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(Hat tip to Jeremy Thomas at 411mania.com.)

Denizens, either we have come upon the Apocalypse&#153, and the Four Horsemen are trampling upon the countryside, or else the failing reputation of Disney as a family organization – which began to crumble with the adoption of the now-infamous “Gay Days” – has finally reached its nadir and pulled out its trusty jackhammer.

For Disney has now pulled off the absolute unthinkable epic fail – they’ve asked no less than Britney Spears to be a mentor/role model.

With her troubled past, Britney Spears might not seem the most likely of role models – but she has been picked by Disney bosses to mentor the studio’s child stars.

Executives approached her in a bid to avoid another meltdown such as that suffered by 18-year-old singer and actress Demi Lovato earlier this month.

Britney’s fellow former Mickey Mouse Club Mouseketeer Justin Timberlake has also been asked to counsel young performers.

Justin I could possibly understand, although I’m rather dubious about Mr. “Bringing Sexy Back”.

But Britney?!

Great.&#160 Honkin’.&#160 Cthulu.

If ever Luke 6:39 (“Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit?”) were to apply to a situation, I think it’d be here.

Idiots, all of them.

It seems that Julian Assange can dish it out, but he cannot take it.

Speaking from the English mansion where he is confined on bail, the 39-year-old Australian said that the decision to publish incriminating police files about him was “disgusting”. The Guardian had previously used him as its source for hundreds of leaked US embassy cables.

Mr Assange is understood to be particularly angry with a senior reporter at the paper and former friend for “selectively publishing” incriminating sections of the police report, although The Guardian made clear that the WikiLeaks founder was given several days to respond.

Mr Assange claimed the newspaper received leaked documents from Swedish authorities or “other intelligence agencies” intent on jeopardising his defence.

“The leak was clearly designed to undermine my bail application,” he said. “Someone in authority clearly intended to keep Julian in prison.”

Interesting, no?

How bad can a team be when it lets Rex Grossman&#160 get 30 points on ’em?

at Dallas 33, Warshington 30

Thirty points.&#160 Paul Pasqualoni, you let Rex Fucking Grossman&#160 score THIRTY FUCKING POINTS&#160 on your defense.

And thanks to the Cowgirl offense leaving point after point after point on the field, the Foreskins nearly got away with it.

Fortunately, however, the Skins left too much time on the clock, and when it really&#160 counts, they can’t stop anyone, either.

Memo to the Cardinals:&#160 Don’t bother with PATs Saturday night.&#160 Go for two every time.&#160 You’ll get it, guaranteed.&#160 (sigh)

This week:&#160 1-0 (Perfect Football Weekend achieved (yeah, it’s cheesy, but I’ll take it (4)).&#160 Overall:&#160 70-18.

The PFW will return wither Friday or Saturday for the Bowl Edition, followed by the final recap and Benediction&#153 shortly after the New Year.&#160 Stay tuned.

When the Tex-ass stRangerS failed to guarantee Cliff Lee a seventh year, thus letting him get away to Pussydelphia, the thinking was “well, okay, we’ll just trade for Kansas City’s Zach Greinke, and we’ll have our ace and we’ll be fine.&#160 No worries.”

Welllllll, not so fast.&#160 KC just traded Greinke and Yuniesky Betancourt to Milwaukee for two pitching prospects, a shortstop & an outfielder.

Plan “C”, anyone?&#160

As we begin this Perfect Football Weekend&#153, we note that Bowl Season&#153 officially began today, as BYU left the Mountain West Conference on a winning note, destroying Texas-El Paso 52-24.

A few minutes ago, they were showing highlights, and one of the Mouseke-sports’ (that’s ESPN for you in the Church of the SubTarded) talking heads was praising the Cougars’ quarterback/wide receiver combo, Jake Heaps & Cody Hoffman, almost as if the talking head was trying to get in good with the LDS folks.&#160 “They’re getting better & better & better, and just remember, folks – these are only college freshmen…”

Yeah?

