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If Jimmy were coaching this team, neither Tashard Choice nor Alex Barron would have jobs as of today.

But it’s Coach Stay-Puf, so expect ’em both to be kid-gloved.

Arlington Heights 49, Carter-Riverside 9

at #4 Texas Christian 62, Tennessee Tech 7

at #10 Oklahoma 47, #17 Florida State 17

at #6 Nebraska 38, Idaho 17

at Kansas 28, #15 Georgia Tech 25

at #11 Wisconsin 27, San Jose State 14

Dallas 14, at Warshington 13, Pathetic Excuse-for-an-Offensive Lineman Alex Barron -7

Okay you see where Heights, in the first quarter, ran only three offensive plays against the Carter Eagles and you think, “Oh, shit.”

Then you see what the plays are.

AH — Dennis Brooks 31-yard pass from Omar Valadez (Marquis Jackson run)
AH — Marquis Jackson 46-yard run (Alex Faoro kick)
AH — Dennis Brooks 57-yard pass from Marquis Jackson (Chris Willis kick)

Uh, never mind.

Jordan Price & all-everything back Marquis Jackson combined for 144 yards.&#160 On six&#160 carries.&#160 Tells you everything you need to know, right there.

I dunno why I ever worried.

OU scored on its first four possessions in building a 27-7 lead against the ‘Noles, then basically lost interest in the fourth and let FSU score 10 for the final margin.

Landry Jones was 30-40-380 – yes, 380 – which is good, because the running game wasn’t all that great for the Sooners on Saturday.&#160 Ryan Broyles caught 12 for 124 yards and Cameron Kenney & DeMarco Murray added 4 each for 73 and 52, respectively.

When the defense damn near outscores the offense, there’s an ass-chewing a-comin’.&#160 And Bo Pelini delivered it Saturday.

Nebraska coach Bo Pelini delivered two postgame speeches after the sixth-ranked Cornhuskers’ 38-17 win over Idaho on Saturday.

“I told the defense that they played their tails off,” he said.

As for the offense, he said, “They got a good you-know-what chewing.”

And the reason?

Taylor Martinez ran for 157 yards and two touchdowns and Roy Helu Jr. had 107 yards and a TD, but the Huskers (2-0) committed four turnovers and had 10 penalties for 123 yards.

The defense carried the day. The Blackshirts intercepted Nathan Enderle five times, with DeJon Gomes and Rickey Thenarse taking theirs back for touchdowns, and they recorded seven sacks against the Vandals (1-1).

The Martinez line wouldn’t be so bad – except that (as noted last week) he’s the quarterback.&#160 And as a passer, he was 12-17-106.&#160 Ouch.

Speaking of sloppy play (this will become a recurring theme, as you’ll see), Bucky’s offense sucked wind…

MERLIN:&#160 Broken&#160 wind, I’d say.

Eh.&#160 Whatever, John Clay’s 137 yards was enough to stave off San Jose State, and offset Scott Tolzien’s pick-and-three-fumbles (he would throw for 191 yards on 15-of-22, at least).

The PFW does stop down for a moment to wish all the best to Bucky kick returner David Gilreath, who was injured on a punt and was taken from the field in the third quarter.

Okay, I give up trying to figure out Rock Chalk.

They lose to a Division 1-AA team, then hold off the #15 Division 1-A team in the land.

After that game, I know I read more than one call for Turner Gill to put Jordan Webb in as the quarterback.&#160 He listened, and did, and ESPN, at least, is crediting the move for the Jayhawk victory:

Kansas followed one of the worst losses in school history with a big upset over No. 15 Georgia Tech.

A week getting stung by North Dakota State in Turner Gill’s coaching debut for the Jayhawks, Kansas put Jordan Webb in at quarterback and promptly turned it around.

Webb threw three touchdown passes as part of an 18-29-179 day.&#160 James Sims had 17 carries for 101 yards for Rock Chalk, and the defense held Tech QB Joshua Nesbitt to 116 yards passing on 5-of-15.

