Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

[Scene:&#160 aboard the bridge of Pegasus.&#160 His Rudeness™ is quietly seated in his command chair, focused intently (or pretending to be) on the latest engineering reports furnished him by Ozymandias McCool.&#160 T-Bone McManx is busily upgrading a few circuits in the communications console.&#160 Tactical officer K’hadibak’h amuses himself with a miniature holo-Nintendo game of anbo-jitsu.&#160 Various other technicians & bridge personnel are intent on their tasks around the bridge.

Without warning, the turbolift doors explode outward with a huge CRASH, causing everyone to jump three feet in the air.&#160 Lord Spatula & K’hadibak’h have whirled around, weapons at the ready – K’ha with a disruptor, Spats with the purple lightsaber given to him by his friend and next-door-system neighbor, Emperor Misha.

Standing in what used to be the turbolift doorway is His Rudeness’ executive officer, Korrioth.&#160 Needless to say, the Klingon-Vulcan hybrid is not terribly happy at the moment.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 So help me Fec’lar, I will KILL&#160 the human p’tahk&#160 who wrote this targ shit!!!!

LSIK&T (looking around kinda nervously – the last time Korrioth was this angry, it cost Spats half the engineering crew):&#160 Uh, Kor?&#160 What’s the problem, before you rip a hole in my ship and send us all into space?

KORRIOTH:&#160 HAVE YOU READ THIS?!?!?!?!

Beings from other worlds have excited the popular imagination since the Bronze Age: Both The Old Testament and the Sanskrit epics describe strange beings coming to Earth in flying machines.

LSIK&T:&#160 Well, I rather doubt that about the Old Testament, but that’s no reason…

KORRIOTH:&#160 FURTHER DOWN!!!!

40: Ming The Merciless

Although doomed to be regularly trounced by Flash Gordon, Sir Menzies Campbell is not a suspiciously Asiatic-looking alien warlord. That distinction falls to Ming the Merciless, villain of King Features’ long running Flash Gordon franchise which has spanned cinema serials, comics, and a superbly scored feature film. His appearance has become markedly more reptilian and less evidently racist in recent adaptations, but he remains the number one extraterrestrial emperor.

LSIK&T:&#160 Well, obviously he’s never met Misha…

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Or Palpatine for that matter…

[Korrioth sends McCool flying across the bridge with a solid backhand.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 FURTHER!!!!!

39: The Visitors

The antagonists in the successful miniseries ‘V’ and its spinoffs were mouse-eating reptiles who visited Earth cunningly disguised as humans in order to lull mankind into a sense of misplaced camaraderie. Once the deception was discovered an armed resistance to the newcomers was formed, which was just as well as it transpired later in the series that the mice were merely an appetiser and we were the main course. Proof, if proof were needed, that people who look like lizards can’t be trusted.

LSIK&T:&#160 Actually, I always thought Jane Badler was kinda hawt…

[Korrioth has strode over to where Spats is standing.&#160 His Rudeness™ very nearly cringes.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 FUR!!!&#160 THER!!!&#160 DOWN!!!!!!

LSIK&T:&#160 Hmmm…lessee…Romulans…Chigs, whoever they&#160 are…Cylons…Smash Robots…Klingons…Kor, why doesn’t this make you happy?&#160 They think you’re a hotter commodity than the Romulans, after all.

KORRIOTH:&#160 REEEEEEEAD IT, DAAAAAAAAAMITTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

31: Klingons

Like their cousins the Romulans, the Klingons

LSIK&T:&#160 Uh, oh.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Enlightenment dawns.

T-BONE MCMANX:&#160 I get it now.

KORRIOTH:&#160 K’HADIBAK’H!!!!!&#160 SET COURSE FOR EARTH!!!!&#160 MAXIMUM WARP!!!!!

[K’hadibak’h glances at Lord Spatula, unable to hide the pleading in his face – he’s Klingon, as well, and he’s suffering just like Korrioth, probably worse.]

LSIK&T:&#160 You heard the Klingon, Kha.&#160 We’re going hunting.

And so it was that a certain gaggle of reporters & reporter-ettes located on a certain island-country in the Atlantic Ocean met their end some hours later at the hands of two very&#160 pissed-off Klingons and their custom-crafted-at-Kronos painsticks.&#160 And there was much screaming, weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth.&#160 And two particular Klingons enjoyed every last nanosecond of it.

The moral of the story:&#160 Never&#160 tell a Klingon he’s related to a Romulan.&#160 Never.&#160

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3 responses to “Like their what????”

1. David Hartung says:

   October 25, 2007 at 6:45 pm

   Is that as bad as calling a Texan a Yankee?

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2. Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur says:

   October 25, 2007 at 9:58 pm

   No Minbari, Narn, Centari, Vorlons, or Shadows? They just don’t get it, do they?

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3. Alan K. Henderson says:

   October 31, 2007 at 10:17 am

   Chigs and Clangers on the list? Some weird affirmative action goin’ on here.

   Klingons do have cousins on Earth – Mongols.

   I have no argument with the #1 entry.

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