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Figures I’d go out on a clunker of a clusterfuck like that.

But then again, sportz fanz…that’s what Executive Fiat&#153 is for.

Cincinnati 10, at Indianapolis 26

Pittsburgh 17, at Baltimore 30

Detroit 20, at Dallas 24

at Arizona 16, Carolina 27

#19 Auburn 31, #18 Wisconsin 34 (OT) (Outback Bowl)

#14 UCLA 40, #11 Kansas State 35 (Alamo Bowl)

Bucky found their running game again in the nick of time.&#160 Melvin Gordon found the holes that Ohio State wasn’t giving him, and ran for 251 yards & three scores.&#160 Auburn’s attempt to tie in overtime clanged off the right upright.

The Bruins had to hold off a late charge from Bill Snyder’s Wildcats, but held on to win a squeaker.

Shoulda known better to pick the third-string quarterback in the playoff game.&#160 Arizona’s defense is good, but so is Carolina’s.&#160 Ryan Lindley basically didn’t have a shot.

This isn’t Ray “Unconvicted Thug” Lewis’ Raven defense – but someone forgot to tell Ben Rothelisberger that.

Oh, great.&#160 Now&#160 Dallas decides to start winning.

No matter.&#160 I still don’t regret my decision to throw them out of the PFW.

I do, however, regret my decision to go with Cincinnati because of Andy Dalton.

He now gets the nickname I had bequeathed upon his ex-Cowboy teammate, Terrence Newman – “Bust”.

It’s the fact of the matter – Andy Dalton is not the answer at quarterback in Cincinnati.&#160 He’s not NFL-starter caliber.&#160 He throws too many interceptions, and doesn’t take care of the ball well enough in the pocket (he lost yet another fumble yesterday).&#160 He has a lot of work to do to improve in the NFL, and I don’t think it’s going to happen in Cincy.

So it’s a 1-5 record for the week

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, but I’m declaring a Perfect Football Weekend&#153 anyway.

MERLIN:&#160 Why, m’liege?&#160 This is the worst week you’ve had since…

KORRIOTH:&#160 …since you posted that oh-fer last year.

[Venomous glares at Korrioth.]

KORRIOTH (feigning look of innocence):&#160 Hey, I’m just sayin’.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

But then, there was this:

#8 Michigan State 42, #5 Baylor 41

Michigan State scored three touchdowns in the fourth quarter on New Year’s Day to beat playoff-snubbed and No. 5 Baylor 42-41 in the highest-scoring Cotton Bowl ever.


Michigan State (11-2), which won the Rose Bowl as Big Ten champions last season, has won four consecutive bowl games after trailing in each of them at halftime. The Spartans’ only two losses this season were to Pac-12 winner Oregon and Big Ten champ Ohio State.

Down 41-21 going into the fourth quarter , Michigan State got the winning touchdown after Marcus Rush blocked Chris Callahan’s 43-yard field goal attempt with 1:05 left.

Kinda reminiscent of how Baylor scored 24 on TCU in the fourth quarter back in October, huh?&#160 (Without all the bogus pass-interference penalties, of course.)

Live by the 21-point comeback…die by the 21-point comeback.

And after all the crowing Baylor did after 61-58…there are no words to express how sweet it was to see Baylor eat crow Thursday.&#160 HAPPY NEW YEAR, CUBTARDS!!!!!!&#160

This week:&#160 2-5.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend achieved by Executive Fiat&#153 (4).&#160 Final PFW record:&#160 83-34-1.

It was a pretty decent year, as Perfect Football Weekend&#153 years go.&#160 Heights did well, TCU had a killer year…all in all, no complaints.

And that does it for me, Denizens.&#160 I’d say “…and now, we return you to your regularly-scheduled rant-blogging”, except that there’s going to be nothing to return to.

The blog is closing this year (I’ll make the official annoucement later on), and this is likely my last ever blog post.&#160 I’m going on hiatus to work on other things in my life…specifically, my health.&#160 I gained 20 pounds over the holidays, and I’m pushing 40-inch slacks again.&#160 So, much of my free time will be spent working out and trying to get back down to at least 220, hopefully less.

And, to be brutally honest about it…I’ve lost the desire to do this.&#160 See, I’ve been at this, in some way, shape or form, since 1992.&#160 22, 23-some-odd years of My Eternal Wisdom&#153 (snort!), as it were, either as a BBS, or as a website that I created/wrote myself, or as a blog.

And I’m tired…and I’m tired of it.

It used&#160 to be fun – but it hasn’t been fun for a long time.&#160 A very&#160 long time.&#160 And I don’t see beating my head against the proverbial brick wall to do it if it’s no longer any fun.

For me, there are fewer days ahead than behind.&#160 I need to make more of those days than I have as of late.

Vicar, General – feel free to post as you like, but keep in mind no one’s reading us – not even the Six Or Seven&#153 – so it’s pretty much screaming into the whirlwind at this point.

So, as Mr. Rhyner says most nights…you guys stay hard, keep jammin’ – and we’ll see ya…


As we start the 2nd half of the back-to-back Perfect Football Weekend&#153, we once again enlist the services of the He Ain’t All That & A Bag O’ Chips Department&#153, which brings us yet more lamenting about the Washington REDSKINS, YOU FUCKING LIBERALS!!!&#160 slide into oblivion:

For the sixth time in the past seven seasons, the Washington Redskins will finish last in the NFC East division. With four wins against 11 losses, the team has little at stake in Sunday’s season finale against the playoff-bound Dallas Cowboys.

