Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

As we launch the first this-one-counts Perfect Football Weekend&#153 of the year, the Department of Ew, Just Ew&#153 alerts us to a charter member of the next generation of the Washington Redskins most well-known group of fans, the Hog-ettes.

A student at Sunset High School arrived for a second time Wednesday morning trying to register for class.

But it’s what 17-year-old Luis Valderamma wears that has created issues with administrators.

He’s a cross dresser, attired Wednesday in capri pants and heels.

“This is how I feel comfortable. This is me,” Valderamma said.

The student was sent home on Monday, but on Wednesday, school officials did allow him to register and attend class.

The DISD would not elaborate on any further agreements about his wardrobe.

“I’m not a distraction. There’s nothing in the rules that says I can’t wear girl clothes,” he said. “I see girls up here with saggy jeans. They come dressed up like boys. That’s going to be a distraction, too.”

Valderamma says he’s willing to compromise somewhat and wear capris instead of skirts.

But he says his choices are limited, as he has already bought his entire girl wardrobe for the school year.

I would pay Honest-To-Cthulu Real Money&#153 if this wussbag would go out for the Sunset football team.&#160

Awright, let’s get to it.&#160 Tonight, the Dallas Cowboys play their last preseason game up in NoBridgeVille Minnesota as they visit the Vikings.&#160 Widdle Terri Owens has already said that the stars are scheduled for “zero snaps” (his words).&#160 Look for a ViQueens win, as the Cowboys get a heavy dose of former OU back Adrian Peterson.&#160 (And, as this game is&#160 preseason, it won’t count in the final PFW tally.)

Also tonight, Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls play the role of sacrificial opening-night lamb vs. the 16th-ranked Rutgers Scarlet Knights.&#160 A Vegas gaming site, to which I will hereinafter refer as “Vegas”, has the Scarlet Knights at -32&#189, so as long as the Bulls can keep from getting beat by 47, it’s a win.

In addition, the Bo Pelini-run defense of the #2-ranked LSU Tigers pays a visit to Starkville, MS to feast on Sylvester Croom’s Mississippi State Bulldogs.&#160 ESPN thinks Croom could be fighting to save his job, and LSU’s going to be of no help whatsoever.&#160 The line is LSU -18&#189, and I don’t think it’s going to be that&#160 close.

Friday night, the “hah skrewlers” (a takeoff of a little Rush lingo, there) get back in action – and if it’s the first game of the season, it must be Azle for my (Fort Worth, for you LCs) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.&#160 Heights got in the playoffs last year with a losing record (a fact which I chronicled here), and they’re not much better this year, so the playoffs are a remote shot – as will be successful PFWs.&#160

Speaking of sacrificial lambs, the University of North Texas Eagles, under the direction of former Texas high-school coaching phenom Todd Dodge, goes to Norman Saturday evening at 7:00 to get their heads ripped off by #8 Oklahoma.

The line is OU by 40&#189.&#160 Welcome to the NCAA, Todd.&#160

Finally, the 22nd-ranked Texas Christian University Horned Frogs will host the Baylor Bears and former TCU lineman (now Bear coach) Guy Morriss at 5 pm Saturday (this is where His Rudeness&#153 will be screaming his head off for the three hours following).&#160 The story is that all spring & summer, Morriss has talked about nothing else but this game, been preparing for nothing else but&#160 this game.

Trouble is, he did that last year too – and TCU pulled the upset in Waco.

TCU’s starting a freshman at quarterback, however, so this game (as they all will) scares me, even though TCU’s favored by 21.&#160 I will have no&#160 nails by game’s end.&#160 Bank on that.

We’re back Monday or so for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, now&#160 it counts, so let’s hear the trash talk!&#160

Well, to paraphrase an old stand-up comic…last night I watched a Michael Vick public burial and a football game broke out.

Dallas 16, Pew-stun 14, Mike Carey’s Blind-Assed Excuse for an Officiating Crew 14
Jacksonville 21, Green Bay 13
New England 24, Carolina 7
Pittsburgh 27 Philadelphia 13
Atlanta 24, Cincinnati 19

Was that a football game last night or a public wringing-of-the-hands-in-angst over the Widdle Mikey Vick imbroligio?&#160 I mean, you couldn’t go five minutes without Tirico, Jaworski & Kornheiser bringing it up.&#160 What, was PeTA writing the fookin’ script or something?

