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Okay, let’s see…how to start this…

“Once upon a time…”

MERLIN:&#160 Oh, you can not&#160 be serious.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Ew.&#160 Just, ew.

LSIK&T:&#160 Oh, all right. (rolls eyes)

“It was a dark & stormy night…”

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Uh, helloooooooooooo???&#160 You traveled in the daytime, remember???

MERLIN:&#160 Great Honkin’ Cthulu&#153, man, if you’re gonna start a story with a clich&#233, at least make it a good one, huh?

LSIK&T:&#160 Day-um, you’re a tough crowd.&#160 Sheesh.

“Juuuuuust sit right back and you’ll hear a tale…a tale of a fateful trip…”

LSIK&T:&#160 There.&#160 Happy now?

MERLIN:&#160 Well, it’s still cheesy…

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 …but it’ll do.

MERLIN:&#160 Ozy!!!

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Fine.&#160 He can shove you&#160 out the airlock this time.

MERLIN:&#160 Eep!

LSIK&T:&#160 Thank&#160 you.

So here I was, about to leave the domecile and head out on this fantastical odyssey that is the Blown-eyed Blodgers Great Texas Invasion of 2006&#153.&#160 It’s about 8:00 in the morning, my traveling companions Deathknyte and Krondax…

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Hey, how come we&#160 didn’t get to go?

MERLIN:&#160 Yeah, what’re we, chopped liver?

LSIK&T:&#160 You weren’t invited; you don’t write blogs.&#160 Now hush.

…are due in about an hour or so, and I’ve barely enough time to run put my paycheck in the bank, scoot over to Whataburger for a quick breakfast-on-the-go, get the rental car and get to the terminal to pick them up.&#160 It’s now 8:00

8:01:&#160 Enter the Dallas North Tollway.&#160 See the absolutely massive&#160 backup southbound.&#160 Get caught in it.&#160 So much for the bank (fortunately, I still have some chump change left from cashing in my Cingular 401k, so I don’t absolutely have&#160 to make the deposit…

MERLIN:&#160 …while he continues to pay us&#160 minimum wage…

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 …and continues to renege on his promise of giving us a raise…

LSIK&T:&#160 (pulls out Klingon disruptor, sets spread formation, and nails both Merlin & Ozy, who crumple in a heap) There.&#160 That’s&#160 better.&#160 Now, where was I…?

…but now I’m running out of time and need to scoot.


8:05:&#160 Manage to get off southbound Tollway, flip a u-ee (youee? youie? yhouie? yowee?) onto northbound to get to westbound Bush Turnpike, which will take me on to the airport.&#160 By now, the hope of breakfast, even on the go, is pretty much trashed.

8:30:&#160 Having semi-successfully navigated through morning rush hour, I arrive at the airport.&#160 Deathknyte calls from his cell.&#160 I gape at my cell, having realized in horror that his flight, having been scheduled to touch down at 8:50, is 20 minutes early.&#160 “I’m just getting here”, I tell him, “and I still need to get the car.&#160 Gimme about thirty minutes.”

8:45:&#160 Spend 15 minutes driving twice around Car Return, looking for the ()#@#$%^!!!!! rental area.&#160 Finally get it through my thick-assed head (from no breakfast and no coffee) that I missed the initial turn for Rental and have to go back.

8:50:&#160 Arrive at Car Rental.&#160 Observe all the @*%(!)%*@!!!! “two-hour-towing-enforced” parking spaces.&#160 Have small warning bell go off in back of head.&#160 Proceed to Avis counter.&#160 “Hi, I have a reservation.”

“Certainly, sir, we’ve been expecting you.”

“Good deal.&#160 Listen, my car’s out there, is there going to be a problem?”

“Unfortunately, yes sir – that’s airport property; we&#160 don’t even get to park out there; they’ll tow us…”

8:56:&#160 Bang head repeatedly on rental counter.

“Sir, we can have someone follow you over to the remote lot, where it’s only six dollars a day…”

8:57:&#160 Roll eyes at the abject greed on the part of the DFW Airport Board.&#160 “Yeah, guess that’ll have to do, I s’pose.”

“Okay, sir, it’ll be just a couple of minutes.”

9:15:&#160 Roughly 20 minutes and a grouse at the rental agent later, a lackey finally comes with my vehicle.&#160 The plan is for him to follow me into the remote lot, where I will leave my car, take said lacky back to the rental counter and continue on to pick up my passengers.&#160 We proceed to said lot.

9:20:&#160 Arrive at remote lot.&#160 One of the two ticket lanes is occupied by a middle-aged female in an aiport courtesy car.&#160 The other lane is open.&#160 Get ticket.

9:35:&#160 Realize that there are no open spaces whatsoever in the lot.&#160 Drive to the exit to complain to the attendant.

“Well, the lady over there was supposed to be out telling people we are full…”

9:38:&#160 Go and relay this message to the lackey, send several&#160 threatening glares to the bimbo who wasn’t doing her job, and proceed to the terminal to park my car.

10:25:&#160 Return lackey to the counter, pick up DK and Krondax, and start out for Austin.

10:26:&#160 DK asks, “Did you remember to bring Delftsman’s gun?”

10:26:05:&#160 Shit, shit, shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit…!!!

10:40:05:&#160 Turn onto toll road for the final leg of the journey back to SpatulaCentral.

10:42:15:&#160 Pull up to toll booth.&#160 Since I’m not in my trusty little Spatulamobile, and don’t have my tolltag, pull into one of the “exact change” lanes.

