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Denizens, as we dive into the last regular-season edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153, we marvel at the apparent onset of What-Have-You-Done-For-Me-Lately-itis that seems to have infected college football.

Case in point:&#160 Two years ago, Gene Chizik was the toast of the NCAA as his Auburn Tigers were the Division 1-A Football Bowl Subdivision&#153 champions.&#160 (Having Cam Newton and a suffocating defense didn’t hurt him any.)&#160 Chizik seemed to be set for years to come – Alabama is a football hotbed, and the Auburn program looked to be on solid ground.

Gene Chizik lost his job the other day.

The rapid fall from a national championship to 3-9 and the Southeastern Conference doormat led to Chizik’s firing Sunday, the day after a humbling 49-0 loss to No. 2 Alabama that showed just how far the program has fallen.

The Tigers endured the worst slide within two years of winning a national championship of any team since the Associated Press poll started in 1936 and hadn’t lost this many games since going 0-10 in 1950. The decision came 17 months after Auburn gave Chizik a contract worth some $3.5 million annually through 2015 with a hefty buyout.

“After careful consideration and a thorough evaluation of our football program, I have recommended that Coach Chizik not be retained,” Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs said in a statement. “President (Jay) Gogue has accepted my recommendation. Earlier this morning, I informed Gene that he will not return as head coach.”

Damn.&#160 Just, damn.

But that’s college football for you:&#160 Cutthroat in the extreme.

On to the actual games.&#160 Wylie East, our latest Friday Night Heroes&#153, take on the Pirates of Mesquite Poteet up in the old SpatulaDigs&#153, aka Rockwall.&#160 I have no idea who’ll win.

Now, for what I promised you on Monday:&#160 There will be no PFW this weekend, and there are two reasons why.

The first is tomorrow at 11:00 am, when Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs host Bob Stoops’ 11th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners.&#160 Vegas has OU as a 6&#189-point road favorite, and – though it kills me to say it – they’ll do more than cover.&#160 This ain’t the Shortdicks of TU that the Froggies are playing, after all.&#160 TCU will be a lot more competitive the next time OU visits Fort Worth – but not tomorrow.

From OU’s point of view, they’re playing for a piece of the Big XII championship (and the outright title should TU…(snicker)…beat Kansas State up in Manhattan.&#160 (Like that’s&#160 gonna happen.)

The other reason is tomorrow night, as Bo Pelini’s 12th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers & Bret Bielema’s Wisconsin Badgers travel to Peyton Manning Stadium Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis for the Big 10 11 12 13 Ten championship.&#160 (Normally, this would be Ohio State & Nebraska; however, the Buckeyes are on NCAA probation, and are ineligible.)

Nebraska came from behind back in September to edge Bucky in Lincoln, and they’re only a three-point Vegas favorite here.&#160 As usual, it’ll come down to how Taylor Martinez plays – which is why I think Bucky will win.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowgirlz will win their last game of the year, as Phuckadelpha’s Eagles, proud owners of a seven-game losing streak, come to play at the Death Star.&#160 The Beagles are even more beat up than the Cowgirlz, if that’s even possible, and Dallas has already beaten them in Philthy.

Then again, they beat the NY Football Douchebags up in Joisey too and lost here, so…

We’re back Monday or so with the recap.&#160 In the meantime, my message to HDD is…GO HUSKERS!!!!!&#160


Item:&#160 Actor Angus T. Jones, the “half” in See-BS’ Two And A Half Men, finally woke up the other day, smelled the coffee and blasted his own show, calling it “filth”

“Jake from ‘Two and a Half Men’ means nothing. He is a nonexistent character … ,” Jones said, starting about halfway through the video above. “If you watch ‘Two and a Half Men,’ please stop watching ‘Two and a Half Men.’ I’m on ‘Two and a Half Men,’ and I don’t want to be on it.

“Please stop watching it; stop filling your head with filth. Please. People say it’s just entertainment. … Do some research on the effects of television and your brain, and I promise you you’ll have a decision to make when it comes to television, and especially with what you watch.”

