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I still have some serious doubts that Sara Palin is truly suited to be our President, but considerinng Obama’s incompetence, Mrs. Palin would be a definite improvement.

Here is a slide show with ten reasons why Gov. Palin would be a good president.

Denizens, moving day is upon us (three weeks) and we’re only about 1/2 packed over here.

Posting will, therefore, be somewhat light beginning now – meaning, one only every two or three days unless the General or the Vicar care to chime in.

(Gentlemen, that’s your cue.)

We start off this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 by quoting that great sage Jerry Jones (*cough!!!*), who once said:

“Football is a contact sport.”

All together now:&#160 “Well, duh.”&#160

Well, try telling that to the parents of a kid who was tragically injured during a drill designed to defeat the block below the waist.&#160 Which, by the way, is illegal, but it still gets done, so…

Anyway, in order to get the kid some practice trying to dodge it, a coach threw a tackling dummy at the kid’s legs.&#160 The kid either whiffed on the lesson, or was just slow – but either way, he couldn’t get out of the way in time, and injured his knee.

The parents are suing.

The parents of a youth football player have filed a lawsuit claiming an assistant coach severely injured their son’s leg during a drill two years ago.

The Fort Worth Star-Telegram reports that the lawsuit claims that, in November 2008, the coach swung a tackling dummy toward Ryan Spence’s legs during a drill to teach players how to avoid illegal blocks. The suit says the dummy hit Ryan’s left leg and damaged his knee. The boy, who was 10 at the time, has undergone two surgeries.

Look, I understand wanting to protect the young’un, and I might…might…feel the same way if this were Skip.

But, parents…you can’t be serious.

Lookit.&#160 Football, as Owner Jethro points out, is a contact sport.&#160 Injuries happen.&#160 Even in practice.

The solution would be to put pleated skirts on them all, play flag or two-below and hand out trophies to everyone at the end of the year – whether they won or not…hell, whether they played&#160 or not.

Oh.&#160 Wait.&#160 That’s what the fucking libtards want, isn’t it?

Let’s get on with the football.&#160 As the placeholder mentioned, tonight the seventh-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers are in Lawrence Manhattan, KS to play Bill Snyder’s Family’s Kansas State Jayhawks.

MERLIN:&#160 Bill Snyder’s Family’s…?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Well, that’s what they call the stadium, anyway.

Last time the Huskers visited K-State, it was an unmitigated disaster under Bill Callahan.&#160 Thankfully, it helped usher in the Bo Pelini era.

Nebraska’s an 11&#189-poing road warrior according to Vegas – and, if their ears are still smarting from the chewing Bo gave ’em after S. Dakota State, Go Big Red will cover and then some.

Friday, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets get the second breather of the season as they go up against the North Side Steers.&#160 North Side is 0-5, and just to show you how absolutely horrific they are – they lost to Eastern Hills 21-48.&#160 You know – the team that Heights destroyed last week, 54-8?

Gimme Heights and you can have 60.

Saturday, Gary Patterson and his fifth-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs have what should&#160 be an easy time of it when the Wyoming Cowboys come a-callin’.&#160 Now, Wyoming gave both TU and Smurf Turf BS State a game before falling, so it’s not a gimme.&#160 Vegas, though, has the Froggies as a 33&#189-point favorite, so they must know something I don’t.

Also Saturday, Bucky – having been properly chastised by being busted down to #20 – will take out its frustrations in Madison for Paul Bunyan’s Axe&#153 against the perenially woeful Minnesota Golden Gophers.

Bucky’s a 22-point favorite at home.&#160 Even in the Badgers’ depleted state, I don’t think it’s gonna be that close.

Sunday finds the Dallas Cowgirlz at home off a bye week playing host to the Houston Oilers Tennessee Titans.

RAYEGUN:&#160 Can I send my fleet of dreadnaughts & black helicopters to get ’em back for the Southern Command?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Relax, General.&#160 The Texans are going to have a good year.&#160 You have to admit – they ran into a desperate buzzsaw a couple weeks ago.&#160 Y’all will be fine, no worries.

RAYEGUN:&#160 (grunt)

Sixth-ranked Oklahoma’s reward for dispatching TU last week is to have this week off.&#160 Kansas isn’t playing either…but then, they’ve only played one week this entire season, which is why we’re no longer tracking them.

