Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:29
[Scene: the bridge of Pegasus, where Korrioth, K'hadibak'h, Merlin, Ozymandias McCool and T-Bone McManx anxiously await the arrival of Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant™ from the daily PC wars. (PC, in this case, standing for "Personal Computer".) His Rudeness™ was suppoesd to write the PFW post today, and nothing's come in to this point. Korrioth is visibly upset, fearing the worst - that something's happened to Spats and that he'll have to start writing the damned things.]
KORRIOTH: Scan for any ships in the area, Tactical!
K’HADIBAK’H: Captain, I have…
KORRIOTH: DON’T START WITH ME, LIEUTENANT!!!
K’HADIBAK’H: …already been scanning continuously since you gave the original order.
KORRIOTH: Oh. Very good, then. Report!
K’HADIBAK’H: Still nothing on sensors, Captain…wait. Small blip coming into extreme sensor range, traveling at warp 5.
[Two minutes later...]
KORRIOTH: Report, Lieutenant.
K’HADIBAK’H: Contact IDs being received now…It’s the admiral, Captain, transmitting his personal warp signature…
[Korrioth breathes a sigh of relief. It's short-lived.]
K’HADIBAK’H: …he’s in the Hum-a-Zoo, sir.
[Korrioth blanches. His Rudeness™ had gone out in his personal Talon-class fighter Phoenix.]
K’HADIBAK’H: No…wait. It’s not the Hum-a-Zoo, Captain.
[Korrioth starts to breathe another sigh of relief, then goes bug-eyed as he realizes that there's only one thing that could mean...]
K’HADIBAK’H: It’s the prototype.
[The prototype, For the Uninitiated™, is the precursor to the Hum-a-zoo, the absolute worst ship that His Rudeness™ will let go on patrols. And the prototype is worse. It's a warp-core breach waiting to happen.]
KORRIOTH: Open a channel, McManx.
T-BONE MCMANX: Open.
KORRIOTH: Pegasus to prototype, respond, please.
LSIK&T: Pegasus, this is the prototype, Spatula here.
[Spats doesn't sound too happy. Korrioth actually cringes.]
KORRIOTH: Admiral…are you all right?
LSIK&T (very snippy): I’m fine, Kor – but I want that half-assed excuse-for-a-wizard’s commission re-activated and his lazy ass transferred back to the shipyards to whip some of those fuckheads into something resembling shape before we go on another hunting mission, is that clear???
[Both Korrioth & Merlin gulp audibly. Merlin looks as scared as anyone's ever seen him.]
KORRIOTH: Acknowledged, Admiral. Stand by for landing inside the shuttle bay.
Sorry, Denizens. Running a little behind schedule as of late. Let’s get on with the PFW.
My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have their last game of the year (at least, we hope) against the North Side Steers tonight at 7:30. Heights will win this game, no doubt, as North Side’s 0-8 and couldn’t beat a middle school team. If Heights should screw this one up, however, expect coach Duke Christian to be “reassigned”.
Tomorrow, the Horned Frogs of Texas Christian will play host to fellow Mountain West Conference foe New Mexico. Just to show you how close the game is, as well as how far the Froggies have fallen – TCU’s a 3½-point favorite. Remember that home field is worth 3 points, and there you go. I personally think the Lobos are gonna win.
Also, Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls will travel to the Former Land of Rothelisberger, the U of Miami (Ohio). The Bulls are only a 6½-point dog here, but they still need to learn to play a decent opponent on the road. I doubt UBuffalo will either win or cover.
Fifth-ranked Oklahoma gets some good home cooking against the woeful Aggies of Texas A&M, led by their mercenary coach, Dennis “Inside Info” Franchione. We’re gonna make this a double, since it’s one of my teams against one of my Anti-Teams™.
MERLIN: So why wasn’t TCU-TU a double?
LSIK&T: How’d you like to go back to the shipyards without benefit of a ship?
Third-ranked LSU will take part in the first official Saban Bowl™ tomorrow when they travel to Tuscaloosa to take on the 17th-ranked Alabama Crimson Tied. Now, I’ve all but forgiven Bama for the Franchione fiasco, but I wouldn’t mind here if LSU made them pay a bit for hiring their old head coach. They’re a 7½-point favorite.
Sunday evening, we’ll join Madden, Michaels and Keith Olberdouche back at the studio as the Dallas Cowboys travel to the City of Brotherly Shove, Phuckadelphia, to play the Beagles and The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever (Just Ask Him)™, Donna McFlabb, son of that ugly-assed fat hog Wilma.
Just a clue for Donna: Those wheels of yours ain’t what they used to be – and we’ve gotten a lot better on defense. Ain’t gonna be no more 29-second scrambles for you, chumpette.
(Oh, by the way – did you guys hear where Fat Boy Reid’s kid is in trouble again? Or where a judge called Fat Boy’s house a “drug emporium”? Makes you wonder if any of Fat Boy’s other kids (read: the ones who play for him) have been hopped up at one time or other?)
We’re back Monday (Tuesday?) for the recap. In the meantime, somebody get LC leoni2 over here, so I can laugh in his face when his Beagles get spayed.
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