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LC and Denizen Chance (and where in Purgatory™ have you been, son?) gives us this from a Rott thread.

You’re damned right I’m stealing it.

NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION

We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc, but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve…get an education and go to work. Don’t expect everyone else to take care of you!)

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don’t care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country’s history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

D.S.T.E (Damned Straight, The End).  Very nicely done, Mr. Chance.



14 Comments to “Preamble to a possible new Constitution”


  1. LC Staci — June 16, 2006 @ 11:43 am

    Off topic, but I saw this, and this is hilarious. I thought you would like it Spats dahhhling.

    http://intherightplace.blogspot.com/2006/01/proper-care-and-feeding-of-moonbats.html

  2. FireFox — June 17, 2006 @ 2:48 pm

    The country’s founders said nothing of any god. Go read the constitution again. Freedom of religion also means freedom from religion.

  3. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — June 17, 2006 @ 10:18 pm

    The country’s founders (other than Jefferson, who wrote it in letter that carries zero force of law) also  never said anything about “seperation of church and state” either.  Somehow you morons continue to see fit to try and bash Christians over the head with that, don’t you?

    ‘Course, if you’d ever bothered to actually read  and comprehend  the Constitution, maybe you’re realize that.

  4. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — June 17, 2006 @ 10:18 pm

    The country’s founders (other than Jefferson, who wrote it in letter that carries zero force of law) also  never said anything about “seperation of church and state” either.  Somehow you morons continue to see fit to try and bash Christians over the head with that, don’t you?

    ‘Course, if you’d ever bothered to actually read  and comprehend  the Constitution, maybe you’re realize that.

  5. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — June 17, 2006 @ 10:18 pm

    The country’s founders (other than Jefferson, who wrote it in letter that carries zero force of law) also  never said anything about “seperation of church and state” either.  Somehow you morons continue to see fit to try and bash Christians over the head with that, don’t you?

    ‘Course, if you’d ever bothered to actually read  and comprehend  the Constitution, maybe you’re realize that.

  6. FireFox — June 21, 2006 @ 6:12 pm

    The only way you are going to get a peace of my sister is to tear her off my dick first. I cant hold it any more I has to go! All my mommys sexual services must be paid for and provided by the government, free for everyone. That includes condoms, health care for the clap she’s spreading, food for me and sissy when she cant turn any tricks, clothing so no one has to look at her trailer trash ass, red-light housing and ALL othr liesure. We need to stop her from breeding and start eliminating the kids like sissy and me shes already had, recliam the once pristine air my familys farted away, and start building free menteal insti…mental insty…mentel ins…nut housses in the cities. We demand the end of private restrooms, and demand public bathhouses run by NAMBLA. We need to stop the spread of my daddys jizz, and start giving out standard and uniform condoms for free for everyone so therell be no one else liek me and sissy. my whole sitzpinkling family are evil! They corrupt everything. SHORT BUSISM RULES!

  7. FireFox — June 21, 2006 @ 6:21 pm

    What a pathetic piece of garbage you are, and why not tell the truth, you are a little bitch and won’t even meet me on the street.

  8. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — June 21, 2006 @ 6:36 pm

    I  won’t meet you???  You’re  the one who won’t come over and get his ass kicked, chickenshit.

    This despite the fact that you live IN THE NEXT FUCKING COUNTY – right, pussy?

    I’m waiting, coward.  I’ve been  waiting ever since last September – or had you forgotten about that, pansy-ass?

  9. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — June 21, 2006 @ 6:36 pm

    I  won’t meet you???  You’re  the one who won’t come over and get his ass kicked, chickenshit.

    This despite the fact that you live IN THE NEXT FUCKING COUNTY – right, pussy?

    I’m waiting, coward.  I’ve been  waiting ever since last September – or had you forgotten about that, pansy-ass?

  10. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — June 21, 2006 @ 6:36 pm

    I  won’t meet you???  You’re  the one who won’t come over and get his ass kicked, chickenshit.

    This despite the fact that you live IN THE NEXT FUCKING COUNTY – right, pussy?

    I’m waiting, coward.  I’ve been  waiting ever since last September – or had you forgotten about that, pansy-ass?

  11. FireFox — June 23, 2006 @ 7:44 am

    Haha, I bet that’s what you tell your buddies, but you know I told you i would meet you at 5PM and got no response from you. Don’t post in my name anymore jackass. Don’t project your idiocy onto me. You know you are a scared little bitch vomitting your lies all over the internet…..well not really all over, what do you have like two or three of your buddies who read this crock of shit you pass off as info? Weapons of mass destruction my ass

  12. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — June 23, 2006 @ 6:50 pm

    Haha, I bet that’s what you tell your buddies, but you know I told you i would meet you at 5PM and got no response from you.

