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Item:&#160 The Los Angeles Dodgers clinched the NL West title the other day in Arizona – and to celebrate, they climbed the right-field fence and took a dip in the stadium’s open-access pool after everyone had left.

Item:&#160 This act pissed off half-assed excuse-for-a-senator RINO McLame:

“Poolgate” reached the nation’s capital Friday when Arizona Sen. John McCain voiced strong displeasure with the Los Angeles Dodgers’ celebration of their National League West title.

After the Dodgers clinched the division with Thursday’s 7-6 win against the Arizona Diamondbacks, roughly half the team celebrated by jumping into the pool behind the right-center field wall at Chase Field.

The revelry upset many players, executives and fans of the Diamondbacks, including McCain, who took to Twitter with this rant:

John McCain @SenJohnMcCain

No-class act by a bunch of overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats! “The #Dodgers are idiots” http://www.azcentral.com/insiders/danbickley/2013/09/19/the-dodgers-are-idiots/ …
12:36 PM – 20 Sep 2013

Item:&#160 Dodgers’ relief pitcher Brian “The Mohawk” Wilson had a classic response:

Brian Wilson @BrianWilson38

Senator McComplain knows a thing or two about coming in second and watching someone take a plunge in the pool (I mean poll) #POoLITICS
3:44 PM – 20 Sep 2013

BOOM!!!!!&#160

The Mississippi State Bulldogs may not have won the College World Series, but by golly they made it all the way to the final series! This team has made it further than any other Bulldog team in school history! We are proud of them!

To the Miami Heat:

Congratulations on your purchase&#160 of another NBA championship.

We trust that this most recent purchase&#160 will further help to soothe the butthurt caused by your inability to beat the Dallas Mavericks for the title two years ago.

Not to mention the fact that you purchased&#160 the title in 2006, too.&#160 They don’t call you the Miami cHeat for nothing, y’know.

So enjoy your purchase, chumps.&#160 Since you sure as Hell&#153 can’t build&#160 a championship team, we s’pose buying&#160 one is your only recourse.

Have fun with your purchase.

Asswipes.

Denizens, when it became apparent that Josh “Crack” Hamilton wasn’t going to re-sign with the Tex-ass StrangerS, the hue & cry went up from the masses.

Paraphrasing, it went something like “Ohnoes!&#160 How are we ever&#160 going to replace our hero & Saviour?!?!&#160 What are we going to dooooooooo?!?!?!?!&#160 OHNOES!!1!!ON3!!!!!ELEVENTYBILLIONTRILLION!1!!1~

(Hamilton, for his part, iced up his ass & poured Crisco&#153 on the skids, what with his play tanking the last two or three games of last season, and him saying that Arlington “wasn’t a baseball town” and that it was “God’s will” that he and li’l Katie take as much money as Widdle Arte Morono Moreno would throw at them.)

Well, fast forward a few months…

…and the StrangerS (surprisingly, I admit) have the best record in baseball, and are cruising right along with some of the best pitching in the major leagues.

And “Crack”?

He and his Angels are nine games out of first, after only 32 played…and manager Mike Scosia actually had the temerity to bench his ass for a game.

After watching Josh Hamilton strike out five times in eight at-bats in the first two games against Baltimore, Angels Manager Mike Scioscia had seen enough of his struggling outfielder to know that he needed something more than just a pep talk. So rather than risk another poor performance in front of a national TV audience, Scioscia held Hamilton out of the starting lineup Saturday.

“It’s 100% a mental day,” Scioscia said of Hamilton, who had more than twice as many strikeouts (13) as hits (6) in his last nine games. “There’s no doubt that Josh is trying to find a rhythm in the batter’s box. Hopefully a day off to clear some cobwebs out … will push him a little bit forward.”

Hamilton, who flied out in a pinch-hitting appearance Saturday, went 1-for-4 on Sunday. He is hitting .208 with just six extra-base hits and 38 strikeouts in 31 games.

One remembers when it was more than an RBI per day, rather than more than a strikeout.

Now, guyz, I’m well aware that Our Boy Josh could very well turn it around tonight, and go on a three-month hot streak.&#160 “That the way baseball go”, as StrangerS manager Ron “Warsh” Washington is so fond of saying.

But for some reason, this passage keeps coming to mind.&#160 Something about pride & haughty spirits or somesuch…&#160

Not far from Realm&#153 Headquarters, at Texas Motor Speedway in FNFW (Far North Fort Worth), they just completed a night-day NASCAR double-header, capped off by the NRA 500.&#160 Kyle Busch took both ends of the twin-bill.

Now comes word that NASCAR is about to commit financial suicide.

NASCAR plans to become more involved in race-sponsorship decisions by speedways in light of the continuing controversy surrounding the National Rifle Association’s sponsorship of the Sprint Cup race Saturday at Texas Motor Speedway.

“The NRA’s sponsorship of the event at Texas Motor Speedway fit within existing parameters that NASCAR affords tracks in securing partnerships,” said NASCAR spokesman David Higdon. “However, this situation has made it clear that we need to take a closer look at our approval process moving forward, as current circumstances need to be factored in when making decisions.”

