160 “backlash” yet.

Tell 98% of your fan base to go fuck themselves…wow.&#160 Just.&#160 Wow.

I wanna be a fly on the wall for that.

The outrageous thing about this bitch is that she’s still wasting our oxygen.

Narrating a new MSNBC “Lean Forward” spot, the Tulane professor laments that we in America “haven’t had a very collective notion that these are our children.” “[W]e have to break through our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents or kids belong to their families, and recognize that kids belong to their communities,” Harris-Perry argued.

Get near my&#160 boy, you cowardly cunt, and – parental rights or not – it’ll be the last&#160 thing you ever do.

Children belong to the parents – not you, the “community” or&#160 the State.&#160 And as much as I dislike Her Doublewide Bitchiness, I’d still trust her with my son more than I would you.

So don’t even think&#160 it, bitch.&#160 Unless you have a death wish.

This.

This&#160 is why I fucking follow football.

The best Triple-A team in the major leagues just handed an 8-2 crushing to a franchise that was supposed&#160 to maybe – just maybe! – contend for the World Series this year.

You would think&#160 that, after last year’s pathetic-assed chokejob, general manager/El Grande Presidente&#160 Jon Daniels, boy wunderkind, would get up off his ass and actually, y’know improve the ballclub.

Aw, but hell no!&#160 This supposed genius&#160 did nothing but lose several front line players (granted one of them was Josh “Quitter” Hamilton, but still), sign two aging, probably-done veterans, and do exactly fuckin’ dick&#160 in upgrading the pitching staff.

And then little Ronnie Warshington (yeah, I called him Warshington – don’t like it, come tell me to my face, pussies) ONCE AGAIN&#160 shows his ass in trying to, y’know, manage&#160 the fucking thing.

It’s a damned good thing there was an NCIS marathon going opposite on USA, else this rant would be a lot&#160 more vitrolic.

The only other good thing about this is that I can at least ignore competition sports for the next five months or so, until football comes back.

Fucking bastard-assed excuse-for-a-baseball-franchise…&#160

And as if you didn’t have enough evidence that the GOP has lost its spine (not to mention its will & its way), here comes the RNC’s own Chief Sniveling Weasel, Prancy Reince-e Priebus, saying that Rob “I Wuv Gayz Now” Portman won’t face any ramifications from suddenly deciding to throw his principles out the window:

Via NRO, he’s careful not to endorse gay marriage himself but he sure does seem chipper at the beginning about the “inroads” Portman’s allegedly made with gay voters.

And this spineless pussy Priebus wrings his hands in severe angst as the base abandons him, and wonders why Republicans don’t win anymore.

Four million GOP voters stayed home last November. And they stayed home because they’re tired of the direction in which the GOP is going.

They’re tired of having RINOs masquerading as presidential candidates forced upon them.

They’re tired of the Republican leadership caving in to the Demoscum.

They’re tired of cowering in fear of a media who might definitely will portray them in the worst light possible.

And they’re tired of politicians like Widdle Wobbly Portman not standing up for what’s right, even when their family members fail to live up to the standard.

I tell you now, when the GOP decides to man up and grow a backbone, they’ll start kicking Demoscum ass again.&#160 Every election.&#160 Every time.

But until then, the Republicans can continue to wring their hands in angst & wonder.

Denizens, remember Rob “Hey, I Was A Candidate Too!” Portman?&#160 No-name Congresscritter Senator from Oiho (a little Bambi lingo, there) who ran (snicker) for the GOP nomination for President last year?

Y’know, big-time conservative, gonna save the party, all that mush?&#160 Especially being touted as the “pro-life, pro-family” candidate?

Yeah, that one.

Well, his son just came outta the closet and announced he’s a faggot – yeah, that’s right, I said it, do something about it if you don’t like it – and, lo & behold, whaddya know, li’l Robbie ain’t so pro-family anymore, don’tcha know?

Portman voted for the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act, but he now thinks the Supreme Court, which is hearing a challenge to the law this year, should strike it down.

And how does he explain his “growing” (to use a term of the leftists)?

I wrestled with how to reconcile my Christian faith with my desire for Will to have the same opportunities to pursue happiness and fulfillment as his brother and sister. Ultimately, it came down to the Bible’s overarching themes of love and compassion and my belief that we are all children of God. […]

Translation:&#160 The chickenshit is more concerned with how men view him than he is with how God views him.

British Prime Minister David Cameron has said he supports allowing gay couples to marry because he is a conservative, not in spite of it. I feel the same way. We conservatives believe in personal liberty and minimal government interference in people’s lives. We also consider the family unit to be the fundamental building block of society. We should encourage people to make long-term commitments to each other and build families, so as to foster strong, stable communities and promote personal responsibility.