We’re back Monday for the recap.&#160 With any luck, that one’ll be on time.

I find out through Ann Coulter’s emailed column tonight that Joe Sobran passed away last week.

My friend Joe Sobran died last Thursday, and the world lost its greatest writer.

To my delight, some obituaries noted that he had influenced my writing style. I only wish I had known he was so close to the end so I could have seen him again to let him influence me some more.

Back in my courier days, CBS Radio – locally here on KRLD 1080 – would run a five-minute blurb near the top of the 1:00 hour (12:55).&#160 They’d rotate the commentators – Sobran, pseudo-conservative & super-pseudo-brainiac Kevin Phillips and two others whose names escape me at the moment.&#160 I always enjoyed Sobran’s commentaries immensely – Phillips’, not so much.

The world has, indeed, lost a great conservative intellect – and not at a great time, either.&#160 Joe, we miss you already.

Item:&#160 Captain Gaffetastic planted his foot in his cockholster again the other day.

Vice President Biden jokingly expressed his frustration toward Republicans on Tuesday, accusing them of having insincere concerns about the budget deficit.

Biden jokingly said that GOP protests about the need for a balanced budget made him want to strangle them, which the vice president quickly clarified was a figure of speech.

“If I hear one more Republican tell me about balancing the budget, I am going to strangle them,” Biden said at a fundraiser in Minnesota, according to a pool report. “To the press, that’s a figure of speech.”

Probably a good thing you clarified so quickly, Baron von HairButtPlugs.

Fact is, you wouldn’t have the stones, y’little needle-dicked Douche-o-crat.

Oh, and by-the-by – yeah, you and your Kenyan enabler have&#160 spent us into the poor house, dumb-ass.

Maybe next year, Coach Gill.

Arlington Heights 54, Eastern Hills 8

#5 Texas Christian 27, at Colorado State 0

#8 Oklahoma 28, #21 TU Hereford Cows (no balls) 20 (in Dallas)

#11 Wisconsin 24, at #24 Michigan State 34

Kansas 7, at Baylor 55

I keep thinking that some team like Eastern Hills is going to pull the upset.&#160 And I keep going to the Startlegram only to find that Heights has completely run over its opposition.&#160 Again.

Oh, well – it’s nice being wrong like that.

Heights scored the first 45 points, and basically ended it in the first quarter.&#160 Valadez was 7-12-194 and three scores, and All-Galaxy do-everything back Marquis Jackson accounted for 144 all-purpose yards (3 carries for 85, 7 catches for 59).&#160 David Clark led all rushers with 75 yards on 11 carries.

—

Gary Patterson doesn’t like “style points”.&#160 But they could have helped him against SMUT, and they wouldn’t have been a bad thing here.&#160 Particularly since points of any&#160 kind would have been nice in the first half.

Don’t misunderstand – Colorado State early on pretty much showed they weren’t going to seriously challange TCU all day.&#160 Problem was, the TCU offense was equally incompetent during the first half.&#160 Dalton was trying his best – and threw some decent passes during the first couple of drives.&#160 Which Kerley, Young & Bart Johnson kept dropping.

Sigh.

At any rate, a halftime message from Patterson cured all ills.&#160 The gist was, “You’re the number five team in the nation – start playing like it!”.

And they did.&#160 The opening drive of the second half took all of five plays & 80 yards.&#160 Dalton launched a 40 yard bomb to Young for the final score.&#160 And on the two occasions where the Rams did&#160 mount a threat, there was the TCU defense to knock the ball out and recover the turnover.

A very satisfying win for Patterson’s bunch, the first road shutout of the GP era.&#160 And fortunately, it’s not gonna cost the Frogs anything in the rankings.

—

Story of OU-Texas was who wanted to give it away more.

The Sooners pulled their season-long 4th-quarter el foldo&#160 act, allowing 10 Stubby points in the frame.&#160 The Sooners faked a field goal, then promptly lost 13 yards on the ensuing sack, turning the ball over to TU near midfield.&#160 Whereupon Garrett Gilbert immediately got sacked by the OU blitz for an 11-yard loss of his own.

