Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

Okay, Denizens, so this may be minutiae to you guyz, but what the hell – it’s my blog, right? (grin)

Some background:&#160 From about the second month of the blog’s existence forward, I’ve been using the Semware Editor v4.2 as my offline post composer (it’s available at www.semware.com if anyone’s interested).&#160 It’s customizable to a fault, and I’d tweaked it to the point where I could format what I wrote to stand on its head if I wanted.

Problem is, the registered version of this particular app costs a whopping $100 – and, as most of you know, I’m not independently wealthy. (grin)&#160 And the “test-drive” version is crippleware – after 60 days, poof – so, I’d have to uninstall/reinstall (all together now) ALL…OVER…AGAIN.&#160 I thought I’d fixed that little problem a couple months ago with Windoze’s backup utility, but it blew up in my face this weekend.

Now, uninstallation/reinstallation isn’t all that much of a problem – except I always have to manually re-do the color scheme each time I reinstall.&#160 Gets old after awhile.

Hence, this post is being composed with UltraEdit 32 – a nifty, even-more-customizable jobber from the nice folks at IDM.&#160 Looks like it’s more powerful – and&#160 it’s cheaper, to boot.

I could get used to this…

Still having problems with my text editor, so this comes courtesy of my brother..

Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different place: Idaho, Nebraska, Florida, and Cuba.

Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.

“What the heck are you doing?” demanded the Nebraskan.

“We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!”

A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.

“What are you doing that for?” asked the gal from Florida.

“We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!”

Inspired, the gal from Florida opened the car door and pushed the Cuban out.

Mhehhehheh… 😀

Having trouble with my offline text editor right now, so this is courtesy of Ms. Heather:

This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex.

He asked how often you should have it.

His grandfather told him,

“when you first get married, you want it all the time…and maybe you’ll do it several times a day.

Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so.

Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.

When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year like maybe on your anniversary..

The young fellow then asked his grandfather,

“Well how about you and Grandma now?”

His grandfather replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex now.”

“What’s oral sex?” the young fellow asked.

“Well,” Grandpa said,

“She goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to bed in my bedroom.

She yells, ‘Screw You’,

and I holler back, ‘Screw You too!'”

Mheh. 🙂

Ah, yes, sportz fanz – time for yet another libtard to have his 15 minutes having the SpatulaBoot applied forcefully to his ugly ass!!!

(Insert canned cheers here.)

Today’s contestant is…some British pissweasel named Daniel!!!&#160 (More canned cheers.)

Daniel made quite the first impression, as you’re about to see.&#160 He thought he’d get in on this old rag of a thread and make a name for himself by, as the colloquialism goes, “taking ol’ Spatula to school”.&#160 Apparently, it never dawned on him that once a thread becomes old enough, Movable Type’s anti-spam safeguards kick in, thus holding his comment in abeyance until I could look at it.

Fact is, Danny-boy, I could have just let your snide little screed sit there, where no one would have ever seen it, thus putting you in the position of having wasted the hour or two it took you to concoct the best way to show your ass to the entire Blogosphere.

Unhappily for you – and fortunately for the Denizens – I’m a little bit more sadistic than that. (grin)&#160 As Kamir Khan cried when hunting Bond in “Octopussy” – LET THE SPORT…COMMENCE!!!

(Now I’m assuming you mean “corporeal punishment”, not “coporeal punishment”.

Well, we all know what happens when you assume,&#160 don’t we, Danny?&#160 You make an ass out of either you or me – and since it ain’t me…

I could be wrong, however,

Oh, in this instance, little wanker, you’re quite right – I did&#160 leave out an “r” in “corporeal”.&#160 Bite me.&#160 Perfect, I ain’t.

But I’m ever-so-sure you exercise the right to be wrong several times a day, moron.&#160 In fact, I’m willing to bet you fuck up at least once in this very comment of yours.

(Denizens, do you get the feeling I’ve already found the fuck-up? (snicker))

but at school I never seemed to learn what the word “coporeal” meant: must be those damn democrats again, not teaching our kids the meaning of non-existant words.)

Sounds to me, Danny-boy, that the only thing you learned in school was how to look in the mirror and play with yourself.&#160 (The guess from here, of course, being that you had&#160 to look in the mirror just to find it.)&#160 A useful skill, to be sure, seeing as an arse like yourself probably always got stuck with a Bertha Butt-type at the school dances.&#160 Eh, ol’ chap?

