Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

All hands on deck.

MERLIN:&#160 Ready, m’liege.

OZY McCOOL:&#160 Engineering reports full power to engines, Admiral.

KORRIOTH:&#160 We’re not going anywhere, Ozy.

OZY McCOOL:&#160 The Admiral demands operational readiness at all times, General.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Point.

K’HADIBAK’H:&#160 Tactical ready, m’lord.

RAYEGUN:&#160 Southern Command ready as requested, y’old geezer.

THE GENERALETTE (smacking Rayegun, Gibbs-style):&#160 You be nice.

RAYEGUN:&#160 Yes, dear.

T-BONE McMANX:&#160 Communications ready, sir.

THE SPATULAGODDESS:&#160 Didn’t we do something like this a couple of years ago, hon?

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 HON?!?!?!&#160 (waves iron skillet around menacingly)

VENOMOUS:&#160 Put a cork in it, babe.&#160 She’s entitled.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 And why am I not the SpatulaGoddess?!?!?!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Because you’re Mrs. Venomous, and you don’t look like Eva Longoria.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 GRRRRRRRR!!!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Shut it, woman.&#160 I have a post to write.

MRS. VENOMOUS (dejected, with cast-iron skillet):&#160 Yes, honey.

VENOMOUS:&#160 I’ll make it up to you, sweetheart…say, with Rafain’s?

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet & ears perked up):&#160 Ooooooh!!!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Okay, where were we…?

MERLIN:&#160 Didn’t we do something like this before…?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Oh, well – yeah, Beff, we did – but without showing who really wears the pants at the Southern Command.

RAYEGUN:&#160 Hey!!!

ALL (even Rayegun, albeit grudgingly):&#160

Right, then.

The first official Perfect Football Weekend…in what is, very likely, the last season of PFWs…kicks off…

ALL:&#160 COOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-NNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!1!!!ONE!!!1!!!!ELEVENTYTRILLIONBILLIONMILLION!!!!1~

…y’know, I am&#160 gonna kinda miss doing that.

[The entire cast & crew engages in a 20-second group hug.&#160 Venomous breaks the silence.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 Awright, guys, we still have a blog to run for now.

…with a story from a couple weeks back about how Cleveland Browns rookie&#160 head coach Mike Pettine has selected veteran Brian Hoyer to start at quarterback, rather than Johnny Football.

Brian Hoyer was named the starting quarterback of the Cleveland Browns for the regular-season opener Sept. 7 at Pittsburgh.

[…]

“Like I said all along, it’s been my mentality this whole offseason, training camp to come out here and act like the starter and be the starter,” Hoyer said Wednesday. “So now that it’s official we can just move on and get ready for St. Louis.”

While Hoyer has only four career starts — and went 3-0 with the Browns before tearing his anterior cruciate ligament in 2013 — his biggest advantages were experience and leadership.

“He was the clear leader from the beginning,” Pettine said. “We’ve maintained all along that if it was close, I would prefer to go with the more experienced player. Brian has done a great job in the meeting rooms and with his teammates on the practice field and in the locker room.”

What he’s not&#160 telling you, of course, is that Manziel thoroughly outplayed Hoyer in the preseason.

Even Yahoo!, in the article, tries to blow smoke up one’s ass in stating:

Manziel, drafted 22nd overall in May, played only two seasons at Texas A&M in an offense designed to win at that level. The Browns want him to get more time in an NFL offense before asking him to beat NFL defenses. Manziel was not great statistically in two games.

Except what they’re&#160 not telling you is that, as badly as Manziel may have played…Hoyer played worse.

Fact is, neither one looked all that great.&#160 But Manziel outplayed the “crafty ‘veteran'” (four games experience…yeah, right)…and besides, he’s the 1st rounder, and the future.&#160 Hoyer isn’t.

And if you’re drafting a quarterback in the first round…that almost invariably means you suck, and you’re not going anywhere in the next year or three.&#160 So why not get Johnny Football the experience he needs now?&#160 I mean, it’s not like Cleveland’s going anywhere anytime soon, y’know?

He also showed immaturity Monday night, Pettine said, when he raised his middle finger to the Redskins’ bench in response to heckling from the sideline.

I’d start Manziel for that alone.

But that’s me.

On to the football.&#160 Phil Young and my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have their annual “Week 0” clunker (now that they’re no longer playing Azle) Friday evening against the (White Settlement, TX) Brewer Bears.

Brewer almost qualifies as one of my anti-teams (a la SMUT and Ar-Kansas) because my first-ever fiancée (no, not the First Wife&#153) came from Dear Old Brewer High (which brings back memories of Weatherford High kicking Brewer’s asses all over the field right after the fiancée screwed me over, and me screaming my fool head off for Weatherford…but that’s another post), so I’ve kinda had it in for the Bears ever since.

Bears’ll probably win, though, so it’s likely another 5-5 year for AHHS.

Saturday, Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs – who may actually read This Fine Blog&#153, because they’ve finally taken my advice – begin their season at home against Samford University.

Samford is interesting because their head coach is former TCU coach Pat Sullivan, who guided the Froggies to their last Southwest Conference championship (albeit a three-way tie for the aforementioned, it was a championship).&#160 Sullivan will not attend the game due to medical reasons.

It won’t matter, because Sullivan or no Sullivan, this game’s gonna be a major squash – with any luck, so much so that we’ll see TCU back in the top 25 next week.

Tonight, the Allas Cowboys (still no D) have their last preseason game at home against King Peyton Manning (as opposed to his sister brother, Queen Elisha) and the Denver Broncos.

It’ll be a chance for the Cowgirl faithful to let Owner Jethro have it one more time for letting Demarcus Ware walk.&#160 And I desperately hope they give it to him every time Ware’s visage gets pasted upon that Jumbotron.

The wildcard games for this weekend will be: Florida Atlantic at #22 Nebraska (don’t ask me why, but I still have a soft spot in my heart for Bo Pelini, even though he’s a lousy head coach), West Virginia against #2 Alabama (it’ll be interesting to see how badly Nick Saban takes his frustrations from last year out on the Mountaineers), and #16 Clemson going to the Dawg Pound vs. #12 Georgia.&#160 These games will be on Saturday.

Additionally, tonight we’ll have Smurf Turf F-Head State minus Chrissi “Trick Play” Peterson going down to Oxford, MS to take on #18 Ole Miss.

(Incidentally, in case you missed it, all my picks in the wildcard games are in boldface.)

We’re back Sunday or Monday with something resembling a recap.&#160 In the meantime…my message to Humble DevilDog is: Yeah, I’m calling them TCU again.&#160 Don’t like it?&#160 Get your ass back here & start commenting again, Marine!

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2 responses to “PFW:&#160 And this&#160 is why Cleveland’s perennially bad…”

1. David Hartung says:

   August 28, 2014 at 6:22 pm

   One wonders what would happen if Mrs. Venomous were to ever actually use that skillet.

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2. Darth Venomous says:

   August 29, 2014 at 12:47 am

   She wouldn’t get to go to Rafain’s Brazilian Steakhouse.

   She loves&#160 Rafain’s. 🙂

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