Anyway, Joey Harrington didn’t look all that bad in leading the Falcons to a win at home, throwing two touchdown passes in about a half’s worth of work.&#160 Carson Palmer had a couple of touchdown passes for the Bengals – the first ones of their preseason.&#160 It didn’t help that they had 14 players out with injuries.

…

Who says you need reps in practice?&#160 Not Pats quarterback Tom Brady:

Two days after Brady missed practice to fly to Los Angeles where his ex-girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan, gave birth to their son, Brady returned to the Patriots and was nearly flawless in New England’s 24-7 exhibition win over the Carolina Panthers on Friday.

Ah, but just wait until he gets hit with the child support papers.&#160

…

There’s just no pleasing some people.

Ben Rothelisberger throws for damn-near 250 yards, leads the Steelers on three scoring drives (okay, so two of ’em were FGs – whatever), and he’s pissed about it:

“No, I’m not real happy,” he said. “We missed a couple of things, some things could have been better, but I told some of those guys I’ll get better and I’ll be sure to hit them.”

Sheesh.

OTOH, how long before the Philthy fans (did I really say that?&#160 &#160 ) start clamoring for Kevin Kolb to replace Donna McFlabb as the starter?&#160 The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever&#153 was only 5-of-11 for 60 yards, while Kolb went 26-of-37 for 242.

…

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:&#160 Eleven-on-eighteen is not a fair fight.

Dallas goes three-and-out on its first possession, then punts to little pipsqueak Jackoff Jacoby Jones, who promptly runs 91 yards the other way for the first Tex-anne touchdown.

Except that Pewstun committed a clip of the left-side gunner on the play.

Except that it wasn’t called.&#160 Fucking excuse-for-a-side judge looked right at it&#160 – and didn’t call it.&#160 Pretty much de rigueur&#160 for the ‘Boys the rest of the night:&#160 Get mugged by Pewstun – no call.&#160 Breathe on a Tex-anne – 10 yard penalty.

Romo didn’t have a great game, though he did throw TDs each to Widdle Terri Owens and Jason Witten.&#160 The offensive line was just that – offensive; the running game was non-existant.&#160 And Martin Grammitica has kicked himself out of a job for the second straight year, missing the PAT on the Owens TD (he’ll get cut this week or next with an injury settlement – you heard it here first).

Terrence Newman showed why he’s the Dallas defensive MVP.&#160 He missed the game with plantar facsitis (sp?) in his heel, forcing the other cornerbacks to move up a spot.&#160 Whereupon backup Jacques Reeves got beat for a 20-yard rainbow for a touchdown by the aforementioned Jackoff Jones.

(Incidentally, speaking of Jones, he should be damned glad I wasn’t trailing him on that punt return when he did a somersault over the goal line.&#160 My elbows are pretty damned sharp, plus I wouldn’t have had much trouble leading with the crown of my helmet on the late hit.&#160 &#160 )

Next PFW is in two days.&#160 And this time, it counts for real (at least, on the HS and NCAA sides).&#160 Start gearing up now, LCs & Denizens.

Guys, I hate to break this to y’all suddenly like this, but it’s
Extended Down Time&#153 for Yours Truly&#153.&#160 I’ve had something happen here, and I need to work through it.&#160 Therefore, this blog is going on hiatus.&#160 (Perfect Football Weekends&#153 will continue to be chronicled both here and on the Rott – and the TCU sidebar will make its return this week.)

In answer to y’all’s question – no, this&#160 time it’s not medical.&#160 And that’s all I’m willing to say about it for now.

See you down the road.

Denizens & LCs, we’ll start off this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend with a question:&#160 If I told you that a Texas team laid an ass-whipping on Baltimore, 30-3, you’d think football, wouldn’t you?&#160 You’d think to yourself, “Man, Brian Billick, Ray Lewis and the rest of those goons got their heads handed to them by the Cowboys.”&#160 Some of you would even break out in happy dances, I’ll bet.&#160 &#160 And you’d think it was the Cowboys, because the Houston Texannes…snx…the Texans…snxxxnxxxxx…the Tex…BWAHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!11~

Sorry, got carried away there for a second. Where was I…?&#160 Ah, yes…

You’d be wrong.&#160 Not only about the teams involved, but about the sport itself.&#160 As you probably know by now, the Texass stRangers destroyed the Baltimore Orioles last night in the first game of a doubleheader, setting the modern record for runs scored in a single game by a single team (they also set the record for runs scored in a doubleheader, as they won the nightcap, 9-7).&#160 Down 3-0 in the opener, they roared back on the strength of two grand-slam homers, two three-run shots, and 7 RBIs apiece from the bottom two slots in the batting order.