But unlike last season, when a poisoned relationship between then-Coach Mike Shanahan and quarterback Robert Griffin III undermined the Redskins, no single relationship or failing explained Washington’s futility on the field in 2014. Instead, a series of shortcomings proved insurmountable: injuries, instability at quarterback, poor discipline among players, ill-advised play calls and friction in the locker room, to name a few.

Such hurdles are routinely overcome by better NFL teams, but they proved too much in Washington, where losing has become ingrained in the environment of a once proud franchise.

You are encouraged, as our old frenemy Straight Up With Sherri used to say, to go read the rest.

For my part – how many times have I told anyone who would listen that The Second Coming Of The World’s Greatest Ever Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever!!!!!&#153, aka ARRRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!, that he wasn’t&#160 the greatest thing since sliced bread?&#160 That the only reason he is where he is right now is because of one game against an inexperienced TCU secondary playing its first game together?&#160 And that one of those touchdowns was an illegal double forward pass?&#160 And how, had Ross Evans been able to kick his way out of a paper sack, that Griffin would not have won the Heisman?

Anyone?&#160 Anyone?&#160 Bueller?

I’d give this a WITY&#153 – but I’ve already given it one, so what’s the point?

Let’s get on with it.&#160 With the end of TCU’s season, there’s one Core Team&#153 left – the Cincinnati Bengals – and their run will end Sunday in Indianapolis as they begin/end the playoffs against the Colts.

For the wildcard games

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, we’ll take the Arizona Cardinals to win in Carolina, Pittsburgh to end Baltimore’s year at Heinz Field, and Detroit (specifically, Megatron) to be too much for Dallas’ secondary.

For colleges

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, I like #19 Auburn over #18 Bucky in the Outback Bowl (I imagine the Tigers watched that Ohio State film) and #14 UCLA to edge #11 K-State in the Alamo Bowl (the Wildcats have problems with quality quarterbacks).

We’ll have the final recap & benediction Monday or so, as this is (in all probability) the last ever episode of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153. Be here!


Memo to the College Playoff Committee:

Did you see what we did to the team that beat your precious Crimson Tide yesterday?

What do you think we would have done to Saban’s boys…hmmmmm?

#6 TCU 42, #9 Ole Miss 3 (Peach Bowl)

Cincinnati 17, at Pittsburgh 27

West Virginia 37, Texas A&M 45 (Liberty Bowl)

#17 Clemson 40, Oklahoma 6 (Russell Athletic Bowl)

#13 Georgia 37, #21 Louisvile 14 (Belk Bowl)

#7 Mississippi State 34, #12 Georgia Tech 49 (Orange Bowl)

#24 Southern Cal 45, Nebraska 42 (Holiday Bowl)

Two more picks for Andy, and the Steelers generally just showed Cincinnati (again) that they made a mistake giving him that huge contract.

Sorry, Andy.&#160 If this is the best you can do, you’ve regressed since the Rose Bowl.&#160 You have a lot&#160 of work to do next year, once the annual one-and-done playoff is over for you.

The Cornhuskers made their obligatory comeback after falling down by 18 in the third, but Tommy Armstrong’s last-gasp heave fell short as time expired.

Nice going, Mountaineers.&#160 You let a freshman quarterback beat you.&#160 TCU should’ve hung 60 on you idiots.

But even at that, at least you gave A&M a game.&#160 That’s more than we can say for “Big Game” Bob Stoops.

The calls for his head on a pike have just increaesd about a hundredfold.&#160 You don’t generally put a coach who’s won a national championship for you on the hot seat…but Bobby is now on the hot seat.

No Todd Gurley?&#160 No Hutson Mason?

No problem.&#160 Just give it to Nick Chubb.

Freshman Nick Chubb took over from there

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, running for a career-high 266 yards and two touchdowns as No. 13 Georgia defeated 21st-ranked Louisville 37-14 in the Belk Bowl on Tuesday night.

Chubb’s rushing total was second highest in school history, behind only Herschel Walker’s 283 yards rushing against Vanderbilt in 1980.

Speaking of getting run over…I knew the Yellow Jackets had a ground game (and not much else), but if you don’t at least try&#160 to force them to pass, it’s gonna be a long day.

And thus it was for the Bulldogs.

Wasn’t a very good day for Mississippians in general, in fact.&#160 Bo Wallace was intercepted on the third play of the game by Chris Hackett.&#160 Two plays later, the Frogs went all Boise State again on the Rebels when Kolby Listenbee took a lateral and fired a strike to Aaron Green for a 31-yard score.

It went downhill for Ole Miss from there.&#160 The dagger came when Wallace, having just escaped a safety by diving out to his own 2-yard line, was blitzed by Paul Dawson & Marcus Mallet and tried to intentionally ground the ball.&#160 He was in the back of the end zone – which, once the penalty was called, would’ve resulted in the safety for the Frogs.

Enter James McFarland.&#160 The defensive tackle made a diving catch of the ball in the end zone for the Tadpole touchdown.&#160 28-0…game , set, match.

It’s a safe bet that TCU could probably have beaten all four of the so-called College Football Playoff teams.&#160 Like I said – this is nothing more than the BCS with two extra teams, and TCU has just shown that it could beat them all.

Playoff committee, rope, lampposts.&#160 Some assembly required.

This week:&#160 4-3.&#160 Overall:&#160 81-29-1.

Be right back with this week’s PFW.


Okay, Denizens, so I’m a little late with this week’s Perfect Football Weekend&#153, mkay?&#160 Bite Sue me.&#160 It’s not like I really had a lot of games to work with, y’know?&#160 (Although I prob’ly would have picked #22 USC to go over the Pelini-less Nebraska Cornhuskers, so we’ll go ahead and count that.)