10:42:25&#160 Realize I don’t have anything even remotely resembling “exact change”.

10:42:30:&#160 Complete the brain-fart moment and run the booth.&#160 Receive incredulous stares from Deathknyte & Krondax.&#160 “Dude, we had change…”&#160 Endure howls of laughter from both DK & Krondax on remainder of journey.

10:55:&#160 Arrive at SpatulaCentral, pick up Delfts’ gun, suffer no further incidents.&#160 (Well, not for that&#160 leg, anyway.)

11:10:&#160 Drive-through Whataburger for lunch, since my initial plans have been shot all to Hell&#153 by now.&#160 Pay for onion rings, but don’t receive them.&#160 Grouse about it whilst munching on burgers & fries.

11:40:&#160 Pit stop in Official Texas Rest Area&#153.&#160 Continue to endure ribbing from DK & Krondax.&#160 Resist temptation to shove them&#160 out airlock.&#160 Mournfully remember that in this vehicle, I don’t have&#160 an airlock.&#160 Sigh.

11:50:&#160 A little bit south of Waxahachie, observe construction starting.&#160 Observe humongous traffic backup.&#160 Begin more grousing.

11:50:10&#160 Observe little sporty coupe on side of road.&#160 Observe beautiful young lady standing by car, very much in distress.&#160 Observe young lady crying, even from 50 feet away.

11:50:12:&#160 Arrive at consensus that we have to go help her, ’cause no one else is even giving her a second thought.

11:51:&#160 Spend next 30 minutes comforting young lady.&#160 Diagnose car as being undriveable (she had been pushed off the road by a trucker who apparently didn’t see her, and cracked an axle).

12:25:&#160 Arrange with young lady’s father that yes, we will cart her to their home in Waco.&#160 Pile into safe, comfy SUV and take off.

1:10:&#160 One pit stop for refreshments and Excedrin&#153 later, arrive in front of the Waco domecile.&#160 Receive hugs & kisses all around from young lady – that’s right, Denizens, even Deathknyte.&#160 Cthulu help us all, I think we even got pictures.

(By the way, if you wanna see what this girl looks like, stop by the Kim Dawson web site and look up “Erica Mireles”.&#160 Yeah, she’s that cute.

3:30:&#160 Arrive in Austin without further incident, thank Maitreya.

The moral of the story?&#160 Bad things happen to good people.&#160 Yet God is still in control.&#160 Things had to happen in just that sequence that day in order for the three of us to be in a position to offer Erica some assistance when she most desperately needed it.

The traffic jam on the Tollway, the trouble at the rental counter, the full remote parking lot, having forgotten Delfts’ gun, even the quick timeout at the Whataburger – all of those dominoes had to fall just so in order for us to be right where God wanted us to be at that precise moment in time.

Erica turned out to be a believer in the “angels watching over me” precept.&#160 And God sent her three of ’em, right when she most needed ’em.

So, even though it wasn’t the smoothest of trips down, there was still good that came out of it.

Just like Romans 8:28 says.&#160 Neat, huh?


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10 responses to “The long-awaited tale of my trip to Austin”

  1. maxxdog says:

    That’s a clusterfuck with a happy ending if ever I read one! I’m glad you guys were there to help that young lady out and I’m proud to know you!
    One question though. How the hell did you forget the gun?

  2. Deathknyte says:

    I am no angel.

    Receive hugs & kisses all around from young lady – that’s right, Denizens, even Deathknyte. Cthulu help us all, I think we even got pictures.

    No pictures. At least no surviving pictures. Reminds me, did she ever call you? Inquiring minds want to know more.

    I gape at my cell, having realized in horror that his flight, having been scheduled to touch down at 8:50, is 20 minutes early. “I’m just getting here”, I tell him, “and I still need to get the car. Gimme about thirty minutes.”

    Not my fault, they sent me a change of flightplan notice at eleven at night… six hours before takeoff. Like I am going to waste those hours checking my email.

    10:42:30: Complete the brain-fart moment and run the booth. Receive incredulous stares from Deathknyte & Krondax. “Dude, we had change…”

    Still funny.

  3. Well, Maxx, it’s like this:&#160 I was so damned concerned with the other 10, plus the shotgun&#160 that I was taking down there, that…well… 🙂

    Reminds me, did she ever call you? Inquiring minds want to know more.

    Her dad did.&#160 Never heard back from her.&#160 Wasn’t really expecting to, either.

  4. Well, Maxx, it’s like this:&#160 I was so damned concerned with the other 10, plus the shotgun&#160 that I was taking down there, that…well… 🙂

    Reminds me, did she ever call you? Inquiring minds want to know more.

    Her dad did.&#160 Never heard back from her.&#160 Wasn’t really expecting to, either.

  5. Well, Maxx, it’s like this:&#160 I was so damned concerned with the other 10, plus the shotgun&#160 that I was taking down there, that…well… 🙂

    Reminds me, did she ever call you? Inquiring minds want to know more.

    Her dad did.&#160 Never heard back from her.&#160 Wasn’t really expecting to, either.

  6. Deathknyte says:

    Ah well, she was too young for you anyway.

  7. Like hell she was.&#160 She was over 18. 😀

  8. Like hell she was.&#160 She was over 18. 😀

  9. Like hell she was.&#160 She was over 18. 😀

  10. LC Krondax says:

    well, she was more my age spatz. and if it wasnt for teh fact that i was sick on that trip, then……

    oh yeah.

    i finally got mine posted. kinda slipped my mind..

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