“Damn”, as former FlaState footballer Ron Simmons would say.

Which brings us around to football.&#160 Tonight, Lefty Leftwich & the Jacksonville Jaguars visit the frozen rain-soaked tundra of Lambeau Field to take on Ancient Mariner&#153 Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers.&#160 Fox has the game with its #2 team, which means you’ll probably see more of Tony Siragusa than you really wanted to.&#160

Tomorrow night, CBS brings us a rematch of Super Bowl…uh, Super Bowl…

AUGUSTUS:&#160 XXXVIII

LSIK&T:&#160 Oh, yeah, right.&#160 38.&#160 Thanks, Augie.

AUGUSTUS:&#160 !%@(#!#(#$(#%@*@!!!!!!!!

(He hates it when I call him “Augie”.&#160 Which is, of course, why I do it.&#160 &#160 )

Anyway, it’s a rematch of Super Bowl 38 as the Pats go to Carolina.&#160 Jake Delhomme & company haven’t looked all that great to start, but good things are being predicted for the Pats this year.&#160 Rumors that NE QB Tom Brady was having a customized papoose-pak made for him were unsubstantiated at press time.

Speaking of the Cowboys (and the Tex-annes, for that matter), they’ll hook up Saturday night in Houston.&#160 It’ll be interesting to see how former Atlanta backup QB Matt Schaub fares behind that sieve of an offensive line (the guess from here is that you could put The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever!!!&#153, Donna McFlabb, behind that line and he’d get killed).

Speaking of Team Clunky Soup&#169, they’ll join Madden, Michaels and the NBC Sunday Night crew in Pittsburgh for another intrastate matchup vs. Ben Rothelisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers.&#160 Pitt has its third head coach in the last forty years – dammitall, can’t Art Rooney get some stability&#160 into that franchise?&#160

Speaking of Hotlanta, we’ll round out the weekend Monday night with the Falcons hosting the Cincinnati Bengals (it should&#160 be on ESPN, but it’s not on the schedule, but why would it be on Monday night otherwise?).&#160 The over/under for this game is six felony convictions.

We’re back Tuesday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, feel free to discuss Atlanta replacing Michael Vick with…Joey Harrington???&#160

Okay, boyz & girlz, it’s time once again to play His Rudeness’ 17th-favorite game, “Rip A New One For The Jackass Who Posted A Comment In An Old Thread”!!! (And no, I still haven’t found the list of the first 16.)

MERLIN:&#160 Are you ever&#160 gonna find that list, m’Liege?

LSIK&T:&#160 Got McManx looking for it even as we speak.

[Five-second cut scene:&#160 an orange-brown-white-ish planet somewhere in the Badlands – a planet which, if it weren’t&#160 in the Badlands, might be mistaken for Gothos.&#160 Zooming in to the surface, we find Cadet T-Bone McManx on his knees, filter mask on his face, a tube connected thereto which supplies him with a not-quite-sparse-but-dwindling supply of oxygen.]

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 What did he ever do to you, m’Lord?

LSIK&T:&#160 It was either him or you, and you outrank him.

[McCool immediately leaps to the floor and begins kissing Spats’ steel-toed boot.]

LSIK&T:&#160 That’s enough, Ozy.

KORRIOTH:&#160 So who’s our lucky contestant today, Admiral?

LSIK&T:&#160 We got us a jerkface from what looks like San Antonio, some dipshit named “rmontero”

KORRIOTH:&#160 Good Gawd&#153, another e.e.cummings wannabe…?

LSIK&T:&#160 Oh, you’d like this one, Korr.&#160 He whines.

[Korrioth bares his teeth & snarls fiercely.]

LSIK&T:&#160 Exactly.

Anyway, here’s this “rmontero” character, ostensibly from San Antonio, and he’s bitching about what I said about Tammy Faye.

MERLIN:&#160 Actually, Your Rudeness&#153, I think he might’ve been objecting to what you said about Jim.

LSIK&T:&#160 What, that he single-handedly destroyed his own empire?

