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Following Mittens the Romerrhoid’s five-state primary sweep yesterday, Fox News Channel is reporting that aides are saying that Newt Gingrich will be “suspending” his presidential campaign by next Tuesday.

No real surprise – Newt’s campaign has pretty much been one long proclamation-then-reversal (say one thing, then have circumstances force a complete one-eighty days or weeks later) all silly-season long.&#160 But it’s one more reminder that conservatives have, once again, had delivered to them a proverbial kick-in-the-crotch by the GOP Establishment.

And then they have the balls to keep demanding that we give them the votes to which they’re supposedly entitled…because…because…because SHUT UP!!!!!

Lemme say this again:&#160 This is my&#160 vote.&#160 Not yours, GOP, mine.&#160 It does not belong to Gingrich, nor Santorum, nor Perry (necessarily), nor your beloved Romerrhoid, nor McCain, nor Palin…nor anyone else.&#160 It is mine, dammit, do you understand?&#160 MINE!!!

As the political party, it is incumbent upon you to convince me why the presidential candidate you place on the ticket is worthy of my vote.

You have not done that.&#160 Nor will you, if the candidate is Mitt Romney.&#160 Period, end of sentence, end of paragraph, end of topic, end of discussion.

You RINO bastard pusstards don’t like that?&#160 You should have thought of that before&#160 you tried to shove Mittens the Romerrhoid down my throat.

You’ve made your bed, RINOs, now lie in it.

It ain’t my problem any more.

(Hat tip:&#160 Dan Riehl.)

“Well Governor, let me start by saying it’s great to have a different opinion and a different person on the radio and I’m very, very happy that you’re doing this radio show. One of the reasons why I want to listen to your program every day is because you ran for office and you’ve been a politician, you have a different perspective I think.”

—The first caller to Mike Huckabee’s new radio show Monday, 4/9/12

You just can’t make shit like this up.

Well…actually…you can.

In fact, Huckabee…ummm…did.

In fact, “Mike from San Francisco” turned out after some digging to be one Mike McVay, the senior vice president of programming for… wait for it… the Cumulus Media Network. None of which was acknowledged on the air by either “Mike from San Francisco” or, more to the point, Mike Huckabee.

Jeffery Lord goes on to strongly imply (if not state outright) that Huckabee not only was in on it, but may have even had a hand in the staging.

Sad.

I’ve never done that here.&#160 Could very easily, but I don’t roll like that. Any commenter you see here is a real person, really commenting.

True&#160 conservatives don’t have to make shit up, y’know.

WBAP 820/96.7 has reported (and Fox News has confirmed) that Widdle Ricki Santorum has “suspended” his campaign.

Mittens the Rommerhoid wins.

I don’t vote in the presidential election.

And all you RINO pusstards who claim that I’m gonna help get Bambi re-elected – come say that to my face if you have the balls.

It’s looking more & more like I won’t be casting a Presidential ballot in November.

As you all know, the Rommerhoid won Ill-noise – and though he didn’t garner 50 percent, it wasn’t really that close.

And then, today, Widdle Ricky Santorum pretty much committed political suicide when he said we’d be better off with a second Bambi term instead of the Mormoncharian Candidate (hat tip: Jim Hoft):

Rick Santorum today suggested it would be better to stick with President Obama over a candidate that might be “the Etch A Sketch candidate of the future” — a shot at chief rival Mitt Romney.

“You win by giving people the opportunity to see a different vision for our country, not someone who’s just going to be a little different than the person in there,” said Santorum. “If you’re going to be a little different, we might as well stay with what we have instead of taking a risk with what may be the etch a sketch candidate of the future.”

It’s yet another “Booker T moment”: “He didn’t just say that.&#160 Tell me he didn’t just say that.”

Denizens, you heard it here first: Santorum is leading in Louisiana at the moment.&#160 If he manages to keep from screwing that one up, it’s still the last state he’s gonna win.&#160 If I’m Romney, every single commercial I run from now until Tampa Bay will have that quote in it.

Every.&#160 Single.&#160 One.

G’night, Ricky, thanks for playing.

(And for what it’s worth, I’m writing in Rick Perry – both in the primary & the general.&#160 Not that it’ll do any good, but still)

An old friend of ours here at the Realm&#153, Robert Plett, would be shaking his head sadly at us and mouthing, “I told you so, I told you so…”

Don’t be surprised if we have a bona fide&#160 third party in 2013.

