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This week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ kicks off…




D.VENOMOUS:  (sigh)

…kicks off with the NFL’s answer to pro wrestling’s Jim “Warrior Warrior Warrior Warrior Warrior…” Hellwig – that being The Receiver Formerly Known As Chad Johnson™

Who, it says here, has officially changed his last name from Johnson to “Ocho Cinco”:

Two years ago, Johnson gave himself the moniker — a reference in Spanish to his No. 85 — and put it on the back of his uniform before a game. Quarterback Carson Palmer ripped it off before the kickoff. After the season, coach Marvin Lewis — who dislikes Johnson’s attention-getting stunts — referred to the receiver as “Ocho Psycho.”

Give that man a see-gar.  You don’t get any more bang-on than that.

“It’s something I don’t think anyone has ever done before,” he told the team’s Web site.

Obviously the jerkweed has never heard of Rod Smart.

Let’s get on with the PFW.  Tonight coach Steve Pate takes my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets down to Azle to play the Hornets.  Azle always plays them tough, but Heights managed to eke out a 28-24 victory there last year.  There is a temptation to have a letdown game after the Birdville victory last week, but it’s hard to imagine Azle giving them trouble after that.  We’ll see.

Tomorrow, Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls travel to Pitt to play Dave Wannstedt’s Panthers.  I fear for the Bulls, as Pitt is still smarting from the embarassment against Bowling Green, so I’m not very hopeful here.  The line is 14, so a 24-point loss (per the UBuffalo rule) will count.

Also tomorrow, the Oklahoma Sooners will be fed another sacrificial lamb, as Cincinnati’s Bearcats pay a visit.  The line’s OU by 21½, so I expect Stoopes’ Troops™ to snore though a 10-point win.

Nebraska will host the San Jose State Aztecs in Lincoln tomorrow afternoon.  San Jose’s not chopped liver, but Vegas likes Nebraska by 26½, and so do I.  Bo Pelini will not let them lose focus after that mini-scare vs. W. Michigan.

Tomorrow evening, Bambi will face Godzilla as the Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks of Division I-AA the NCAA Football Championship Subdivision (*cough*) come to Fort Worth to play the Texas Christian Horned Frogs.

Just to give you an idea of what kind of game this is gonna be – Vegas doesn’t even have the game rated, but a line I saw on the Dullest Moaning Snooze had the Tadpoles favored by…uh…45.

Memo to Gary Patterson:  You want to send a message to SMUT here.  Let the Shitland Ponies know what awaits them next week in two weeks.

UPDATE:  Oops.  Forgot about Stanford.

Sunday, the Dallas C’boys open the season in the Dog Pound™ at Cleveland.  Based on what I saw of the Browns this preseason (and yes, HDD, I know preseason games don’t mean squat), I shouldn’t really be worried – which is why I won’t have any nails left by gametime.  Dallas has this weird knack for playing down to the level of its competition, and it’d be the perfect excuse to have a letdown against Romeo Crennell’s bunch.

We’re back Monday for the recap.  In the meantime…LC John Wardle, are the ‘Skins really that bad?  I have their defense in my other fantasy league… 

2 Comments to “PFW:  The receiver formerly known as…”

  1. HDD — September 5, 2008 @ 11:56 pm

    Bucky plays Marshall.

    It’s been a long time since Marshall was even a half-way decent football team, so, Bucky *should* romp and stomp the Thundering Herd.

    But, with that suspect defense of Bucky’s, anything’s possible.

    It is worth noting that Tuesday Morning Quarterback, ESPN.com’s resident football fan analysis (by Gregg Easterbrook, of the center-left Brookings Institute) labeled Wisconsin as a ‘football factory’ school, an insult he reserves for schools like Ohio State, Texas, and Florida. Kind of weird for me to see someone actually lump the Badgers in with the GOOD football schools, since I remember when Bucky was the whipping boy of the Big Ten (when the Big Ten actually had…you know…ten teams).

    Bucky’s on the way up.

  2. RobertHuntingdon — September 6, 2008 @ 9:19 am

    Ocho Cinco aka Ocho Stinko aka Ocho Psycho is definitely a character… and a half. Still, when he does play for one of your teams it’s hard to completely despise him, because he’s an incredibly talented player who does (usually) bring enough to the team to make it worth tolerating his antics. I can understand why others don’t like him, but claiming that he’s the problem with the bungles is just as moronic as people claiming the ‘boys lost to the tinies because of Romo’s trip to Mexico. Right… pull the other one please.

    Anyway, for my version… this weekend the Bungles face the Buttimore Mavens. As much as I despise that pile of crap of a team, they do have a pretty good defense and the Bungles O sure didn’t impress during the preseason. Then again, it is the real season now, so who knows. On the other side, the Bungles D has gotten absolutely no respect for quite some time, and deservedly so in some cases, but not ALL cases. First half of last year they were a joke, partly due to injury, partly due to bresnahan’s over-complicated schemes, partly due to Leon Hall being a rookie thrown into a fire he wasn’t ready for. When they got healthy the second half of last season, Hall learned how to stop making so many rookie mistakes, and Bresnahan simplified his scheme they got a LOT better. Not enough to do the trick, but better. This year they are healthier (so far at least), have a simpler and better scheme, and some real potential stars with a year or so of experience under the belt. And they face an absolute gift of a first opponent, a team with no offense worth mentioning, a hurt primary back, and a rookie QB. I think the Bungles have a good chance here.

    Your ‘boys face the Brownpants, and you’re welcome to treat them like chew-toys all you want. We’d appreciate it in fact.

    I know I probably won’t get a PFW because of this game, but I still have to call it. The “other Texas team” faces the Stoolers, and I really do hope they’ve improved as much as they think they have, because I very much want to see the Stoolers get their tails whooped. I don’t think it will happen, unfortunately, but I’m hoping anyway.

    Then my Aint’s face the Tampa Dismay Bumpkineers in the Stupordome. The Aint’s should be able to beat these jokers with both hands tied behind their backs, which means we’ve got an upset alert going here. I hope that instead they are ready to take out their frustrations over Gustav out on them and they beat them into the next incarnation instead.

    Atwaaahnta faces the Detroit Kitty Kats and will be lucky to score at all. The Burner was as good as he was because of the San Diego O-line, not because he’s that great himself. He’ll still get some yards, but it won’t be enough. And even the Kitty Kat D should be able to handle “he-who-isn’t-mike-vick” reasonably well…

    And speaking of San Diego, they get to visit the Punkthers this weekend. I’m not going to be surprised if we get another upset here. I’m hoping for the Punkthers to get treated like a red-headed stepchild, but I’m not counting on it.

    All in all, if I do get a true PFW both of my teams will be in sole possession of first place in their divisions, which would be quite nice to see. Realistically I just hope they both manage to win.


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