Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________





Denizens, our final Perfect Football Weekend&#153 for the season begins with an advisory.

As you’ve probably heard or seen, by now, ARRRRRRRR GEEEEEE THREEEEEE!!1!ONE!1ELEVENTEENTYBILLION!1!!&#160 was given the Heisman Trophy as an early Christmas present for (hack, spit) Baylor&#160 Half-Assed-Excuse-For-A-University, thus rendering that particular award as being on a par with the Nobel Peace Prize.&#160 (In other words, utterly worthless.)

That’s right, given.&#160 Because he sure as motherfucking Hell&#153 didn’t win&#160 it.

And of course, all of the Limp-Dick Media&#153-types are creaming their panties over how ARRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEE THREEEEEE!!!!!!!&#160 went to hell-and-back, overcame ADVERSITY, BAH GAWD!!!!!&#160 (a little Jim Ross lingo, there), and beat UWarshington last night in the BCS Ultimate Championship EVAH BECAUSE ARR GEE THREE’S THERE!!!!!! Alamo Bowl.

Okay?&#160 Okay.

Now.&#160 Let’s get one thing straight Right-Fucking-Now&#153.&#160 Robert.&#160 Griffin.&#160 The.&#160 Third.&#160 Ain’t.&#160 That.&#160 Good.&#160 Andy Dalton is five times&#160 the quarterback Griffin ever thought&#160 of being, is far more deserving of a Heisman than Griffy ever&#160 was, and he didn’t get one.

Anyone who honestly looks at Baylor’s schedule this year will immediately see that they caught teams at just the right times.&#160 They caught TCU the very first game of the year, right after the bulk of the top-ranked Frog defense had graduated, and much of their secondary hadn’t been game-tested (the first game is usually against a Division I-AA opponent, in order to work out the kinks and get your team game experience – otherwise, why else would Alabama schedule North Texas every year?).&#160 Moreover, they caught Oklahoma when they were banged-up and had several key players out with injuries.

(We won’t talk about how they caught TU by the time they’d all but given up on the year.)

Flip those two games – IOW, schedule OU the first game and the Frogs later in the season – and both schools kick the Widdle Cubbies ever-lovin’ asses.&#160 Up the field and right back down.&#160 And America’s New Darling&#153 doesn’t have his widdle Heisman, and the award itself retains some prestige.

In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that if TCU had anything resembling a reliable field-goal kicker, they win that game 51-50, and ARRRRR GEEEEE THREEEEEE!!!!!!&#160 is just another good college quarterback who’ll make a nice defensive back in the NFL.

Don’t believe me?&#160 Then ask yourself again:&#160 Explain A&M.&#160 Explain Oklahoma State.&#160 And explain why they damned near lost to Rock Chalk, of all teams.

Onward.&#160 The good people of Tempe, AZ, are going to watch fourteenth-ranked Oklahoma rip the Iowa Hawkeyes apart this evening.&#160 Same team whose asses Nebraska kicked back about a month ago.&#160 Vegas has OU favored by 14, and I really don’t see the Hawkeyes giving the Sooners much of a fight.

Speaking of the 20th-ranked Huskers, they’re in action Monday afternoon in the Captial One (“What’s in your&#160 huddle?”) Bowl against Steve “Ol’ Ball Coach” Spurrier and the ninth-ranked S. Carolina Gamecocks.

BEAVIS:&#160 Heh heh.&#160 He said “cocks”.&#160 Heh heh.

BUTTHEAD:&#160 Huh.&#160 Huh.&#160 Huh huh huh huh huh.&#160 Huh.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Shut up, both of you.

Spurrier loves to throw the ball all over the lot – and this, naturally, is the Achilles’ Heel of the Huskers’ defense.&#160 Strangely enough, though, Bo Pelini’s bunch is a 2&#189-point favorite against SC, so maybe Vegas knows something I don’t.

After that game, it’ll be 10th-ranked Bucky making a second straight appearance in the Rose Bowl, this time going against fifth-ranked Oregon.&#160 Just to give you an idea – Oregon this year is way faster than TCU was last year.&#160 If Bucky doesn’t contain that speed and impose its will on the Duckies early, it’s going to be another long afternoon for Bielema & the boys.&#160 The World’s Second Third-Ugliest College Football Uniforms&#153 are a near-solid six-point favorite over Bucky, and I think that’s about right.

Sunday, the Allas Cowgirlz (that’s right, no D) play their last game of the season in the Meadowlands against the New York Football Douchebags.&#160 After leading the division going into December, the ‘Girlz will be completely out of the playoffs after the game.

O for a tactical nuke.

We’ll come back sometime next week for the recap & benediction.&#160 (I’d promise it Tuesday, but I’ve been promising Monday recaps as of late, and how’s that worked out for me?)&#160 See you then.

_____________________________________________________

    
_______________
 
 
Glossary -  Disclaimer - Privacy Policy - History - The SpatulaFAQ
This blog is best viewed with your eyes. 
It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer  set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated.  (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)

(KORRIOTH:  Oh, great.  More wormholes.)

Mozilla Firefox doesn't do too badly, either; in fact, it's His Rudeness' browser of choice.
You can  use Nutscrape,  if you so desire - but why in blazes would you want to use a browser from a company that had to hide behind Janet El Reño's skirt to be successful?

And don't even  get me started on Opera or Chrome.  I'm not about  to trust any browser that won't let me change its color scheme.
Hacked by ZAKILOUP was based on WordPress platform 2.6 (it's 3.05 3.31 now), RSS tech , RSS comments design by Gx3.