Good on ‘im…right?

Well, hold the phone.

Item:&#160 Yesterday, Angus went back to sleep.

In a statement issued late Tuesday, Jones said he had the highest regard for all of the people he has worked with on the comedy, including creator Chuck Lorre and Warner Bros. studio chief Peter Roth.

“I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed,” said Jones, who reportedly makes $350,000 an episode. “I never intended that.”

Fucking.&#160 Assed.&#160 Coward.

This is one of my pet peeves, Denizens, as you yourselves well know.&#160 If you’re going to say something, if you’re going to take a stand, be ready to catch the slings & arrows that are most certainly going to come your way.&#160 Don’t worry about losing your Hollyweird gig, don’t worry about being blacklisted by a bunch of perverted pissweasels, and for the sake of Cthulhu’s left nut, don’t worry that they might not like you anymore.

And for God’s sake, DON’T FUCKING BACK DOWN FROM WHAT YOU SAY&#160 if you’re going to say it!&#160 Otherwise, STFU if you don’t have the spine for it!

Damn, people like Angus Jones piss me off!


Zig Ziglar has been called home. He will be missed. While I never became as successful as Zig, I always found his messages to be inspirational and uplifting. For those in any sort of professional sales, Zig’s writings should be mandatory reading.


Got this from a friend of mine over on FB.&#160 Good stuff.

Drafting Guys Over 60

(This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier… New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60! )

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’ We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while..

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brain teaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however… I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too… I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50…in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!



Oooooooh, are they pissed off in Austin.&#160

Wylie East 63, Whitehouse 56

TCU 20, at #16 Texas 13

at #13 Oklahoma 51, #21 Oklahoma State 48 (OT)

#14 Nebraska 13, at Iowa 7

Wisconsin 21, at (hack, spit) Penn State (hack, spit) 24 (OT)

at Dallas 31, Washington 38

New favorite “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) team Wylie East survived a scare against Whitehouse.&#160 Kevon Mack scored on a six-yard run with just under a minute left to seal the win.&#160 (Don’t bother clicking the link – it’s the Moaning Snooze’s pay site.)

Landry Jones had his second straight 500-yard passing day (along with three scores), and RB Brennan Clay pounded it in from 18 yards out after the Sooners held OSU to a field goal in overtime.

Nebraska could get absolutely nowhere&#160 against the Hawkeyes, who looked for all the world like the old Pittsburgh Steelers out there…right down to the uniforms.

Nebraska’s offense spent much of the day stifled by a stiff wind that gusted up to 40 mph and a surprisingly stout Iowa defense.


A mild fall in the Midwest came to an abrupt end on Friday.

During the national anthem, the breeze at Kinnick Stadium was so strong it nearly blew over the American flag — and the man holding it. The wind chill hovered in the teens all day.

The conditions made passing a risky venture. Martinez threw for just 63 yards, while Iowa’s James Vandenberg had 92 yards passing and two picks.

“It was really difficult. That wind and that cold weather,” Martinez said. “My hands were frozen.”

Rex Burkhead (five straight missed games) to the rescue.

On a cold and blustery afternoon with a spot in the Big Ten title game on the line, Burkhead proved why he’s so valuable to the Huskers.

Burkhead scored the go-ahead touchdown in his return from a knee injury and Nebraska (No. 14 BCS, No. 17 AP) beat Iowa 13-7 on Friday to claim the Legends Division’s berth in the championship game.

Fire Bret Bielema.&#160 That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

You’re a major college program, and you let the Nittany Pussies beat you, jackass.

Yes, the Nittany Pussies.&#160 A half-assed excuse-for-a-college football program that lost about a third of its players this year after they dragged a good man through the sewage for doing what Pennsylvania state law required him to do concerning Jerry Sandusky.&#160 And your half-assed team can’t beat them.

You don’t deserve to be a head coach, Bielema.&#160 Hell – you might be worse than Todd Whitten – and that’s&#160 saying something.

And, speaking of morons who don’t deserve to be head coaches…

Fire Rob Ryan now.

