Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

The No Fuckingballs League announced the Pro Football Hall of Fame’s 2014 class last night.

Now, it’s bad enough that widdle Mikey “Gap Toof” Strahan gets in.&#160 He owns a “record” for sacks that Brett “Hey, Jenn, lookit my balls” Favre laid down – literally – to give him.&#160 No respect for players like that at all.

But, when Aeneas Effing Williams&#160 of the Phoeniz Cardinals (yeah – that&#160 piss-poor excuse-for-a-football-team) gets in, with zero Super Bowl rings, while Charles Haley (only player in NFL history with (ahem) five) gets snubbed again…

Fuck you, NFL writers.&#160 You pissweasels are as irrelevant as the bastards who dish out the Nobel Peace Prize.

Fox News’ Juan Williams said earlier today that it’s Republicans’ fault that the Bambicare websites utterly failed like they did.

Yes, he really said that.

Yes, he really said that.

He also said that two-thirds of Americans want Republicans to ease up on criticizing Bambi & the Demoscum.

Why the hell&#160 did Roger Ailes ever think it was a good idea to bring this asshat aboard?

Oh, this is choice.

A senior police inspector was injured after his service revolver misfired while he was cleaning it on Tuesday night. The incident took place at his home at Bibvewadi’s Vaibhav Society. The injured inspector, Shailendra Shinde, is presently the in-charge of Bibvewadi police station.

Deputy commissioner of police (Zone II) Ramnath Pokale said, “Shinde went home at 11pm on Tuesday. He took out his service revolver to clean it as usual. He had removed five bullets from the revolver and was struggling to take out the last one which had got stuck in the magazine. While doing this, he accidentally touched the trigger and the revolver fired. The bullet pierced through his right leg, hit the cushion sofa and then hit the ground.”

A magazine.&#160 In a revolver

Uhhhhhhh, yeah.&#160 Right.

Whatever.&#160

While watching Entertainment Tonight (it was on after local news here following the Cowboy game), I’m told that Katy Perry was “surprised” that the stalkerazi papperazi began following her circa 2008.

Response:&#160 This is news?

Katy, honeybunch – you’re a limp-wrist-supporting bimbo airhead with larger-than-normal tits – tits that you like to flash portions of at every opportunity.

Why wouldn’t&#160 the Lame-Assed Mediots follow you?

Oh, really?&#160 That’s nice.

Damn, the Cowgirlz are gonna have to figure out how to replace Tyrone Crawford…&#160

(*Incidentally, Jim Hoft, no – I don’t consider you part of the LSM.&#160 But everyone else is going all ga-ga for them, so…)

Hat tip:&#160 LC SecondMouse from the Rott.)

Helen Thomas has assumed room temperature.

President Obama said in a written statement that Thomas “never failed to keep presidents – myself included – on their toes.”

“What made Helen the ‘Dean of the White House Press Corps’ was not just the length of her tenure, but her fierce belief that our democracy works best when we ask tough questions and hold our leaders to account,” said Obama, the last president in a string dating back to the 1960s to field questions from Thomas.

Thomas was known to legions of Washington reporters simply as “Helen.” She was the doyenne — and, unofficially, the dean — of the White House press corps since the Kennedy administration, but never succumbed to the allure of power, prestige and glitz surrounding the capital.

Pardon me a minute whilst I stop laughing/gagging.

Now, my dear sainted mother (may she rest in peace) always tried to teach me that, when speaking of the dead, if one had nothing good to say about a libtarded, anti-Semetic, half-assed excuse-for-a-journalist supremo bitch…then one should say nothing at all.

So I will report that Helen Thomas has died, and leave it at that.

SAN ANTONIO – (Actually, I probably got it right the first time.)

As I’m sure you know by now, Denizens, the Outer Northern Rim of the Realm&#153 (aka Oklahoma City) was blasted yesterday, and we here are praying for the missing and the survivors & their families.

At least, those of us with a bare minimum of some semblance of humanity are.&#160 Others…well, not so much.

The mile-wide tornado that destroyed Moore, Okla., and leveled at least two elementary schools was still weaving a path of devastation when Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead thought up a funny. Too soon?

