Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

(One quick note:&#160 I didn’t mention it Friday, but Nebraska was off this week.)

Has anyone considered the not-terribly-remote possibility that these pussies simply aren’t…that…good?

Arlington Heights 9, OD Wyatt 0

at #10 Texas Christian 39, SMUT 14

Central Michigan 23, at UBuffalo 17

#8 Oklahoma 20, at #19 UMiami 21

Dallas 10, at Denver 17

I think you have to credit the rain for the lack of Wyatt offense, though Jacket corners Joe Howard & Jordan Price both had interceptions to help out.

Heights’ all-everything back, Marquis Jackson, had an 85-yard TD run on his way to a 100-yard rushing day.

—

UBuffalo enlisted the help of an electrical storm as a 12th man of sorts.&#160 It still didn’t help.

CMich’s Dan LeFevour – probably the next great non-BCS NFL quarterback (or, in more colloquial terms, the next Ben Rothelisberger), was 22-28 for 268 yards and two touchdowns.&#160 Though Zach Maynard did throw for 210 yards and a touchdown, he was only 16-31 – and threw an interception to boot.

UBuff may&#160 have found a replacement for James Starks, as Ike Nduka rushed for 172 yards on 22 carries.&#160 But even with that, and Naaman Roosevelt catching 6 balls for 114 yards and a touch, it still wasn’t enough.

At this rate, I’m gonna have to reinstitute the SpatulaLine&#153.

—

They’re calling it a clasic over at ESPN.&#160 One wonders why it’s never a classic when OU wins – but I digress.

With both Bradford & Gresham out, it was up to Landry Jones and the OU defense.&#160 Jones did the best he could, going 18-30-188 – but the Sooner defense simply couldn’t stop Jacory Harris and the Cane offense.&#160 Javarris James ripped the heretofore supposedly stout Sooner run defense for 150 on only 15 carries.&#160 Harris was 19-28-202.

Not that OU didn’t put up a fight.&#160 They held a 10-7 halftime lead, and after UMiami went in front 21-10, Jones and DeMarco Murray, led the Sooners on a scoring drive in the third quarter to narrow it to 21-17, and a field goal in the fourth made a game of it.&#160 Unfortunately, that’s also the last time OU would get the ball.

—

Quack, quack, quack.

That’s what a bunch of TCU fans in the upper deck (including yours truly) had to be thinking along about halftime Saturday night.&#160 What had been a sprinkle most of the evening turned into a very steady, moderately hard rain with the second quarter nearly two-thirds gone.

By that time TCU had lost two fumbles and thrown a pick – and led, 12-7.

The whole game was a comedy of errors, pretty much all attributable to the rain.&#160 Most of what Andy Dalton wasn’t flat-out overthrowing might as well have been butter, because the ball was slipping through the hands of his targets all night.

In the third quarter, Dalton rolled out right, was stopped and had the ball stripped, which the SMU defender nearly ran in before being tripped by Jeremy Kerley at the TCU 2.&#160 After a 10-minute review, replay officials ruled that Dalton’s knee was down, pretty much ending SMU’s hopes right there.&#160 After another 10 minutes of aborted restarts (they’d line up to run the next play, then an official would blow the whistle for some bit of minutiae, eliciting mass groans & boos from the crowd), TCU ran another couple plays and punted.&#160 So much for the comedy portion of the game.

The punt return game excelled all night, thanks to a couple of boss blocks – one from the shoulder of Tanner Brock, who took out two Mustangs Jason Witten-style (i.e, sans&#160 helmet) – and paid the price for it.

Dalton was 12-20-189 with two TDs and that one pick, and the Joseph Tuner/Ed Wesley pairing combined for 142 yards and one touchdown.&#160 The TCU defense held the SMU ground attack (not what they do best, but still) to -16 yards.

The only other interesting things about the game were TCU’s extra-point attempts.&#160 The first one was blocked, and the next two two-point conversions failed.&#160 The next time TCU tried an extra point, they were called for a false start, making it basically a 25-yard field goal.&#160 (Incidentally, Ross Evans seems to have found a leg this year – other than the first block, his kicks have been very solid.)

—

I’m sorry.&#160 This joke of a quarterback is a decent backup, nothing more.&#160 Owner Jethro (yet another hat tip:&#160 Gil LeBreton) has plunked down $67 million to a Brett Favre-wannabe that will never take the Cowgirls to the Super Bowl.

Yet another failure to protect the ball, this time deep in their own territory, led to the first Horse’s Ass touchdown – sack, strip, fumble recovery.&#160 Rinse, lather, repeat.&#160 Very next play, first-round bust Anthony Spencer, tried to pick off a Kyle Orton pass and let it go right between his hands.&#160 Right to Knowshon Moreno, who scored.

In the fourth quarter, another first-round bust, Terrence Newman, had a chance to break up an Orton pass to Brandon Marshall.&#160 But instead of leaping and deflecting the ball with one hand, which he could have done, he chose instead to try and pick off the ball – leaving him one inch short.&#160 Marshall caught the ball and fought off six additional Cowgirl defenders to score the winning TD.

In the interim, the Cowgirl offense was pathetic all day.&#160 Those receivers Romo wasn’t&#160 overthrowing were having to fight off Horse’s Ass defenders just to catch the pass – and bitching for flags when they didn’t (Patricia Crayton, call your office).&#160 And besides New-woman, the rest of the secondary was its usual swiss-cheese self.

Thus, Coach Stay-Puf’s half-assed excuse-for-a-team pulls defeat from the jaws of victory yet again.

The thing is, the local sports pundits around here were playing up the fact that Denver had played Cincy, Cleveland and Oakland the first three weeks, implying that they hadn’t played any real competition yet.&#160 Which begs the question:&#160 What if they still haven’t?

It’s not outside the realm of possibility that this pathetic group of individual Epic Fails goes 4-12 for the year.&#160 With a “Can’t we all just get along?” marshmallow-butt roaming the sidelines, an offensive coordinator who still hasn’t figured out how the rest of the league caught up to the Zampese timing offense again, a backup quarterback who looks like he’s let celebrity go to his head and a defense that lets opponents run through it like shit through a goose, JerryWorld is indeed going to turn into the world’s largest mausoleum – because no one’s going to wanna pay outlandish prices to come see this bunch of losers.

But that’s what happens when you’re overrated.

This week:&#160 2-3.&#160 Overall:&#160 17-11.

The PFW returns Thursday, when I will declare “Guaranteed Win Night”.&#160 Keep it right here.