I’ll say it again:&#160 ARRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!&#160 simply.&#160 Isn’t.&#160 That.&#160 Good.&#160 He’s Donna McNabb without the talent.

Yet, the Cowgirl e-fense – that’s right, no D – allows him 28 points during a second quarter collapse, then allows him another&#160 touchdown pass in the third, all because after 10 games, this piece-of-shit unit hasn’t figured out WHO THE FUCKING HELL TO COVER!!!!!!!!&#160 on pass patterns.

And then the Lame-Assed Media&#153 treats the pussy like he’s the Second Coming&#153.

Bull.&#160 Fucking.&#160 Shit.

I’ll say it again:&#160 If he’s That Damned Good&#153 (a little Triple H lingo, there), explain A&M.&#160 Explain Oklahoma State.&#160 Tell me why he damned near lost to Kansas, the worst defense in the nation last year.&#160 Explain how, had TCU had a field-goal kicker last year, America’s Darling&#153 would be OH-AND-FUCKING-TWO&#160 against them

Moreover, explain the six teams that have buried the Foreskins this year.

Last but not least, explain how He Who Supposedly Walks On Water&#153 couldn’t run away from this:

I.&#160 Rest.&#160 My.&#160 Fucking.&#160 Case.

Yet, it all speaks more to the cupcake-ness of the Cowgirls than it does to any alleged talent that ARRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!&#160 might possibly possess.&#160 A team with scant more than a half-assed defense would pound this assclown into the turf.

Dallas…doesn’t.&#160 And never will, as long as Owner Jethro is more interested in having Victoria’s Secret at Cowgirls Stadium than having an actual football team housed there.

The final score of Frog-Short-Dick Longhorn Short-dick is not indicative of just how TU was abso-fuckin’-lutely dominated.&#160 Flat-out, TCU kicked Mack Brown’s ass.&#160 Up the field & right back down.

And they’re not happy about it in Austin.&#160 Not at all:

Organized. Intense. Prepared. Three words that wouldn’t describe the Texas Longhorns in their 20-13 loss Thanksgiving night to TCU.

Whatever momentum the Longhorns built in their wins over Texas Tech and Iowa State, and whatever growth was made by the program during that time, now appears gone. When the Horned Frogs weren’t pounding the Longhorns into submission, Texas did the damage to itself in a game that was as frustrating and deflating as any of the recent ones in the Mack Brown era that fit the description.

What went wrong? And where are the Longhorns — 8-3 overall, 5-3 in the Big 12 — at this late point in their season?

A fish rots from the head down.

Thank you Jeff for telling it like it is. Mack and company discount fan grumblings. The longhorns were unprepared for what hit them and unable to adjust. In fact, TCU made better adjustments than did Texas and they were ahead. The coaches should not worry because the winning season will bring the traditional performance bonuses.

The only thing that is going to turn around this program is to fire Mack effective at the end of the season and ya might wanna look at firing Dodds as well. This milk and cookies approach that Mack has is not and will not work. Texas needs to cut its losses and move on.


An elite program in sports wins the games it should and then even wins a few of the games it is predicted to lose. Given that Texas pretty well has the pick of high school athletes in Texas, the question is why teams such as TCU, Baylor, West Virginia, and Kansas gave us trouble. It is the recruiting? Is it the coaching? We just do not know. But what is clear from the examples at Notre Dame, A&M, Florida State, and Florida, that a good coaching staff does make a difference even if the talent is roughly the same as before. I think today’s game needs great coaching. MB is just not getting the job done so you are either satisfied where we are today or you have to move on.

I agree with coach -They’re real good and by the way they are better than TCU. I stopped my delusion 3 years ago(5-7). As long as saleman at the top of the helm, I would like to have my reality in check. I refuse to be led by someone who coach the top ten in the country of recruit classes into an average team at best.

Ex-squeeze me?.&#160 Baking powder?

“Better than TCU”?

