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Behold the savior  of the Texass stRangerS! 

(For the record, the Orioles – one of the worst teams in the American League, if not all of baseball – won the season series from Our Pathetic Wuss-asses™, 6-3, with one game to play.

The funny thing is that some morons around here actually think the stRangerS are actually gonna make it to the World Series.    )

(Hat tip to Supreme General Rayegun – dinner’s on me next time you’re up here, buddy!)

Final score from Disch-Falk Field in Austin, TX, in the NCAA Super Regional for the right to go to Omaha for the College World Series:

T-sip U Shortdicks 1…

Texas Christian Horned Frogs…4

TAKE THAT AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BURNT ORANGE PUSSY ASSES, T-SIPPERS!!!!!1!!ONE!!1!!!!!ELEVENTYDOZENMILLION!!1!!

GO FROGS!!!!!

As if on cue.

Remember, Denizens, when I said:

Well, here’s a question for you: what if the Yankees & Red Sox don’t ever trail Texas this weekend – or worse, bomb the crap out of the pitching staff? What if the Rangers never even get the _chance_ to use either Oliver, Frankie Frank or Feliz? (It’s less of a chance this year than prior years, but work with me here.) You will have then wasted a chance to win a game you should have won, all for a scenario that never presented itself.

Noo Yawk won Friday’s rain-shortened, six-inning game, 5-1.  And won today, 7-3, after leading most of the day, 7-0.

Tomorrow’s matchup is the Yankees’ patient offense vs. Rich Harden, who hasn’t proven yet he can put people away if he doesn’t strike them out.  I tend to think that’ll be a bloodbath, too.

UPDATE:  And they get swept, 5-2.  Mheh. 

Well?  WITY™?

Somebody needs to go buy me a swami’s hat ASAP. 

As some of you know, I’m an occasional participant in the Dullest Moaning Snooze’s  baseball blog.

After the Tex-ass stRangerS’ 3-2 loss to Cleveland (Cleveland?) yesterday, I opined here that it was “another nail in (manager) Ron Washington’s managerial coffin”.

For that, I was somewhat semi-roasted.

Well, you guys know me.

MERLIN:  Do we ever.

VENOMOUS:  Oh, hush.

MERLIN: 

Anyway, my response to everyone who took a shot at me is below the fold.  It’s more for them than for you guys, but feel free to read it anyway. 

Last year, Bambi got his skanky little ass ab-so-friggin’-lutely roasted  at Major League Baseball’s All-Star because – well – he throws like a fucking girl.

MERLIN:  Isn’t that a little offensive to, y’know, girls?

VENOMOUS:  What of it?  Here, have a look for yerself.

MERLIN:  Ew.

OZY MCCOOL:  Gross.

K’HADIBAK’H:  The p’tahk.

KORRIOTH:  Damn.  Just, damn.

So you’d think he’d bone up on his delivery, right?  I mean, he’s got time to be doing March Madness brackets, piss off our allies and make an embarrassment of himself in general, right?

Here (s)he is at Opening Day yesterday for the Washington Nationals’ game against the Philadelphia Phillies:

T-BONE MCMANX:  Oh.  My.  Gawd.

KORRIOTH:  Great.  Honkin’.  Cthulu.

OZY MCCOOL:  Pathetic.

MERLIN:  Didn’t learn much from last year, did he?

VENOMOUS:  Sad thing is that he was probably the best pitcher for the Nationals yesterday.  Phillies destroyed ‘em, 11-1.

RAYEGUN:  That’s Washington for ya.  First in war, first in peace…

ALL:  …last in the National League. 

(Hat tip Michelle.)

Shades of Rodney King.

In a perfect world, Zen Master Philicia and his little band of merry men (including Thug Kobe) would be banned from the NBA playoffs for the next five years, regardless of record.

Just sayin’.

(Yeah, I know the Clippers are there, as well.  Like they ever make the playoffs?    )

We have an economy swirling down the drain, an excuse-for-a-Cabinet full of fuckin’ tax cheats, a pisspot excuse-for-an-Attorney General threatening to release terrorists into our general population (when he’s not practicing his projection skills by calling us “cowards”), allies who no longer have all that much respect for us, thanks to who the 52′ers put in office…and what does the Ayatollah Obambi focus on?

Why, the NCAA brackets, of course.  Duh.  (/snark)

What leadership 

Generally, guys, I distrust the media.

MERLIN, KORRIOTH, OZY, K’HADIBAK’H:  NAWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Hush, you.