We open up this week to find…that the consensus in Cleveland seems to be that the Browns are still looking for their franchise quarterback:

With coach Mike Pettine admitting this week that the Browns will have doubts about Johnny Manziel even if he hits “it out of the park” in the final two games and “a ton of doubts” if he doesn’t play well , the Browns will explore all of their options at quarterback, including trading up into the top five to draft Heisman Trophy winner Marcus Mariota.

Browns general manager Ray Farmer has repeatedly said that he’ll always explore every option at all positions — and Mariota is one glaring and tempting possibility for the Browns this offseason. The Browns have scouted him this season and will continue to do so.

This from the gang that drafted Johnny Football.

And then we wonder why some franchises never seem to get it.

Okay, let’s go.&#160 Cincinnati gets the wild card tonight, as they’re in Pittsburgh to play the Steelers for the AFC Central title…anyone who honestly thinks they’re gonna beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh…?


Yeah, thought so.

Wednesday, it’s Gary Patterson and his top-ranked sixth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs in the Georgia Dome to play the Peach Bowl versus Ole Miss.&#160 The Rebels should be respected – for one, they haven’t bowed (much) to political correctness, and still call themselves the Rebels.&#160 Secondly, they’re the only team this year to have beaten Alabama.&#160 That in itself raises an eyebrow or two.

Vegas right now has the Frogs as a 3&#189-point favorite.&#160 Means I won’t have any fingernails left by game’s end.&#160 Pisses me off, ’cause I have to work that day.

For the wildcards, we’ll take West Virginia in the Liberty Bowl over the Jekyll-and-Hyde Texas A&M Aggies (both teams will play backup quarterbacks; I’m betting WV’s are better than A&M’s)

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, Dabo Sweeney’s 17th-ranked Clemson Tigers over the Oklahoma Sooners in the Russell Athletic Bowl (Bob Stoops’ season comes to a merciful end), 13th-ranked Georgia to feast on Louisville Cardinal in the Belk Bowl, and a tip o’ the hat to the Vicar, as #7 Mississippi State runs over Georgia Tech in the Orange Bowl.

We’ll come back New Year’s Day with a recap, assuming the hangover isn’t too bad, and start another PFW right after that. GO FROGS!!!!


Nice going, Mr. Dalton.

at Cincinnati 38, Denver 27

Nevada 3, Lousiana-Lafayette 16 (New Orleans Bowl)

Utah State 21, UT El Paso 6 (New Mexico Bowl)

Utah 45, Colorado State 10 (Las Vegas Bowl)

Air Force 38, Western Michigan 24 (Famous Idaho Potato Bowl)

BYU 48, Memphis 55

Texas U’s defeat at the hands of BigamY U just made Charlie Strong just that much sicker.

Also , there was a fight at the end of the game.&#160 BigamY U won on sucker punch points.

Way to embarrass the Mountain West, Nevada.&#160 At least when TCU got a bowl against a Lousy-ana opponent while in the MWC, they took care of business.

It wasn’t so much Andy’s night (17/26 – 146 yards, one pick) as it was the Bengal defense (four picks of Peyton, one a pick-six), plus a couple of sacks.

The Bengals winning with defense.&#160 Whoda thunk it?

With the win

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, Cincy assures itself of a playoff spot – which means the PFW will go a little longer than expected.&#160

This week:&#160 4-2.&#160 Overall:&#160 77-26-1.

The PFW will return Friday night, when we call the Peach Bowl (and maybe scarf down some Chick-Fil-A in the process).


Well, Denizens, it’s bowl season, and that means that as a lead-in for this week’s Perfect Football Weekend™ – I got nothin’.

About the only thing really going on in football right now is that…well, here’s the backstory.&#160 Back in May, there was a lawsuit filed in federal court against the NFL that claimed that…

the league illegally supplied them with risky narcotics and other painkillers that numbed their injuries for games and led to medical complications down the road.

The lawsuit alleges that the league obtained and administered the drugs without prescriptions and without warning players of their potential side effects, to speed the return of injured players to the field and maximize profits. Players claim that they were never told about broken legs and ankles and instead were fed pills to mask the pain. One says that instead of surgery, he was given anti-inflammatories and skipped practices so he could play in money-making games. And others say that after years of free pills from the NFL, they retired from the league addicted to the painkillers.

Well, I can’t find the link on it, but I was listening to the Ben Ferguson Show on WBAP yesterday on the way to work, and according to Fergie, a judge dismissed the suit.

(shrug) Meh.


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, let’s get to it.&#160 Bowl season starts…

MERLIN:&#160 Ahem.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Yes

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, Wizard?

MERLIN:&#160 The Core Teams&#153…?

Well, there’s only one – Cincinnati hosts Denver Monday night, and Peyton’s gonna torch the Bengal secondary, and Andy’s probably not gonna look too good against John Fox’s defense; thus, so much for the PFW.

So for the wildcard games, we’re doing Nevada over Louisiana-Lafayette in the New Orleans Bowl (always take the Mountain West team against any Sun Belt team), Utah State over UTEP in the New Mexico Bowl (ditto for the MWC over Conference USA), 22nd-ranked Utah over Colorado State in the Lost Wages Las Vegas Bowl (the Utes always used to dominate the Rams in the MWC; no reason they shouldn’t continue to), Air Force to run roughshod over Western MIchigan in the Potato Bowl (Western Michigan?&#160 Really?) and BigamY U. to cream Memphis Monday night in the Miami Beach Bowl.&#160 (The Miami Beach Bowl???&#160 Really???)

We’re back Tuesday or so with the recap.&#160 In the meantime…Vicar, have you ever thought about using football tie-ins in your sermons?&#160


Lovely.&#160 Now&#160 they decide they can beat Phuckadelphia.