I hate to tell that last commenter (“Notarious”, whatever that&#160 means) something – but TCU did this with what is, basically, what should have been second-and-third stringers this year.&#160 Boykin.&#160 Catalon.&#160 Sam Carter.&#160 Fields.&#160 LaDarius Brown.&#160 Cam White.&#160 Ray Burns.

Your average T-sipper (complete with outstretched pinky) won’t want to hear this, but a completely-intact TCU squad – with Pachall and Waymon James and Tanner Brock and all the rest of those guys still playing – would have totally demolished&#160 Tee Ewe.&#160 I’m talking blow-fucking-out here.

But that’s Tee Ewe for you:&#160 An entitlement attitude in a city dominated by the Entitlement Party (yes, that would be the Demoscum).&#160 And that’s&#160 why kicking their Burnt Orange asses was so schweet.

So much so, in fact, that – despite Bucky failing me – it’s time for Yet Another Executive Fiat&#153.&#160

This week:&#160 4-2.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend&#153 achieved (Executive Fiat (5)).&#160 Overall:&#160 53-28.

The PFW returns Friday, when we guarantee we won’t have a PFW – for reasons that will become abundantly clear.&#160 See you then.


…like…uh…me.&#160 (grin)

Hmm.&#160 Gotta remember to stock up on wallets.&#160


(Yeah, it’s a rerun of a rerun of a rerun.&#160 Of a rerun.&#160 Et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.&#160 Bite Sue me, mkay?&#160 I’m busy cooking. )

I first penned (penned?) this screed (g) on 11/17/01.&#160 I thought it appropriate then (and still do), it being Thanksgiving and all, to jot down a list of those things for which I was thankful.&#160 This year the tradition continues, below the fold, as usual with only a few minor tweaks to keep things current:

First of all, let me once again&#160 apologize for not blogging as much as I wish I could.&#160 Ideally, I’d be cranking out two or three posts a day.&#160 There’s certainly that much going on in the world, and it tears at my gut to be missing the opportunities to write about these things.&#160 Pains me even more to think that you, the Denizens, are missing out on most of My Eternal Wisdom&#153.&#160

The fact is that I simply have not had time to do one of the things that I enjoy more than I ever thought I would – writing.&#160 I never for a moment, sitting in my first ever English Composition college class twenty-five thirty years ago (Great Honkin’ Cthulhu&#153, has it been that long????), taught by a guy I believed to be an idiot, thought that I would ever come to the point that I actually got a kick out of slapping thoughts on page.

Amazing how things change.

But, I digress.&#160 There’s not been enough time.&#160 There’s never&#160 been enough time, but that’s beside the point.&#160 I’ve been swamped at work, and that’s when I’m not trying to renew a certification.&#160 This is taking me away from the chores I need to be doing – keeping the house clean, doing the laundry in a timely fashion, cleaning the kitchen, picking up dog crap off the carpet, those sorts of things.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 Since when do you&#160 do those things anymore, slave driver?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Since I have you to do them for me, sweetie… (plants long kiss on the lips of Mrs. Venomous)

MRS. VENOMOUS (tossing aside cast-iron skillet):&#160 (swoon!!!!!)

Anyway, when I do finally get around to those things, they keep me from doing stuff I like to do – like surfing the Web and writing these columns.

Which brings me around to the topic at hand.&#160 Thanksgiving’s today, and it’s a good time to kick back and tick off the things for which your obdt.&#160 svt.&#160 (a little Blackie Sherrod lingo, there) is thankful:

God.&#160 The God of the Bible.&#160 The God of Abraham, Issac, Jacob, David and Solomon.&#160 That&#160 God.&#160 Not Allah, not Muhammad, not Cthulu, not crystals and/or chakras and/or trees.&#160 God.&#160 Too damned few of us show our Creator too damned little appreciation for everything He’s given us, and do trust me when I tell you that that little tidbit has not&#160 escaped His attention.

His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and the work He performed on the cross that allowed me to receive His salvation.&#160 (An aside:&#160 Yeah, in case anyone didn’t know – I’m a Christian.&#160 Not anywhere close to being the best example thereof, to be sure, but I’m still being worked on, and you’re just gonna have to be patient. (grin))

Being an American, and free to worship as I choose.&#160 For now, given whom the morons of this country just put into office.

