Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:30
Denizens, this week’s episode of the Perfect Football Weekend begins with that unconvicted criminal, Ray Lewis (RET-Baltimore Ravens), whining & sniveling about the Ravens’ victory in Super Bowl XLVII.
(As you may remember, the lights went out during the third quarter for about half an hours; upon restoration, the San Transexual Fairy-Whiners staged a comeback.)
The Baltimore Ravens led by 22 when the lights went out in the Superdome during Super Bowl XLVII. Ray Lewis is convinced that bizarre occurrence was far from a coincidence.
On the Ravens’ “America’s Game” documentary, Lewis hinted without much subtlety that the power outage may have been a ploy to help the 49ers regroup.
“I’m not gonna accuse nobody of nothing — because I don’t know facts,” Lewis said, according to USA Today. “But you’re a zillion-dollar company, and your lights go out? No. No way.
“You cannot tell me somebody wasn’t sitting there and when they say, ‘The Ravens [are] about to blow them out. Man, we better do something.’ … That’s a huge shift in any game, in all seriousness. And as you see how huge it was because it let them right back in the game.”
Well, for saying you’re “not gonna accuse nobody of nothing” – you seem to be accusing someone – you just don’t know whom.
As for this “can’t tell me” bullshit – son, you cannot tell me you weren’t involved in a double murder down around Atlanta 13 years ago.
Let’s get on with the football. It’s the 91st edition of the old Arlington Heights-Paschal rivalry
tonight Saturday night (damn you, Intelligence —Venomous) at Farrington Field in Fort Worth, and I’m gonna go out on a limb and call for a Yellow Jacket victory, given that the Panthers have been generally atrocious the last few years.
If I’m wrong, expect me to be the first one to call for Phillip Young’s head.
Also Saturday, Gary Patterson’s 24th-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs have their home opener (last week notwithstanding) against Division I-AA Southeast Lousiana. Vegas has the Froggies as a 42½-point home favorite, and Gary – if he wants even a sniff at the national championship – best cover and then some.
In addition, Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames have their home opener against Monmouth (Miles Austin’s alma mater). We may not even need a SpatulaLine here, as Monmouth doesn’t look like
their very good.
UPDATE: Great Honkin’ Cthulhu, what the hell was I on when I was spelling half this stuff?
And if you’re ready for some football, it’ll be Gary Kubiak’s Houston Texans heading westward for some Monday Night Football against the San Diego Chargers. The Texans are a 4½-point road favorite, which generally means a field goal decides it.
We’re back Tuesday for the recap. In the meantime…
MERLIN: Uh, m’liege?
VENOMOUS: Yes, Wizard?
MERLIN: What about the Cowgirlz?
VENOMOUS: They’re not in the PFW this year, remember?
VENOMOUS: But if it’ll make you happy, they’re at home Sunday night against the NY Football Douchebags, which means they’ll lose.
MERLIN: As you wish, m’lord.
See you Tuesday.
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