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Gonna be a season full of Executive Fiats&#153, I think.

Arlington Heights 41, Paschal 9

at #20 TCU 56, Grambling State 0

at #5 Oklahoma 69, Florida A&M 13

#16 Nebraska 30, at #22 UCLA 36

#13 Wisconsin 7, at Oregon State 10

at Liberty 24, Norfolk State 31

Dallas 24, at NY Football Douchebags 17

Heights may, indeed, not be as good as in previous years.

But Paschal is still Paschal.&#160

Arlington Heights’ defense forced three turnovers, including a key interception returned for a touchdown, and held Paschal to 24 yards rushing in a 41-9 nondistrict victory Friday.

Five players scored touchdowns for the Yellow Jackets (1-1), who controlled the tempo with a running game that gained 239 yards on 31 carries and two touchdowns.

Senior quarterback Vincent Berrones ran for a score and passed for another, and sophomore quarterback Doak Dozier, who platooned with Berrones, had touchdowns to Brennan Bibbs and Devon Doggett late in the first half.

Memo to Gary Patterson:&#160 Going forward, this&#160 is how you schedule season openers.&#160 New stadium, new conference, one Division I-AA patsy all ready to take an ass-whipping for the big payday.

Hell, it’s how the elite college football programs do it – why not?

Casey Pachall was 9-9-201 with three touchdown passes – then for good measure, Trevone Boykin – who played the second half so as to not run the score up too&#160 much – went 8-8-75, as the Frogs set a new NCAA record for most pass attempts in a game without an incompletion.

Josh Boyce caught four balls for 102 yards and two scores, and Waymon James rushed five times for 69 yards and a touchdown.

Even the Frogs’ new kicker, Jaden Oberkrom, looks like an upgrade over BCS killer Ross Evans.

Sure beats the hell outta opening the season in a hick town with an inexperienced secondary getting torched by a bogus Heisman Trophy jackass throwing illegal forward passes and getting homer calls.

Dominique Whaley appears to have played the role of Wally Pipp Saturday night.

Whaley ran 10 times for 63 yards and a score, but did fumble for the third time in two games.

Enter Damien Williams.

Williams broke off an 89-yard touchdown run and finished with 156 yards rushing and four scores in a record-setting Owen Field debut, powering No. 5 Oklahoma to a 69-13 victory over Florida A&M on Saturday night.

Williams’ rushing total was the most for a player in his first game at the Sooners’ home field, and he became only the fourth player at the school to eclipse 100 yards rushing in each of his first two games. Adrian Peterson was the last to do it, in 2004.

Landry Jones went 19-28-252, a score and one pick.

Liberty, essentially, gave away the game.&#160 A 41-yard fumble return by Norfolk’s Marcell Coke did in the Flames.

Bucky ran for a total of 35 yards Saturday afternoon.

Lemme say that again, so it can sink in: The Wisconsin Badgers, possessing one of the most feared offensive lines & running games in the country – the team that almost literally ran through&#160 TCU in the 2011 Rose Bowl – gained a total of 35 yards against Oregon State in Corvallis.

How bad was it?&#160 It just today cost offensive line coach Mike Markuson his job.

Let’s not mince words here:&#160 Bucky played like shit against a Pac-12 team.&#160 A Pac-12 team.&#160 And not really even one of the better ones, at that.

But the Beavers shut the Badgers out for 58&#189 minutes.&#160 Only a desperation drive from quarterback Danny O’Brien prevented the shutout – and then Bucky botched the onside kick, touching it before it went the required ten yards.&#160 Ball game.

Let me be the first to say it:&#160 This may very well be Bo Pelini’s final year at Nebraska.

Bo is supposedly a defensive coach that gets the most out of his players.&#160 But the Huskers didn’t stop anyone&#160 Saturday.

UCLA has topped 640 yards of offense in each of its first two games under new offensive coordinator Noel Mazzone, the former Arizona State coordinator. Hundley, who rushed for a 72-yard TD on his first collegiate snap last week, repeatedly targeted Fauria, his 6-foot-7 tight end, and freshman receiver Devin Lucien.

“That’s a pretty good defense we were going against,” Mora said. “That’s the Blackshirts out there. For us to step up and run the ball like that, and to see Brett throwing like that, it’s great.

No, not really.&#160 If that were the Blackshirts out there, frat boy, you would’ve been lucky to get a third of what you got.

Taylor did well enough – he was 17-31-179 and had a 92-yard keeper for a TD – but he also threw a pick, and apparently hasn’t quite broken himself of the old mechanical problems.&#160 And he got himself sacked in the endzone for a safety, which broke a 27-27 tie and started the eventual Husker downfall.

Been nice knowin’ ya, Bo.

Well, Denizens?&#160 What’d I Tell Ya?

But I’ll also repeat what I’ve been saying for years: they need to. I maintain that if you hit Noo Yawk’s Third-Favorite Quarterback™ a few times, Princess E-why will crumble.

They did.&#160 He did.&#160 Told ya.

Now, I have to confess that Widdle Vickie Cruz did&#160 have three drops that he wouldn’t have normally.&#160 But there was one play in the third quarter or so where Princess E-why had Vickie streaking to the post – and he flat-out missed&#160 him.&#160 He threw the ball early – and I promise you it’s because he heard footsteps.

On the flip side, Dallas played a lot better than in recent games against the D-bags – particularly in the fourth quarter.&#160 In previous games, the C’girlz would be the ones crumbling, choking in the clutch when they needed a first down to keep a drive going, or a stop to get their defense off the field.

They got both in the fourth quarter Wednesday night, particularly on their last drive, when Romo hit Kevin Ogletree on a slant to convert a 3rd-and-10 at their 26 with the D-Bags having closed the gap to 24-17.&#160 The last thing you wanted to do was not convert that third down & give Princess E-why one more chance.&#160 This time, Romo delivered.

Now, it’s just one game; we have 15 more left to play.&#160 But I’ll take 1-0 over 0-1 any day.&#160 Especially since that one is against the New York Football Douchebags.

Okay, now for the housekeeping…

This week:&#160 4-3.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend achieved (executive fiat) (2).&#160 Overall: 8-4.

MERLIN:&#160 Wait, why the Executive Fiat&#153 this week.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Penn State lost again.

MERLIN:&#160 Ah.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Not just Penn State, guys.

at Virginia 17, Penn State 16

Louisiana-Monroe 34, #8 Arkansas 31 (OT)

Arkansas is my all-time #1 Anti-Team&#153.&#160 For your reference, Denizens, let’s put it this way – if Texas University (which I hate with the purplest of passions) plays Arkansas – I’m pulling for Texas.

And they just got beaten by Lousiana Monroe.&#160 Louisiana-Monroe is a Division I-AA school.


The PFW will return Friday, when we ask, “What the hell is the Fort Worth Startlegram smoking?!?!”


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