Cincinnati 30, at Cleveland 0

Navy 17, Army 10

at N. Dakota State 39, Coastal Carolina 32

at Phuckadelphia 27, Dallas 38

at NY Football Douchebags 24, Washington REDSKINS, YOU FUCKING LIBTARDS&#160 13

at Seattle 17, San Transsexual 7

Denver 22, at San Diego 10

At least Coastal made a game of it.

Army made a game of things, too.&#160 Either that, or Navy’s QB isn’t very good this year.

In any event, the game was a lot closer than it should’ve been.&#160 The Middies pulled it out after trailing most of the day.

For a moment

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, it looked like the FairyWhiners were going to be able to shove the ball down the Seahags’ throat at will.&#160 But Gore’s touchdown was all they would get.

Peyton had the flu.&#160 Didn’t matter much.

As predicted, ARRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE started in place of Weenie Boy McCoy.

As predicted, it didn’t matter.

Memo to Cleveland:&#160 If it’s any consolation, Troy Aikman was shut out by N’awlins in his rookie debut, too.

Wonderful.&#160 Where was this&#160 Cowgirl team on Thanksgiving?

This week:&#160 6-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 73-24-1.

I’ll look through the schedule, see if there are any college games next week, but there’s gonna be pretty slim pickin’s until bowl season starts up next week.&#160 That said, the PFW will be back Friday or so.


Denizens, as we begin this somewhat-lighter-schedule Perfect Football Weekend&#153, I reflect on the problem associated with waiting too long to comment on an issue of the day:&#160 Everyone else has already beaten me to the punch and said everything I was going to say.

Here’s the deal:&#160 As you already know, TCU was shafted out of its rightful place in the first College Football National Championship Playoff by a half-assed, ball-less, dickless set of wonders known as the College Football Playoff Committee.&#160 (Notable on this august&#160 body (*cough*) is the presence of one Condeleeza Rice.&#160 (Yeah, that&#160 Condi Rice – W’s old Secretary of State.&#160 One pretty damn good reason not to trust it.))

This motley crew decided, in its infinite&#160 wisdom (*coughbullshitcough*), not only to drop TCU out of its playoff grouping in favor of Ohio State, but also to drop the Frogs to sixth, behind Baylor.

Now, from the committee’s point of view, I sorta-kinda see why they’d favor an Ohio State, especially after their 59-0 shellacking they gave Bucky.&#160 (Which rather goes to show that:&#160 1) Bucky wasn’t that good to begin with – if you have Joel Stave as your starting QB, you can’t be very good, and 2) if your conference’s second-best team can’t score in a championship game, how strong is your conference, really?)

What pisses me off, however, is that after all the props I give them for ignoring the shitty officiating that cost TCU against Baylor, they drop TCU based on (their claim) “head-to-head” – then&#160 they say that they couldn’t make a determination on that&#160 until after&#160 the Cubtwats played K-State – trying to claim “body of work”, as it were.

Okay, so let me see if I have this straight:&#160 TCU is three spots ahead of Baylor prior to the Cubshits playing K-State.&#160 Baylor beat K-State by 11.

TCU beat K-State by 21.

And that earns the Frogs a ranking below&#160 the Cubturds?&#160 The same bunch of pussies that went the very next week and lost&#160 to the same West Virginia team that TCU beat?&#160 On the very same field where the Frogs beat them?

Dale Hansen, as much as I dislike the heterophobe, said it best here:

Five of the top six teams have a loss, and TCU has the only loss that matters in this final poll. That’s quite a system.

It is, for all intents & purposes, the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) all over again – just with two extra teams.&#160 And it left out – again – the one team that could have beaten the fuck out of all of them, including Florida State.

Fuck you, BCS II.

On with the football.&#160 Cincy’s the only Core Team&#153 playing this week, and they’ll be the first victim of the Johnny Football Era&#153

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, as Manziel makes his first start at home against the Ben-gals.&#160 And the way Andy’s playing nowadays, Manziel will likely be the better quarterback on the field tomorrow.

The wildcards:&#160 North Dakota State hosting Coastal Carolina in the NCAA FCS Championship semifinals (the Bison are up 24-20 as I write this, and I like their 21-game home streak to continue); Army vs. Navy (the Black Knights may&#160 beat the Middies some day…but, as Gowron once said, “not today”.&#160 Besides, had it not been for my round gut & my flat feet, I’d have been a swabbie twenty years ago.&#160 GO NAVY!!!)…and in the NFL tomorrow, the Cowgirlz will once again get their asses kicked by the Phuckadelphia Beagles (Allas – no D – still has no secondary), the NY Football Douchebags hosting the WASHINGTON REDSKINS, DAMMIT!!!!!!&#160 (look for ARRRRR GEEEEEEE THREEEEEEE!!!!!! to start if Weenie-Boy McCoy can’t – not that it’ll matter), the San Transsexual FairyWhiners on the road against the Seattle Seahags (Russell Wilson’s bunch beginning to put it all back together), Denver on the road against the San Diego…Super-Char-gers&#160 (Manning torches the SD secondary again) , and the General’s Houston Texans on the road againt the Indian-hapless Horseshoes (doesn’t matter who the Texans start – Luck’s better).

We’re back Monday or so for a short recap.&#160 In the meantime…a question for the Vicar:&#160 How many points do you want from TCU?&#160


Basically just results & a couple of comments tonight, Denizens.&#160 I’ll tell you why at the end of the recap.

at #3 TCU 55, Iowa State 3

at Cincinnati 21, Pittsburgh 42

at #20 Oklahoma 35, Oklahoma State 38 (OT)

#13 Wisconsin 0, #5 Ohio State 52 (B1G championship game at Indianapolis, IN)

#1 Alabama 42, Missouri 13 (SEC championship game at Atlanta, GA)

at Connecticut 20, SMUT 27

Cincinnati was actually leading at the end of three in this game, 21-17.&#160 Then not only did the defense collapse, so did Andy & the offense.

