[SCENE:  The bridge of the new Realm™ dreadnaught, Titanic.  After a quite inglorious launch (the engines having catastrophically failed two days out from spacedock), the great behemoth finds itself back home, having been towed by a Federation tug.
His Rudeness™, Lord Darth Venomous, sits & broods in his command chair, eyes welded shut.  One could easily mistake him for dozing, except his brow is deeply furrowed and his jaw perpetually in motion from what appears to be a grinding of his teeth.]
VENOMOUS:  That’s right, Allan.  And they’re gonna continue to gnash until I have something other than a fucking incompetent for a chief engineer.
[I’m deeply sorry, m’lord.  Can I be of service in any regard?]
VENOMOUS:  Know anything about starboard power couplings?
[Only that Cmdr. K’tinghe entered into a deal with the Federation to supply the ones for this ship.]
VENOMOUS:  McManx, send a dispatch to Fleet command.  K’tinghe is to be demoted to Lieutenant and thrown in the brig until further notice.
T-BONE MCMANX:  Aye, sir.  [Something at his console catches his eye.]  Admiral, incoming message from Realm™ Intelligence.
VENOMOUS:  Put it through to my ready room, Lieutenant.
T-BONE MCMANX:  Aye, sir.
[Cut to the Admiral’s ready room.  The doors part and in walks Venomous, who sits at his deak and punches up the incoming dispatch from Realm™ Intelligence.]
TO:  Adm. Darth Venomous, Realm™ Fleet Operations
FROM:  Realm™ Intelligence
SUBM:  PFW™
Admiral:It’s Zero Week in Texas.
—Intelligence
[The Admiral grins wolfishly.  Finally, he has a reason to be happy.]
—
Okay, guys, they start counting for real now.  Everybody ready?
CREW:  (nods anxiously)
Then let’s get to it.
The first regular-season edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™…(deep breath, exhale)…kicks off…
CREW:  COORRRRRNNNNNN-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!1!!ONE!!1!!!!ELEVENTY!!!1~
Awright, now that we got that  outta the way for the year…
…kicks off with my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets engaging – along with all other “hah skrewls” (a little Rush lingo, there) in the state of Texas – in a tradition known as “Zero Week” in the football season.
For Coach Steve Hale and the Jackets, that means a return trip to Haltom City to play the second half of a home-and-home with the Birdville Buffaloes, of the ISD with the same name.
Heights pulled the upset last year in Fort Worth, so don’t for one minute think that the Beefaloes have forgotten that.  Though it pains me to do so, I’m gonna call the squash here against my boys.
Saturday night, the preseason continues for the Dallas C’boys, as the San Transexual Francisco Fairy-Whiners Forty-Niners come to JerryWorld for a Week Three matchup
MERLIN:  You’re not calling them the Fairy Whiners anymore?
KORRIOTH:  You’re not calling them “San Transexual” anymore?
KORRIOTH & MERLIN (together):  Who are you and what have you done with Lord Venomous?
VENOMOUS:  Relax, guys.  As long as Mike Singletary’s in charge, they’re not the despicable, despiseable enemy they once were.
Still, they’re a rival and these are  the C’boys, so I’ll probably be screaming as always.  Even if it is  preseason.
We’re back Sunday or Monday with the recap.  In the meantime, we’re wondering if the Patriots will now change their logo to look like Teddy the Red-Nosed Senator…
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