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Or maybe “single-dickedly” is what raised his tutu.

ALL:&#160 (howls of laughter)

LSIK&T:&#160 Okay, McCool, you’re now a Lieutenant (j.g.)

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 (bows) Thank you, sir.

LSIK&T:&#160 Awright, where were we…?

You are so sad!

No, actually I’m pretty happy nowadays.

MERLIN:&#160 What about that deal with…

LSIK&T:&#160 Shh.

MERLIN:&#160 But…

LSIK&T:&#160 (shoots a very&#160 irritated look towards Merlin.)

MERLIN:&#160 (ulp!)

You like to throw stones?

KORRIOTH:&#160 Actually, he likes to throw fists.

LSIK&T:&#160 Actually, to a weenie like this guy, they’d probably feel&#160 like stones.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Point.

You like to be heard

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Actually, he likes to be read.

LSIK&T:&#160 Well, that is&#160 why I do this.

MERLIN:&#160 You’d think&#160 that’d be obvious to him.

LSIK&T:&#160 About as obvious as knowing when a post is still on the front page?

MERLIN:&#160 Point.

and the only way anyONE reads your filth

MERLIN:&#160 AnyONE?

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Not anyTWO?

THE SPATULAGODDESS&#153:&#160 Or anyTHREE, even.

LSIK&T:&#160 Hi, sweetheart!!! (hugs) How’s the move?

THE SPATULAGODDESS&#153:&#160 We’re pretty much in.&#160 Are you gonna be online the same time I am anytime soon?

LSIK&T:&#160 (hangs head in shame) Sorry.&#160 Guilty as charged.

THE SPATULAGODDESS&#153:&#160 That’s okay, hon.&#160 (kisses His Rudeness&#153 on the cheek, then disappears)

KORRIOTH:&#160 (shakes head) What is&#160 it with you and women, anyway?

LSIK&T:&#160 It helps to not have a ridged forehead.

(Korrioth gives Spats his own vicious glare.&#160 Spats just snickers.&#160 &#160 )

is if you print filth.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Maybe he’s referring to the fact that you mentioned Der Kaiser&#153.

LSIK&T:&#160 Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…could be?&#160

You should be ashamed and look in the mirror spider brains

KORRIOTH:&#160 Aw, look.&#160 He even signed it!

MERLIN:&#160 You’re starting to attract a different class of troll, m’Liege.

LSIK&T:&#160 Oh, thanks, Wizard.&#160 Now I’m gonna be up half the night wondering if that was a compliment…

MERLIN:&#160

Oh, and “rmontero”:&#160 Fuck off, jackass.&#160 Try staying on the front page next time.&#160

Waitaminit&#153 – I think the G-men just got called for another penalty…

Miami 11, Kansas City 10
Minnesota 37, NY Jets 20
Dallas 31, Denver 20
NY Giants 13, Baltimore 12
Chicago 27, Indianapolis 24

Patrick Cobbs (late of the University of North Texas) scored a late touchdown and jackass Mormon John Beck – sorry, I still have it in for him for the TCU game last year – got the two-point conversion that sent the Chiefs down to defeat at home.&#160 The Chiefs are a little banged up right now (they’re missing pretty much their entire backfield from last year at the moment) and have only one offensive TD in the preseason (according to the linked report).

…

Even though OU’s Adrian Peterson ran tough for the Vikings, Mizzou’s Brad Smith got to play his rendition of Kordell “Slash” Stewart for the Jets, and even former Cowboy bust (dammit) Drew Henson got into the act, the highlight of Minn-NYJ was a calico cat that got caught on the toob gallivanting across the endzone halfway through the fourth quarter.&#160 Smith didn’t see him, opting instead for a handoff.&#160

…

Baltimore & the New York G-Men played a very&#160 sloppy game, even for preseason – the teams combined for 23 penalties for a grand total of 177 yards – and those were just the accepted ones.&#160

…

Chicago got its revenge, I guess.&#160 If you wanna call a three-point preseason win revenge. (shrug)&#160 Adrian Peterson had a sorry night for Da Bears&#153 (5 carries, 8 yards), but he did&#160 score a touchdown.&#160 (OTOH, if the best Chicago can do is 68 yards rushing on a fast track vs. the Indy run defense with&#160 Cedric Benson & company – well, Urlacher had best have another career year.)