It is true we need more corporeal punishment in schools, far too much punishment nowadays seems to be of the non-corporeal form. Non-corporeal punishment is far too wishy-washy and innefective: if children are punished non-corporeally they might start to do other things non-corporeally like washing up and hair-drying and who knows where we’d be then, when all our children start doing things ‘in spirit only’. I’m sure they’ll make good Democrats: All those non-corporeal things like “intensions”, but no bodily action to back it all up.

Okay, Denizens, let’s have a contest (and I’m serious about this):&#160 I’ll send a Spatula City t-shirt to the first person (other than Danny-boy) who can accurately tell me JUST WHAT THE EVER-LOVIN’ HELL&#153&#160 THIS MORON JUST SAID!!!!!

Sorry, but a post on education by a Republican on “coporeal punishment” was just way too good to pass up.

I’m sure you got yourself a little stiffy – again, emphasis on the word “little” – from trying to show me up.&#160 It’s a damned shame you failed so miserably.

Your-with-tongue-in-cheek,

Uh…my “-with-tongue-in-cheek”???&#160 I wasn’t aware I owned&#160 a “-with-tongue-in-cheek”.&#160 Pray tell, Danny-boy…what’s a “-with-tongue-in-cheek”???

Or did you just get caught with your trousers down around the ankles, screwing the pooch, ’cause you left out a letter, just like you thought you were going to nail His Rudeness to the wall for doing…eh what, you moronic fuckstick?

A LibDem student who grew up just fine without corporal punishment.

Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that.&#160 Looks to me&#160 as if your lack of having your arse whipped on a regular basis helped you grow up to be a right fine shit-for-brains…

Asshat…

“In the year 2036, the New United Nations declared that no Earth Citizen could be made to answer for the crimes of their race or forebearers…”

-Data, to Q, “Encounter at Farpoint, Part I”, Star Trek:&#160 The Next Generation,&#160 1988

Let’s get one thing straight, okay?&#160 I am not responsible for the actions of my father, Bill Crager, nor his father, Grady Rook Crager.&#160 And I am not responsible for the actions of his&#160 father, Archie Crager, nor for his&#160 father.

So it follows that I’m sure as Hell&#153 not responsible for anything my ancestors circa 1865&#160 did, right?

So would someone please tell me why Wachovia Bank has now apologized for the findings of a 111-page report that they just wasted untold tens of thousands of their customer’s dollars preparing?

More »

Okay, so I’m reading in NewsMax about the former Mr. Jane Fonda (some of you might know him better as Ted Turner) addressing a conference of CNN folk while they commemorate 25 years of bullshitting the public.

And there was ol’ Teddy-boy, being a blowhard as usual, trying to take credit for putting an end to the Cold War or somesuch.&#160 He conveniently forgets that the Soviets already gave Ronaldus Magnus for that particular feat,&#160 but we’ll overlook that for now.

What fascinated me about this piece were two things that spewed forth from the mouths of (mental) babes, as it were:

When he launched CNN in 1980, Turner said he set out to create “the most respected name in television news,” what he called “the New York Times of the airway.” He bragged: “And we did it.”

Y’know what?&#160 For once in his miserable life, Ted Turner is spot-on, bang-on-the-money right.&#160 CNN is, if nothing else, the New York Times&#160 of the airways.

And that should tell you all you need to know about that.

The other thing I found intriguing was where he got the idea for CNN International:

Turner revealed that he got the idea for CNN International – which he launched in 1985 – from, of all people, that champion of free press, Fidel Castro.

“He said, ‘Ted, the whole world needs CNN. I use it all the time and it’s very important to me.’ So I said, ‘Well, if Castro needs it, certainly the capitalists around the world could use it, and perhaps some other communists too.'”

So an avowed enemy of the United States uses CNN all the time, and it’s very important to him?&#160 Anyone wonder why that is?&#160 Hello?&#160 Bueller?

If I were the US government, I’d keep a verrrrrrrrrrrrrry&#160 close eye on CNN henceforth.&#160 And if I were CNN, already hurting for ratings, I’d be awfully damned careful about who endorses me, knowwhutImeanVerne&#153???