Well, Mr. Talking Head, do try to remember – these guys were playing UTEP.&#160 ‘Nuff said, I think.

Tomorrow at noon, the Warshington Foreskins make the return visit to the Death Star to take on Our Heroes (*cough*)&#153, aka the Dallas C’girlz.&#160 Sadly, we’ve already seen the last of The World’s Greatest Ever Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever&#153, Donna McCrabbs, as Widdle Mikey Sha-na-na-nahan has replaced him in the starting lineup with Rex “I’m Even Worse Than Jake Plummer” Grossman.

As for Grossman, I’ll only say this:&#160 He was the greatest gift the Chicago Bears could have given Peyton Manning and the Colts in Super Bowl XLI.

One presumes that Jason Garrett will not&#160 call a pass at the end of the first half this time, so I look for the ‘Girlz to close out their home schedule with a win.

We’re back Monday with the recap.&#160 In the meantime, it’s another bowl blowout as I type this, as Troy is destroying Ohio U in the New Orleans Bowl.&#160 Who schedules these damn things, anyway?

Those of you who follow baseball (you know who you are) are well aware that 2010 off-season prize pitcher Cliff Lee spurned both the Rangers and the Yankees in favor of the Pussydelphia Phillies.&#160 Five years, about $100 extra-extra large (that’s million&#160 for those of you in the Church of the SubTarded).

What you may not&#160 know is that Lee’s agent told Rangers new owner Chuck Greenberg that all it would take for Lee to come back…was a guaranteed seventh year.

The Rangers presented Lee with a six-year offer that included an option for a seventh season. Apparently, guaranteeing the seventh season would have been enough to land Lee. That also would have reportedly taken the value of the contract past $160 million. It also would have been for two more guaranteed seasons than Lee ultimately signed for.

“There was a point at which we were told ‘if you do x, we’ll sign’,” Greenberg said. “Though we had been aggressive in pursuing him, that was beyond what we felt comfortable with, particularly in terms of years.”

So basically, what you’ve got here is the Rangers balking at a seventh year of guaranteed salary – an extra $20-some-odd million.

Now, the comments in this blog entry are running heavily in favor of the Rangers for not caving into Lee’s demand for that seventh year, by which time Lee would be nearing 40 years of age.&#160 I – as you might’ve guessed – have a different view.

Cliff Lee is a way-above-average quality pitcher.&#160 As of now, at 33 years old, he’s an ace.&#160 A number-one-spot pitching stud.&#160 The type that doesn’t come along very often, and hasn’t around here in roughly 30 years.

At age 40, the skills may well have diminished, but the guess from here is that he’ll still be a good fourth or fifth starter.&#160 Considering that the Rangers tried folks like Rich Harden, Scott Feldman, Doug Mathis, Dustin Nippert and Matt Harrison in the fifth spot last season, they could certainly do worse.&#160 Besides, this guy isn’t Chan-Ho Park.&#160 Cliff Lee knows how to get people out in parks other&#160 than Dodger Stadium.

The Rangers, in desperate need of continued street credibility after their World Series appearance last year – spit the bit and choked on the asking price.&#160 In other words, the current Greenberg/Nolan Ryan regime did exactly what its predecessor did – turned squeamish at a good pitcher asking a high price.

The guess from here is that they fail to make any significant progress in this year’s free agency, just like Tom Hicks failed to do after signing Alex Rodriguez, and they will wallow around in good-but-not-good-enough mediocrity the next few years.

And I’ll be there laughing at them, saying, “WITY?”

Memo to the stRangerS:&#160 Mark my words, chumps.&#160 I will have fucking&#160 told you so!

(Hat tip to the Captain over at Smash Mouth.)

This is a good one.&#160 Pretty apt description of us, too.&#160

Had to think about this comment off of one of Michelle’s threads (watch the video if you must – I have an RCOB&#153 over it, and I haven’t even seen it yet), but once figured it out…groan.