Side note before we go on:&#160 Look at the last part of the scoring recap:

Craphonso Thorpe 4 Yd Pass From Josh Betts (Shane Andrus Kick)

Great Honkin’ Cthulu&#153, W(ho)TF names their kid “Craphonso”?????&#160 Damn.&#160 Just, damn.

…

Since the Cowboy game was on the See-BS affiliate, KDFW-TV decided to put the San Diego-St. Louis game on its sister station.&#160 San Diego pretty much dominated.

The Bolts have gone back to the ugly-assed white helmets from their old AFL days, plus an ugly font for their numbers.&#160 Ew.

Think Norv Turner doesn’t realize this is his last chance at a head coaching gig?&#160 Last play of the game, his Chargers comfortably in front, 30-13, and he’s griping about how Ram QB Brock Berlin’s Hail-Mary pass was almost caught for a TD.&#160

…

Speaking of Turner – ever wonder what his timing-based offense would have done with a Brett Favre-type quarterback in charge?&#160 Tony Romo is nowhere near Brett’s greatness, but the poor-man’s Favre led the Dallas offense on three very nice-looking drives in the first half (one was fairly short due to a fumble recovery deep in Bronco territory) as the Cowboys rolled.&#160 Romo was 11 of 18 for 122 with several timely passes for 10-yard-plus gains, though he did have one pick.&#160 Julius Jones & Marion Barber managed 88 yards between them, and Tyson Thompson got 75 all by himself against scrubs.

The ‘Boys are running right a good deal more this year to the right side (one TD came going that route) – Leonard Davis may be the signing of the year if he can keep up this performance level.

Only one sack by the defense for the game, but constant pressure on Bronco quarterbacks forced several errant throws (Bobby Carpenter managed one interception).&#160 Nate Jones may have just played his way out of Dallas, whiffing on a pass that turned into a 90-yard Bronco touchdown.

But the most oddball note comes from Mike Klis of the Denver Pissed Post, who reported that the Broncos were apparently a little torqued that Dallas…well…played football.

“I don’t know if Wade’s (ticked) off the Broncos fired him, but it sure looked that way,” Broncos safety John Lynch said.

Lynch wanted to make it clear he was joking.

But as a safety entering his 15th season, Lynch is qualified to know football’s unwritten rules better than most. The Broncos played their base, seven-man front on defense Saturday and, because their offensive line is so banged up, tried to employ a conservative plan when they had the ball.

“That’s not what they did,” Lynch said. “They came out and game- planned us, blitzing every play. They came after us. It’s no excuse for the way we played. But I think they might have broken the code of ethics for the preseason.”

A few other Broncos, including quarterback Jay Cutler, shared similar feelings about the Cowboys getting a little too aggressive with their approach to a preseason game

What, guys?&#160 You were expecting a nice, friendly game of tiddlywinks?&#160 Sheesh.&#160

The PFW will return in a couple days.

My ass.

Item:&#160 Widdle Mikey “Godfather Dogkiller” Vick is to plead guilty to federal charges.

What makes this story so fookin’ funny – not the situation, just the story – is this blurb:

Michael Vick’s lawyer said the NFL star will plead guilty to federal dogfighting conspiracy charges, putting the Atlanta Falcons quarterback’s career in jeopardy and leaving him subject to a possible prison term.

‘Scuse me?&#160 Putting it in jeopardy???

Screw that.&#160 He’s friggin’ done.&#160 You heard it here first.

Busy day today, Sportz Fanz&#153, so the Mothergoose from Denton has been kind enough to share this with us.&#160 (I have no clue as to its veracity, but the email says it’s true, so…&#160

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water…

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It’s raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slippi ng outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren’t you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old…

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat…

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer…

And that’s the truth…Now, whoever said History was boring!!!

Hey, I just post ’em, folkz.&#160

As you guys probably know by now, I’m rather…dubious…about the intelligence of the average environmental wacko.

MERLIN:&#160 Dubious????

KORRIOTH:&#160 Great Honkin’ Cthulu&#153, you’re positively apopletic&#160 about it!

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 “Hell, even McCool’s got more sense than some of these assclowns!!!”

KORRIOTH:&#160 And we wonder about that&#160 sometimes.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 You pothole-headed son of a…

LSIK&T:&#160 Awright, boys.&#160 Did I really say that about you, McCool?