The “situation”?&#160 The “current circumstances”?&#160 Why, the whining, kvetching & sniveling du jour&#160 from the Lame-assed Limp-wristed Leftards&#153, of course!

In some respects, this weekend at TMS has become more about politics than racing for the NRA 500, as the sponsorship coincides with the current national gun control debate to become the prevailing storyline.

Democratic Sen. Chris Murphy of Connecticut wrote to News Corp. chief Rupert Murdoch asking the Fox network not broadcast Saturday night’s race because of the NRA sponsorship.

“Eez a vaddy nize tellyvizhan netvork you have zere, Meezter Ayyyyllllllzzzzz. A zhame, no, eef somfzink vere to happen&#160 to eeet…?”

Sources confirmed Friday that two drivers were advised by their public relations directors not to do interviews in the TMS media center so they could avoid having the NRA logo behind them.

Y’know, Denizens, I think now would be a damned good time to remind NASCAR that a goodly portion of their fan base…um, how to put this diplomatically?…happen to also be NRA members.

And if you backhand them, NASCAR, by backhanding the NRA…well, it’s been said that you’re doing this because of “backlash”?

Trust me, dumbasses:&#160 You haven’t seen&#160 “backlash” yet.

Tell 98% of your fan base to go fuck themselves…wow.&#160 Just.&#160 Wow.

I wanna be a fly on the wall for that.

This.

This&#160 is why I fucking follow football.

The best Triple-A team in the major leagues just handed an 8-2 crushing to a franchise that was supposed&#160 to maybe – just maybe! – contend for the World Series this year.

You would think&#160 that, after last year’s pathetic-assed chokejob, general manager/El Grande Presidente&#160 Jon Daniels, boy wunderkind, would get up off his ass and actually, y’know improve the ballclub.

Aw, but hell no!&#160 This supposed genius&#160 did nothing but lose several front line players (granted one of them was Josh “Quitter” Hamilton, but still), sign two aging, probably-done veterans, and do exactly fuckin’ dick&#160 in upgrading the pitching staff.

And then little Ronnie Warshington (yeah, I called him Warshington – don’t like it, come tell me to my face, pussies) ONCE AGAIN&#160 shows his ass in trying to, y’know, manage&#160 the fucking thing.

It’s a damned good thing there was an NCIS marathon going opposite on USA, else this rant would be a lot&#160 more vitrolic.

The only other good thing about this is that I can at least ignore competition sports for the next five months or so, until football comes back.

Fucking bastard-assed excuse-for-a-baseball-franchise…&#160

To the Miami Heat and its thousands of excuses for fans:

Congratulations on your second purchase of an NBA Championship.&#160 We out here trust you fanboies will get as much joy out of it as you did in 2006, when you purchased Shaquille O’Neal, plus whatever cadre of zebras you needed to see that no one so much as breathed on your honeyboy, Widdle Dway-nee Wade.

Not to mention the fact that Widdle LeBwon couldn’t do shit without a ton of help around him.

And that he still&#160 couldn’t get it done last year against Dallas.&#160

But we do&#160 hope it will assuage the guilt that you’ll eventually feel someday, knowing that you’ve never won&#160 an NBA title, just purchased a couple of them.

Sincerely, The Rest Of The World Out Here That Doesn’t Give Two Shits About You

Denizens we start this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153…by talking about basketball.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 Who are you and where is my husband?

MERLIN:&#160 Relax, m’lady.&#160 He does this about every other year or so.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 Hmf.

Anyway, I found this article about a 30-year-old basketball tradition over in Arkansas that I thought was damned cool.

Well, here’s a call that won’t ruffle anyone, and also one that is never disputed. It’s the technical foul that gets called at John Brown University (in Siloam Springs, Ark.) every season when the basketball team sinks its first field goal and the fans respond by blanketing the court with toilet paper.

Roughly 500 rolls of TP take flight, in a tradition that dates back 30 years for the Golden Eagles. This season’s opener, Oct. 28 against Hillsdale Freewill Baptist, figures to be particularly celebratory, because it also will showcase the new Bill George Arena.

Damn, I wish I coulda been there for that.

Now, it’s one thing when it happens, and the other team just stands there looking all annoyed about it.&#160 But when the opponents are actually wanting&#160 to be part of the festivities, that just makes it all the more fun.

Can you imagine being the ref that gets to call that tech?&#160 I dunno if I could do it – I’d be too doubled over laughing my ass off.&#160

Let’s get on with the football.&#160 Sadly, I don’t think I’ll be wrong tonight when I predict the end of the football season for my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.&#160 They’ve got Killeen in the area round of the playoffs over in Waxy-hachet (for the Uninitiated&#153, that’s my personal nickname for Waxahachie).

That’s “Killeen”, as in the ones who beat Stephenville earlier this year.&#160 That’s “Stephenville” as in, national “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) football power Stephenville.

Get ready to be plugged into the PFW, Bucky.

Saturday, Gary Patterson brings his 19th-ranked (gawd, it feels good to be able to say that again) TCU Horned Frogs for a couple of victory-lap games.&#160 Tomorrow’s is against the Colorado State Rams – and, while CSU always puts the fear o’ Cthulu into me, they never do all that well in Ft. Worth.&#160 And Vegas would seem to concur; they’re giving CSU 34 points.

