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This week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend launches starts off begins

MERLIN:  Go ahead. Say it.

KORRIOTH:  You know you want to.

LSIK&T:  NO!!!…must…resist…

KORRIOTH:  Surrender to the Dark Side™, m’Liege.

OZY MCCOOL:  Give in to your hate!

KORRIOTH:  That was actually pretty good, Lieutenant.

OZY MCCOOL:  Thank you, Captain.

LSIK&T:  OH, ALL RIGHT!!!!!

…kicks off…

ALLCORRRRRRRRRR-NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

(See what I’m up against? )

…with this blurb from the SpatulaGoddess (aka Beff, the Imperial Serving Wench™) concerning The Team With The Highest Payroll In College Football Today™. Here are some of the better ones:

1. What do you call a drug ring in Austin ?
A huddle.

2. Four UT Longhorns in a car, who’s driving?
The police.

3. The UT Longhorns have adopted a new “Honor System”. Yes your Honor,
No your Honor.

11. Why couldn’t the Longhorn get into a huddle on the football field?
It’s a parole violation to associate with known felons.

14. Book ‘em, Horns!

Okay. Earlier this week, I guranteed that my (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets would not lose this week. Of course, it might have something to do with the fact that they don’t play.

Taking their place in the Friday night lineup is the third-ranked Oklahoma Sooners, who will toy with the Tulsa Hurricanes like a cat plays with its mouse before killing and eating it. The line’s 23½, and that’s being generous.

Tomorrow at 3:00, it’s the Wall Street Bowl as Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls host the Baylor Bears.  This is one game UBeefalo might actually win, given the sorry state of Baylor football (Vegas has the line at Baylor minus three), so although I’m tempted to suspend the “line plus 14″ rule, discretion will once again be the better part of valor here.

Memo to the Baylor faithful, however: If the Bulls do win this game, start saying goodbye to Guy Morriss.

Also Saturday, 2nd-ranked LSU faces its toughest test of the season at home vs. Steve Superior’s Spurrier’s South Carolina Gamecocks. The line is LSU by 18½, but this may be the best offense the Tigers face all year, so I’m not sure it won’t be just a touchdown difference.

Finally tomorrow comes the game I’ve been waiting for now for two years – Texas Christian hosts the Shitland Ponies from SMUT. Both teams are 1-2, and had Gary Patterson not been picking his nose his gee-tar on his weekly radio show the last two weeks, the Frogs might well be 3-0 and hot in pursuit of a BCS bowl.

As it is, they’re a 23-point favorite at home – and Patterson, if this isn’t the fucking Mother Of All Squashes™ for 21-9 two years ago, I won’t stop calling for your head on a silver platter until AD Danielle Danny Morrison fires your ass.

Sunday night, we are once again graced with Michaels’ and Madden’s presence as the Dallas Cowboys travel to Soldier Field to take on Brian Urlacher and whatever passes for that sorry clunker known as the Chicago Bears’ offense. The over/under on this one is three yards and a cloud of dust. The PFW does not recommend listening to the pre-game and the (hack, spit) artistic stylings of LaKeitha Olberdouche (hack, spit) unless you have plenty of BC‘s brain bleach.

Maybe not even then.

We’re back Monday or Tuesday for the recap. In the meantime…has anyone seen (Filthydelphia Beagles fan) Leoni???




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