This past week, Rush Limbaugh took 23-year-old-coed-cum-30-year-old-libtard-activist Sandra Fluke to task for daring to come before a group of Congresscritters and having the chutzpah&#160 to demand that we, the American taxpayers, give her and her fellow bimboids money to support their $1000-a-year sex habit.

Limbaugh called her – quite properly, I might add – a “slut” and a “prostitute”.&#160 And I say “quite properly” because that’s exactly what she is, by definition.

Today, Rush Limbaugh let down the conservative movement.

For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.

I think it is absolutely absurd that during these very serious political times, we are discussing personal sexual recreational activities before members of Congress. I personally do not agree that American citizens should pay for these social activities. What happened to personal responsibility and accountability? Where do we draw the line? If this is accepted as the norm, what will follow? Will we be debating if taxpayers should pay for new sneakers for all students that are interested in running to keep fit?In my monologue, I posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone’s bedroom nor do I think it is a topic that should reach a Presidential level.

My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.

And in issuing this apology, Rush Limbaugh has ruined everything he’d worked over 20 years to build. Limbaugh’s credibility, if you ask me – and you didn’t, not that I give a shit – is damaged beyond repair.&#160 The one thing you don’t ever&#160 do in this business is apologize to an enemy you may (or may not) have offended.&#160 Say what you mean, and mean what you say, and stand by it, and let the chips fall where they may.

Otherwise, why should anyone believe what you have to say going forward?

Limbaugh has committed what I consider to be a cardinal sin: He backed down.&#160 That makes him worthless to the conservative movement – and to me, as well.

And the more I think about it, the more I realize that it’s going to have ramifications for the Realm&#153, as well.

Stay tuned.&#160 Barring a major&#160 change of mind, changes are coming to this blog.

If I hadn’t seen this for myself, I don’t think I would have believed it.

Ron Paul.&#160 Blame-9/11-on-America Ron Paul.&#160 Inflation-conspiracy-theorist Ron Paul.

And he’s accusing Widdle Ricky Santorum of conspiracy theories.

Words fail.&#160 Words.&#160 Just.&#160 Fail.

And yet the Ronulans, the Paultards, the Paul cult-of-personality fools, continue to support this son-of-a-bitch.

Amazing.

UPDATE:&#160 Don’t ask me how, but it looks like I posted the wrong video.&#160 Should be fixed now.

Fox News (hack, spit) has called Arizona for the Rommerhoid, and is praying to Maitreya for him to win Michigan, as well.

Fuck you, Arizona.&#160 Then again, what can one expect from a bunch of fuckheads that keep sending Juanita McRINO back to the Imperial Socialist Senate&#153?

I say again, and for the record – under no circumstances whatsoever will I vote for that turd for President.

UPDATE:&#160 And now Unfair & Unbalanced has called Mi-shit-gan for the Rommerhoid, as well.

I am now officially glad I drive a Hyundai.&#160 And even moreso that I didn’t buy the Mustang on which I’d had my eye.

And not to put too&#160 fine a point on it, Dee-troika – I bought this Hyundai from a Honda-Subaru dealership.

Northeastern asswipes.

So Mittens won Flor-i-duh.&#160 Emphasis on the duh.

Makes you start to think that maybe the Donks were right about that shithole of a state.&#160 Chalk up yet another reason, O fair Lady Spatula, why I wanted you out of there and up here with me in Texas in the first place.&#160 N’awlins isn’t the only&#160 place in the US where you can find putrid swamps.

Anyway, for a really good take on things (and this is a Homework Assignment&#153), read Misha’s treatise here.

Go.&#160 Shoo.

Memo to Artur Davis of National Review Online:

Enter the last dream date that Republicans may have at their disposal. His name is Jeb Bush, and this time, there is a feasibility around the idea that seemed unthinkable months ago.

Oh, do&#160 go fuck yourself.

(Hat tip:&#160 Allahpundit, via Fox News & Little Green Malkinballs)

Denizens, remember about six months ago when I declared Newt the Gingrinch’s presidential aspirations to be all but dead?

There’s an extremely maddening quality to Newt Gingrich: Every time he gets some momentum going and you think he might be an okay guy to vote for, he goes, sticks his size 13s in his mouth and makes you remember that he’s a libtard in RINO clothing.

Uh, oh.

