Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...

A little weekend frivolity for you, Denizens.

Got this from a co-worker yesterday:

Installing a husband

Dear Tech Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, Fishing 7.2, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?



First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0. (It runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program-this will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Oh, really? 

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support

Hot Lingerie 7.7?!?!?!

Hell, boys – your software’s waaaaaaaaaay  outta date!

The recommended Hot Lingerie app minimum  is version 40.23.36! 

4 Comments to “A little weekend tech support from the master :-)”

  1. David Hartung — March 5, 2011 @ 8:13 am


    Whatever happened to spew alerts? It is very fortunate that I had swallowed the coffee before reading this! :)

  2. Darth Venomous — March 5, 2011 @ 10:35 am

    Guess I did  forget to categorize that, didn’t I?

    Sorry ’bout that, Chief. :-)

  3. Supreme General Rayegun — March 5, 2011 @ 9:25 pm

    Please tell me you have the opposite (e.g. Girlfriend -> Wife) stored in the Grab Bag™ still???

  4. Darth Venomous — March 5, 2011 @ 10:56 pm

    Patience, grasshopper.  All shall be revealed by the morrow. :-D

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