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Denizens, we begin this episode of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 by doing something I never thought I’d ever do.&#160 Ever.

Defending Warshington Foreskin perennial douchebag Clinton Portis.

Let’s back up a little.&#160 As you probably know if you’re not a perpetual member of the Uninitiated&#153, the NY J-E-T-S-JetsJetsJets!!!!! got a little rambunctious the other day when reporterette/eye-candy Ines Sainz – dubbed the “hottest sports reporter in Mexico”…

and with an ass like that, I can’t say there’s that much of an argument, can you?

MRS. VENOMOUS (with frying pan):&#160 Ahem.

{shrug) Honey, it’s a football story, m’kay?&#160 Besides, as I’ve told you before – I’m married, not blind or dead.

MRS. VENOMOUS:&#160 Keep it up, smartass, and you may be both.


So anyway, here’s Clinton Portis, come to defend the Jets:

“I think you put women reporters in the locker room in position to see guys walking around naked, and you sit in the locker room with 53 guys, and all of the sudden you see a nice woman in the locker room. I think men are going to tend to turn and look and want to say something to that woman,” Portis said in his weekly appearance on 106.7 The Fan.

“You know, somebody got to spark her interest, or she’s going to want somebody. I don’t know what kind of woman won’t, if you get to go and look at 53 men’s [bodies],” Portis said. “I know you’re doing a job, but at the same time, the same way I’m going to cut my eye if I see somebody worth talking to, I’m sure they do the same thing.”

Comments which caused the No Fun League to go into a major hissyfit and force Portis to apologize.

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said the league quickly addressed the player’s remarks with the Redskins.

“The comments are clearly inappropriate, offensive, and have no place in the NFL,” he said in an e-mail. “We have contacted the Redskins and they will discuss the matter directly with Mr. Portis.”

Yeah, you’re every bit the pussy that you were with the C’girlz, Aiello.&#160 Riddle me this, Batman:&#160 what the ever-lovin’ hell&#160 did Portis say that wasn’t true?

NFL asswipes.

On to the PFW. Yes, this is late, so right now, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are right now taking on the O.D.Wyatt Chaparrals.&#160 Never can figure the Chaps out – they’re good one year, not-so-much the next.&#160 They’ve played Heights close the last couple of years, though, so we’ll see.

Also tonight – and someone&#160 at Realm&#153 Intelligence failed to tell me about this (grrr) – Turner Gill & Rock Chalk are in Starkville Hattiesburg, Mississippi for a date with the Southern Piss Golden Showers Southern Miss Golden Eagles.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Still a little peeved over what they did to TCU a few years back?

VENOMOUS:&#160 (grunt)

KU is a 5&#189-point road dog, and as of this writing, they’re already down 0-7.&#160 There goes the PFW.

Tomorrow, Baylor’s Bears are in town to take on fourth-ranked TCU.&#160 This is not Guy Morriss’ unit any more, but they’re still popping off.

“We’re planning on going out there and upsetting them,” Baylor wide receiver Kendall Wright said. “Just beating them will help our program a lot and it’ll help us a lot.

“If we knock them off it’ll be a big upset.”

Thing is, they just might.&#160 The Frogs are a 22-point favorite, and should they be fortunate enough to win, I promise you that spread will not be covered.&#160 It may very well come down to Ross Evans.

Also tomorrow, seventh-ranked OU faces it’s annual Mountain West Conference foe at Norman when Air Force flies in (and boy, will their arms be tired (rimshot)).

Vegas likes OU by 17.&#160 Given Air Force’s defense, their great running game and their piss-poor air attack (football-ically speaking, anyway), I like this line.

The feasting is over for Bo Pelini and eighth-ranked Nebraska, as the Cornhuskers travel to the University of Washington to take on the Huskies.&#160 UW isn’t ranked, but they’re always tough at home.&#160 Vegas has Nebraska as a 3-point road favorite, meaning it’s basically a pick’em.&#160 Taylor Martinez had best have the game of his short college career.

Eleventh-ranked Bucky will have a somewhat easier time of it, as they’re a 13-point home favorite against the Arizona State Sun Devils.&#160 WR David Gilreath is still out from a concussion he suffered from that wicked hit we mentioned on Monday, and fellow wideout Nick Toon is also out of this one with turf-toe.&#160 Regardless, Bret Bielema’s crew shouldn’t break much of a sweat.

Sunday is the home opener for the Dallas Cowgirlz as they play host to Jay “Pick” Cutler and “Da Bears”.

This is an absolute, no-doubt-about-it “must win” game for Coach Stay-Puf’s boys – and especially for Coach Stay-Puf.&#160 If Dallas loses this one, 0-6 is right around the corner, and it would be a foregone conclusion that the team that had hoped&#160 to be the first to play a Super Bowl in its own stadium…won’t even make the playoffs.&#160 And if that&#160 happens, say goodnight, Wade.&#160 Owner Jethro isn’t that stupid, and neither are the ticket-buying fans.

We’re back Monday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime…mmmm, Ines Sainz…&#160

MRS. VENOMOUS (with skillet):&#160 CLANKKKKKK!!!!!



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