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[SCENE:  Aboard the USS RemoteAccess,  the Kor-class scout ship, registry 1:130/103, that His Rudeness flew prior to winning the Pegasus from the Klingons in a game of fizzbin.  RemoteAccess  has been decomissioned for over 10 years now, but has been floating quietly in a little corner of spacedock.

Outside Cargo Hold 2.  CH2 on the RemoteAccess is for old shit that even His Rudeness™ wouldn’t dare keep in the Grab-Bag™.

The doors are partially open.  Every so often, a massive cloud of dust flies out of the hold, causing Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant to lapse into a coughing fit.]

LSIK&T:  Dammit, McCool, what the hell are you doing in there???  How fookin’ hard can it be to find one little phrase?

OZY MCCOOL:  (cough) I’m sorry, m’Lord, but there are so many that you left in here that it’s diffi…wait, what’s this?


LSIK&T:  Well???  Out with it, McCool, or I’m sending Korrioth in there!

KORRIOTHMe???  What did I  do…?

OZY MCCOOL:  M’Lord, I think I have it.

LSIK&T:  Awright, then, Ozy, c’mon out and let’s see it.

[Ozy emerges.  Right now, he would make Pigpen© look like Mr. Clean©.]

OZY MCCOOL:  Here y’go, m’Lord.

LSIK&T:  Yep, this is it.  Good work, McCool.

[Ozy tries to stand up straight, coughs & wheezes, then slumps back down]

OZY MCCOOL:  Thank you, sir.

[Spats holds up the sign – “Imperial Socialist Congress”.]

LSIK&T:  Damn.  Never thought I’d have to use this again.

OZY MCCOOL:  I never thought we’d see this ship again.

KORRIOTH:  (smacks Ozy upside the head) You weren’t around when we were flying this fleatrap, whelp!


LSIK&T:  Awright, boys, that’s enough…

Jubilant Democrats on Thursday elected Rep. Nancy Pelosi as the first woman speaker of the House, the crowning celebration of newfound power the party won in the November electoral sweep.

Proving yet again that there should be a law requiring you to pass a civics test, or at least show some signs of intelligence in order to be allowed to vote.

“I accept this gavel in the spirit of partnership, not partisanship, and look forward to working with you on behalf of the American people,” Pelosi said. “In this House, we may belong to different parties, but we serve one country.”

KORRIOTH:  Which would explain why the new Shrieker of the House is trying to make sure that all the Representatives are of one party.

OZY MCCOOL:  She can’t do that…can she?

LSIK&T:  Remember, Ozy, these are Demoscum.  They think they can do anything they damned well please.

Both Democrats and Republicans pledged cooperation despite years of bitter partisanship and gridlock, to try to get the 110th Congress off on a productive note.

KORRIOTH:  When the fuck are the Republicans ever going to learn?  One may as well negotiate with a (hack, spit) Romulan. (hack, spit)

MERLIN (popping in out of thin air):  Oooo, but those disruptors up the ass feel so goooooooooooood!!!!! 

LSIK&T:  Ah, Magician!  Enjoying your retirement?

MERLIN:  Quite, m’Liege.  And thank you for hooking me up with the Dockmaster.  Quite the frisky one, eh what?

LSIK&T:  (shrugs) Eh.  She owed me for rescuing her from that Breen that one time.

House Democrats also were ready to impose a ban on gifts from lobbyists and a clampdown on travel funded by private interests — measures crafted in response to the ethics scandals that weakened Republicans in last fall’s elections.

MERLIN:  While naturally figuring out ways to get around it themselves.

KORRIOTH:  Isn’t that what weasels are known for?

The first hours of the new Democratic-held House were devoted to Pelosi’s election and remarks — for which the Californian received numerous standing ovations, especially from the House’s record 71 women lawmakers, thrilled that one of their own had finally ascended to the speakership. Some of the women senators also came to the House side to cheer Pelosi’s history-shattering moment.

“This is an historic moment — for the Congress, and for the women of this country,” Pelosi said. “It is a moment for which we have waited more than 200 years.”

MERLIN:  I tried  to tell Hoover that women’s suffrage would lead this country to ruin!

LSIK&T:  It’s okay, Wizard – we still have the guns.  Here, have some Romulan ale.


LSIK&T:  Hey, yourself, McCool.  Where do you think you’re getting the funds to pay for that, hm?

On the other end of the Capitol, Sen. Harry Reid, D-Nev., a soft-spoken but tough inside player — took the reins of the notoriously unwieldy Senate, promising to “work in a bipartisan basis in an open fashion to solve the problems of the American people.”

KORRIOTH:  They’re going to work together to throw him off a cliff?

LSIK&T:  (snicker) Hush, you.

Addressing his colleagues Thursday afternoon, Reid vowed to get the Senate back on track after an unproductive past two years.

OZY MCCOOL:  Translation:  “Unproductive” meaning the Demoscum weren’t getting what they wanted, despite their whining.

KORRIOTH:  I wouldn’t be so sure of that, Oz.  Remember how Limpdickya kept caving in to them at every turn.

LSIK&T:  Set course for the Badlands, Korrioth.  Time to go stock up on some ammo.

KORRIOTH:  Aye, sir.

[Fade out as the crew, now back aboard Pegasus,  goes into warp and winks out of sight.]

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