Fox News poll: Gingrich 23, Romney 22, Cain 15

Yikes.

Being one who, heretofore, had been somewhat of a supporter of/identifier with the Tea Party, I was somewhat of a defender of one Christine O’Donnell, she of the witchcraft accusations of 2010.

Seriously.&#160 Let he whom has never absent-mindedly walked into the girls bathroom during “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) chuck the first pebble, y’know?&#160 In fact, I’m willing to bet that those who screeched the loudest about the witchcraft thing had a Ouija board or two in their own closets growing up.

That said – eventually, give someone enough rope, they’re apt to hang themselves.&#160 Just as O’Donnell’s done by throwing her support to Mittens.

Christine O’ Donnell, the former Republican Senate candidate and a Tea Party favorite during the 2010 election, said in an exclusive interview with ABC News that she has not only given money to presidential candidate Mitt Romney but also says she doesn’t think he is “getting a fair shake” from those within her own movement.

Romney has so far been highly criticized by the Tea Party movement, who sent protestors to picket during his debut September Tea Party Express event.

Jerry DeLumus, the chairman of the Granite State Patriots Liberty PAC, told ABC News at the Concord, N.H., event that he believed Romney was using the flashy Tea Party Express bus as a “photo op” and not because he is actually aligned with tea party principles.

But O’Donnell, who struggled with her own fair share of bad press during her Senate campaign, told ABC News that she tends to “empathize” when she sees “Romney’s record being so obviously distorted and twisted.”

Ah, yes.&#160 The Romney record (hat tip:&#160 the Emperor):

Lets recap: What Romney supported as Governor of Massachusetts:

1. Pro-abortion with full taxpayer funding.
2. Pro-state mandated healthcare.
3. Pro-government mandates in taxes and fees.
4. Pro-gay marriage; full-state sponsorship (1rst Governor).
5. Pro-transgendered education in public schools.
6. Pro-global warming caused by humans hysteria.
7. Pro-amnesty for illegal immigrants.
8. Anti-second Amendment.
9. Support of Ethanol Subsidies..
10. 75% of his Appointments were of Liberal Judges.
11. 47th state out of 50 in job creation.
12. Increased State spending 20.7% during his tenure.
13. Government employment grew 7.2% during his tenure.
14. Pro-Affirmative Action.
15. Romney will say whatever is necessary to get elected.

Among other things.

I hate to say it, but the establishment RINOs may have been nail-head, bang-on right&#160 about you, Esmerelda O’Donnell:

You’re a fuckin’ ditz.

In news that will shock the Uninitiated&#153 and damned few else…a leftard endorsed a leftard yesterday.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie endorsed former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney in New Hampshire today, providing the frontrunner for the GOP presidential nomination with a boost on the verge of tonight’s New Hampshire debate.

A what?

Ex-sqeeze me?&#160 Baking powder?

No, all KrispyKreme Christie (stolen from Mark Levin – thanks!) did was show his fat leftard ass to the rest of the world.&#160 I mean, it’s not like we didn’t already know he was closer to Jim Corzine than Ronaldus Magnus, y’know?

In fact, if you ask me – and you didn’t – Governor KrispyKreme’s donning the kneepads for Mr. Ronmeycare is pretty much the Kiss Of Death&#153, electorally speaking.

Perry may not win the nomination, thanks to Malicious Malkin and her rim-jobbing sycophants like Pasa-dipshit Phylicia.&#160 But it’s sure’s Hell&#153 not gonna be Romney now.

S’long, Mittens, thanks for playing, g’bye.

Geez, win one&#160 half-assed, doesn’t-count-towards-friggin’-squat&#160 straw poll, and suddenly Bozo the Pizza Clown thinks he’s a fucking kingmaker.

Herman Cain would not support Rick Perry’s candidacy should Perry become the Republican Party’s presidential nominee in 2012, Cain told CNN on Wednesday.

Cain, a Georgia businessman who won the Florida Republican straw poll this past weekend, cited Perry’s support, as Texas governor, for giving in-state tuition to illegal immigrants as the primary reason he would withhold his endorsement.

“Today I could not support Rick Perry for a host of reasons. Him being soft on securing the border is one of the reasons. I feel very strongly about the need to secure the border for real, the need to enforce the laws that are already there, the need to promote the path to citizenship that’s already there,” Cain told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer. “But more importantly empower the states to enforce the national/federal immigration laws because the federal government didn’t do it, can’t do it, they never will do it. So that’s where I think he and I have a basic fundamental difference of opinion.”

