Posted by Darth Venomous @ 19:38
…aka the Pansy-Assed Football League.
Denizens, as we start this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend, we are once again reminded of what a bunch of pussified doucherifles the state of Kalifornication has become. For now, their infectious cancer has touched youth football.
Usually, when a mercy rule becomes a bone of contention it’s because the policy isn’t instituted soon enough, until after a game is already far out of reach. Yet in one Northern California community the opposite is unfolding, with parents furious about a new rule that they feel is cheating their children and coaches of football and money wasted on fines.
As reported by Sacramento NBC affiliate KCRA, the Northern California Federation Youth Football League (NCFYFL) instituted stiff new penalties for any teams that beat opponents by 35 points or more. Specifically, those teams will be fined $200 and their coaches will be suspended from all league activities for two weeks. The penalty is a drastic change for the league of 7-13 year-olds, which previously issued teams with a warning following such blowouts and required a written description that detailed what the victorious team had done to try and keep scores low.
With the new, harsher penalties, some players have begun insisting that their development is being hurt. One team has stopped attempting any field goals, leaving kicker James McHugh unable to attempt any scoring kicks except points after touchdowns. That’s a problem for a 13-year-old who hopes to serve as a high school placekicker in fall 2014.
Oh, hell no. Actually, it’s a problem for any self-respecting human being.
Thankful am I that Skip doesn’t play in such a league. For if he did, and they passed a fucktarded rule like this, the head of said league would have the term “ass-whipping” re-defined for him. By me.
And speaking of ass-whippings, let’s get to the football. It’s my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, destined to have their magical oh-fer season extended by the Aledo Bearcats. It’s Guaranteed Loss Night, and the SpatulaLine is set at 65½ for this one.
Tomorrow morning, it’ll be Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs playing host to SMU
T for the Iron Skillet.
And I shit you not – Vegas has the Frogs as an 18½-point favorite at home.
With Trevone Boykin at quarterback.
I think the Shitland Ponies win this one outright. Look for me to be extremely pissed come Monday.
Also Saturday, Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames take on Kentucky Weslyan, which is apparently such a small program that they don’t even have an ESPN listing. Flames win comfortably here.
Sunday finds Houston playing host to Golden Taint and the Seattle Seahags. If the Tex-annes can’t beat Baltimore without RAYYYYMONNNNND LEWWWWWWISSSSSSSS!!!!!, I rather doubt they’ll beat Seattle. Vegas doesn’t think so, either – the Hags are a 2½-point road favorite.
And for a bonus game, the Dallas Cowboys, fresh off a manhandling of the St. Louis Ewes, travel to Mrs. Venomous’ home of San Diego to take on the “San Dee-ayy-go…Superchar-gers…” (a little Chris Berman lingo, there). Vegas likes Dallas minus 2½, so look for the Powder-Blue-And_Gold to romp.
We’re back Monday with the recap. In the meantime…dang, I didn’t know OU’s Blake Bell could throw…
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