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Guys, this episode of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 opens with some kvetching about yet another new NFL rule for the 2011 season.

We’ve already chronicled the one about a play being declared dead when the ball carrier gets his helmet yanked off (and I’m still&#160 waiting for the explanation on why that’s not an automatic 15-yard penalty).&#160 Here is yet another stupid rule that purportedly make the game safer&#160 (), but also a helluva lot more boring.

Years ago, football (not just the NFL, either – colleges did this, as well) moved the kickoff back five yards, to a team’s 30-yard-line.&#160 This year, in a half-assedhearted attempt to avoid concussions during runbacks, the spot has been moved back to the 35.&#160 In addition, no member of the kicking team can line up more than five yards away from the ball; the theory is that the player’s momentum will be lessened, thus making impacts with opposing players less concussion-threatening.

(It also has the effect of making touchbacks pretty damned much automatic.&#160 Unless, of course, you have Rayegun kicking for you.)

RAYEGUN:&#160 HEY!!!!!

VENOMOUS:&#160

Never mind that a player is pretty much up to full speed after 15 yards anyway, so that prevailing theorem is about as useless as a screen door on a submarine (hat tip:&#160 the late, great Rich Mullins).

Anyway, the Chicago Bears – one of the teams to vote against this rule change – has been, during this preseason, thumbing its nose at Roger Goodfella and the NFL mafiosos.

In their Saturday preseason opener against the Buffalo Bills at Chicago’s Soldier Field, the Bears refused to accept the new rule, and instead lined up their first two kickoffs at their 30, as had been in the past. Apparently, the officials on site didn’t catch it, because no penalties were called and it took a call from vice president of officiating Carl Johnson(notes) to “put a stop to it,” according to the Twitter account of Johnson’s predecessor, current FOX Sports analyst Mike Pereira.

Bears head coach Lovie Smith, who’s had return teams among the league’s best for a number of years, seemed unaffected by the violations and any potential fallout. In other words, it wasn’t a mistake.

“[Bears kicker] Robbie Gould(notes) … we can put it on the 35 and he can kick it out each time,” Smith said. ”We’re not really getting a good evaluation of what we can do coverage-wise on some of our players. That’s what we were trying to do with it.”

Truth to power, yeah!&#160 &#160 Keep it up, Lovie, you guys are gonna find yourself in the PFW.

But for now, we have to settle for the Dallas Cowgirlz, who are in Minne-haha this week to take on the ViQueens.&#160 With Brettina Farve having been Stergered (Stergered?) out of the league for all practical purposes, their new quarterback is – surprise! – Donna McCrabbs, the Universe’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever, For All Time!&#153&#160 (We say “universe” now because – at the rate he’s going – he’s gonna wind up having played for every team in&#160 the universe before he’s done.)

We’ll probably see both him & Romo for about a half or so, then the ViQueens’ reserves will kick the Cowgirlz’ reserves’ asses for the second half. (Stop me if you’ve heard this before, I know – but it’s true, isn’t it?)

We’ll have other game to look at, such as Carolina-Cincy, NEPansies-Detroit (Mr. Brady?&#160 Meet Mr. Suh.&#160 Can we fit you for that flak jacket now?), J-E-T-S-JetsJetsJets-Douchebags, and Houston-San Transexual.

We’re back Monday or so with the recap.&#160 In the meantime, it’s interesting to note that it’s “Week Zero” in Texas “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) football and my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets…have the week off.&#160 Yawn.