While I positively abhor Big Dickhead Perry’s approach towards illegals, I’m also absolutely convinced that he’s the only one with the stones to take on B. HUSSEIN!!!&#160 Obambi.&#160 Besides, he’s demonstrated in the past that he’s not married to his political positions when sufficient opposition exists – witness the Gardasil flap and the Trans-Texas Corridor fiasco.&#160 Each time, he stood up for his position, only to relent when sufficient opposition to his idea manifested itself.&#160 He will&#160 listen to his constituentcy, which is more than any of can say for a lot of our politicians.

But if you wanna go down that road, Hermie, then two can play that game.

I say now, and for the record, that I endorse Rick Perry for President of the United States.&#160 And I will not vote for any other GOP nominee in the general election.

That means, Hermie, that should you&#160 somehow luck into the nomination, you can go try to win the White House without my vote.&#160 I won’t vote for you, for Michele “Duh, when did Elvis die again?” Bachmann, for Jon-boy Huntsman, for Chris Christie – and I sure as Hell&#160 won’t vote for Gingrinch, or Mittens, and especially not for your&#160 ugly ass.

(Oh, did I mention I won’t vote for you, Cain?)

Let’s see how you&#160 like it when the people play your sorry-assed game better than you can.

Y’know, Denizens, I had&#160 been wanting to associate myself with the Tea Party.&#160 I mean, what’s not to like?&#160 We both think we’re overtaxed, we both want government to return to conservative, Constitutional principles, we both want a conservative in the White House…right?

Right?

Wellllllll, not so fast there, Sparky.&#160 Looks like the Tea Party – at least, the organized&#160 one – has jumped the shark.

After last Thursday’s debate, in which both Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich outshone both of the purported frontrunners, the question of whether primary Republican voters will choose their nominee according to conventional wisdom as to what makes a candidate electable or according to personal preferences and conservative principles has been (somewhat) reopened.

Well, I don’t know about Cain.&#160 I think that was a case of Big Dickhead Perry shooting himself in the foot, combined with the fact that Mittens isn’t going to get elected dogcatcher in FLA.

But Ms. Korbe, if you think Newt Gingrich can outshine a black hole, I’ve a bridge I wanna sell you.

Anyway, continuing on…

But Cain’s surprise upset in the Florida straw poll this weekend was a forcible reminder that Perry and Romney aren’t technically alone in the race — and that Republicans are willing to reassert preference and principle in symbolic ways, at least. In that vein, Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips recently endorsed eloquent debater Newt Gingrich.

That would be the Gingrinch that sat on the couch with San Fran Nan Pig-lousi.&#160 That would be the Gingrinch that sided with Bambi on Bambicare.&#160 That would be the Gingrinch that called us “right-wing social engineers”.&#160 And he included you&#160 in that, Juddy baby.

And that’s who you want to see as President.

G’night, Tea Party.&#160 Be sure to run over a few cacti in your slide to oblivion, hm?

Looks like Malicious Malkin is having a little trouble handling the flak she’s rightly getting for her continuous kvetching about Rick Perry.

(UPDATE:&#160 You might be thinking that it’s no big deal that ol’ Malicious comments in her own thread.&#160 Unless you’ve been reading her for a while, and realize that she hardly ever&#160 comments in her threads, much less leaves a second&#160 one – like this was.)

In response to this comment…

On September 15th, 2011 at 4:18 pm, theporch said:

I have been reading Michelle’s site for several years now. Seems like she has nothing good to say about any of the Republicans running for office. It seems she is wanting to ensure that obummer gets reelected in 2012. I have in the past, almost exclusively agreed with Michelle but something has changed. She seems to have changed. I have come to the conclusions that she has become very bitter. Sorry Michelle.

…ol’ Malicious bleated the following:

Where do you see “bitterness” in the post above?

It’s all over the fucking post, Malicious, and if you could see what you’ve become from the standpoint of…say…eight months ago, when your little cousin Marizela disappeared…you’d be shocked.&#160 Hell, I’m surprised you haven’t yet accused Rick Perry of having been complicit in that disappearance.

But that’s coming, I’m sure.&#160 Give it time.

I made a carefully thought out argument against appeals to emotion as a governing tactic, while at the same time acknowledging that we all have personal stories about the ravages of cancer.