My wife, Mrs. Venomous.&#160 Yes, Denizens, I haven’t really mentioned it all that much this past year, given my track record with such pronouncements (rueful grin) – but it’s once more through the marriage breach, dear friends.&#160 That’s five now – yes, it does pain me to say that – and So Help Me Cthulu&#153, this is the last one, forever & ever, a-freakin’-men.&#160 But this one has convinced me that the institution of marriage really is a Good Thing&#153 – she cares for me more than the other four combined.&#160 (No offense intended, D.)

My current home – a one-story, one-bedroom jobber I share with the aforementioned Mrs, a chow/terrier and a huge lump of muscle & energy in the shape of a collie/sheltie mix.&#160 Not the cozy cottage in Forney, but at least I have an office again from which to pen (pen?) these screeds.

My son – Stephen Geoffrey “Skip” Crager, Jr.&#160 (although his doublewide-assed mother insists on calling him “Geoffrey”).&#160 Even though I haven’t seen you since 2003, Skip, I still love you.&#160 Always will.&#160 Always remember that.

Friends & family, some more than others.&#160 Even the ones who are diametrically opposed to me in their beliefs.

And while I’m thinking about it – and I should have really mentioned this last year, too – my sister in law.&#160 My brother, heretofore doomed to a lifetime of Eternal Bachelorhood&#153 – not necessarily a Bad Thing&#153, given his sibling’s aforementioned catastrophic track record – was pulled from that abyss by a wonderful woman he met only a couple of years prior.&#160 They celebrated their first anniversary back in August, and while it hasn’t been Easy Street&#153 for them, they’re doing better than okay.

Employment.&#160 Specifically, mine as a desktop technician, where I get to play with computers all day long – in effect, getting paid to practice my hobby.

(Thankfully, I’ve had a full-time gig since 2006, for a company known to me and only to me – since I know pussies like Cianderella Tierney, who bitched long and loud about me being a NetKKKop before having his ass exposed as a lying skank that doesn’t work at EDS, would love to find out where I work and try to get me fired…)

Okay, where was I…?

MP3s.&#160 The ability to take all my all-time favorite songs, regardless of format, and transfer them to something I can listen to in my car.&#160 Fuck you,&#160 Hilary Rosen.

Turkey.&#160 Lots of it, preferably drumsticks.

Leftovers.&#160 Turkey sammiches with lots of mustard.&#160 YEAH!

(Well, hold the bread on that.&#160 I have got to-got to-got to start paying more attention to Atkins.)

An American President who, though he is still not completely trustworthy in my eye, is at least giving the impression that he is, at least, trying – which is a damn sight better than what we could have had, hm?&#160 And at least this guy understands that the Presidency isn’t just one big frat party.&#160 (This will be crossed out at least until 2012 2017.)

The military which he commands.&#160 Peepz, these men & women do a helluva job protecting you and yours and the freedoms you enjoy, and they do it for pretty much next-to-nothing.&#160 Next time you see one, take a moment to say, “Thank you”.&#160 (Another aside:&#160 When I first posted this, I left out one very important group of guys:&#160 the Coast Guard.&#160 Unconscionable, since one of my readers served in that very branch.&#160 Mr. Slagle, my apologies – and my thanks.)

My car:&#160 A 2007 Chevy Cobalt 2012 Hyundai Genesis Coupe 2.0T turbo.&#160 Fast, fast, sleek, fast, fully equipped – and did I mention it was fast? (grin)

A seafood restaurant chain here locally by the name of “Ole Whiskers”.&#160 Catfish, chicken, ribs, stuffed crab, onion rings, and a host of other great stuff.&#160 Catfish topped with Tabasco&#169 sauce has become a staple.

My current box – a Pentium 2.66-GHz with 2 gigs of DDR RAM an Acer Aspire HP Pavilion with eight gigs of RAM (still have the Aspire, but it’s now the work machine).&#160 Two 20″-plus monitors so that I don’t have to squint anymore when I write these things.&#160 (Well, not much, anyway – at 1280×1024, things are still awfully small.)