Gary Patterson is not a happy man.

“I want to publicly apologize,” Patterson said. “I didn’t mean to score the last touchdown. We don’t do style points. We didn’t throw the ball in the fourth quarter. That’s not the program we are, period. I did not want to score 60. I don’t think [Tennessee Tech coach Watson Brown] is very happy with me.”

Well, what’re you supposed&#160 to do, Coach?&#160 Put in your eighth-stringer and tell him to kneel on every play?

It was a Division 1-AA school.&#160 You’re supposed&#160 to kick their asses up & down the field – and, save for some very&#160 sloppy offensive & defensive play in the second quarter & part of the third (see what I mean about the recurring theme?), you did just that.

Dalton threw for 182 on 15-of-21, and the Frogs ran for 270 yards (Wesley 85, Tucker 53, and even the scrubs contributed 73 yards and a score – the one about which Patterson was peeved).

It’s like I was telling Mrs. Venomous:&#160 I wasn’t worried at all about this game, other than the old Northwestern State saw – and the Tadpoles took care of that&#160 fairly quickly.

This recap had&#160 been going to be called “Squash Casserole”.&#160 And the opening tag was going to be one word:&#160 “Yummy”.

That was before this pathetic excuse-for-a-pro-football-team gave me a severe case of heartburn.

Dallas outrushed the Foreskins, out-passed&#160 the Foreskins, beat the maroon-&-cheddar bastards in time-of-possession, kept their offense out of the endzone for the third straight game – and still lost.

And got woefully outplayed in doing so.

Two plays in particular cost the C’girlz last night.&#160 Each occurred at the end of a half.

Someone forgot to tell the brain-dead Romo that the Hail-Mary play was off, and he tried to run it anyway.&#160 He scrambled, lateraled to Tashard Choice – who, instead of going down when he saw Foreskins in front of him, bore into them at full speed – and got the ball stripped, which Warshington ran back for their only touchdown of the night.

Despite that, and despite the shitty way the ‘Girlz played for most of the night, Romo led them on one last drive down the field – then won the game on the last play with a scramble-and-throw to Roy “Clank” Williams.&#160 Who, for once in his miserable Cowboy existence, actually managed to catch it in the end zone and hold on.

Enter Alex Barron.

Earlier this year, Dallas traded away Bobby “Walking Stiff” Carpenter (who, let’s face it, wasn’t going to make the roster this year anyway) to St. Louis for Barron in hopes of adding offensive line depth.&#160 One little thing got mentioned at the time of the trade:&#160 Over the last three years or so, Barron’s been the most penalized player in the entire NFL.

We saw why last night.

Barron was called for holding on the play – his third holding call of the night, all of which killed Cowgirl drives – and, in the case of the last one, any chances of winning the game.

As I said at the top, if Jimmy were still coaching this team…well, not only would Barron & Choice not have jobs today, they would likely not have even been on the roster in the first place.

But these are the Cowgirlz.&#160 These players are, in the words of Coach Stay-Puf, “family”.&#160 They will be kept around, because these are the best players Jerry Jones could find.

In a non-salary-cap year, these pathetic jackwagons are the best players Jerry “Owner Jethro” Jones can afford.&#160 Go chew on that for a while.

This piece of excrement at tackle was the St. Louis Ram starter&#160 for the last few years.&#160 That’s St. Louis Rams, as in perenially bad, high-draft-choice-every-year St. Louis Rams.&#160 Did it never occur to you, Jethro, that Barron might have been one of the reasons why?!?!?!

Not only will the C’girlz not make the Super Bowl in their own building this year, they might not even make the playoffs.&#160 And it’s almost a certainty that they’ll never play in the big game again while Owner Jethro holds the team.

This week:&#160 6-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 11-2

The PFW will return Friday to try and figure out which one team will deny me next&#160 week.


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