MERLIN, KORRIOTH, OZY, K’HADIBAK’H: 

Anyway, this from a member of the Fifth Column Fourth Estate brought a chuckle to my day.

Spew & nod warnings.

Last week, two girls “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) basketball teams played a game.  And one team showed obvious superiority over the other.  Perhaps you heard about it.

Kinda reminded me of some of the games I had to witness between my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets and Fort Worth Dunbar’s perennial Texas HS champion Wildcats.  (For the Uninitiated™, I was the Jackets’ BB manager at the time, so I didn’t have much choice – I had  to watch those debacles.)  In fact, I imagine a few of you SMUT types could probably relate.  Especially those of you who were around for a certain game back in 1989.

Anyway, yesterday – after the head coach expressed disagreement with the wimp-assed apology offered by the school’s excuse-for-a-headmaster – said headmaster canned said coach.

It goes a long way towards showing, IYAM, just how pussified our country has become.  A coach’s team runs it up on an opponent who, quite frankly, shouldn’t even be on the same court with any team in that league in the first place, and that coach gets his ass bitched at and dumped.  Hell™ – as much uproar as there is over this nationally, it’s a damned wonder said winning coach hasn’t yet been accused of child abuse.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m all for sportsmanship.  But I also think that, if you’re going to play, play.  Dallas Academy’s coach could have chosen to take his team off the floor after three quarters – or better yet, refused to come out after halftime – and the score would have automatically become 2-0.  Two-zip doesn’t quite look as imposing as 100-0, y’know?

But DA’s coach didn’t do that.  He kept running them out there, and they kept trying.  And they kept failing.

And there’s no shame in that.

I mean, c’mon.  This is a high-school game, for Cthulu’s sake.  No one’s fewwings  are going to be long-term hurt over this.  No one is going to suffer some sort of psychosis over being on the short end of a 100-0 score.  For there to be this  kind of reaction to the final score – and for the winning coach to lose his job over it – is just flat-out asinine in the extreme.

But that’s what you get when you’ve become a country full of pussies.

(H/T to the SpatulaGoddess.)

Those of you at Stephen F. Austin University who thought that TCU was running up the score on you Saturday night…

(SIDE NOTE:  I do, however, think it was rather classless of the TCU student section to do “Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye” towards the end of the game.  I’m with you guys there.)

Awright, where was I…?  Ah, yes…

…or even you of the Shitland Pony persuasion over there at SMUT who still get steamed over 95-21 at the hands of UHouston…

Consider the plight of the Bulgarian women’s hockey team, who not only got soundly whipped by Slovakia’s women, 82-0…they got out-shot, 139-0.

Go read it yourself if you don’t believe me.

“We took it as training,” Slovakia coach Miroslav Karafiat said after Saturday’s game.

Someone over here hire that guy as a coach.  He’s one hell of an eternal optimist.

Bulgaria trailed 7-0 after 5 minutes, 19-0 after 10 and 31-0 at the end of the first period.

The drubbing capped a woeful showing for the Bulgarian women, who also lost 30-1 to Croatia and 41-0 to Italy in earlier games.

[...]

Bulgaria was eliminated after scoring one goal and giving up conceding 192 in the tournament.

Damn.  Just, damn.

Great Honkin’ Cthulu, you people do.  Not.  Know!!!!  how badly I was hoping this would happen.

Background:  About a month ago, there was a brouhaha of Olympic-sized proportions when he got his probably illegal or anchor-baby ugly ass kicked off the US Olympic boxing team for leaving training camp.

The excuse?  Oh, boo hoo hooooooo, his widdle sister was in rehab and ¡¡¡ELLA LO NECESITADA POR SU LADO, MALDITA SEA!!!  (translation:  NEEDED HIM BY HER SIDE, DAMMIT!!!)

He begged to come back.  Pleaded.  Cajoled.  The US Olympic Committee, for once in it’s miserable existence, stood firm.

So the little prick-ito did what any little Messican boy of his stripe nowadays would do:  He hired a couple of ambulance-chasers attorneys, implying that he might sue.

Well, it was apparently enough for the spine of the USOC to suddenly change back into linguini, as they subsequently reinstated the punk.

All the Olympic-sized soap opera one could ever hope for – which, today, proved to be all for naught, as Yanez just got finished having his gangsta ass handed to him.

Shawn Estrada and Luis Yanez both lost their second-round bouts Saturday, leaving only two American boxers in the Olympic tournament.

Estrada was handed an 11-5 loss by James Degale of Britain in the middleweight division and Yanez suffered an 8-7 setback against Serdamba Purevdorj of Mongolia.

