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…is about to meet the immovable object.

As you may or may not know, Denizens, a…somewhat sizable…group of bikers is planning to ride on the Putrid Pussified Pustule&#153 known as “Washington, DC” on 9/11.

As it happens, a group of ragheads Muslims Mooselimbs ragheads is scheduled for what they’re calling a “Million Muslim March” on that same day.

Both groups applied for “permits”.&#160 As if it’s really needed in our case – that bloody document called the Bill Of Rights says “right to peaceably assemble” for a reason, y’know.

The Muzztards got their permit.

The bikers…didn’t.

So they’re going, anyway.

Washington DC has DENIED our permit for a no-stop ride through Washington DC. We find this regretful for the residents and businesses of that great city, and humbly offer our apologies. What could have been a one or two hour ride through will now likely be an all day event. We will be obeying all laws. We will be stopping at all stoplights, stop signs, and yielding to all pedestrians.

RESIDENTS AND BUSINESSES OF WASHINGTON DC: On behalf of the National “2 Million Bikers to DC” Team, please accept our sincere apologies. We did the right thing and went through the proper channels to secure a no-stop permit to ride through your great city. We wanted to ride an established route, which would have taken us past the Viet Nam Memorial to the Lincoln Memorial, across the bridge into Virginia, and that’s it! We would have been completely out of Washington DC, and your city would have been back to normal.

“Permits?&#160 We don’ need no steekin’ permits!”

Good luck managing all that, Bambi&#160

Denizens, this week’s episode of the Perfect Football Weekend begins with that unconvicted criminal, Ray Lewis (RET-Baltimore Ravens), whining & sniveling about the Ravens’ victory in Super Bowl XLVII.

(As you may remember, the lights went out during the third quarter for about half an hours; upon restoration, the San Transexual Fairy-Whiners staged a comeback.)

The Baltimore Ravens led by 22 when the lights went out in the Superdome during Super Bowl XLVII. Ray Lewis is convinced that bizarre occurrence was far from a coincidence.

On the Ravens’ “America’s Game” documentary, Lewis hinted without much subtlety that the power outage may have been a ploy to help the 49ers regroup.

“I’m not gonna accuse nobody of nothing — because I don’t know facts,” Lewis said, according to USA Today. “But you’re a zillion-dollar company, and your lights go out? No. No way.

“You cannot tell me somebody wasn’t sitting there and when they say, ‘The Ravens [are] about to blow them out. Man, we better do something.’ … That’s a huge shift in any game, in all seriousness. And as you see how huge it was because it let them right back in the game.”

Well, for saying you’re “not gonna accuse nobody of nothing” – you seem to be accusing someone – you just don’t know whom.

As for this “can’t tell me” bullshit – son, you cannot tell me&#160 you weren’t involved in a double murder down around Atlanta 13 years ago.

Can you?

Let’s get on with the football.&#160 It’s the 91st edition of the old Arlington Heights-Paschal rivalry tonight Saturday night (damn you, Intelligence —Venomous) at Farrington Field in Fort Worth, and I’m gonna go out on a limb and call for a Yellow Jacket victory, given that the Panthers have been generally atrocious the last few years.

If I’m wrong, expect me to be the first one to call for Phillip Young’s head.

Also Saturday, Gary Patterson’s 24th-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs have their home opener (last week notwithstanding) against Division I-AA Southeast Lousiana.&#160 Vegas has the Froggies as a 42&#189-point home favorite, and Gary – if he wants even a sniff at the national championship – best cover and then some.

In addition, Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames have their home opener against Monmouth (Miles Austin’s alma mater).&#160 We may not even need a SpatulaLine here, as Monmouth doesn’t look like their very good.

UPDATE:&#160 Great Honkin’ Cthulhu, what the hell was I on when I was spelling half this stuff?

And if you’re ready for some football, it’ll be Gary Kubiak’s Houston Texans heading westward for some Monday Night Football against the San Diego Chargers.&#160 The Texans are a 4&#189-point road favorite, which generally means a field goal decides it.

We’ll see.

We’re back Tuesday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime…

MERLIN:&#160 Uh, m’liege?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Yes, Wizard?

MERLIN:&#160 What about the Cowgirlz?

VENOMOUS:&#160 They’re not in the PFW this year, remember?

MERLIN:&#160 Ah.

VENOMOUS:&#160 But if it’ll make you happy, they’re at home Sunday night against the NY Football Douchebags, which means they’ll lose.

MERLIN:&#160 As you wish, m’lord.

See you Tuesday.

Bambi’s wanting to go toss some grenades (I’m working on my understatement.&#160 How do you like it?) at Syria.

If there were a vote RightAboutNow&#153, he’d get his ass handed him.

The Praetor of the Ronulan Empire (aka Ron Paul), says it would be an “historic defeat”.

I’d call it Congress just doing its fucking job.&#160 And long-effing-overdue, truth be told.

It was so bad that the broadcast team’s “Player of the Game” was someone that didn’t even play.

But that wasn’t even the half of it.

Arlington Heights 7, Birdville 48

#20 Texas Christian 27, #12 Lousy-ana Skank U 37

Liberty 10, at Kent State 17

Houston 24, at Dallas 6

Not the best way to start the Phillip Young era.

Running back Kerrion Graves led the Yellow Jackets with 58 yards on 13 carries, including a 9-yard scamper to cap an 11-play drive late in the first half that cut into a 14-point deficit and gave Heights some much-needed momentum heading into halftime.

After forcing the Hawks to punt on the opening possession of the second half, Heights took over in good field position, at their own 40, still trailing by seven.

The Yellow Jackets advanced the ball to their 48 and opted to go for it on fourth-and-2.

The decision backfired. The Hawks reasserted themselves when the defense stuffed the Yellow Jackets forcing a turnover on downs.

Annnnnnnd the Hawks scored the next 34.&#160 Ouch.

—

Liberty actually led this one in the fourth quarter.

Colin Reardon threw a 42-yard touchdown pass to Chris Humphrey late in the fourth quarter as Kent State avoided a season-opening upset with a 17-10 win over Liberty on Thursday night.

The Golden Flashes, coming off the best season in school history, were without running back Dri Archer, being touted by the school as a potential Heisman Trophy candidate who suffered a leg injury early in the game. He had 10 yards on 3 carries.

And Vegas didn’t think this was gonna be close.

—

I will readily concede that two turnovers (and the resulting points off same) decided the game.&#160 Brandon Carter’s irresponsible handling of a kickoff led to an LSU recovery, then to a field goal.&#160 And a Pachall pick led to a Tiger touchdown.

Final margin:&#160 Ten points.&#160 You do the math.

Having said that, I will also say this:

Eleven-on-eighteen, Part the 7,682nd.

We breathe on their wideouts, it’s a flag.&#160 They mug ours, no flag and the bastards at ESPN praise their “tough man defense”.&#160 Lousyana held all fucking night – and it only got called once.

The Big Eleven 13 14 Ten supplied the zebras.&#160 They must still be pissed off at us for beating their champ in the Rose Bowl.

—

How bad was it last Thursday night?

The Silverstar (Cowboys’ in-house) Network’s “Player of the Game” was none other than…former Cowboy wide receiver Michael Irvin.

Who was color announcer for the game.

Most of those who played aren’t on the roster anymore, though some did make the practice squad.&#160 Dallas better hope for damned good health.

This week:&#160 1-2 (Liberty covered the SpatulaLine; the Houston win doesn’t count).

The PFW will return Friday, when RAAAAAY LEWWWWWIIIISSSSSSS&#160 opens his mouth and sticks his size 16’s both in.