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Mississippi State was favored over Southern Mississippi by 31 points. If we can keep Southern from scoring, we have the spread covered.



34 years ago today,Miss Leighann Moore and I were joined in the union of Holy Matrimony. In that ceremony standing before our Lord and our friends we committed to a lifetime of loving, honouring and cherishing each other, through good and bad. We have had both good and bad times, we have made good choices and we have made bad choices, but through it all my amazing wife has stuck with me, and has been faithful to the commitment she made at our wedding. This even though I have been the king of bad choices!

Happy Anniversary my Love, and thank you for a wonderful life together!




All hands on deck.

MERLIN:&#160 Ready, m’liege.

OZY McCOOL:&#160 Engineering reports full power to engines, Admiral.

KORRIOTH:&#160 We’re not going anywhere, Ozy.

OZY McCOOL:&#160 The Admiral demands operational readiness at all times, General.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Point.

K’HADIBAK’H:&#160 Tactical ready, m’lord.

RAYEGUN:&#160 Southern Command ready as requested, y’old geezer.

THE GENERALETTE (smacking Rayegun, Gibbs-style):&#160 You be nice.

RAYEGUN:&#160 Yes, dear.

T-BONE McMANX:&#160 Communications ready, sir.

THE SPATULAGODDESS:&#160 Didn’t we do something like this a couple of years ago, hon?

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 HON?!?!?!&#160 (waves iron skillet around menacingly)

VENOMOUS:&#160 Put a cork in it, babe.&#160 She’s entitled.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 And why am I not the SpatulaGoddess?!?!?!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Because you’re Mrs. Venomous, and you don’t look like Eva Longoria.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 GRRRRRRRR!!!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Shut it, woman.&#160 I have a post to write.

MRS. VENOMOUS (dejected, with cast-iron skillet):&#160 Yes, honey.

VENOMOUS:&#160 I’ll make it up to you, sweetheart…say, with Rafain’s?

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet & ears perked up):&#160 Ooooooh!!!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Okay, where were we…?

MERLIN:&#160 Didn’t we do something like this before…?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Oh, well – yeah, Beff, we did – but without showing who really wears the pants at the Southern Command.

RAYEGUN:&#160 Hey!!!

ALL (even Rayegun, albeit grudgingly):&#160

Right, then.

The first official Perfect Football Weekend…in what is, very likely, the last season of PFWs…kicks off


…y’know, I am&#160 gonna kinda miss doing that.

[The entire cast & crew engages in a 20-second group hug.&#160 Venomous breaks the silence.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 Awright, guys, we still have a blog to run for now.

…with a story from a couple weeks back about how Cleveland Browns rookie&#160 head coach Mike Pettine has selected veteran Brian Hoyer to start at quarterback, rather than Johnny Football.

Brian Hoyer was named the starting quarterback of the Cleveland Browns for the regular-season opener Sept. 7 at Pittsburgh.


“Like I said all along, it’s been my mentality this whole offseason, training camp to come out here and act like the starter and be the starter,” Hoyer said Wednesday. “So now that it’s official we can just move on and get ready for St. Louis.”

While Hoyer has only four career starts — and went 3-0 with the Browns before tearing his anterior cruciate ligament in 2013 — his biggest advantages were experience and leadership.

“He was the clear leader from the beginning,” Pettine said. “We’ve maintained all along that if it was close, I would prefer to go with the more experienced player. Brian has done a great job in the meeting rooms and with his teammates on the practice field and in the locker room.”

What he’s not&#160 telling you, of course, is that Manziel thoroughly outplayed Hoyer in the preseason.

Even Yahoo!, in the article, tries to blow smoke up one’s ass in stating:

Manziel, drafted 22nd overall in May, played only two seasons at Texas A&M in an offense designed to win at that level. The Browns want him to get more time in an NFL offense before asking him to beat NFL defenses. Manziel was not great statistically in two games.

Except what they’re&#160 not telling you is that, as badly as Manziel may have played…Hoyer played worse.

Fact is, neither one looked all that great.&#160 But Manziel outplayed the “crafty ‘veteran'” (four games experience…yeah, right)…and besides, he’s the 1st rounder, and the future.&#160 Hoyer isn’t.

And if you’re drafting a quarterback in the first round…that almost invariably means you suck, and you’re not going anywhere in the next year or three.&#160 So why not get Johnny Football the experience he needs now?&#160 I mean, it’s not like Cleveland’s going anywhere anytime soon, y’know?

He also showed immaturity Monday night, Pettine said, when he raised his middle finger to the Redskins’ bench in response to heckling from the sideline.

I’d start Manziel for that alone.

But that’s me.

On to the football.&#160 Phil Young and my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have their annual “Week 0” clunker (now that they’re no longer playing Azle) Friday evening against the (White Settlement, TX) Brewer Bears.