After an exchange of three-and-outs and a TU field goal (cutting the lead to eight), Landry Jones nearly fumbled the game away deep in his own end, barely knocking the ball out of bounds to retain possession.

But Aaron Williams would fumble the ensuing punt, and when OU’s Adrian Taylor recovered, Sooner fans could start the whooping and hollering.

Landry Jones was 24-39-236 and two touchdowns, and DeMarco Murray added 115 yards and two more touchdowns on 25 carries.

—

Bucky simply couldn’t stop the Spartans when it counted.&#160 End of story.

After spotting Michigan State a 10-point halftime lead, the Badgers had narrowed it to 24-27 on a Tolzien pass to Jake Pedersen.&#160 But on the ensuing drive, State got 12 on a 3rd-and-9 at their 17, 35 on a 3rd-and-11 at their 28, and 11 on a 3rd-and-5 just outside the red zone.&#160 Kirk Cousins put the game away with a 1-yard pass to B.J. Cunningham.

Tolzien had a very pedestiran 11-25-127 with one score – fortunately, John Clay and James White combined for 178 yards on 27 carries to lead the Bucky offense.

—

There are absolutely no words to describe what happened in Waco Saturday.&#160 Rock Chalk flat-out got their asses whipped.

The Jayhawks narrowed the game to 17-7 in the second, then could only watch helplessly as Baylor “bear-ied” them.&#160 (Rimshot alert.)

Jordan Webb threw two picks (one a pick-six), and the swiss-cheese defense let Robert Griffin III do whatever he wanted (26-36-380 and three TD passes, plus 64 yards and a score on eight carries), whenever he wanted.

All this – against a team that TCU just demolished two weeks ago.&#160 It would have taken three SpatulaLines&#153 to supplement the 9&#189-point road dog line.&#160 Against Baylor.

One can only imagine what the rest&#160 of the Big XII has in store for Rock Chalk.

Therefore it’s time for an Executive Decision&#153 – one of two this week, in fact.

Turner Gill – get your program together and get a recruiting class or two in place.&#160 I’ll keep an eye on the Rock Chalk program, and if&#160 you’re still there in a year or two, and&#160 you’ve shown some improvement…then we’ll see.

But for now…KU is out of the Perfect Football Weekend.&#160 I actually wanna have a chance to celebrate one or two the rest of this year, and I don’t think Kansas has it in ’em to win another game in 2010.&#160 Not based on what we all saw in Waco.&#160 Ergo, Rock Chalk is gone (they will not be replaced).

That’s one Executive Decision&#153.&#160 The other is this:&#160 Because OU beat TU, I am invoking Executive Privilege&#153 and declaring this to be a second straight PFW.

It’s good to be a tyrannical Sith Lord.&#160

This week:&#160 3-2.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend achieved, anyway. (2)&#160 Overall:&#160 26-6.

The PFW will return Thursday, when we will ask the question, “Oh, you morons can’t&#160 be serious…?!”

UPDATE:&#160 Look, Denizens, I’m well – painfully well, in fact – aware that no one on Planet Earth gives two flying fucks at rolling donuts that I expelled Rock Chalk from the PFW.&#160 Give me credit for realizing the world doesn’t revolve around me, at least, mkay?

No one, deep in their hearts, gives a shit what John-Jack Taylor or Randy Galloway write about the Dallas C’girls, either (at least, no one outside of who pays ’em to do it), do they?&#160 They still write it, though, right?

Over my dead body, you fucking ragheaded chickenshits.

A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”

This week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 begins with the ending of a story from a couple months ago, and involves the Dallas C’girlz.

An old NFL tradition dictates that, in training camp, as part of Rookie Initiation&#153, the yewts (a little Rush lingo, there) have to get to carry the pads of the veterans back to the locker room after practice.

As you’ll recall, at the outset of C’girlz traning camp, rookie sensation Dez Bryant…well, let’s say he wasn’t having any of that.

Receiver Dez Bryant has done everything right on the field during the first two days of Dallas Cowboys training camp, but he refuses to participate in an NFL rite of passage.

According to the rookie first-round pick, Roy Williams and the other veteran receivers can carry their own shoulder pads after practice.

