Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

Denizens, usually I start the PFW recap with a line referencing one of the games from my weekend.

This time, though, I have just one thing to say:&#160 WITY&#153

at Arlington Heights 51, Paschal 19

at Texas Christian 31, Stanford 14

at UBuffalo 30, Temple 28

#3 Oklahoma 55, at Washington 14

at Nebraska 38, New Mexico State 7

at Dallas 41, Philthydelphia 37

Cardiac-icity was the order of the day as Drew Willy went all Hail Mary on Temple, throwing a 35-yard TD pass with five seconds left on the last play of the game.&#160 It was part of a 348-yard passing day on 29-42 for Willy, who also threw for two other TDs.

Temple held the Bulls to just 101 yards rushing.&#160 Featured tailback James Sparks got only 40 yards on 7 carries.

…

Heights jumped out to a 16-0 lead, and it looked like the rout was on.

Then they pulled a TCU, got careless, and got deeply gashed.

Twice.

The Panthers’ Emmanuel Smith hit on a couple of long touchdown runs late in the second quarter to pull Paschal within 16-13.&#160 Then, to add insult to injury, the Kittycats recovered an onside kick to start the second half.&#160 However, Heights’ defense held, forced a Paschal punt, then the Jackets went on a long drive which ended with a Michael Jacobs touchdown to put it at 23-13.

After that, according to the writeup,

Another Paschal punt was followed by another Heights touchdown (Davenport’s 34-yard run for a 30-13 lead), and the pattern repeated itself (Marquis Jackson’s 36-yard catch for a 37-13 lead).

When the next Paschal drive ended on downs, Heights went on another 81-yard scoring drive (Davenport’s 15-yard run). Handy’s interception came two plays later, and it was 51-13.

Rinse, lather, repeat, rinse, lather, repeat.

The fun thing about this is that Paschal has been readmitted to class 5A (the big schools), while Heights still has to languish in li’l ol’ 4A.&#160 That, and the fact it was Paschal.&#160

One little bit of errata:&#160 Heights’ coach is named Steve Hale – not Pate.&#160 My bad.

…

In their rout of the Aggies, Nebraska quarterback Joe Ganz did something for the Cornhuskers that hadn’t been done since Eric Crouch in 1999.

Ganz scored three different ways – by throwing, by running and by catching.&#160 He passed for one TD, took an option keeper to the house for another and caught a pass from halfback Marlon Lucky for the third.

The Huskers ran for 330 yards, evoking memories of the good ol’ days at Lincoln.&#160 They even threw in some of the aforementioned triple-option for good measure.

…

In a sense, TCU mirrored Arlington Heights – they jumped out to an early two-touchdown lead, then lost focus on one Stanford TD drive, then after a three-and-out on their next series, let a punt get blocked for a touchdown.&#160 However, as Heights did, the Frogs controlled the second half, wearing down the Cardinal and pulling away late.

In fact, the only dissatisfying facet of the entire afternoon was the douchebag Stanford band.&#160 Their percussion corps made sure to drown out everyone & everything (it sounded like they had attached a portable PA system to all the drums), their drum major looked like a Grambling State reject who thought he was all that ‘n a bag o’ chips, and to top it all off, they went into some sort of jazz riff after the game while TCU was trying to play their post-game alma mater.

Real classy, Stanford, you limp-wristed gaggle of misfit, rump-ranger poofters.&#160 Now that we’ve proven that last year’s kicking of your skanky asses wasn’t a fluke, you can go back to Berkeley when you felching patchouli-huffers belong.

Assclowns.

…

Punch.&#160 Counterpunch.&#160 Punch.&#160 Counterpunch.&#160 An extremely entertaining heavyweight prize fight between the C’boys and the Beagles.

Most of you saw it, so I don’t really need to recap it, but I will say that I thought the turning point was when The World’s Greatest Quarterback In The History Of Ever, EVER™, aka Donna McCrabbs, cost them the game by double-clutching on a handoff to Brian Westbrook in the fourth quarter; the ‘Boys recovered, scored and didn’t look back, even managing to sack McCrabbs on the Vultures’ final drive.

Two things about the Cowboys’ defense are bugging me, though:

1) The tackling.&#160 Philthy will not only tackle you, they’ll tackle you hard, and they’ll hit like effin’ big dogs.&#160 The Cowboys defense hasn’t done that in a while – hasn’t had a Bill Bates-type hitting machine that would lay you out as soon as look at you.&#160 This is not a defense you fear, and it shows more often than not.

2) We supposedly placed an emphasis this year on either drafting or trading for primo cornerbacks.&#160 We let Jacques “Toast” Reeves and Nate Jones go just so we could upgrade with Mike Jenkins, Orlando Scandrick and Adam Jones.

So will someone explain to me why they still play 7 to 10 yards off the receiver at the line?!?!?!?!?!!!!&#160 Has Wade “Mr. Fix-It” Phillips ever figured out what “man-to-man” coverage is?

…

Okay, on to The Worst Referee In The NFL, Bar None&#153.

Recall this post, where I said – and I quote:

The officiating sucked as badly for us as they did for Cleveland [in their preseason game]. There were more phantom pass-interference calls, as well as a couple of bogus personal-foul calls. Meanwhile, Denver’s shit didn’t stink as far as the zebras were concerned. Ed Hochuli – if you paid as much attention to your eyesight as you do your biceps, you might make a halfway-decent referee.

Apparently Ed Hochuli doesn’t read This Fine Blog&#153, because on a pass play during San Diego-Denver, with SD leading late, the ball slipped out of quarterback Jay Cutler’s hands during his windup, and wound up in the Chargers’ possession.

But Hochuli, looking straight at the play, ruled an incomplete pass, giving the ball back to Denver.&#160 The Broncos scored two plays later, then got the two-point conversion for the win.

Hochuli, you dumbass, I told any who’d listen what a crappy zebra you were – and this time, I was right.&#160 A little time at the optometrist’s rather than on at the free weights would do wonders.

What’d I Tell You? (WITY&#153)

This week:&#160 6-0.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend&#153 achieved. (4).&#160 Overall:&#160 17-0.

The PFW returns Friday, when we once again explain the concept of “attaboy/awshit”.

Denizens, the PFW recap (for those of you on the edge of yer seats in rapt anticipation ) will be either late tonight or tomorrow.&#160 Just not enough time at the moment.

ThatIsAll&#153.