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[Scene:&#160 aboard Pegasus.&#160 The debris from the quantum filament wreckage has been cleared, and thanks to round-the-clock efforts on the part of a stellar crew, the ship looks as if it had just left the Realm™ shipyard.

Chief Engineer Ozymandias McCool has inserted the last transtator control module onto his Engineering station on the bridge.&#160 Pegasus&#160 has responded with an audible hum/whirring sound (not terribly unlike how Enterprise&#160 responded to Scotty in Where No Man Has Gone Before, if you think about it), and Ozy turns to Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant, obviously pleased with himself.&#160 His Rudeness™, obviously bemused with his chief engineer’s bravado, can’t resist a small grin, as well.]

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Eminence, full power has been restored.

LSIK&T:&#160 Excellent.&#160 Helm, set a course for the Badlands, warp 3.&#160 Mr. McCool, I think a field promotion to Lieutenant Commander is in order for you.

OZY MCCOOL (blushing, though quite pleased with himself despite it all):&#160 You’re too kind, m’Lord.&#160 Thank you greatly.

LSIK&T:&#160 It’s well-earned, Ozy.&#160 Now, you’ll still have to pass the LC’s test when we get home, but I doubt it’ll pose much trouble for you.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Yes, just correctly identify the porn stars and you’re in.

LSIK&T:&#160 Hush, you.

ALL:&#160

Okay, Denizens, Spatula City BBS! is up and functional once again.&#160 And, as promised – well, almost as promised – the first second post starts with the Perfect Football Weekend™:

Royse City 21, Frisco Wakeland 14
Royse City 22, Dallas Roosevelt 48
at Texas Christian 34, UNLV 10
Texas Christian 45, at San Diego State 33
Oklahoma 27, at W. Texas Crybaby STate Texas Tech 34
at Oklahoma 49, Oklahoma St. 17
Oklahoma 38, Missouri 17
at UBuffalo 17, Bowling Green 31
UBuffalo 30, at Kent State 23 (OT)
LSU 41, at Ole Miss 24
at LSU 50, Ar-kansas 50, Fucking Blind-Assed SEC Zebras -2
LSU 21, Tennessee 14
at Dallas 28, Washington 23
at Dallas 34, NY J-E-T-S-JetsJetsJets 3
at Dallas 37, Green Bay 27

Royse City had been told all year, as they were piling up an impressive season, that they were the bunch that was going to finally bring a state championship to the town.&#160 Just one problem:&#160 they believed their own press clippings and forgot to show up for Dallas Roosevelt.&#160 Even more embarrassing:&#160 Roosevelt has the God-awful ugliest uniforms (baby blue and deep red) that RC has ever lost to, or will&#160 ever lose to for that matter.

—

6-6 wasn’t going to cut it for the Horned Frogs (see:&#160 2006 bowl chances, SMU).&#160 And after a fairly lackluster drubbing of UNLV at home the week before, 6-6 was what they were looking at about nine minutes into the game, as early turnovers had put the Tadpoles in a 17-0 hole.

Happily for TCU, though, they were playing San Diego State in the last game – and the only key to beating the Aztecs is holding onto the ball, as they flat-out can’t play defense.&#160 Dalton led a 694-yard offensive effort with 298 yards passing and 60 rushing.&#160 Reserve running back Joseph Turner ran for 226 yards.

The Frogs, having played in the Fort Worth Bowl in 2003, will now find out what it’s like to be on the other end of one of those deals on December 28, when it plays the Houston Cougars in the Texas Bowl…in Houston.&#160 (Yes, I’m going.)

—

Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls followed up a lackluster effort vs. Bowling Green by pulling out an overtime victory against Kent State.&#160 It would not surprise me if Turner got the call to be the new offensive coordinator at the University of Nebraska…where, thank Cthulu, Mild Bill Callahan has been thrown out on his ass and replaced by…and damn, but it feels great to say this…LSU defensive coordinator Bo Pelini.

(Incidentally, as you’ve probably figured out by now, Nebraska will return to the PFW in 2008, replacing LSU.&#160 Welcome back, Huskers.)

—

You’re in enemy territory, in a backyard where the hosts regularly put up between 50 and 70 points per game.&#160 You’ve lost your starting quarterback in the first quarter to a concussion.&#160 Your backup…well, let’s just say he ain’t Josh Heupel.

And still&#160 you lose to the biggest whiners in the Big 12 by only seven points.

Memo to Texas Techies:&#160 Look at what OU did to Missouri in the Big XII championship game.&#160 Bradford plays four quarters against you morons, the Sooners hand you your asses on platters.&#160 You were damned lucky to win that game, and don’t you forget it.

And get ready to have those asses on platters next year in Norman.&#160 I’m calling the squash right now – you pansies don’t have a chance.

As for OU, they have West Virginia in the Fiesta Bowl.&#160 Good chance for them to get the shitty taste of Smurf Turf State out of their mouths.

—

If the blind-assed SEC officiating calls the pass interference on Ar-kans-ass during the third overtime, they might be still playing.&#160 And that’s all I’ll say about that.

Happily though, LSU not only defeated the Volunteers in the SEC championship game…thanks to OU and the University of Pittsburgh (a team I’d put in the PFW if I had room for ’em, ’cause I’m a major fan of Dave Wannstedt), LSU will play for the national championship against Ohio State.&#160 Let the pundits scream all they want about playoffs – this is gonna be a great game.

—

You knew the Jets were going to get their asses kicked.&#160 You figured that Green Bay would pose the toughest test against the Cowboys, and that the Washington game was a walk.

Who knew?

Jason Campbell can throw the ball, and Dallas still has problems in the secondary.&#160 Thankfully, this game Dallas had the receivers (Terrell Owens), and Washington did not.

My brother came over to watch the Jets game, and I delivered a major shock to his system:&#160 I didn’t get pissed off the entire game.&#160 You knew the Jets were not going to pull a Buffalo on the ‘Pokes, and they surprised no one.&#160 Terrence Newman got a pick-six, and from there it was a piece of cake.

In fact Green Bay did&#160 pose a slight challenge, but only after Favre was knocked out of the game by Nate Jones.&#160 Aaron Rodgers relieved Favre, and showed that once Brett retires, there will be no dropoff in QB play.

Be afraid, NFC North.&#160 Be very&#160 afraid.

Two-week totals:&#160 11-4.&#160 Overall:&#160 56-17.

Now, Dallas is at Detroit tomorrow, and while the Lion passing game was too much for the ‘Boys last year, they’re hurt, and Dallas has a chip on its shoulder.&#160 The game scares me, but I think it’s a Dallas win, which clinches the NFC East.

Back Monday with the recap.

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