Justice.  Buford…T…Justice.  There is  a God. 

For those of you who have been keeping up on the medal counts, maybe you should change what you’re keeping track of. Like the number of LIES and FALLACIES that the Chinese are pulling right in front of the TV cameras.

For starters, the opening ceremony had loads of fakes. From the fake fireworks to a lip-syncing singer. It’s bloody hilarious when govermental coverup is so blatantly obvious on such a large scale.

But wait, it’s gets better. Much better!!!!

If you were one of the dozens or so people that DVR’d the opening ceremony, check out this story, then check it out for yourself. If you didn’t DVR the ceremony, then you gotta read that story! Here’s a snippit:

The Texass stRangers once had on their roster a relief pitcher by the name of Greg Harris.

Harris wasn’t a bad pitcher, per se – in fact, for a couple of years, he served as their closer – but what set him apart was this little known fact:  He could pitch with either hand.  There were even rumors that he was working on a special glove to do just that.

Ever since then, I’d always wondered what would happen if he were to try that, and a switch hitter – say, Pete Rose, for example – were to come up to bat with the idea to switch to either side of the plate in an effort to counter the switch-pitcher.

Well, now we have our answer.

In his professional debut, Pat Venditte of the Staten Island Yankees – a natural right-hander whose father taught him to pitch with either arm – played cat-and-mouse in the ninth inning with the Brooklyn Cyclones’ Ralph Henriquez as each player tried to gain an advantage, holding up the game for seven minutes.

Check out the video:

Given that there was a runner on first, I might have wanted my pitcher to stay with the left hand, for the better pickoff attempt.  That’s just me, though. 

Denizens, I still got nothing – trying to slog one’s way through an A+ course curriculum will do that (don’t get me wrong – I already have an A+ cert, but it’s eight years old as of this year and the material has been severely upgraded since then).

But even though you’ve probably already seen this, I thought it was a good thing to highlight.

Besides, it beats the hell out of ripping Roger “Horndog on Steroids” Clemens for wanting to bang every other woman in the world not  named Debbie Clemens.  Who, I might add, got her gorgeous ass thrown under the bus during Congressional testimony:

10:37 – McNamee related another discussion with Clemens about using HGH and, once again, Clemens blamed his wife and said that she was the one using the drugs, not him. Classy move to blame the wife. Jimmy Dugan would be proud.

If I’m a baseball owner, I’d sooner have Mallory Holtman and Liz Wallace on my team than Roger Clemens.  And you can quote me.

One of the reasons that I ever opened Spatula City BBS! in the first place was to say what I wanted to say, when I wanted to say it.

And it looks like I’m gonna have to exercise that particular perrogative again now.

Some background for you:  Tonight the NHL’s Dallas Stars won their first playoff series in five years, 4-2, with a 4-1 Game 6 win over the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim Anaheim Ducks.

Now, the Dullest Moaning Snooze hosts a blog that talks about the Stars and the NHL.  And I’m a participant therein.  And right now, there’s a thread in which one of the commenters seems to think that those of us who didn’t think a whole helluva lot of the Stars chances shouldn’t have the right to say so.

The thread is here.  Pay particular attention to what “Chris from Kzoo” is saying

The following response is for him (since the powers-that-be over at the DMS won’t allow a response (incidentally, it was a lot cleaner than what you’re about to read):

“DIAF”

Oh, wow, my fewwings are soooooooo  hurt. Tell me, little wussboy, did you have to wipe the orange from the Cheetos off your fingers before you typed that?  Or perhaps you could only type your bullshit with one hand whilst tossing to Pee Wee Herman with the other, hm?

“This blog was put here for the fans. Those who seek only to diss this team before the games are even played do not fall into that catagory”

What, because you  say so? That blog isn’t your personal property, remember? You don’t get to decide who can or can’t be there.

Sucks to be you, doesn’t it?

You don’t like that, assclown, get your own fucking blog.

“And yes, that is my personal preference; as many have pointed out to the (now invisible) Duck fans”

Oh, so I’m a Duck fan now? Tell me, in your infinite wisdom (cough), what was I when the Stars blew a three-goal lead to the Kings last month? Was I a Kings fan then?

Inquiring minds want to know!

“Naysayers, commission a poll here if you want; the admins can help you out. We, the fans, do not want you here”

And I don’t give a flying fuck at a donut hole what  you shit-for-brains Pollyannas want.

If the Stars play like crap, I’m going to point it out. And as long as I follow the rules of the Stars blog, I’m going to point it out there.

Tough fucking shit if you don’t like it.