With all respect due, Twitchy owner Malicious Malkin…never&#160 would be too fucking soon.&#160 And I guess you and the rest of the Twitched-ass douchbags over there think it’s okay, now that this waste of oxygen has “apologized”.

Made a political joke, Twas before devastation revealed. In hindsight, had I understood, I would have refrained. Beyond sorry. #LetMeHaveIt

Believe me, bitch, you wouldn’t like it very much if I “let [you] have it”.

Trust me on that.

Asswipe.&#160

Denizens, as you probably know by now, there were two explosions near the finish line at the Boston Marathon today.&#160 Latest count is three dead, 30 injured.&#160 (*UPDATE*:&#160 Now 12 dead, 50 injured two dead, 22 injured, according to Ace.)

This came from the Facebook page of one Nikki Kristof a few minutes ago:

Most inspiring glimpse here of the Boston marathon: runners who reportedly finished the 26 miles and then ran over to Mass General Hospital to donate blood.

And the least&#160 inspiring would have to be this bastard Kristof…blaming the explosions on Republicans.

The @nytimes is advertising its “free” coverage on mobile phones, hoping to use the tragedy to gin up marketshare; meanwhile, Nick Kristof springs into action, blaming the explosion on the GOP:

explosion is a reminder that ATF needs a director. Shame on Senate Republicans for blocking apptment articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-02-01/wor… — Nicholas Kristof (@NickKristof) April 15, 2013

Kristof, you cowardly little pussy, it’s a Damn Good Thing&#153 you are where you are, and that I am where I am.

Because if I were anywhere near you, you’d be getting your syphillis-infested, skanky, swishy ass handed to you on a platter RightAboutNow&#153.

Little doucherifles like you, Nikki, need to taken out back and put out of our&#160 misery.&#160 And one of these days, you’re gonna say the wrong thing to someone’s face, and he’s gonna rearrange it to where you need to take your meals through a straw.

And when that happens…I’ll stand that patriot to a beer.

Pansy-assed little chickenshit…&#160

(Oh, and as to the title of the post…Hey, Nikki, you little cuntmuffin – if you can do it, so can I, you asswipe.)

UPDATE the 2nd:&#160 Well, looks like the pusstard recanted.

People jumping on me for criticizing Sen Repubs for blocking ATF appointments. ok, that was low blow. i take it back

And that’s it.&#160 No apology, no mea culpa.&#160 Just “i take it back”.

What was it they said about toothpaste?

Fuck the law.

Fuck Roe v. Wade.

Fuck 7-2

In fact, fuck those seven bastards who voted for abortion baby-butchering on demand.

Fuck NARAL.&#160 (Fuck NOW, for that matter.)

Fuck every last feminist who defends this barbaric practice.&#160 From Betty Friedan & Kate Michelman all the fucking way down to Gloria Steinem & Andrea Marcotte.

To Hell – literally – with every fucking last one of them.

This son-of-a-crack-whore-bitch is deserving of the most painful, agonizing death imaginable.

Period.&#160 End.&#160 Stop.

And don’t get me started on the @#$%(!!! media – you know, the one that won’t cover any of it?

Infant beheadings. Severed baby feet in jars. A child screaming after it was delivered alive during an abortion procedure. Haven’t heard about these sickening accusations?

It’s not your fault. Since the murder trial of Pennsylvania abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell began March 18, there has been precious little coverage of the case that should be on every news show and front page.

But it isn’t.&#160 And we know why, don’t we?

Fuck ’em.&#160 Fuck ’em all.&#160 With a rusty, steel-wire-wrapped, razor-embedded baseball bat.&#160 For starters.

God’s judgement can’t come soon enough on this country, if you ask me.&#160

Denizens, as we begin this week’s episode of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153, I wanna direct your attention to the following screenshot below.

Now, obviously I’m writing this before the game’s started (at least, I started&#160 the post in the morning), and they have since changed it.&#160 However…I took this screenshot on Tuesday.

Think maybe there’s something the Lame Stream Mediots&#153 at the Startlegram know, that I don’t?