No, you didn’t.&#160 You as much as said, “Hey, lookit me, Rick!&#160 I can ante up with the human interest story, too!!!&#160 And at least I&#160 didn’t try to force Gardasil down my&#160 brother-in-law’s or best friend’s throat, you Hitleresque monster!!!!!1!!ONE!!!1!!ELEVENTYTHOUSANDTEEN!!!!!1!~

As for detecting some kind of “bitter” tone on my blog:

Yeah, skank – “bitter”.&#160 As in, you hate Rick Perry, you’ve shown&#160 you hate him, he’s the only Republican candidate you photoshopped, after&#160 you ripped Newsweek’s Tina Brown a new one for doing the same thing to your honeygirl Michelle “When’d Elvis die again?” Bachmann, and you barely touched on yet another stupid-assed comment she made about Gardasil & mental retardation (h/t Misha).

In fact, you haven’t treated any of the other&#160 GOP candidates that way – oh, but fucking hell no, there’s not one shred of bitterness&#160 there, is there?

I invest considerable research and time into every post, providing background links and citations and striving to be as honest, fair, and thorough as I can be. I try to give as much credit as is due to others. I provide a diverse mix of topics every day of the week.

Bullshit.

Bull.&#160 Fucking.&#160 Shit.

Pure, unadulterated, 100%, non-biodegradable bullshit.

You decided early on that you hated Rick Perry, and have done nothing but provide “background links and citations” to support your festering hatred of him.

You were even pointed to a site that gave an even-handed analysis of what people were saying about Perry – but instead of giving any thoughtful consideration thereto, evaluating it for what it was and giving a heads-up-and-thanks to the author for going to all the trouble to do his&#160 research, your&#160 “honest, fair and through as I can be” response to it was this.

Nonsense. Where does that post “debunk” Perry’s trampling of the deliberative process, human shield demagoguery, any of the FACTS included in my column about fed CDC chairman’s own opposition to mandating Gardasil for school enrollment, key difference between communicable diseases like measles vs. STDS, or the disingenuousness of Perry’s so-called walkbacks.

That post doesn’t “debunk.” It makes excuses.

You haven’t been nearly&#160 as “honest, fair and thorough” with Herman Cain, your honeygirl Bachmann, Ron the Paultard, Mittens Romney, Timmeh Pawlenty (of shit), or any of the other&#160 Republican candidates.

Or, for that matter, candidate wannabes.&#160 I’m still waiting for your hit piece on Sarah Palin and your photoshop of Donald Trump.

Guess I shouldn’t hold my breath, should I?

I mix serious posts with fun posts, timely topical news with cultural commentary, original reporting and aggregation.

No, you pretty much mix in some criticism of Bambi and snark about Moo-chelle the First Wookiiee with all your screeching about Rick Perry.

In fact, about the only humor on your half-assed electronic rag nowadays comes from…

Guest blogger Doug Powers adds stimulating and entertaining contributions while holding down a full time job with a family.

And here comes the straw blogger, right on time.

Really, Malicious, what was the point about even mentioning him, anyway?&#160 What’s he got to do with your abject hatred of Rick Perry?&#160 That is&#160 what all your gaseous, nauseous bloviating has been about, isn’t it?

If all you want is GOP pep rallies, I invite you in the most non-bitter way possible, to please go somewhere else.

Y’know, I seem to remember some other blogger saying roughly the same thing.&#160 What was his name again…Chavo…Chili…Chan…Chuckles…

Ah, yes!&#160 Charles “Chuckles” Johnson, the guy that ran Little Green Snotballs into the ground.&#160 You remember Chuckles, don’t you, Malicious?&#160 How he started out as one of us, right after 9/11 – then, slowly, gradually came to the point where the conservative movement was anathema to him?

Where he turned on us, and started banning people left & right, ’til it was only him, Sharmuta, Kilgore Trout and a handful of retarded, liberal hangers-on?

That’s where you’re headed, Malicious.&#160 When Perry gets the nomination, I fully expect anyone who says a decent thing about him on that rag of yours will find him/herself bounced in short order.

And I can’t say I’ll be terribly surprised.&#160 That’s what happens when a self-important bimboid becomes consumed with irresponsible, irrational hatred.

Enjoy the screaming fit you have over President Perry, Malicious.&#160 We conservatives will be laughing our asses off – all the way to the White House.