Brewer almost qualifies as one of my anti-teams (a la SMUT and Ar-Kansas) because my first-ever fiancée (no, not the First Wife&#153) came from Dear Old Brewer High (which brings back memories of Weatherford High kicking Brewer’s asses all over the field right after the fiancée screwed me over, and me screaming my fool head off for Weatherford…but that’s another post), so I’ve kinda had it in for the Bears ever since.

Bears’ll probably win, though, so it’s likely another 5-5 year for AHHS.

Saturday, Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs – who may actually read This Fine Blog&#153, because they’ve finally taken my advice – begin their season at home against Samford University.

Samford is interesting because their head coach is former TCU coach Pat Sullivan, who guided the Froggies to their last Southwest Conference championship (albeit a three-way tie for the aforementioned, it was a championship).&#160 Sullivan will not attend the game due to medical reasons.

It won’t matter, because Sullivan or no Sullivan, this game’s gonna be a major squash – with any luck, so much so that we’ll see TCU back in the top 25 next week.

Tonight, the Allas Cowboys (still no D) have their last preseason game at home against King Peyton Manning (as opposed to his sister brother, Queen Elisha) and the Denver Broncos.

It’ll be a chance for the Cowgirl faithful to let Owner Jethro have it one more time for letting Demarcus Ware walk.&#160 And I desperately hope they give it to him every time Ware’s visage gets pasted upon that Jumbotron.

The wildcard games for this weekend will be: Florida Atlantic at #22 Nebraska (don’t ask me why, but I still have a soft spot in my heart for Bo Pelini, even though he’s a lousy head coach), West Virginia against #2 Alabama (it’ll be interesting to see how badly Nick Saban takes his frustrations from last year out on the Mountaineers), and #16 Clemson going to the Dawg Pound vs. #12 Georgia.&#160 These games will be on Saturday.

Additionally, tonight we’ll have Smurf Turf F-Head State minus Chrissi “Trick Play” Peterson going down to Oxford, MS to take on #18 Ole Miss.

(Incidentally, in case you missed it, all my picks in the wildcard games are in boldface.)

We’re back Sunday or Monday with something resembling a recap.&#160 In the meantime…my message to Humble DevilDog is: Yeah, I’m calling them TCU again.&#160 Don’t like it?&#160 Get your ass back here & start commenting again, Marine!


Two!(sorry, miscounted)


And once again…the “dress rehearsal” turns out to be a clunker.

Dallas 20, at Miami 25

Cincinnati 19, at Arizona 13

at San Transexual 19, San Diego 13

Dalton 13-21-157 as the Bengals racked up 337 total yards in beating the Cardinals.

Following an early-morning earthquake near the Napa Valley, the Fairy Whiners win their first game at their new stadium as San Diego continues to have reality pounded into their heads that maybe, just maybe, they’re not quite as good as they thought they were when they beat the Cowgirlz.

Speaking of whom…this motley crew isn’t ready for the season.

If it wasn’t one thing for the offense, it was another.&#160 Penalty-free play? Someone probably got in El Choko’s face.&#160 Clean jersey for Romo?&#160 Someone probably held.

The defense didn’t play much better…but then again, we’re at least expecting&#160 that this year.

Better get used to it.&#160 Gonna be like this all year long.

The PFW returns Thursday, when things start up for real.&#160 (All hands on deck for the annual “Corny” call!)




Denizens, for this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend, we’ll point out that, while Widdle Mikey Sam may be the first limp-wristed douchebag to kiss his fellow butt-buddy on ESPN for all the fucking world to see – he is not&#160 the first faggot in the NFL.

One of those who preceded him, in fact, just shook down the Minne-haha ViQueens for a wad of dough.

Calling his settlement with the Minnesota Vikings an opportunity “to do a lot of good for a lot of people,” Chris Kluwe announced his fight with the team is over.

The Vikings and Kluwe’s attorney Clayton Halunen announced Tuesday morning that they had reached a settlement to resolve the former punter’s allegations of homophobic behavior by the team. It put the issue to rest 7½ months after Kluwe first published his allegations and avoids the prospect of a lengthy legal battle.

The Vikings had initially announced a $100,000 contribution to charities that support lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender causes, and they will make additional contributions to five LGBT-friendly charities over the next five years. The team will also enhance sensitivity training that is already required throughout the organization.

The parties did not announce the financial terms of the settlement, but Kluwe said he will not receive any money.

Raise your hand if you believe that.


Yeah, that’s what I thought.

The turd claims he was discriminated against & cut because he’s a faggot.&#160 I tend to think it’s because he’s a shitty football player.

But that’s just me.