Let’s get on with it.&#160 It is my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets against the White Settlement (TX) Brewer hah skrewl&#160 (a little Rush lingo, there) Bears right now as I continue to type this.&#160 I have no idea how good Brewer is, except that they’ve kicked the shit outta both Trimble Tech & Western Hills the last couple o’ weeks.

Uh, oh.

Tomorrow morning, it’s an early breakfast for Gary Patterson and his 16th-ranked TCU Horned Frogs as they travel to Lawrence, KS, to face our old friends and former PFW targets, Rock Chalk.&#160 And I was really&#160 looking forward to this one – at least, until they canned Turner Gill.

KU has Charlie Weis now – and while he’s a good offensive coordinator and a decent enough head coach, he’s not all that great.&#160 If he were, do you think Notre Dame would’ve ever gotten rid of him?

Still, Vegas has the Frogs as a 21-point road favorite – and I just don’t buy that.&#160 Yes, TCU kicked the snot outta Grambling, and yes – Rock Chalk lost to Rice, of all people, at home.&#160 Call it a “trap” game if you want – I just don’t have a good feeling about this one.

Speaking of Turner Gill, his Division I-AA Liberty U. Flames are on the road at Montana this week.&#160 Montana beat S.Dakota State, but lost to Appalachian State (no shame there), so we’ll apply the SpatulaLine and ask Turner to keep it within, say, 35.

Also tomorrow, we’ll see if Bo Pelini’s Nebraska Cornhuskers can throw up something more than a matador defense against perennial powerhouse&#160 (*cough*) Arkansas State.&#160 (Then again, State may be the best team in&#160 Arkansas at the moment.&#160 &#160 )

Vegas has the Huskers as a 23&#189-point favorite at home, so look for it to come down to a Brett Maher field goal.

Bucky – that’s unranked&#160 Bucky, for the first time in Cthulhu knows when – is home Saturday to take out all of their Oregon State frustrations on the Aggies of Utah State.&#160 The Ags just got through upsetting BYU last week though (why anyone considers that an upset is beyond me – that program isn’t exactly headed in a northerly direction, y’know?), so this isn’t a gimme, although Vegas thinks they’re a solid 13&#189-point favorite at Camp Randall.&#160 The Badgers need to get it in gear fast, though, so we’ll see what happens.

Sunday afternoon, it’s the Dallas C’girlz on the road to take on the Seattle Seahags.&#160 Bucky’s own Russell Wilson starts now for the Seahawks, and word is that he’s a poor man’s ARRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

I disagree vehemently.&#160 I think Wilson’s actually got some talent.

(Oklahoma gets a week off to finish digesting Florida A&M.&#160 Burp.)

We’re back Monday or so for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, HDD…how would you try & defend Russell Wilson?

(Hat tip:&#160 Dan Spencer at Redstate, though I’m pretty sure I got it from Malicious Malkin’s list o’ links.)

In the latest Poll Designed To Scare The GOP Shitless&#153, the Lame-Assed Mediots&#153 are calling the general election a “dead heat”.

Economic discontent and substantial dissatisfaction with Barack Obama’s performance in office are keeping Mitt Romney competitive in the presidential race – but not by enough of a margin to overcome Obama’s stronger personal profile. The result: A dead heat in voter preferences at the midsummer stage, with the prospect of an epic battle ahead.

Chewing on yer nails yet?

Ah, but here comes the disconnect:

While most Americans continue to disapprove of Obama’s handling of the economy, that’s not his only problem. More than half fault him on health care and immigration as well. Sixty-three percent say the country’s headed in the wrong direction, an unhelpful view for an incumbent. And among groups, he’s losing swing-voting independents by a record 14 percentage points.

So why does this poll indicate a dead heat?

Here’s what they’re not&#160 telling you – and what Redstate is:

The new poll used a sample of 33 percent Democrats, 24 percent Republicans and 36 percent Independents. As we have mentioned before, based upon exit polling, the 2008 electorate was 39 percent Democrat, 32 percent Republican, and 29 percent Independent. In 2010, it was 35 percent Democrat, 35 percent Republican, and 29 percent Independent.

Now, you know me & polls – they’ve never asked me, and there’s only one poll that counts, anyway – the one on November 6th.

