Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

Well, from the overwhelming amount of mail in the Command Center’s mail bag it would seem that really no one noticed my absence.  It was just a few days and all.  Even celebrated something of a milestone for the General.  An anniversary even!

Yup, back on July 25th the Generalette and I were sweating (and you thought it was hot in the shade up there Venomous???) our way around EPCOT.  We tried to keep to the shade and indoors as much as possible, even went so far as to catch the early magic hours in the park and come back to the hotel for a few hours of rest then return to World Showcase.  We made a stopover in Morocco at the Restaurant Marrakesh for the anniversary dinner.  Afterwords,  we finished the day off with the Illuminations: Reflections of Earth fireworks and lasers extravaganza that Disney does so well.

But alas, the vacation ended and the real world beckoned.  So here we are, your General is back in the command chair (aka Lazyboy recliner) and the Generalette is preparing to return to filling the young skulls full of mush with new mush.  She’ll be returning not to fill Third Grade skulls, but rather Fifth Grade skulls this year.  She’s not really pleased, so the command staff has been on pins and needles since our return from Florida.  Hopefully I can keep enough chocolate in the house and I’ve put strict orders in at the commissary that they are not to allow the stock levels to drop AT ALL.

Other than a triple digit temps weekend here at the Southern Command, all is well.

ThatIsAll™

Ahhhhh, finally.&#160 That time of year again, Denizens.

With the C’boys already in camp and the Texass stRangerS already in the midst of their annual post-All Star break swoon…

KORRIOTH:&#160 Uh, m’liege?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Yes, Kor?

KORRIOTH:&#160 Have you checked the standings lately?

VENOMOUS:&#160 !!!!!&#160

KORRIOTH (to McManx):&#160 Have Pepper on standby with a crash cart.

VENOMOUS (getting his wits back about him):&#160 Not necessary, Captain.&#160 Just something I’m not accustomed to seeing, is all.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Well, you did&#160 have us concerned for a moment there, Admiral.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Never mind.&#160 Let’s get on with it.

…it’s time for what has become a tradition in the Realm&#153 over the years, even from the days when This Fine Blog&#153 was making its digs over at Planet Bogshnot:&#160 The Perfect Football Weekend&#153, otherwise known as the PFW.

ALL:&#160 Yay.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Hmf.&#160 Well, I&#160 like it, anyway.

For the Uninitiated&#153, I have about six or so teams that I follow fairly closely, from “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) all the way to the pros.

And I chronicle their exploits here in this space every week during the season.&#160 We track the games, and if they all win on a given weekend (at least, those that are actually playing), it counts as a PFW.&#160 (And, as always, I only care about my teams – I don’t give a shit about yours.&#160 That’s what the comments section is for.)

This year, we’ll be tracking the most teams we’ve ever followed, that being seven:&#160 One HS team, one pro team, and the rest from college:

High school:&#160 The (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.

Steve Hale led the Jackets to their first playoff win since I was there as a sophomore over thirty years ago, and his reward (?) was to leave the program to take the head coaching position over at Hutto (TX) High.&#160 AHHS this year will be coached by former offensive coordinator Ged (Ged?) Kates.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Come’n listen to a story ’bout a man named Ged…

VENOMOUS:&#160 Y’know, that agent of yours never did mention guaranteeing&#160 your contract…

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 EEP!!!

I never know from one year to the next if Heights is gonna be any good or not, so we’ll just roll the dice from week to week & see.

College:&#160 The Texas Christian University Horned Frogs.

Gary Patterson has two things to prove in his 10th season at the Frog helm:&#160 1) that last year wasn’t a fluke, and 2) that he can actually coach a game without getting faked out of his fucking jock by something he should have seen coming from a mile away.

MERLIN:&#160 Still a little sore about that, are we?

VENOMOUS:&#160 I&#160 called it, as you’ll recall.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Should have been a coach.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Should have played.&#160 I’d be a coach now if I had.

Anyway, the schedule gets bumpy from here, as they’ll play Oregon State to start, a much-improved Baylor team here and a very&#160 much improved Skip & Muffy University team in Dallas.&#160 While another undefeated regular season would be nice, I’m guessing it won’t happen this year.

Andy Dalton returns for his senior season, and he has talent out the wazoo at the skill positions.&#160 Ed Wesley, Jai Caveness & a cast of what seems like thousands will rotate at tailback, even with the departures of Joseph Turner & Ryan Christian.&#160 At the receiver position, Jimmy Young, Bart Johnson & Antoine Hicks return, and Skye Dawson converts from running back to wideout, so there will be speed to burn out on the edges.

Defensively, it’s now Wayne Daniels’ turn to shine on the D-line, and he’ll have Clarance Leatch on the other side, Tank Carder & Tanner Brock backing him up, and folks like Greg McCoy & Alex Ibiloye in the secondary, picking off passes.