I remember reading in the Seattle PI (not to be confused with Magnum PI) a wedding announcement in the Sunday paper. There was a standard wedding announcement under a picture of the happy couple, with the last names under the picture. The picture said “Chan-Cezar Wedding.”

“Chan-Cezar, ’cause I wear a silly grin,
The moment you come in to view…..”

Hat tip to Johnny Mathis.

Thanks, he’ll be here all week, try the veal.

Nice Deb has a good comparison between the recently-founded “moderate” group No Labels&#160 and the now-all-but-defunct failed bit, the Coffee Party.

Basically, No Labels&#160 is Alinsky-ese for “Pweeeze, pweeeeze don’t caww us Wibberals!!!&#160 Pweeeeeeeze?????

If I had any money in my bank account, I’d almost be tempeted to bet it all on there not being 50 conservatives ever in that group of smarmy-assed pisspots.

FEJFE.*

* Fuck ‘Em.&#160 Just Fuck ‘Em.

UPDATE:&#160 Actually, I can’t take credit for the post title.&#160 Heard it on Rush’s show today.&#160 Credit where it’s due ‘n all that.

If I’m a Cowboys player, I don’t give a shit if it costs me my fucking career – I’m taking out the knees of that pussy DeShawna Jackoff.

at Dallas 27, Pussydelphia 30

Dallas made a game of it, though the defense collapsed late.

But it was the 91-yard failure of Mike Jenkins that cost this team.&#160 Then DeShawna Jackoff, the little pussy-assed excuse-for-a-wideout that plays for that fatass Andy Reid, that pissed me off.

The cowardly little douchebag stops at the one, turns and falls on his swishy ass into the end zone.&#160 Makes a fucking Big Production Number&#153 out of it.

And that’s why I go after the son-of-a-crack-whore-bitch.&#160 (And I mean that about your skank mommy literally, DeShawna – and I’ll be happy to say it to your faggot face any time you want.)&#160 And I don’t stop until I’ve wrecked his ACL.&#160 You wanna showboat in my&#160 house, Jackoff, you cowardly little needle-dick, you’ll fucking pay&#160 for it.

And as if that&#160 weren’t bad enough, they caught third-string running back (that means the Cowboys think he’s not as good as Marion Barber – let that&#160 sink in for a bit) Tashard Choice going up to Widdle Mikey “Woof Woof” Vick – and asking for his fucking autograph.

Yeah.&#160 A fucking autograph.

Choice, you assclown.&#160 Be damned glad Jimmy is no longer coaching this team – he’d have fucking cut&#160 your incompetent ass already.

Fact of the matter is, a lot of Cowgirlz shouldn’t have jobs next week, if you ask me.

This week:&#160 0-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 69-18.

The PFW will return this weekend to handicap Dallas-Warshington.

Denizens, this severely abbreviated edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 begins with everyone’s favorite ex-New York T-N-A-Tits-N-Ass-Tits-N…

MRS. VENOMOUS (again, wielding the cast-iron skillet):&#160 A-fucking-hem.

VENOMOUS:&#160

MRS. VENOMOUS:&#160 Watch&#160 it, bucko.

Whatever.

Anyway, Jenn Sterger is playing Carrot-N-Stick with the NFL in re: Brett “Pants On The Ground, Dick In the Copying Machine” Favre, in that she doesn’t need Benjamins&#153 to make this all go away…just to see Brettina get his ass whipped.

A spokesman for the former New York Jets game hostess who allegedly received inappropriate photos and phone messages from Brett Favre says she won’t sue the Vikings quarterback if he’s punished by the NFL.

Jenn Sterger’s manager, Phil Reese, said Thursday that she would like the league to “implement a program” to prevent unwanted advances — similar to those she’s alleging Favre made. Reese said Sterger wants the league to discipline Favre before his career ends.