The aforementioned crap-on-the-carpet dogs – she’s still a precious little lapdog, and she captures the heart of anyone that meets her.&#160 The aforementioned collie mix – a whirling dervish that tears everything up, but he has an infectious personality.&#160 Even my brother’s little min-pin and dachsund, Mindy & Demi respectively – two of the most affectionate dogs you’ll ever see.

Ham.&#160 Not as much as a turkey drumstick, but leftover ham does go good with eggs.

Any college football team that severely thrashes the Texas A&M Aggies.&#160 (Not anymore.&#160 Now that they’re rid of Dennis “The Mercenary” Franchione, and they’re getting their heads handed them on a weekly basis, it’s probably more appropos to pity them.) (Rescinded until such time as they prove they can beat someone without officiating help.) Mkay, I stand corrected – they beat Bama.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Nebraska.&#160 (Not since they hired Bo Pelini, and hopefully never again.)

Any college football team that severely thrashes Miami.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Arkansas.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Texas.&#160 (Unless it’s Arkansas.)

Any pro&#160 football team that severely thrashes ARRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

TCU’s Horned Frogs.&#160 After your best job (again) ever last year, Gary Patterson.&#160 You’ve established yourself as one of, if not the&#160 best coaches the program’s ever had.&#160 Do the city of Fort Worth a favor – don’t go all Franchione on us and jilt us for Bama or Notre Dame or somesuch, mkay?

Any college football team that severely thrashes SMUT.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Bastard Smurf-Turf State.&#160 (That’d be you, Boise, and until you can prove that you can win something without having to resort to “trickeration”, that’s the way it’ll stay.&#160 You potato-humping pussies are nothing bur frauds.)

(What with TCU’s win at Boise this year, all – for the moment – is kinda-sorta forgiven.&#160 Let’s not play again for a while, mkay?)

Any pro football team that kicks the crap out of Donna McNabb and the Philthydelphia Beagles Warshington Foreskins – something the Cowboys did last year (twice), should have done this year in Warshington, and will do this year in Dallas.&#160 (He’s not even playing for the ViQueens now, so never mind.)

Tony Romo.&#160 Especially if he ever wins a playoff game… (sigh)&#160 (Assuming he can play behind something resembling an offensive line.) (Not until he can win something.)

MERLIN:&#160 Yeah, that line’s offensive, alright.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Hush, you.


Jerry Jones – for signing that extension for Romo. (grin) (See above.)

Southern Baptist churches that aren’t afraid to call themselves “Baptist”. (Not since they climbed into bed with the enviro-nutjob movement.&#160 Now it’s any church that unashamedly preaches the Gospel and refuses to compromise with its enemies.)

An occasional road trip – maybe to go fishing, or even if it’s work-related.&#160 I love staying in hotels where I can crank up the AC at night, and not have to worry about the electric bill (grin).

Microsoft.&#160 No, all you morons at the federal judiciary – Bill Gates does not run a monopoly, and you damned well know it.&#160 What he does do is run an extremely successful company, one that you bastards tried to shake down for $$$$, and failed.&#160 It’s not a secret that the tech sector crashed simultaneously with Janet El Reño’s baseless attack against Microsoft.&#160 (Linus Torvalds, and the job he’s done with Linux.&#160 And the fine folks at Ubuntu)

Spanish-language television channels.&#160 You will not find a better-looking collection of major babes anywhere on Planet Earth.&#160 And they don’t mind letting people know that they’re women either, dammit.&#160 Take that, NOW.&#160 🙂

Mashed potatoes.&#160 With a ton of gravy.&#160 (Atkins be damned on this one.&#160 (grin))

Ranch-style beans™.&#160 (Well, not so much now, seeing as ConAgra Backstabbing Foods has decided to shut down the Fort Worth plant that RSB has called home forever – but it’s still a nice little bean.)