And since UNLV is here next week, basically it’s win this one and force Britton Bernowsky Craig Thompson to don the stiff upper lip as he hands the Frogs their fourth – and last – Mountain West championship.

Mheh.

Also Saturday, fifth-ranked Oklahoma has to go down to Waco and put up with all the swooning over 22nd-ranked Baylor and ARRRRR GEEEEEE THREEEEEEE!!!!!!&#160 all night long.

Truth be told, I’d feel better about this game had the Cubbies not nearly stunk up the joing against Rock Chalk.&#160 Now they’ll be on their guard.&#160 Bob Stoops, have a care.

Early in the day, Bo Pelini’s 16th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers go to the Big House&#153 and square off against Denard Robinson and the 18th-ranked Michigan Wolverines.

Vegas has it as a toss-up (Michigan minus 3&#189 at home), but I don’t like this game – the Huskers always have trouble against fleet-footed QBs, and Robinson is as fleet-footed as they come –and&#160 he’s got an arm.&#160 Things don’t look good here.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowboys travel up to Warshington to play the Foreskins.

OZY McCOOL:&#160 Admiral…

[Venomous silences Ozy with a mere glance.]

OZY McCOOL:&#160 …uh, right.&#160 Forgot for a second.&#160 Sorry.

Back in Dallas, they could only manage six field goals.&#160 But that was BD (Before DeMarco).&#160 Dallas has gotten better since then, while Warshington’s gotten worse.

I’m actually pulling for Dallas in this one, since you will never – ever – catch me pulling for the Foreskins.

We’re back Monday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, Rock Chalk visits Texas A&M, and I don’t think even A&M will be able to blow this&#160 lead.&#160 And Bucky will travel to Champaign and run roughshod all over the Illini.

So, as we exit, my question for HDD this week is…would you rather play in UIllinois’ regular stadium…or in Wrigley Field?

It’s a damned good thing that I don’t own the Texas Rangers baseball franchise.

Ron “Crackhead” Washington would not have gotten the chance to manage Game 7.&#160 He would have been fired tonight.

It’s the bottom of the 7th, and Michael Young of the Texas Rangers just went deep against Brad Penny of the Detroit Tigers.&#160 And then, one out later, Nelson Cruz went deep for a two-run shot.

It’s now 15-4, Rangers.

Ain’t gonna be no fucking comeback tonight.

Suck it, Detroit!!!&#160 BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!!1!1!!!!ONE-ELEVENTY-ELEVENTEEN (snort)&#160

UPDATE:&#160 Final:

at Texas 15, Detroit 5

A second straight American League pennant.

Damn.&#160 Just, damn.

Payback is such&#160 a bitch, ain’t it, Miami?

BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!!!!11!!!!ONE!!!ELEVENTYTEEN!!!1!~

Yeah, the same ones who were laughing at the Dallas Mavericks & their fans after the Spurs beat the higher-seeded Mavs last year in the playoffs…?

How’s it feel, chumps?!?!?!&#160

Remember my chagrin, Denizens, when my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets blew a 25-point lead last year against Saginaw Boswell?

And the final score from the “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) basketball playoffs at Burleson High School:

Arlington Heights 85, Saginaw Boswell 27

No big-time comeback this&#160 time, was there, Pioneers?

For the Uninitiated&#153, many of Heights’ skill players in football (e.g. Marquis Jackson) play hoops, as well.

Gee, y’think maybe those guys were a little pissed&#160 at Boswell?&#160 I mean, I don’t necessarily wanna say “revenge”, but…&#160

ITEM:&#160 T-sip U. the other day inked a 20-year, $300 extra-large (that’s million&#160 to those of you in the Church of the SubTarded) contract with the four-lettered Mickey Mouse outfit (that’d be “ESPN” to the aforementioned SubTarded) to broadcast TU athletic events.

UT President William Powers Jr. said the agreement, which also involves IMG College, a company that handles marketing and licensing for the university, will create 50 to 100 network jobs based at Royal-Memorial Stadium, fund some academic initiatives and further cement the university’s sports brand, already one of the most lucrative in the nation.

”We see this as a very important part of sort of continuing to reinvent the models through which we do business,” Powers said. “This is reflective of being much more creative in how public higher education positions itself as we go forward, even aside from the athletics.”

LORD VENOMOUS’ REACTION:&#160 Well, they have to meet the player payroll somehow.

(NOTE:&#160 The above is my First Amendment-protected opinion.&#160 TU attorneys – you can turn it sideways and go fuck yourselves with it.)

When the Tex-ass stRangerS failed to guarantee Cliff Lee a seventh year, thus letting him get away to Pussydelphia, the thinking was “well, okay, we’ll just trade for Kansas City’s Zach Greinke, and we’ll have our ace and we’ll be fine.&#160 No worries.”

Welllllll, not so fast.&#160 KC just traded Greinke and Yuniesky Betancourt to Milwaukee for two pitching prospects, a shortstop & an outfielder.

Plan “C”, anyone?&#160