Cincy’s probably officially sorry they gave Dalton that fat contract.

Memo to Mizzou:&#160 Offense wins games…defense wins championships.

Oh, great.&#160 Now&#160 SMUT wins a game.

If Kennycut hated the Shitland Ponies before… (shakes head)

Stoopes went conservative at the end of the game, then Michael Hunnicutt went all Ross Evans again&#160 and missed a chip shot.

They’re beginning to call for Stoopes’ head up in Norman.

Everyone seems to be marveling at how badly the Buckeyes manhandled Bucky, and I have to admit – the final score is rather disquieting.

But look at it this way:&#160 Wisconsin is a one-dimensional team.&#160 That dimension is named Melvin Gordon.

Joel Stave is not a college-caliber quarterback.&#160 You will not see this kid playing on Sunday

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, ever – unless, possibly, it’s as a safety in a defensive backfield.&#160 For Jacksonville.&#160 The kid couldn’t even start for the Cowgirlz, this is how bad he is.

So what Ohio State did was to load up the box against Melvin Gordon, and dare Stave to beat them.&#160 And – not surprisingly – he couldn’t.

The one thing I disliked about the Frogs’ victory over the Cyclones is the first touchdown – a long lateral back to receiver David Porter, who then threw it back to Trevone Boykin on a trick-play forward pass, whereupon Boykin raced, untouched, to the end zone.

Just like Smurf Turf Bullshit State&#160 would have drawn it up.

Lookit.&#160 I’m of the old school – line ’em up, eleven-on-eleven, this-is-what’s-coming-try-to-stop-it, and let’s see who the better team is on a given day.&#160 For a team (coughBoiseStatecough) to have to rely on trickery, to me, is an indication of just how inferior that team is.&#160 TCU is head-and-shoulders better than Iowa State, anyway – did they really&#160 need to pull that on them?


This week:&#160 2-4.&#160 Overall:&#160 67-23-1.

The PFW will return Saturday morning.&#160 I’m working on a Majorly Fucking Hellacious Rant&#153, and anyone associated with the College Football Playoff System&#153 should probably don their asbestos Underoos&#153 for it.

See you then.


Denizens, this Cham-Peen-Ship Eee-Dish-Shun&#153 of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 begins with the old adage, “If you have to tell someone how good you actually are…you actually aren’t”.

Exhibit #6…as in the sixth-ranked Baylor Cubbies…and their public-relations firm.

Baylor has hired Kevin Sullivan Communications, but the company’s founder and namesake says his company wasn’t hired to influence opinion.

“We were hired just to be an extra resource on the media relations front to help out (Baylor executive associate athletic director) Nick (Joos),” Kevin Sullivan told Fox Sports Southwest on Monday night. “He’s got a small staff and has a huge amount of activity going on right now.”

The university hired the firm last week.

Sullivan said Baylor had used the firm in the past and he’d had a long relationship with Joos. He also said any insinuation that the firm had been hired to influence the 12-person committee charged with selecting the four participants in the College Football Playoff was “inaccurate.”

“We’re just trying to set up some national interviews for (athletic director) Ian (McCaw),” Sullivan said. “It’s media relations, that’s all.”

So, essentially, the Dumb Fucks Down In Waco&#153 didn’t hire Sully’s group to influence public opinion, NoSirreeBob&#153.&#160 No, they’re&#160 just going to help with media relations.

To help them&#160 influence public opinion.

The simple fact is this:&#160 The Playoff Selection Committee has seen the 61-58 travesty that took place in Waco a few weeks back – and the more they’ve thought about it

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, the more they have realized that there’s no fucking way in Hell&#153 that Baylor’s a better team than TCU – a position pretty strongly reinforced by that selfsame Cubbie squad getting torched by unranked&#160 West Virginia the next week.

Memo to Widdle Artie Bwiles and the rest of the Baylor pussies:&#160 Save the PR money next time – and just beat West Virginia.&#160 (Oh, and playing someone other&#160 than the Little Sisters of the Poor in non-conference wouldn’t hurt, either.)

Okay, here we go.&#160 It’s finally put-up-or-shut-up time for Gary Patterson and his third-ranked TCU Horned Frogs.&#160 They have Iowa State at home – and though the Cyclones aren’t going to be the pushover everyone’s expecting…how bad are they?

They got beat by Rock Chalk.

If TCU wants to be taken seriously this year, they not only have to beat Iowa State at home, but beat them convincingly.&#160 None of this “we only need to score one more point than them” bullshit this week, Coach P.&#160 We have to have a beating of Texas Tech proportions tomorrow (sorry, General).&#160 Pull what Baylor did last week against Tech, and both Baylor and&#160 Ohio State will jump you.

One of your team mottos is “Leave No Doubt”.&#160 Well, now’s the time.

Sunday, Andy Dalton & the Cincinnati Bengals will play host to Ben Roethelisberger (did I spell that right?) and the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Pittsburgh…isn’t quite as good this year as in years past.&#160 They’re still 7-5, but they’ve looked postively horrible in those five losses.&#160 Still, it’s a technical toss-up (Bengals favored at home by three); it’ll depend on how well Cincy’s line protects Andy.