In other words, Denizens, we should continue to encourage all heterophobes to go on fucking each other in the ass, and calling it “family”.&#160 Because, shut up, homophobe!

This son-of-a-bitch always did have a stench about him during the campaign, and now we know why.&#160 He’s a limp-wristed, namby-pamby nancy-boy who doesn’t have a clue what conservatism means, much, much&#160 less Christianity, whose principles are determined by sticking a finger up in the wind.&#160 The jackwagon doesn’t have a fucking clue about standing up for principle, or for what’s right.

And he doesn’t have the balls to stand up to his faggot son and tell him he’s wrong.&#160 And that’s the most shameful thing of all.

The young-skull-full-o’-shit has shamed both&#160 his excuses-for-parents, and they don’t have the sense God gave a flea enough to realize it.

And the GOP wonders why they’re losing elections.

Yes, Denizens, I know – this is a shocka&#160 that could rise to the level of coronary induction. But according to the publicist, it’s all abso-effin’-lutely true.&#160 Pinky-finger-swear.

Are you sitting down? Because we are about to unleash some information on you that is all but impossible to believe: Kim Kardashian staged her now-failed marriage to Kris Humphries, according to her former publicist. “She knew weeks before getting married she didn’t want to do it,” said Jonathan Jaxson, who worked with the reality star from 2007 to 2009, on the Elvis Duran Morning Show. “She’s never gotten over [ex Reggie Bush].” Jaxson claimed to have worked with Kardashian on similar stunts throughout their partnership in a bid to get her press, the New York Post reports.

“I staged several of the moments that the world has seen of her, such as a ring that we alleged was from Reggie Bush,” he said. “It was calculated to a T and then it was leaked to a magazine.”

Well, dip me in Angorgonzolic cheese and call me the Riker Maneuver. Shocked, shocked&#160 I am to hear of this!!!

Yawn.&#160

Hoft over at Gateway Pundit is reporting that Missouri Demoscum are proposing legislation to force all Missourians to turn in their guns within 90 days.

4. Any person who, prior to the effective date of this law, was legally in possession of an assault weapon or large capacity magazine shall have ninety days from such effective date to do any of the following without being subject to prosecution:

(1) Remove the assault weapon or large capacity magazine from the state of Missouri;

(2) Render the assault weapon permanently inoperable; or

(3) Surrender the assault weapon or large capacity magazine to the appropriate law enforcement agency for destruction, subject to specific agency regulations.

5. Unlawful manufacture, import, possession, purchase, sale, or transfer of an assault weapon or a large capacity magazine is a class C felony.

We’re one step closer, Denizens.&#160 One.&#160 Step.&#160 Closer.

The Boy Scouts, apparently, are considering suicide.

The Boy Scouts of America is considering an end to its longstanding policy of banning gay Scouts and Scout leaders, the organization said on Monday.

The new policy would eliminate the ban on gays from the organization’s national rules, allowing local chapters to decide for themselves.

“The BSA is discussing potentially removing the national membership restriction regarding sexual orientation,” Deron Smith, a spokesman for the Boy Scouts of America, wrote in an email to Yahoo News. “This would mean there would no longer be any national policy regarding sexual orientation, but that the chartered organizations that oversee and deliver Scouting would accept membership and select leaders consistent with their organization’s mission, principles or religious beliefs.”

How about the Church Of The Shrinking Organization&#153?

Alas, poor BSA.&#160 We hardly knew ye.

Okay, so lemme get this straight:

You guys at V8 are saying that drinking your product is going to make me end up like this.

In short, you damnfools are trying to turn me into a Demoscum.

No, thanks.

Damn.&#160 Fuck.&#160 Shit.&#160 (And if the Vicar weren’t here, I’d say a helluva lot more than that.)

You’ve lost my business, Chick-Fil-A.&#160 And my family’s.&#160 And you’ve lost it permanently.

And the final word, Denizens, from the Demoscummic National Circle-Jerk Convention Circle-Jerk…comes from none other than the Patron Skank Saint For Abortion&#153, Ms.&#160 Gloria Allred:

Feminist lawyer Gloria Allred told The Daily Caller that she is supporting President Obama because he “cares” about protecting women’s rights while Republican nominee Mitt Romney will “take away our contraceptives.”

[…]

“Do I trust Romney and Ryan with my reproductive rights and the control over my body and my daughter’s and my granddaughter’s body? Absolutely not. This is not close,” Allred said.

Trust me, Glory baby…you have no worries when it comes to your “reproductive rights” and your right to an abortion.

Your face is doing a kick-ass job of that all on its own.

Hell, how you ever coaxed that p-whipped beta-male of yours to even get within 50 feet&#160 of that&#160 Bermuda Triangle is beyond me.&#160