Just sayin’, is all.

I had a great post on George McGovern, who’s proven himself to be just as much of a treasonous fuckhead as Mark Felt was 30-some-odd years ago.&#160 Was going to spring it on you guys this afternoon, after a hellacious morning post.

That was all before my text editor crapped out on me.

*&#)*@)%^(#((@*$((@%)(#^@))(@@!!!!!!!!…

Okay, so lemme see if I’ve got this straight:

Two of Assholes International’s top brass, “Slick Willie” Schultz and Joe W. “Arm” “Chip” Pitts III, both gave the maximum $2,000 to Botox Boy’s campaign last year. (Shits Schultz also has tossed a K-note King Chappaquiddick’s way.)

And they’ve called President Bush, Don Rumsfeld and the rest of the Administration “architects of torture” and suggested that “other countries could file war-crime charges against the top officials and arrest them”.

(Note to Schultzie:&#160 I’d just loooooove to see you try it, chickenshit.)

Yet, according to their pathetic excuse-for-a-site, they’re:

“independent of any government, political ideology, economic interest or religion. It does not support or oppose any government.”

Ooooooooooooooooo…kayfine.

“Forsake” has only one&#160 “e”. (grin)

Hat tip to my brother, who got this from one of his co-workers:

The Bronze Rat

A tourist walked into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking he decided he must have it. He took it to the counter.

“How much for the bronze rat?”

“Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story,” the owner said.

The tourist gave the shop owner twelve dollars. “I’ll take the rat. You can keep the story.”

As he walked down the street carrying the rat, he soon noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him.

This was disconcerting, so he began walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

He began to trot toward the Bay, but looking back he saw that the rats now numbered in the millions, were squealing ever louder, and coming toward him faster and faster. Now scared, he broke into a run, then a full Olympic sprint to the edge of the Bay where he threw the bronze rat as far out as he could muster.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat, and they all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop.

“Aha!” said the owner. “You have come back for the story.”

“No,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.”

Mhehhehheh…

I’m not sure which emotion to display over this one:&#160 Righteous indignation, sheer envy or abject lust. (grin)

Later this month, there’s going to be a GOP fund-raiser.&#160 Here’s a pic of one of the attendees:

For the Uninitiated&#153, this is Mary Carey (real name:&#160 Mary Cook).&#160 Mary Carey is an absolute hottie…a porn star…and a registered Republican.

(See, that’s another&#160 advantage we have over the Donks.&#160 Our&#160 babes are better lookin’. (chuckle))

As WorldNetDaily reported, the buxom Carey, 24, ran for California governor against Arnold Schwarzenegger on a platform that included taxing breast enhancements, making lap dances tax deductible, recruiting porn stars as “ambassadors of good will” and putting Web cams up in every room of the governor’s mansion.

If they make lap dances tax deductible, I’m moving to California.

“I’m hoping to run as lieutenant governor of California next year,” Carey said. “Since Arnold [Schwarzenegger] is a Republican, I thought this dinner would be a great networking opportunity for me.”

Hey, who knows?&#160 She’s gotta be better than that MEchA pinhead Bustamante, y’know?

Added Carey: “I’m especially looking forward to meeting Karl Rove. Smart men like him are so sexy.

Uh, Mary?&#160 148 IQ here, sweetness!!!

I know that he’s against gay marriage, but I think I can convince him that a little girl-on-girl action now and then isn’t so bad!”

Oh, Mary, I dunno…I might prefer a little menage-a-trois&#160 action myself…

Since the news first broke about Carey’s attendance, columnists have written about Carey’s plans to dine with Bush, saying it defies the president’s “family values” persona.

Columnist Joshua Frank, writing on dissidentvoice.org, hammered Bush and the GOP for pushing family values while taking money from pornographers.

Wrote Frank: “Oh my. This Bush administration is something else. On one hand they are all about ‘family values’ and Jesus. On the other they are all about raising mad loot so they can maintain control of Washington. It’s not their conservative principles that really matter; it’s all about the cashola and the power it buys. And Bush’s new dining partners have very deep pockets.”

Yeah, well, Joshi, baby – can we help it that our “deep pockets” are a helluva lot better-looking than George Soros? (chortle)