They’d best hurry.&#160 There’s a greater-than-zero chance Favre doesn’t play against the NY Football Douchebags – and, with his big consecutive-games streak done, and the ViQueens out of the playoff picture, there’d be no reason to play him any further – and the guess from here is that after this season, he’s done.

And so will be Sterger.

As for the football, tonight it’s Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth, Keef Olberdouche and the rest of NBC’s crew as the Pussydelphia Beagles come to the Death Star to take on the Cowboyz tonight.

The good news is that it’s no longer the World’s Greatest Ever Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever&#153, Donna McFlabb, leading the Beagles.&#160 The bad news is that it’s Widdle Mikey “Woof Woof” Vick – more dangerous.

Sigh.

Dallas doesn’t have the defense to play with the Beagle offense.&#160 Chicago did – but this is Dallas.&#160 Won’t be a good night, I’m afraid.

Back either tomorrow or Tuesday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, TCU has been installed as a favorite over Bucky in the Rose Bowl, and I say to HDD – neener, neener.&#160

Well, seeing as Bambi isn’t doing so well with the press – time to call in the bullpen:

President Obama ushered former President Bill Clinton to the White House briefing room late Friday for an impromptu press session, then abruptly left the wonky and winsome Arkansan at the podium by himself to defend the Obama administration’s tax deal.

“I’ve been keeping the first lady waiting for about half an hour, so I’m going to take off,” Obama said.

Clinton chuckled, joking, “I don’t want to make her mad. Please go,” and then quickly turned back to the microphone and began taking questions from the White House press corps, which had been given no advance notice of the two presidents’ trip to the briefing room.

What is this, 1996?

At the same time on Capitol Hill, Sen. Bernie Sanders, Vermont independent, was in his sixth hour of speaking on the Senate floor in a real life filibuster of the president’s tax deal. He began talking shortly before 10:30 a.m. on Friday and was still speaking at 6 p.m.

“I think that the American people don’t like this agreement,” Sanders said, predicting that if the deal to extend the 2001 and 2003 Bush tax cuts for two years were to pass, all cuts – even those for the top brackets, which he opposes – would be “extended long term.”

No, Bernadette, we don’t&#160 like it – but not for the reasons you&#160 think.

We want the tax cuts.&#160 You, of course, Bernadette, want everyone on the government teat.&#160 Along with any number of welfare programs, government subsidies, school breakfast-lunch-dinner programs, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

Extremely ad nauseam.

A commenter on Professor Jacobson’s blog has the definitive analysis on what needs to happen to Julian Ass-mange:

Simple fact of the matter is that if we very publically put a bullet in his brain, whomever he left minding the Wikileaks store will have to find themselves wondering if they might not be next and they might just decide that discretion is the better part of valor.

If we do not, then he will still have that document and WILL publish it at some point. so it is better to go ahead and shoot the bastard and deal with the consequences now than to wait and let the consequences grow.

When you start playing hard ball with the big boys, expect to get hurt. At this level of abstraction there are no laws and no rules except one. win. Assange has managed to grab the Tiger by the tail, but he doesn’t have an effective plan for dealing with the other end of the Tiger. That is a good way to get dead.

This half-assed excuse-for-an-Administration won’t do that, of course – it doesn’t have the cojones.

But calling Ass-mange’s bluff – and sending the pussies at Wikileaks a message – seems the best way to deal with them.&#160 They’re terrorists – and there’s only one way you deal with terrorists.

Always remember.

Yeah I know, I generally do not pay attention to any football, let alone the NCAA variety. The simple fact is, however one simply cannot live a mile from Wade Davis Stadium, serve a church full of Mississippi State faculty and staff, and not catch at least a mild case of football fever.

It seems that on 1 January 2011, the Bulldogs of Mississippi State University will face Michigan’s Wolverines in the Gator bowl. From what I understand, it should be an interesting game.

Hmm, I wonder what happens when one puts bulldogs, wolverines and alligators together? 🙂