Denizens, our final Perfect Football Weekend™ for the season begins with an advisory.
As you’ve probably heard or seen, by now, ARRRRRRRR GEEEEEE THREEEEEE!!1!ONE!1ELEVENTEENTYBILLION!1!!  was given the Heisman Trophy as an early Christmas present for (hack, spit) Baylor  Half-Assed-Excuse-For-A-University, thus rendering that particular award as being on a par with the Nobel Peace Prize.  (In other words, utterly worthless.)
That’s right, given.  Because he sure as motherfucking Hell™ didn’t win  it.
And of course, all of the Limp-Dick Media™-types are creaming their panties over how ARRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEE THREEEEEE!!!!!!!  went to hell-and-back, overcame ADVERSITY, BAH GAWD!!!!!  (a little Jim Ross lingo, there), and beat UWarshington last night in the BCS Ultimate Championship EVAH BECAUSE ARR GEE THREE’S THERE!!!!!! Alamo Bowl.
Okay?  Okay.
Now.  Let’s get one thing straight Right-Fucking-Now™.  Robert.  Griffin.  The.  Third.  Ain’t.  That.  Good.  Andy Dalton is five times  the quarterback Griffin ever thought  of being, is far more deserving of a Heisman than Griffy ever  was, and he didn’t get one.
Anyone who honestly looks at Baylor’s schedule this year will immediately see that they caught teams at just the right times.  They caught TCU the very first game of the year, right after the bulk of the top-ranked Frog defense had graduated, and much of their secondary hadn’t been game-tested (the first game is usually against a Division I-AA opponent, in order to work out the kinks and get your team game experience – otherwise, why else would Alabama schedule North Texas every year?).  Moreover, they caught Oklahoma when they were banged-up and had several key players out with injuries.
(We won’t talk about how they caught TU by the time they’d all but given up on the year.)
Flip those two games – IOW, schedule OU the first game and the Frogs later in the season – and both schools kick the Widdle Cubbies ever-lovin’ asses.  Up the field and right back down.  And America’s New Darling™ doesn’t have his widdle Heisman, and the award itself retains some prestige.
In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that if TCU had anything resembling a reliable field-goal kicker, they win that game 51-50, and ARRRRR GEEEEE THREEEEEE!!!!!!  is just another good college quarterback who’ll make a nice defensive back in the NFL.
Don’t believe me?  Then ask yourself again:  Explain A&M.  Explain Oklahoma State.  And explain why they damned near lost to Rock Chalk, of all teams.
Onward.  The good people of Tempe, AZ, are going to watch fourteenth-ranked Oklahoma rip the Iowa Hawkeyes apart this evening.  Same team whose asses Nebraska kicked back about a month ago.  Vegas has OU favored by 14, and I really don’t see the Hawkeyes giving the Sooners much of a fight.
Speaking of the 20th-ranked Huskers, they’re in action Monday afternoon in the Captial One (“What’s in your  huddle?”) Bowl against Steve “Ol’ Ball Coach” Spurrier and the ninth-ranked S. Carolina Gamecocks.
BEAVIS:  Heh heh.  He said “cocks”.  Heh heh.
BUTTHEAD:  Huh.  Huh.  Huh huh huh huh huh.  Huh.
VENOMOUS:  Shut up, both of you.
Spurrier loves to throw the ball all over the lot – and this, naturally, is the Achilles’ Heel of the Huskers’ defense.  Strangely enough, though, Bo Pelini’s bunch is a 2½-point favorite against SC, so maybe Vegas knows something I don’t.
After that game, it’ll be 10th-ranked Bucky making a second straight appearance in the Rose Bowl, this time going against fifth-ranked Oregon.  Just to give you an idea – Oregon this year is way faster than TCU was last year.  If Bucky doesn’t contain that speed and impose its will on the Duckies early, it’s going to be another long afternoon for Bielema & the boys.  The World’s Second Third-Ugliest College Football Uniforms™ are a near-solid six-point favorite over Bucky, and I think that’s about right.
Sunday, the Allas Cowgirlz (that’s right, no D) play their last game of the season in the Meadowlands against the New York Football Douchebags.  After leading the division going into December, the ‘Girlz will be completely out of the playoffs after the game.
O for a tactical nuke.
We’ll come back sometime next week for the recap & benediction.  (I’d promise it Tuesday, but I’ve been promising Monday recaps as of late, and how’s that worked out for me?)  See you then.
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One response to “PFW:  Heisman Trophy = Nobel Peace Prize”
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If you would have seen the game between Tech and Baylor your opinion of “that” QB (and I use QB lightly) would have been increased by 10 to the elevendyith. At a minimum.
EVERY time JJ Watt or any of the Tech defense got within his personal space, the wussie was crying to the refs. Literally CRYING. I’ve seen HIGH SCHOOL QBs who have more talent and a HELL of a lot more field awareness that this clown. And I won’t even go into how much I think the green and gold teddy bears PAID OFF the officiating staff at that game. I.E. — WTF is DEFENSIVE delay of game????? And what is the exact rule for calling it???????
If he does decide to go pro, I say he’ll be on the stretcher after the first play. That or running his arse for the locker room with the entire defense clamped to said arse. FIRMLY clamped. All the while, I’ll be ROFLMAO.