Sweet tea – even though, being a Type II diabetic, I can no longer drink the stuff (make mine Sweet ‘n Low, 3 packets per 40 ounces, please unsweetened, unless it’s peach or cranberry tea, please).

Hooters’ hot wings.&#160 Scenery’s not bad, either.&#160

Dueling-piano bars.&#160 Picture two baby-grands.&#160 Picture two players with crass senses of humor.&#160 Picture some of the raunchiest lyrics ever conceived – sometimes on the fly.&#160 Picture yourself laughing your ass off.&#160 Try it sometime.

Rush Limbaugh.&#160 Sean Hannity.&#160 (There’s a rant coming on this assclown.)&#160 Mark Levin.&#160 Glenn Beck (though Levin seems to not like him for some reason).&#160 Michael Savage.&#160 Michael Reagan – and, in case I’ve not mentioned it before…his dad, too.

Ann Coulter.&#160 Michelle Malkin.&#160 (Not since Horseface foisted the Romerrhoid on us, and you already know how I feel about Malicious Malkin.)&#160 Laura Ingraham.&#160 Sigh, yowzah.&#160

The Blogosphere&#153.&#160 Specifically, Misha and Alan Henderson – for getting me into this blogging thing.

My hairstylist.&#160 In all my lifetime, I’ve only found three people who could fully understand what I wanted done to my hair, and do it right in a minimum of time:&#160 one retired about 15 years ago.&#160 This one’s just as good as her predecessor – and she’s a major babe, too.&#160 (grin)

Broadband.&#160 Forney didn’t get it on a widespread basis – but I have Verizon FiOS Time Warner Cable AT&T U-verse now, and I rock yet again…(though, as soon as Verizon FiOS comes to Arlington I get just this much more&#160 pissed at AT&T… (grin))

And finally (though this list is by no means complete) – you Denizens who keep coming back to the site in hopes that I’ve updated it.&#160 Without you guys, why am I doing this?&#160 Thanks very much for being here.

And Happy Thanksgiving.&#160 Remember the Source from whom the blessings originate…


Denizens, while we’re all recovering from our collective L-tryptophan stupor, there’s still football to be played, starting around 3:30 Central Standard Time.

Today, the Warshington Foreskins, with The Greatest Ever Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever!!!!!&#153, ARRRRRR GEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!, come to the Death Star&#153 to take on the Cowgirls.

Usually, the Girlz feast on rookie quarterbacks – except thie year, of course.&#160 They let Seattle’s Russell Wilson beat them, and they had problems with Nick Foles at Philly, too.&#160 So Griffin gets another presumably easy task, where a piss-poor team makes him look like Mr. Universe.

Tonight, Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs travel down to Austin to (hopefully) kick the snot out of the Texas University Short-dicks Longhorns Short-dicks.&#160 TU seriously isn’t that good, and they’re ripe for an upset, so I have my fingers crossed.

Tomorrow, Bo Pelini’s 14th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers are off to Iowa for their annual Black Friday tilt with – wouldn’t you know it – the black-shirted Iowa Hawkeyes.&#160 Big Red is a healthy 15-point road favorite here, so Taylor may actually get a bit of rest by the third quarter.

Saturday, it’s the annual Bedlam game between 13th-ranked Oklahoma and 21st-ranked Oklahoma State.&#160 For once, the game’s in Norman (after the last two years in Stillwater), so I feel a little better about this game than I might’ve normally.&#160 But Vegas only has the Sooners as a seven-point favorite at home, so watch out.

Also Saturday is probably my last chance for an Executive Fiat&#153 win this year. as Bucky travels to Unhappy Valley to take on the (hack, spit) Penn State Nittany Pussies (hack, spit).&#160 If Bret Bielema’s boys ever needed a win, this is it.&#160 Don’t fail me, Bret.

We’re back Monday with the recap.&#160 And it’ll be Monday, too, now that I’ll finally have some time to get things done.


Those of you who have read me for any&#160 length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.

For now, click the link.&#160 Go ahead.&#160 Click it.&#160 I effin’ dare&#160 you.