The wild-card games this week are as follows:&#160 Oklahoma State to play #20 Oklahoma in the annual Bedlam game (never mind where they go post-season – this is OU’s bowl game), 13th-ranked Wisconsin vs. #5 The Ohio State University in the B1G championship game (sorry, but OSU has no chance against Bucky with their third-string quarterback playing) , top-ranked Alabama vs. 16th-ranked Mizzou in the SEC championship game (I’d love for Mizzou to win here, ’cause it might actually propel Baylor to the top four and finally get them to shut up – but Bama’s too strong) and SMUT going up to play Connecticut (the Huskies were the Shitland Ponies’ first post-Death Penalty victim, and Kennycut’s never forgotten that; SMUT completes its winless season).

I’m back at work Monday, so I’ll get to the recap ASAP – hopefully Sunday.&#160 In the meantime, Vicar, care to pick the SEC winner…?


Another WITY&#153 in the books, Denizens.

Canyon Randall 35, Wichita Falls Rider 28

#5 TCU 48, at Texas 10

Cincinnati 14, at Tampa Bay 13

at #1 Alabama 55, #15 Auburn 44

at Iowa 34, Nebraska 37 (OT)

at #14 Wisconsin 34, #18 Minnesota 24

Revenge acquired for Arlington Heights; thank you, Randall HS.&#160 We’re done with the high-schoolers ’til next year (if&#160 there’s a “next year” – jury’s still out on that).

No 109-yard comeback for the Tigers this&#160 year.&#160 Roll Tide!

I swear to Cthulhu – something’s wrong with Andy.&#160 Not even in his early days at TCU was he this&#160 bad.&#160 Granted, it looked like he was playing with the flu Sunday – but this goes beyond that.

Three more picks (all in the first half), and had they not been playing the Yukkaneers, it could have gotten even uglier.&#160 As it was, they had to come back from 10 down to win by one.&#160 (Think he got that from Gary Patterson.)

Too much Melvin Gordon, who damn near outrushed the entire Gopher team all by his lonesome (151 to 177 for UMinn).

Bucky now plays The Ohio State University&#153 for the B1G cham-peen-ship.

Speaking of Gary Patterson – for all the hullabaloo (ki-neck, ki-neck – sorry, little A&M lingo there) surrounding the revamped Frog offense, it’s still that swarming 4-2-5 defense that is TCU’s calling card.&#160 And with the exception of one bubble screen that went for a 73-yard score, that calling card got shoved up the Longhorns’ ass Thursday.

Six turnovers (including four picks, one a pick-six) four sacks of Texas QB Tyrone Swoopes – who will&#160 eventually be good, he just has growing pains like every other young quarterback – and an efficient (if not spectacular) effort from Trevone Boykin led to the Frog romp.

Give Iowa a defense, and there’s no telling where the Hawkeyes could go in the B1G.

But they don’t

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, and when Nebraska kicked the tying field goal following a 35-yard bomb from Tommy Armstrong to Brandon Reilly

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, one could pretty much tell that the Hawkeyes were going to piss this one away.&#160 Good teams don’t surrender 10-point fourth-quarter leads to teams like Nebraska.

This week…

MERLIN:&#160 Uh…m’lord?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Yes, Wizard?

MERLIN:&#160 The WITY&#153…?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Oh, right.&#160 Good catch.

Remember I said that we were witnessing the last days of Pelini’s reign of error in the Corn Nation?

Two days after the Husker win…

Bo Pelini was fired on Sunday, ending the seven-year run of the polarizing figure as Nebraska’s football coach.

“We weren’t good enough in the games that mattered,” athletic director Shawn Eichorst said in his meeting with the media that lasted nearly 35 minutes. “I didn’t see that changing at the end of the day.”

Translation:&#160 they were getting stomped in those big games (see: Nebraska 24, Wisconsin 59).&#160 That was becoming the rule rather than the exception.&#160 This is why Bo got shown the door.

So?&#160 What’d I Tell Ya&#153?

This week:&#160 5-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 65-19-1.

The PFW will return Saturday (or maybe Friday evening, who knows) to discuss the likelihood of TCU’s first major-conference championship in nearly 20 years – and the requisite gloating.&#160 See you then.


Denizes, as we start the Holiday Edition&#153 of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153, it is time for yet another WITY&#153.&#160 Someone else besides me has finally&#160 figured out that The Second Coming Of The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever!&#153 – aka ARRRRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!1!!!ONE!!~ – isn’t all that ‘n a bag o’ chips.

Only this&#160 time…it’s his head coach.

If Jay Gruden’s stinging words this week about quarterback Robert Griffin III have not resonated, team sources tell ESPN that the Washington Redskins coach is prepared to speak louder if the third-year quarterback does not perform more consistently Sunday against the San Francisco 49ers.

That means Griffin could be yanked Sunday in favor of Colt McCoy, who is 2-0 as Griffin’s sub, or an evaluation will be made to make a move next week.

Gruden’s criticism has cited a breakdown in fundamentals, Griffin’s inability to overcome adversity and even that he has been “coddled.”


Through four games, Griffin has thrown for 763 yards , with 2 total touchdowns, 3 interceptions and a QBR of 34.2. The Redskins are 0-2 since he returned from a dislocated left ankle.

I have long told anyone who would listen that the only&#160 reason Robert Griffin III was in the position he’s in was because of one game – the 2011 season opener against TCU.&#160 He had a decent enough game against an untested, inexperienced secondary…and at that, one of those touchdown passes was an illegal double forward pass.

Add to that the fact that Ross Evans couldn’t kick his way out of a paper bag, and what should have been a 51-50 TCU win turned out to be a 50-48 Baylor victory, and the birth of a pseudo-legend.