Dez Bryant wouldn’t take part in innocent rookie hazing at the hands of Roy Williams. ESPN.com’s Matt Mosley is amused, but how will Bryant’s Cowboys teammates react? Blog

Williams gave his pads to Bryant after Sunday’s morning practice, but Bryant declined to carry them. Williams threatened to go to “step two” when talking to reporters.

“I’m not doing it,” Bryant said. “I feel like I was drafted to play football, not carry another player’s pads.”

For which he was, shall we say, roundly criticized.&#160 Bad rookie. No Donut!

Well, that wasn’t the end of it, and we all knew it.&#160 The other shoe pad dropped a couple of days ago, as Bryant and the other C’girl rookies engaged in another time-honored NFL tradition – buying dinner for the veterans.

To the tune of some 55 large.

“It was his responsibility, and he knew it,” David Wells, a confidante to Bryant told the Dallas Morning News’ Gerry Fraley. “He knew he was going to have to buy dinner one way or the other. He was either going to have to buy dinner or wash a lot of dishes.”

“Instant karms’s gonna get you…Gonna knock you off your feet…!”

On with the football.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets will have the Eastern Hills Highlanders this evening at 7:30.&#160 EHHS has won precisely one game this year – against North Side.&#160 (UPDATE:&#160 Oops – looks like they beat South Hills, too.)&#160 Heights should have no trouble here.

Saturday, Gary Patterson and his fifth-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs will travel to Fort Collins, Colorado for the game against the Colorado State Rams.

Used to be, I fretted long & hard about this game, because CState was so big and (supposedly) talented that I didn’t think the Tadpoles could handle it.

Now?.&#160 Vegas has the Frogs as 33&#189-point road warriors.&#160 And TCU may actually cover that, too.&#160 They’ll have to, if they’re to impress teh Ass-phyxiated Pisswads (fifth, you dipshits?).

But that’ll only be the second-most closely followed game around these parts that day.&#160 For at the Cotton Bowl, it’s the Pussified Red River Rivalry, coined by douchewads Red River Shootout, as Bob Stoopes brings his eighth-ranked Oklahoma Sooners in against Widdle Mackie Brown, the 21st-ranked TU Shortd…uh, Stubbies…

T-BONE MCMANX:&#160 Your newest reader is&#160 an OU fan, y’know.

VENOMOUS:&#160 You’ve been reading my email again?

T-BONE MCMANX:&#160 Well, I am&#160 your communications officer.

MERLIN:&#160 He’s got you there, m’liege.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Well, okay.&#160 But if she writes and complains, it’s your heads.

CREW:&#160 (eep!)

…the 21st-ranked TU Shortdicks&#160 and the Biggest Payroll In College Football&#153

KORRIOTH:&#160 You’re never gonna give that up, are you?

VENOMOUS:&#160 I will soon as you show me what Widdle Mackie ever won at North Carolina.

KORRIOTH:&#160 (grunt)

Vegas has OU by the slimmest of margins, by four.&#160 Last one to have the ball may well win this.

In other games Saturday, Turner Gill’s UKansas Rock Chalks will see their one-game win streak end in Waco at Baylor, who’s a 9&#189-point favorite.&#160 And unlike TCU, Turner doesn’t have a defense to stop Robert Griffin III.

And 11th-ranked Bucky doesn’t have it very easy, either, as they travel to East Lansing, Michigan to take on the 24th-ranked Michigan State Spartans.&#160 (No, Magic Johnson will not be playing – he’s too old, and besides – this is football, not hoops.)

Unbelievably, Bucky is a 1&#189-point favorite going in.&#160 I dunno – I think State’s better than that.&#160 Then again, I did&#160 see ’em against Notre Dame, so…

As for Our Heroes&#153, the Dallas Cowgirlz…I guarantee you they won’t lose this week.

MERLIN:&#160 Let us guess:&#160 They’re not playing.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Can’t help it, Wizard.&#160 That joke never gets old.&#160 Particularly when you’re talking the C’girlz.

MERLIN:&#160 As you wish, m’lord.

Sixth-ranked Nebraska is also off this week.&#160 And will probably jump TCU in the polls just for that.&#160 Snarl.

We’re back either Sunday or Monday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime…hope you’re alright out there on the road, HDD.&#160 Stay safe, my friend.