    Actually, yes you did.  I distinctly remember saying “come on by, and if I’m here, I’m here, and if I’m not, I’m not”.  See, chumpette, my schedule is mine,  and I’m not under any compulsion to tailor it to any chickenshit who hides behind their daddy’s skirt and makes a big noise.  Especially  when said chickenshit lives in the next country and can pretty much drive over any time she wants.

    As luck would have it, I was home at 5:00 that day.  And 6:00.  And 7:00.  And 8:00.  And so on, and so on, and so on…

    Waiting for you to show your skanky ass up.  And surprise, surprise, surprise – you never did.  And you haven’t yet in the nearly year since.

    One might wonder why. (I don’t, of course – I know  why.)

    Don’t post in my name anymore jackass.

    I’ll do whatever the fuck I want on this blog, asswipe, in your name or anyone else’s I feel like – and what the Hell™ do you think you’re  gonna do about it?

    Here’s a hint, pussy:  Abso-fuckin’-lutely nothing.  The fact is that you don’t have the balls.

    You know you are a scared little bitch vomitting your lies all over the internet

    And all you’ve ever had to do to shut me up is show up on my doorstep.

    Yet you haven’t.  Ever.  Guess you’re not the big shit “I want some and I’ll come get it” bad ass that you keep bleating you are, eh, limp-wrist?  ROFLMAO!!!!!

  13. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — June 23, 2006 @ 6:50 pm

    Haha, I bet that’s what you tell your buddies, but you know I told you i would meet you at 5PM and got no response from you.

    Actually, yes you did.  I distinctly remember saying “come on by, and if I’m here, I’m here, and if I’m not, I’m not”.  See, chumpette, my schedule is mine,  and I’m not under any compulsion to tailor it to any chickenshit who hides behind their daddy’s skirt and makes a big noise.  Especially  when said chickenshit lives in the next country and can pretty much drive over any time she wants.

    As luck would have it, I was home at 5:00 that day.  And 6:00.  And 7:00.  And 8:00.  And so on, and so on, and so on…

    Waiting for you to show your skanky ass up.  And surprise, surprise, surprise – you never did.  And you haven’t yet in the nearly year since.

    One might wonder why. (I don’t, of course – I know  why.)

    Don’t post in my name anymore jackass.

    I’ll do whatever the fuck I want on this blog, asswipe, in your name or anyone else’s I feel like – and what the Hell™ do you think you’re  gonna do about it?

    Here’s a hint, pussy:  Abso-fuckin’-lutely nothing.  The fact is that you don’t have the balls.

    You know you are a scared little bitch vomitting your lies all over the internet

    And all you’ve ever had to do to shut me up is show up on my doorstep.

    Yet you haven’t.  Ever.  Guess you’re not the big shit “I want some and I’ll come get it” bad ass that you keep bleating you are, eh, limp-wrist?  ROFLMAO!!!!!

  14. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — June 23, 2006 @ 6:50 pm

    Haha, I bet that’s what you tell your buddies, but you know I told you i would meet you at 5PM and got no response from you.

    Actually, yes you did.  I distinctly remember saying “come on by, and if I’m here, I’m here, and if I’m not, I’m not”.  See, chumpette, my schedule is mine,  and I’m not under any compulsion to tailor it to any chickenshit who hides behind their daddy’s skirt and makes a big noise.  Especially  when said chickenshit lives in the next country and can pretty much drive over any time she wants.

    As luck would have it, I was home at 5:00 that day.  And 6:00.  And 7:00.  And 8:00.  And so on, and so on, and so on…

    Waiting for you to show your skanky ass up.  And surprise, surprise, surprise – you never did.  And you haven’t yet in the nearly year since.

    One might wonder why. (I don’t, of course – I know  why.)

    Don’t post in my name anymore jackass.

    I’ll do whatever the fuck I want on this blog, asswipe, in your name or anyone else’s I feel like – and what the Hell™ do you think you’re  gonna do about it?

    Here’s a hint, pussy:  Abso-fuckin’-lutely nothing.  The fact is that you don’t have the balls.

    You know you are a scared little bitch vomitting your lies all over the internet

    And all you’ve ever had to do to shut me up is show up on my doorstep.

    Yet you haven’t.  Ever.  Guess you’re not the big shit “I want some and I’ll come get it” bad ass that you keep bleating you are, eh, limp-wrist?  ROFLMAO!!!!!


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