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The Perfect Football Weekend&#153 returns for 2006 with new teams, new attitude and new optimism that I might experience a few more PFWs this year.

For those of you who are new here, this is how we roll:&#160 A Perfect Football Weekend&#153 (PFW for short) is one where all the teams I follow – be they “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there), college or pro – win their games on a given weekend.

(For the record, no – I don’t give a shit about your teams.&#160 Use the comments section of a PFW thread to talk your own smack.&#160 Even you leftist fucks at the Church of the SubTarded are welcome here to talk f’ball, provided&#160 you behave yourselves, and provided I haven’t banned your skanky asses previously.)

We’ll be following six teams this year – one HS, four college and the Dallas Cowboys.&#160 (Well, okay – two&#160 HS. (grin))

1. My high school alma mater – the (Ft. Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.&#160 Heights has made the playoffs the last couple of years, only to be bounced in the first round each time by teams they should&#160 have beaten.&#160 Not that Coach Duke Christian is in any sort of trouble or anything, but I for one would like to see a little better than one-and-done.

2. The college football team I grew up with – the TCU Horned Frogs.&#160 Given up for dead, a) after a 5-6 campaign the year before, and b) after a devastatingly embarrassing loss to cross-town rival SMUT in Game 2, the Tadpoles rallied under coach Gary Patterson to finish 11-1 with a 27-24 victory over Iowa State in the Houston Bowl on New Year’s Eve (a game that, yes, I’m pleased to say I went to).

TCU has a fresh surge of optimism going into this year, but they also have a hellaciously tougher schedule than last year, starting with Baylor in Waco on the Sunday night of Labor Day weekend, and also including Texas Tech, who mauled them in Lubbock, 35-70, back in 2004.&#160 Plus, they went undefeated in Mountain West Conference play last year, so several MWC teams will be a-gunning.

3. The Oklahoma Sooners.&#160 The preferred team of the SpatulaGoddess, and led by a coach whom I once thought of as highly arrogant, Bob Stoops.&#160 Stoops has toned it down somewhat in recent years, revealing himself as a man who is simply driven to win – the kind of coach the Realm&#153 appreciates.&#160 OU just got rid of its starting quarterback (Rhett Bomar) for alleged NCAA violations concerning pay he received for work he didn’t do, so it’s back to the quarterback (Paul Thompson) who started last year’s opening-day loss to TCU.&#160 Here’s hoping OU recovers.

4. The LSU Tigers.&#160 They still employ Bo Pelini as their defensive coordinator, and I’m still of the opinion that Pelini should be the Nebraska Cornhuskers’ head coach, instead of the incompetent boob that’s there now (Bill Callahan).&#160 I follow any team Pelini toils for, which is why LSU’s on the list.

5. The University of Buffalo Bulls (not to be confused with the Buffalo Bills).&#160 The Bulls are coached by a guy named Turner Gill.&#160 Folks will recognize the former Nebraska quarterback who helped coach the Huskers to three national championships.&#160 The six-degrees-of-separation here is that I went to school with Turner, and know him from my days in the basketball program (he was automatic from the wing – had they had the three-point shot in those days, he might have had a stellar college/NBA career).

According to their own Web site, it’s a fledgling program, so we may make an allowance here and use the Vegas line in deciding the outcome of Bull games.&#160 We’ll have to see.

6. The Dallas Cowboys.&#160 Bill Parcells & Jerry Jones have worked tirelessly on rebuilding the team in the image of Parcells’ New York Football Giants, which relied on mistake-free offensive football and an ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners defense.

As you all know by now, they’ve signed Widdle Terri Owens to play wide reciver, and his presence alone automatically makes the Cowboys a legitimate cotender for the NFL chapionship.&#160 But they’ve quietly constructed a defense that comes close to rivaling the old Doomsday defenses of the ’70s and ’90s.&#160 In the second year of Parcells’ grand 3-4 experiment, Dallas has managed to get roughly 10% bigger while not sacrificing too much of the speed for which Jimmy Johnson’s defenses were renowned.&#160 Rookie Chris Carpenter will join second-year player Demarcus Ware in forming a linebacking corps that should get to opposing quarterbacks early & often.

The only questions remain on the offensive line and at quaterback.&#160 As in, will the former be able to block well enough to keep the latter from getting killed.&#160 Drew Bledsoe, never fleet afoot to begin with, is another year and a few more hard-slams-to-the-turf older.&#160 It’s probably time for backup Tony Romo to start warming up in the bullpen, because if the O-line doesn’t get much better than it was last year (although Parcells has&#160 been raving about the newly-constructed body of right tackle Rob Pettiti of late), Bledsoe will not&#160 be able to survive another full season.

The running game is suspect, as usual with this line, but perhaps the arrival of perpetual troublemaker Owens will take some pressure off of it.&#160 That’s if&#160 he ever makes it back to the field – Widdle Terri’s been suffering from a strained hammy lately.&#160 Or maybe he just hates camp. (shrug)

The prediction from here:&#160 10-6, a wild-card berth and perhaps a spot in the NFC Championship Game.&#160 And yes, you can hold me to that.

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There you go, Denizens.&#160 For a Perfect Football Weekend&#153 to occur, all six of these teams must win their game on any given weekend, although we may let the U. of Buffalo slide a bit if they can at least cover the spread. (Teams that are off will not count against the PFW.)&#160 PFWs will go on as long as I have at least one team still playing (i.e, hopefully into January ’07).

When you see a PFW post (you’ll know it when you do), you are cordially invited to extol the virtues of your own favorite teams in the comments section – PFW posts will be considered an “open thread” relating to the great game of football, our favorite pastime in the Realm&#153.

Therefore, Denizens, let’s get to work.&#160 Who’ll volunteer to bring the beer for the tailgating?

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