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Stardate 64091.5, during the last mission to the Badl…

LSIK&T:&#160 (wincing) Okay, okay, I take it back.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Thank you, m’Lord.

LSIK&T:&#160 From now on, I mean it about McManx.

T-BONE MCMANX:&#160 HEY!!!!!!!!

However, it’s been a long time since any of them were this&#160 stupid.

Hundreds of naked people formed a “living sculpture” on Switzerland’s Aletsch glacier Saturday, hoping to raise awareness about climate change.

MERLIN:&#160 I think the only thing they’re doing is raising awareness of how abjectly stupid the environmentalists are.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Did any of them try licking the glacier?

KORRIOTH:&#160 Those would be the ones with their asses high in the air.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 You mean those weren’t Mooselimbs?

The photo shoot by Spencer Tunick, the New York artist famous for his pictures of nude gatherings in public settings worldwide, was designed to draw attention to the effects of global warming on Switzerland’s shrinking glaciers.

“The melting of the glaciers is an indisputable sign of global climate change,” said the environmental group Greenpeace, which co-organized the event.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Why can’t they ever do something like this someplace where it means something?

KORRIOTH:&#160 Where did you have in mind, whelp?

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 How about Antarctica?

LSIK&T:&#160 (raises eyebrows) Merlin, I do believe this boy’s beginning to get the picture.

MERLIN:&#160 (blushing) Thanky, m’Liege.

It said most Swiss glaciers will disappear by 2080 if global warming continues at its current pace.

KORRIOTH:&#160 There goes the tourist trade.

LSIK&T:&#160 They might have to start hosting Summer&#160 Olympics.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Only if they invite the Swedish Bikini Team.

LSIK&T:&#160 You are&#160 bucking for that promotion, ain’tcha, McCool?

The event, which followed Tunick’s previous shoots in London, Mexico City and Amsterdam, was designed to minimize any impact on the environment, Greenpeace said.

Temperatures during the shoot hovered around 50 degrees.

MERLIN:&#160 Heat wave!!!&#160 Tropical HEAT WAVE!!!!!!

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Hot time, summer in the city…

ALL:&#160 …backa my neck gettin’ dirk ‘n pretty…

(Don’t laugh – that’s how it sounds over the radio.&#160

(NOTE:&#160 This is being crossposted over at the Rott, hence the Rott references.)

The first Perfect Football Weekend&#153 ever to hit the Empire of the Rottweiler kicks off…

AUGUSTUS:&#160 By Baal’s left nipple, can it get any cornier?

MERLIN:&#160 Trust me, he’s just getting started.

LSIK&T:&#160 Oh, pipe down, both of you.

…by noting that Adam “Pacman” Jones, late of the Tennessee Vince Youngs Titans, has another gig now that he’s been suspended for the year by the NFL:&#160 Pro wrestling.

Yeah, you heard right:&#160 Pro wrestling.

BRUTUS:&#160 We&#160 had professional wrestling.&#160 That&#160 is called, I believe, “rasslin'”.

LSIK&T:&#160 What-ever.

But here’s the kicker:&#160 The Titans, obviously wanting to protect their investment for when Jones comes back, tried to take Pacman to court the other day to keep him from the possibility of physical contact – and thus, injury.&#160 According to this story, they’ve come to an agreement whereby Pacman would not actually engage in any physical contact.

CALIGULA:&#160 Wuss.

MERLIN:&#160 True dat.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 What a weenie!

KORRIOTH:&#160 You would know, wouldn’t you, whelp?

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Hey!!!

LSIK&T:&#160 Awright, knock it off!

Jones’ Titans are in Foxboro Friday night to take on the Patriots.

Also Friday night, Fox has Minnesota at the NY J-E-T-S JetsJetsJets!, while ESPN has Miami traveling to Arrowhead this evening to play Kansas City’s Chiefs.&#160 Sunday night, Madden & Michaels are in Baltimore to watch the Ravens host the New York Football Giants, and Monday night ESPN will have a rematch of last season’s Super Bowl as Da Bears are at Indy.

Saturday night, the Denver Broncos come to Texas Stadium to take on the Cowboys.&#160 Jay Cutler has replaced Jake Plummer this year, for which Bronco fans are eminently grateful (Plummer having aptly demonstrated in 4 years why Arizona didn’t even want him).&#160 Denver will pose a more adequate test for the Cowboys, as they feature a running game & a defense more closely resembling the ones Dallas will face in the NFC East.&#160 Cowboy fans, yours truly included, will want to keep their eyes peeled for this one.