Well, after an admittedly successful rookie year, the NFL has had a chance to figure out ARRRR GEEEE THREEEEEE!!!!&#160 That, plus an injury has resulted in Grifiin, who (believe it or not) actually has a statue&#160 out in front of Baylor’s new stadium, turning into another Andre Ware (great college QB, not so much in the pros).&#160 They’ve figured out that if you want to make Griffin mediocre, keep him in the pocket.

And, earlier this week, coach Gruden did, in fact, pull that trigger:

The quaterback for the future for the Washington Redskins might not be in the locker-room as they believed.

Robert Griffin III, the Heisman trophy winner and top draft pick for Washington has battled injuries and a constant rotation on coaches and offensive coordinators. His days might be numbered as of this week.

After getting back in the line-up after battling injuries, Griffin will be finding himself back on the bench again.

When the Skins play the Indianapolis Colts this Sunday, journeyman Colt McCoy will be the starting quarterback. McCoy has played well when asked to play this season in Griffins absence.

Well?&#160 What’d I Tell Ya?&#153

Let’s get to the football.&#160 It’s Thanksgiving, so while we’re not&#160 chronicling the Dallas Cowgirlz this time around (even though they’re at home versus Filthydelphia), we are&#160 talking about Gary Patterson’s fifth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs as they’re in Austin against the Texas Longhorns T-Sip Shortdicks.&#160 TU’s defense is improved from a few weeks ago, but Vegas still has the Frogs as a 6&#189-point road fave.&#160 May come down to Jaden Overkrom again, we’ll have to see.

Cincinnati’s pretty much got a gimme this week, as they travel to Raymond James Stadium in Tampa Bay to play the Bucs.&#160 Andy, can you bring back one of those pirate wenches when you get back to Fort Worth?

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 HEY!!!!!!!


Arlington Heights is out of the playoffs, so we’re going to go with plan R – for Revenge.&#160 Wichita Falls Rider, which beat Heights last week, is up in the regional playoffs in Lubbock this week against Canyon Randall HS.&#160 GO RANDALL!!!!!

For the wildcards this week, we’re going with top-ranked Alabama hosting #15 Auburn (Bama’s has not forgotten that 109-yard failed-field-goal return from last year

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, and they’re out for revenge, as well), Nebraska at Iowa (the Huskers’ collapse continues as we observe what’re probably Pelini’s last days) and 18th-ranked Minnesota going to Camp Randall to get steamrolled by #14 Wisconsin (I’d love to see Minnehaha win here, as it helps TCU, but you’re not beating Bucky in Madison.&#160 Ain’t happening).

We’re back Monday with the recap.&#160 In the meantime…Vicar, how do you handicap the Egg Bowl (#19 Ole Miss vs. #4 Mississippi State)?


Well, it was a good run while it lasted.

Arlington Heights 23, Wichita Falls Rider 41

Cincinnati 22, at Houston 13

at #21 Oklahoma 44, Kansas 7

#25 Minnesota 28, at #23 Nebraska 24

#8 Ole Miss 0, at Arkansas 30

at Coastal Carolina 14, Liberty 15

Well, turnabout’s fair play, I s’pose.&#160 Turner Gill’s group lost in OT last year at home to Coastal Carolina, so it’s only fitting that they return the favor.

Gotta admit, Turner – I didn’t think you had it in you

I was pissed last week when LaDanian Tomlinson’s rushing record was broken.

That didn’t last long.

Samaje Perine obliterated Melvin Gordon’s 408-yard record by dashing for 427 yards & five touchdown in destroying Rock Chalk.

Andy threw his requisite pick-six (groan), but was decent enough otherwise – 24 of 35 for 372 and a score.

Well, there was a beatdown, all right.&#160 I just expected it to be the other way around, that’s all.

Looks like the Egg Bowl has lost just a touch of its luster.

It is said that Bo Pelini always finds a way to manage to lose four games.&#160 And that his seat is increasingly warm because of this.

Well , he’s on his way:

Jerry Kill’s building project at Minnesota has taken another huge step.

Down by double digits in the third quarter, and with star running back David Cobb on the sideline injured, the Gophers (No. 25 CFP) stunned Nebraska (No. 23 CFP, No. 21 AP) 28-24 on Saturday to keep alive their hopes in the Big Ten West.

“I’m not going to tell you that winning in Lincoln, Nebraska, doesn’t rank up there,” Kill said. “That’s not an easy thing to do.”

The Gophers trailed by 14 points at half and by 10 in the middle of the third quarter before Mitch Leidner led two long scoring drives that gave them the lead. Leidner’s 2-yard run put the Gophers ahead, and Briean Boddy-Calhoun made the defensive play of the game when he ripped the ball out of De’Mornay Pierson-El’s hands at the Minnesota 2-yard line with 1:19 left.


Minnesota (8-3, 5-2), assured of its best Big Ten record since 2003, can win the West and go to the conference championship game on Dec. 6 with a victory at Wisconsin next week. The Cornhuskers (8-3, 4-3), humiliated at Wisconsin a week ago, lost back-to-back conference games for the first time since 2009 and were eliminated from the West race.

On CornNation.com, they’re already calling for changes to be made.&#160 Pelini could be out by season’s end if this continues.

Rider figured out how to stop Heights:&#160 Don’t let them have the ball.

Heights only ran 16 first-half plays.&#160 They ran that many in the first quarter against Western Hills.

That sealed their doom.&#160 Rider raced to a 21-3 lead, then just played keep-up with Heights the rest of the game.

Should be a good Yellow Jacket team next year.&#160 For the first time since the Donnell Dickerson days

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, I’m highly encouraged.

This week:&#160 2-4.&#160 Overall:&#160 60-18-1.