Should be another good year for the Froggies – if&#160 Patterson can pay a little more attention.

College:&#160 The University of Oklahoma Sooners.

As you may or may not know, I used to despise this program and its head coach, Bob Stoops.&#160 At one time an arrogant, condescending asshole, a few beatdowns in BCS games has mellowed him somewhat, but not to the point where he doesn’t still care about winning.&#160 That – and the fact that OU is still the SpatulaGoddess’ favorite team, means we track ’em here.

Landry Jones takes over on a permanent basis for Sam Bradford, and he has DeJuan Miller, Ryan Broyles and DeMarco Murray (Great Honkin’ Cthulu, is he&#160 still there?) returning.&#160 Jeremy Beal, Frank Alexander, Austin Box and Quinton Carter are names of note returning for the defense; there’s more than a few redshirt freshmen & sophomores on the two-deep.&#160 Most of the experience is on the offense, although the defense does return seven starters.

For all that, at least one publication predicts a Big XII South Division title for the Sooners:

Don’t get used to the Sooners finishing in the middle of the division; Coach Bob Stoops will have this team back at the top of the Big 12 as early as this season.

Let’s hope.

College:&#160 The University of Nebraska Cornhuskers.

Bo Pelini.&#160 ‘Nuff said.

They lost “Dominating” Ndamukong Suh, Phillip Dilliard and Larry Asante, but…well, here, I’ll just let Gamerosters.com fill you in:

The Huskers put together a nice 10-win season last year, and if not for a dud vs. Texas Tech and a fluke loss to ISU (8 NU turnovers and the Cyclone s still only mustered 9 points), they were playing like a top 15 team all season. Or at least the defense was. Star DT Ndamukong Suh moved on to the NFL, as did key starters LB Phillip Dillard and S Larry Asante. But there are big expectations in Lincoln for DT Jared Crick, and he and DE Pierre Allen will anchor another very good defense. CB Prince Amukamara is the best cornerback in the conference and K/P Alex Henery’s strong leg will continually put the D in good position.

That said, the weak link is – surprise, surprise – the offense.

The only thing that could prevent the Huskers from a repeat trip to the Big 12 Championship game and a possible BCS birth is the quarterback position. With 10 total starters back on offense and multiple running backs that can carry the ball, Nebraska won’t need a game-breaker at QB, but they do need a steady leader. Zac Lee was inconsistent last year and has missed time this spring with injury. Sophomore Cody Green will likely see an increased role this year and could even win the job.

Yippee.&#160 Ha ha.&#160 Wheee.&#160 Hold me back.

Gamerosters says that it’s a good schedule, but as long as they insist on running the West Coast Offense, every game will likely be a nail-biter.&#160 (sigh)

Tomorrow:&#160 Is this the PFW or the Big XII report?

So Mrs. Venomous calls me on the phone tonight from work.

Says a co-worker/friend has helped her dye her hair.

Now, I’m not in the best of moods anyway – it was a hard day at work, it’s 100 degrees in the fucking shade here, I’m tired, and the LA Pansy-ass Angels, which I hate almost&#160 as much as I hate the San Transexual Fairy-Whiners, are handing the Texass stRangerS their asses on a platter.&#160 So I’m not too terribly overjoyed as it is.

Then&#160 she tells me what color she had it dyed.

Auburn.

Yes.&#160 Auburn.

(A shade of red, for those of you in the Church of the SubTarded&#153.)

MERLIN:&#160 Okay.&#160 So?

[Venomous fixes Merlin with probably the most vicious glare Merlin’s ever seen.&#160 Merlin visibly blanches.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 All-fucking-right, can anyone here tell our doddering old fuckhead&#160 of a wizard…

MERLIN:&#160 HEY!!!

VENOMOUS:&#160 …just what the ever-lovin’ fuck&#160 it is that I have against red-headed spouses?!?!?!

MERLIN:&#160 ?????

KORRIOTH (very quietly, to Merlin):&#160 Wizard, does the phrase “Doublewide Bitch Supreme” ring any bells in that belfry of yours?

[Merlin’s eyes grow into saucers as the horrible realization hits.]

MERLIN:&#160 …uh…m’liege?…(ulp)

VENOMOUS (in a very low, very&#160 dangerous voice):&#160 Wizard?&#160 Get.&#160 Out.&#160 Of.&#160 My.&#160 Face.

MERLIN (scurrying away rapidly):&#160 Yes sir, aye aye, sir!

Denizens, I’m going to be in a very&#160 bad mood for the next few days weeks.&#160 Don yer asbestos undies.

UPDATE:&#160 Uh, oh…

MRS. VENOMOUS:&#160 WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT ME?!?!?!?!

SKILLET (on top of His Rudeness’ head):&#160 CLANK!!!!!

Ow…