We’re back Tuesday for the recap.

The Department of Beat The Crap Outta That Dead Horse, Why Don’tcha&#153 has submitted this story about one of Oprah’s Darlings&#153, aka the Rutgers bimbo’s women’s basketball team, suing Don Imus for the “nappy-headed hos” remark.

Kia Vaughn, star center for the Rutgers Women’s Basketball team, has filed a lawsuit against Imus for libel, slander and defamation — the first civil suit to be filed against the former radio host. Vaughn is asking for monetary damages of an unspecified amount.
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“This is a lawsuit in order to restore the good name and reputation of my client, Kia Vaughn,” said her attorney, Richard Ancowitz, in an exclusive interview with the ABC News Law & Justice Unit.

Which this fuckwit Ancowitz is now helping to trash all over again simply by bringing this malicious, frivilous lawsuit.

More »

Well, if it ever comes down to our backups vs. Indy’s backups in the Super Bowl, I like our chances.&#160

Dallas 23, Indianapolis 10
Washington 14, Tennessee 6
Buffalo 13, New Orleans 10
Denver 17, San Transexual 13

Vinnie Young found out that Jeff Fisher isn’t Mack Brown – IOW, he hasn’t quite reached deity status in Nashville yet.

Fisher benched his ass for daring to go home to chill, rather than bother being seen with the rest of his teammates at the team hotel.&#160 And it more’n likely cost them in a preseason loss to the ‘Skins (LC John Wardle can now lord it over the Grand Old Opry for a year).

…

Didn’t see much of Bills-Aints, but Brees looks like he’s gonna have another great year, and Reggie…well, is Reggie.&#160 (Memo to Pete Carroll:&#160 Next time on 4th down, put all&#160 your farkin’ weapons on the field, AWRIGHT?!?!?!?!!!1

…

Didn’t see all that much of Whiners-Broncos, either, but lemme tell you – Alex Smith is the real thing.&#160 Here comes another generation of San Transexual dominance of the NFC West. (sigh)

…

The only significant thing about the Cowboys Thursday night was that the Colts were pretty much there in name only.&#160 The starters, just as they did for the Pokes, played one quarter – and since Dallas dominated time of possession in the first, it was pretty much one-and-done for Peyton and his crew.

Romo was 10-of-11 for 93, JuJones was 6 for 22, Barber was 12 for 48 and Widdle Terri&#153 had a catch for eight yards.&#160 The tight ends had a good night, catching 8 passes for 113 (Romo said it was because the Colts were going with two safeties over the top pretty much all game), which was refreshing – sounds like the next generation of the Zampese offense is alive & well in Big D.

The defense got itself a pick-six (Keith Davis), and one of the backup QBs led a touchdown drive.

Would’ve been quite the yawner – except it’s football, and we here in the Realm&#153 love our football.&#160

The PFW returns next week to thumb its nose at snoreball baseball yet again.&#160

And a slight programming note:&#160 PFWs henceforth will be crossposted over at The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler as part of an experiment.&#160 Get ready, Rotties.

Drudge had a link to some supposedly no-spin-no-agenda (who links to Wonkette?&#160 Yeah, right.&#160 Pull the other one.) blogger type named “Fauntroy” who reported that See-BS’ Wilhemina Plante was overheard

bellow[ing] to Bush: “If he’s so smart, how come you lost Congress?”

To which I think my&#160 rejoinder would have been, “Plante, you fuckhead, if you’re such a hot-shit reporter and your news division is all that and a bag o’ chips…how come you’re losing ratings???”

Just sayin’.

Hmmm.&#160 Based on this analysis, Rove’s departure is a Good Thing&#153.&#160 Couldn’t’ve been better timed, in fact.

At Gillespie’s urging, Bush has responded more aggressively to attacks by the Democrats on his war policies and has taken them on over excessive spending. Pushed by Gillespie, Bush has made more public appearances. The fact that Bush flew to the site of the bridge collapse in Minneapolis shows he has learned since Hurricane Katrina that for political reasons, a president must make such appearances.

Why it took Katrina for Bush to figure that out is a curiosity.&#160 But at least he took the hint.

But Rove being “the greatest political tactician in American history”?&#160 Might wanna check with this guy named Atwater on that one.

Just sayin’.