But given all this…I’ll sleep tonight.&#160

Tyson Gay eased through his first 100-meter qualifying heat in the U.S. Olympic trials Saturday, winning in 10 seconds flat.

Gay, mending from a hip injury that kept him out of action for most of the past year, matched the time he ran in his return in New York earlier this month. That race was into a headwind. This time, on a rainy day in Eugene, he had a slight tailwind.

Justin Gatlin, the 2004 Olympic champion, won his heat in 9.90 seconds, keeping alive his bid to return to the Olympics after missing 2008 because of a doping ban.

And now…the headline:

Gay in heat finishes in 10 seconds flat

Some retard in the headline department really, really&#160 needs to have his dick cut off.&#160

Okay, so last week Bambi suffered the absolute ignominy&#160 of actually being ASKED AN ACTUAL QUESTION!!!!!!&#160 at a press conference.

Boo.&#160 Hoo.&#160 Fuckin’.&#160 Hoo.

And we got the obligatory wringing-of-the-hands-in-mock-angst from none other than Samantha Donaldson, who was notorious for doing it himself to Republican presidents.

Responding to the incident in which a Daily Caller reporter shouted a question to President Obama, former White House correspondent Sam Donaldson told the Huffington Post Saturday that conservatives oppose Obama because of race.

“Many on the political right believe this president ought not to be there – they oppose him not for his polices and political view but for who he is, an African American,” Donaldson told the Huffington Post in an email.

“These people and perhaps even certain news organizations (certainly the right wing talkers like Limbaugh) encourage disrespect for this president. That is both regrettable and adds, in this case, to the general dislike of the press on the part of the general public,” he added.

Typical shit-for-brains libtard.&#160 Pretend to read the minds of conservatives rather than try to find out whatever happened to the one-third brain cell he&#160 was alleged to have.&#160 (Not that that was ever proven, you understand – just alleged.)

But what pisses me off about this sequence is that you have supposedly conservative&#160 bloggers – whom you’d think&#160 would know better – agreeing with him her.&#160 (hat tip:&#160 Hoft, of course.)

Conservative bloggers at the RightOnline conference on Saturday assailed the Daily Caller’s Neil Munro for interrupting President Barack Obama during remarks at the White House — but tempered their criticism by arguing that such tactics wouldn’t be necessary if the president regularly took questions from the press and the media asked tough ones.

“I found it embarrassing. I like the Daily Caller, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to interrupt the president during a speech,” said Jon Fleischman, who writes the FlashReport on California politics. “It diminishes the stature of the office of the president of the United States, and Obama does that well enough for himself.”

[…]

Trent Seibert, who works for TexasWatchdog.org, said, “When I first heard of this, I found it offensive. Believe me, I don’t trust any of these politicians, but you should let them have them say. That’s how it works — they get to speak, then you get to pepper them with questions.”

“Is this guy going to start a new trend for journalists to interrupt?” asked Seibert.

I guess that depends, Seibert, you dumbfuck:&#160 Is Bambi – for whom, apparently, you want to don the pseudo-presidential kneepads – going to start a trend of individuals who happen to stand at that particular dais handing down impreial decrees from Mt. Olympus, then walking off without giving the press even a remote chance of doing their jobs?!?!

You know…like Bambi’s doing more & more of himself nowadays?

And you, Fleischman, you dickwad:&#160 Whyn’t you just admit that you want to take it up the ass from the Ayatollah, hm?&#160 At least you could squeal in orgasmic ecstasy about “respecting the office” with the possibility of being halfway believed.

Seriously, O Pseudo-Presidential Cockgobblers:&#160 Whose the hell side are you bitches on, anyway?

Gang, I’m not even sure where to start with this one. RCOB may be a good place….but even THAT doesn’t really come close to describing how entirely peeved I am.

Explosive. Nope, not close either.

Nuclear meltdown. Nope, but getting closer.

Let’s just say I have the ENTIRE base ready to bust outta the gates and deliver some good ol’ fashioned AMERICAN justice to some real PINHEADS over at (P)MSNBupChuck after reading about this over at The Blaze.

