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It’s never happened in the history of the PFW.&#160 And so help me Cthulhu, it won’t happen again.

TCU 16, Michigan St 17 (Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl)

#11 Oklahoma 13, #9 Texas A&M 41 (Cotton Bowl)

#16 Nebraska 31, #7 Georgia 45 (Capital One Bowl)

Wisconsin 14, #6 Stanford 20 (Rose Bowl)

Dallas 18, at Warshington Foreskins 28

—

I’ll be honest here.&#160 Though it counts as a loss in the PFW, I was actually happy that OU lost to A&M.

Here’s the deal:&#160 It wasn’t so much that the Sooners beat TCU – because, if one is honest with oneself, they didn’t; it was handed to them by fucking blind-assed zebras.&#160 Yet, did Bob Stoops & company acknowledge that fact?

Hell, no.

So when Johnny Heisman surgically dismantled the Sooner defense – it’d be three-and-out, punt, watch Manziel systematically drive down the field & score, rinse, lather repeat – my heart was anything but broken up about it.&#160 And that’s pretty much how the second half went for the Aggies – by the start of the fourth quarter, the only question was the final margin of victory.

So yet again, Oklahoma goes into a bowl game with a team from the SEC – and once again, OU gets its head handed to them.&#160 Schaudenfreude aside, this routine is getting very tiresome.&#160 And if OU has any national championship aspirations going forward…it has to be tiresome for them, as well.

—

Bucky couldn’t beat the Froggies – or keep it anywhere near close against Oregon – with&#160 Bret Bielema.&#160 Did anyone seriously&#160 expect the Badgers to beat Stanford without&#160 him?

(crickets)

Nah, I didn’t think so.

Kevin Hogan proved to be an adequate replacement for Andrew Luck, and Curt Phillips proved he was no Joel Stave, let alone a Russell Wilson or Scott Tolzien.&#160 Bucky did&#160 run for 217 yards but passed for only 83, whereas the Cardinal possessed a more balanced attack (187/157).&#160 And the heretofore unheralded Stanford defense allowed Bucky nothing, save for a pair of 2nd-quarter touchdowns.

Bucky has since hired former Utah State coach Gary Andersen.&#160 Be interesting to see how long he lasts before Barry Alverez pulls yet another head coaching vampire act and takes over again.

—

Once again, when victories were needed, the Cowgirlz – and Tony Romo – pulled their now-famous El Choko acts.

They let an injured ARRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!&#160 – aka the Quarterback of the Second Coming&#153 – run around, over, and through them, all the while on injured wheels.&#160 And when it wasn’t him, it was NCAA Division XI running back (Florida Atlantic?&#160 Really???) Alfrieda (no, no typo) Morris running through them, as well.

And even though he got second-, third- and fourth-stringers to play above their heads, the defense’s overall play rightly cost Rob Ryan his job (Dallas has since hired 4-3 “Tampa Two” guru Monte Kiffin, fired/released assistant coaches Skip Peete & John Garrett and turned play-calling duties over to Bill Callahan).&#160 In seven years running the 3-4, Dallas made the playoffs four times and won one – yes, one – playoff game.

But then, this is what happens when your owner fancies himself a football man & superior GM.

—

Speaking of Bill Callahan, I’m done with him.

Bo Pelini, that is.&#160 Man may as well be Bill Callahan to me.

After giving up 70 to an offensively-challanged Bucky, the so-called “Blackshirts” gave up damned near 50 to the ‘Dawgs.&#160 This, when Pelini is supposedly:&#160 1) a defensive guru, and 2) a big-game motivator of a coach.

I often speak of coaches being in over their heads – usually when speaking about Gary Patterson.&#160 But it’s clear Pelini is of the ever-growing fraternity of coaches who make great coordinators, but who Peter Principle themselves when stepping into the top spot.&#160 (See, “Campo, Dave”, “Turner, Norv”, “Wannstedt, Dave” and “Phillips, Wade” for reference.)&#160 Pelini just can’t get the job done at this level, and it’s time for him to go.

And until Nebraska’s athletic director wises up & sees to it, the Huskers are once again out of the PFW.

—

Speaking of Gary Patterson…this one’s on him.

Tell me who in their right-fuckin’-mind leaves Skye “Clank” Dawson back for a punt deep in his own territory?

This guy has one asset:&#160 Speed.&#160 That’s it.&#160 Nothing else.&#160 He does not catch the ball well.&#160 He does not hold onto the ball well when he does&#160 have it.&#160 He is the absolute last person you want handling a punt.&#160 Hell, I’d let a lineman&#160 field a punt before Skye Dawson.

Yet there he was, he & Patterson daring fate.&#160 And Fate&#153 rose up and bit both Patterson & Dawson flush in the ass.

Boom – fumble.&#160 Boom – Spartans recover.&#160 Boom – the subsequent score provided the winning points.

Gary?&#160 Remember the concept of “attaboy/awshit”?&#160 That stupid-assed decision to put “Clank” back there rates as one of your poorer ones – and is absolutely “awshit”-worthy.

Next year, you get Pachall back.&#160 (Now, I had previously predicted he’d never play another down for the Frogs, and I still don’t necessarily think he should, but…)&#160 Any more dumbshit decisions like this, and it’ll be 7-6 all over again.

And then, maybe it’s time for your coaching acumen to be questioned.

—

So, there you go.&#160 Oh-and-five.&#160 Going completely winless in a PFW.&#160 In seven years of doing this, an oh-fer when all (well, most) of my teams were in has never happened.

Until now.

And in watching this travesty, I’m seeing programs that think they’re automatically entitled to win – just throw the ball out there and let the wins roll in.&#160 These programs think their shit don’t stink.

And that attitude…is highly offensive.&#160 And it showed in the bowl results, and in the end of the season for the Cowgirlz.

There will be changes in the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 come next season.&#160 What we saw this year, we will not see next year.&#160 (And don’t get me wrong – once again, I fully realize that this has all the effect of a gnat’s fart in the Real World&#153.&#160 I’m well aware that the world does not revolve around either me or This Fine Blog&#153.&#160 This is just how pissed off I am about the crappy play I had to watch this year, mkay?)

However, with all that said – I’m once again invoking Executive Fiat&#153 because of this.

Seattle 24, Warshington Foreskins 14

The Second Coming&#153 wasn’t even the best rookie quarterback on the field.&#160 How fucking sweet was that?

This week:&#160 0-6.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend achieved, anyway (Executive Fiat&#153 (9)).&#160 Final 2012 record:&#160 58-37.

We’ll reconvene in August, after the Tex-ass StrangerS&#153 have long since made themselves irrelevant in, say, June.&#160 And we’ll be back with different teams – and, hopefully, different attitudes.

See you then.

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