The PFW returns Thursday for the Thanksgiving day edition.&#160 Belching will be heartily encouraged.&#160


As we launch this pre-holiday edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153, Denizens, I find myself having lost all respect for one Adrian Peterson of the Minne-haha ViQueens.

No, not because he drew a tiny dollop of blood when he spanked his son a little too hard with a switch.&#160 (As an aside…Steffi Dawn Stewart

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, I trust you’re not taking it easy on our son when it comes to discipline.&#160 I would hate to think he turned out…well, like you.)

No, I’ve lost respect for the man because he caved in to the NFL and promised “never to use a switch as discipline on any of his children again”.

“I won’t ever use a switch again,” Peterson told USA Today Sports in his first extensive public remarks since being indicted for reckless or negligent injury to a child. “There’s different situations where a child needs to be disciplined as far as timeout, taking their toys away, making them take a nap. There’s so many different ways to discipline your kids.”


Commissioner Roger Goodell, in a statement announcing Peterson’s suspension, was critical of the star running back, saying, “You have shown no meaningful remorse for your conduct.”

And what the ever-loving fuck&#160 do you&#160 know about “discipline”, Roger Goodfella?&#160 Hell – you&#160 thought it was okay to only suspend Ray Rice two fucking games!!!


As for you, Peterson – thanks for letting us know your kids are now gonna grow up to be just like the doucherifles over there in Ferguson, MO.

See, Denizens, this is what I rail about when I scream bloody murder about the pussification of America.&#160 Peterson’s kid probably had a spanking coming, but because a droplet of blood emanated from his butt-ocks (a little Forrest Gump lingo, there), the metrosexual pansy-assed dickless wonders that make up the Low-Information Lunatic Lickspittles&#153 of our society clutch their pearls, acquire Teh Vapors&#153 and decry what, fifty to sixty years ago, this society would have roundly cheered.

And then we wonder how we could have elected an illegal Kenyan bastard to the White House – twice – and then just sit, whine & kvetch when he goes and blatantly violates the Constitution instead of manning up, getting off our asses and going and doing&#160 something about it.

Thanks, A.P.


Let’s get on with the football.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have a chance to do what no Fort Worth “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) team has done in nearly 15 years:&#160 Win an area football playoff game.

They have Wichita Falls Rider tonight at 7:30 in Mineral Wells.&#160 Rider & Heights look to be pretty evenly matched – they beat White Settlement Brewer by more than did Heights, but didn’t beat Grapevine by as many as Heights did.&#160 They’re capable of putting up points, but they can also give them up, too.&#160 Should be a good game.

Sunday, Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals come to the Southern Command&#153 to take on Supreme General Rayegun’s Texans.&#160 If they can keep J.J. Watt out of the endzone (either offensively or defensively)

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, they might have a shot.&#160 Vegas has the Texans as a two-point home favorite, which translates to a toss-up.&#160 I guess it’ll depend on whether Ryan FitzPatrick takes the field.

TCU is off this week, so we’ll have four wildcard games: Rock Chalk to go into Norman and give #21 Oklahoma a scare (and if Kansas does&#160 pull off the upset, they’ll be calling for Bob Stoops’ head before the night’s out), #25 UMinnesota to have a letdown game against #23 Nebraska (and believe me, I’d love for Jerry Kill’s bunch to go in and upset Bo Pelini’s kids, but I just don’t see it happening), eighth-ranked Ole Miss to give Ar-kansas a shellacking in Fayetteville (I will never pick the Hogs for anything, ever), and Liberty U. to get their asses whipped at Coastal Carolina.&#160 (Sorry, Turner – I was gonna pick you…but then I saw whom you were playing, and you couldn’t beat ’em at home last year, so…(shrug))

We’re back Monday for the recap.&#160 (And it will&#160 be Monday, too – tune into this channel tomorrow to learn why.&#160 (Hint:&#160 This is as close to a countdown&#160 as you guys are gonna get this year.&#160 One.))


Welp…there go the playoffs.

Arlington Heights 70, Burleson Centennial 28 (Bi-District)

#4 TCU 34, at Kansas 30

Cincinnati 27, New Orleans 10

Oklahoma 42, at Texas Tech 30

at #20 Wisconsin 59, #16 Nebraska 24

at #5 Alabama 25, #1 Mississippi State 20

I’ll know more about the Yellow Jackets after they play Wichita Falls Rider next week – but these guys look like they could be for real.&#160 Not even the Turner Gill-led teams were this good.&#160 Damn.

Tech actually had OU down 21-7 before OU roared back to score 44 of the last 53 points.

Where was this team against Baylor?

Fuck you

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, Melvin Gordon.

Yeah, you beat Nebraska like I predicted.&#160 But you didn’t have to run for 408 yards to do it, asshole.&#160 Thanks for taking away LaDanian Tomlinson’s record, jackwagon.

Oh, well – we still beat your asses in the Rose Bowl.

Apologies again, Vicar.&#160 One just does not go into Tuscaloosa & expect to win – I don’t care if they were&#160 the number-one team in the land.

Used to be you just did not beat N’awlins at home.&#160 Now, they’ve lost two straight there.

Andy had three touchdown passes in a nice bounce-back effort.

They won the game.&#160 That’s about all

But the way they looked like shit doing it has already dropped them to #5 in the AP poll , and the likelihood is that they won’t be in the top for come tomorrow.

If Gary’s bunch plays this way against TU…well, it’ll be another Buffalo Wild Wings bowl bid… (sigh)

This week:&#160 6-0.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend achieved (3).&#160 Overall:&#160 58-14-1.

The PFW will return Friday, when Heights attempts to do something no Fort Worth high school team has done in 14 years.&#160 We’ll talk about it then.


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