And turn it up.&#160 Waaaaaay&#160 up.&#160 &#160 )

That’s right, sportz fanz:&#160 It’s vacation time for His Rudeness&#153.&#160 A chance to Get Away From It All&#153, as it were.

Thanks to Bambi & his shitty economy, though, Mrs. Venomous & I are staying in town and not doing a helluva lot, due to the money just not being there.

MRS. VENOMOUS:&#160 Ohhhhhh, don’t worry, sweetie.&#160 We’ll find plenty&#160 of things to do. (wink)


Vicar, General – you guys have the conn.&#160 General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command&#153, could I borrow another squadron of those black helicopters…?&#160


Well, if you THOUGHT your electronic mail was safe from the prying eyes of the guvmint….think again. Here comes the “Email Police”.

So here’s the basics (full article here):

Senate Judiciary Committee Chair Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., has drafted a substitute bill for the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, which was originally written in 1986 long before things like electronic archiving and cloud storage. The update, which will be under review next Thursday, modernizes rules for police seeking to obtain private email for investigative purposes — rules that had been surprisingly lax.

And in a nutshell, here’s what they’ll be able to do:

“Leahy’s rewritten bill would allow more than 22 agencies — including the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Federal Communications Commission — to access Americans’ e-mail, Google Docs files, Facebook wall posts, and Twitter direct message without a search warrant,” wrote CNET’s Declan McCullagh.

Oh yeah, that little Constitutional RIGHT called “due process” as well as “no illegal search and seizure” well we’re from the government and we don’t have to obey those pesky things that we don’t like. That’s EXACTLY the attitude that Leahy and his PROGRESSIVE co-conspirators are seemingly taking with this bill re-write. Folks, if you cannot (or worse, will not) see what this band of carpet baggers is doing to our country then personally IMHO you don’t deserve to be a citizen of this country. Now that they’ve got another four years to trash the Constitution, overthrow “We The People” and put the economy on a one-way trip to Hell….the America I grew up knowing AND DEFENDING has become something of an anathema.

Want to fight this?

Welcome to the world of encrypted email. Darth, Vicar, anyone else, just contact the Southern Command HQ and we can get the Cybersecurity team to assist in getting you set up. We have a tested, proven package that we can put in place that will thwart any prying eyes. Personally, your General uses this setup for his communiques and given that my email is protected with an encryption algorithm that is somewhere in the neighborhood of FOUR TIMES that of current Military Strength&#153 specs, I’m confident that the guvmint eggheads would be pounding away for quite some time trying to read my emails. Can you say millennia? Yeah, that sort of stuff.

But, you might want to get on board quick. This is a limited time offer.



This just in.


Out of the fire…back into the frying pan.

Wylie East 70, Sulphur Springs 33

#12 Oklahoma 50, at West Virginia 49

at #14 Nebraska 38, UMinnesota 14

at Wisconsin 14, Ohio State 21

Liberty 33, at VMI 14

at Dallas 23, Cleveland 20 (OT)

And Sulphur Springs is banished to high school football purgatory for another year.

(Y’all realize, of course, that they’re on my shit list only until Skip starts playing for teh varsity, right?&#160 Then they’re a permanent fixture in the PFW.&#160 Hell – they’ll prolly take Heights’ place, if the bozos at the FWISD keep Todd Whitten around.)

Great.&#160 Now&#160 West Virginia decides to show up.

Bucky:&#160 What’d I Tell Ya?

Husker-Gopher:&#160 Yawn.

Second place in the Big South.&#160 Good job at Liberty, Turner Gill.

If the Cowgirlz suck like this against Cleveland, for Cthulhu’s sake, what’s gonna happen tomorrow?

This week:&#160 5-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 49-26.

Quick turnaround, as we’ll come back tomorrow and do this all again.




Not that it’s of any major importance, but today is:

1) Name your PC Day
2) Absurdity Day

Keep reading, we’ll make more.





Denizens, your homework assignment to start the week is to read this.&#160 It’s a well-written work of fiction from Matt Bracken over at Western Rifle Shooters.

Or is it…?


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