MSNBC is not known as a network that sympathizes with the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, but this Memorial Day weekend, rather than put aside their political differences to salute our men and women in uniform, a panel on Chris Hayes’ show instead engaged in a debate over how to refer to our fallen soldiers.

Specifically, the panel debated over using words like “hero” because– in their words– the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan aren’t “worthy” causes.

These utterly clueless pinheads (borrowing a phrase most commonly used by Bill O’Reilly), well unpatriotic former citizens actually would be a better description, wouldn’t have any idea what constitutes: 1) a “hero”, 2) what is “worthy”, and 3) anything about America history. Apparently these arsewipes forget little things like……

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation.

That you oh so clueless talking pieholes is what we AMERICANS call the Preamble to the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. Remember, that dusty old document that separated us from a tyrannical government and which very shortly later gave us THIS Preamble:

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

You remember the Constitution right? That document that all those “heroes” defended and DIED for in order to PROTECT! That document you so ungraciously are choosing to THROW IN THE TRASH because it’s “too old” and “too rigid” or “outdated”. I take it you would prefer say a government like the NATIONAL SOCIALIST PARTY had during the 30s and 40s in Germany? Or, let me guess, you’d really like to have the great system under the COMMUNIST PARTY of the Stalin era? And I’m sure you’d just jump for joy to have a police state where organizations like the SS or Gestapo, or say the KGB would be the real controlling power. You’ like that wouldn’t you?

Someone please get me my emergency pallet of duct tape before my head EXPLODES!!!!

To second what David already posted earlier, certainly let’s all on this Memorial Day thank all those men and women who are currently defending our freedom and the Constitution but also pause to remember those who gave their life defending that Constitution and our freedoms. Not to mention those Founding Fathers who gave supremely because they had the conviction to stand up to a king and his tyrannical government and separate themselves from that destitution in order to form what we now live in.

If anyone else watched the Indianapolis 500 or the Coca-Cola 600 races yesterday, THOSE folks understand why and what our military sacrifice for. Just like David stated, I as well am proud to have served in our nation’s military. It was an honor and privilege I will never forget. Obviously it’s something no one over at the Pinhead Television Network has a clue about where to begin to comprehend something that the rest of us have readily praised and understood for a very long time now.

Honestly, the 21-gun salute, playing of Taps, or even the missing man aerial fly-by — while deserved — sometimes just isn’t enough to adequately portray the thankfulness and respect that each and every one of those who have gone before us defending our nation rightfully require.

Dismissed!&#153

The comic strips Funky Winkerbean&#160 and Crankshaft&#160 are written (or, in the case of Crankshaft, partially written) by a shit-for-brains named Tom Batiuk (rhymes with “attic”).&#160 His strips run in dozens (if not hundreds) of birdcage liners newspapers across the country…on comics pages which are very easily accessible to kids 3 years & up.

The last couple of weeks, this jackwagon Batiuk has been writing a storyline in Winkerbean&#160 where two heterophobic boys plan to go to a prom together.&#160 Naturally, Batiuk the douchetard is ridiculing those who would object and portraying them in the worst possible light:

Today, in a school assembly, Batiuk the pissweasel reveals his take on what he calls “intolerance” – which, not surprisingly, is the exact same as the rest of the heterophobe/Demoscum community:

Unless, of course, you rightly oppose homosexuality, and having it taught to/practiced by impressionable kids, who see it condoned in society (where only 30 short years ago it was rightly decried and treated as the perversion it is) and want to try it themselves.

In which case, they practice their intolerance towards you.

And the print media industry, which will happily accept this bullshit from Batiuk the heterophobe and run it in their comics pages, will then wring its collective hands in extreme angst and wonder why their many subscriber bases are steadily dwindling away, their readers having long ago decided that they were increasingly tired of being preached to and paying good money to have values they didn’t share shoved down their throats by a group of liberal assclowns.

It’s leftist pussies like you, Tommi Batiuk, that are slowly killing the newspaper industry.&#160 And when we stop giving you our hard-earned money, you bitch at us for being “intolerant”.

ESAD, widdle Tommi.&#160 I imagine you’ve lost a goodly portion of your readers the last couple of weeks.

“F.E.T.E.”, as the Imperial Torturer would be wont to say.