Tonight, we’ve got the Cowgirlz in the South Beach swamp to play the Dolphins.&#160 If they continue to improve as they did last week, I expect a victory tonight.&#160 Particularly since the Fins still aren’t all that good.&#160 But we’ll see.

I may also have an opinion on some other matchups this weekend, such as Panther-Patriot, Jet-Douchebag and/or REDSKIN!!!!!!-Raven.

That recap will be either Monday or Tuesday.&#160 See you then.


Not quite as easy&#160 as you first thought, is&#160 it, San Diego?

at Dallas 30, Baltimore 37

at Seattle 41, San Diego 14


The Chargers were crowing about their offense after cutting through Dallas’ reserves like the proverbial hot knife through butter.

Then that hot knife ran into a stone.

This game could have gone into ovetime (and would have, had new Cleveland coach Mike Pettine been a little more conventional about things), but a pass on a two-point conversion to win the game on the last play went high.

Pettine still hasn’t named his Game 1 starter.&#160 Maybe he’s waiting for Brian Hoyer to flip some team off before he does.&#160

This Cowboy offense could be something special.

(Yeah, yeah, I know – it’ll have to be, ’cause there’s no D in Allas.&#160 Got it.)

The line can block, the backs can run…and when El Choko isn’t putting the ball on the ground, he’s got receivers that can catch the thing, too.

As to the mistakes…yes, it could be argued that, minus the fumbled exchange to Murray (returned for a touchdown) and the crappy special teams play (over 200 yards for the game), the C’boys offense outscore the Ravens offense.

Then again, when you have a 14-7 lead even before your offense has taken the field, how hard do you really have to try, hm?

The PFW will return Saturday, when I talk about something – what I don’t know.



Denizens, this’ll be a quickie Perfect Football Weekend&#153, because Saturday chores overwhelmed us to the point that we ran out of time, but I do have a bone to pick with the NFL.

In the preseason, the NFL home office always issues what are called “points of emphasis” when it comes to new rules – or, in this case, a crackdown renewed emphasis on old rules.&#160 This year, it’s the “defensive holding” and “illegal contact” penalties that we’re always screaming about not being called.

Except now they are.&#160 Every play.&#160 Every.&#160 Damned.&#160 Play.

And it’s slowing the game down to being almost even more unwatchable than all y’all are screaming that it is now.


Awright, let’s get on with it.&#160 We’ve already had a couple o’ games already, which I’ll touch on in the recap on Monday.&#160 I’m writing this as Baltimore’s starters are torching Dallas’ backups (it’s 24-10 now).&#160 Yeah, Little Juanita Harbaugh.&#160 Real ballsy of ya.

It is any wonder that the Harbaughs are considered (in these quarters, anyway) as the pussies of the NFL?

We’re back on Monday (I hope) with something resembling a recap.


[SCENE:&#160 Onboard ISS Vengeance, inside Admiral Darth Venomous’ quarters.&#160 Lt. T-Bone McManx, ship’s communications officer, has just entered & handed His Rudeness&#153 a data padd.

Venomous takes the padd, reads it, and hangs his head in grieving.&#160 After a moment, he looks up.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 Thank you, T-bone, that’ll be all.

T-BONE McMANX:&#160 Aye, sir.&#160 [McManx exits.]

[Venoumous slumps in his chair as if badly discouraged.&#160 He remains that way for minutes, then straightens and reaches for the comm panel.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 Venomous to Korrioth.

[A brief pause, then the general’s booming voice crashes through the speaker.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 nuqneH?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Come to my quarters, please, General.

[One can almost hear the hesitation in Korrioth’s response.&#160 The last time the admiral requested Korrioth’s presence in his cabin, it wasn’t a pleasant thing.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 On my way.

[Two minutes later, Korrioth is standing at attention in front of the admiral.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 Reporting as ordered, m’lord.

[Venomous hands Korrioth the padd.&#160 Korrioth begins to read.]

StarTrek.com is saddened to report the passing of Arlene Martel, who died on August 12 following a heart attack. The veteran television and film actress had a career that spanned parts of seven decades, dating back to the golden age of television, but she was arguably best known for her role as T’Pring in the “Amok Time” episode of Star Trek: The Original Series.

[Korrioth finishes and looks back at the admiral.&#160 It is difficult to deal with the news of the death of his mother, even moreso in front of his superior officer.&#160 Venomous breaks the silence.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 Take whomever you need with you, my friend.&#160 Our next mission can wait.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Admiral, I…I would request the entire senior staff accompany me.&#160 Including yourself, sir.

[Venomous ponders this a moment, then looks back up at his half-Vulcan, half-Klingon exec, saying nothing. He then reaches for the comm panel.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 Venomous to bridge.&#160 Mr. K’hadibak’h.

K’HADIBAK’H (through the speaker):&#160 Bridge. K’hadibak’h.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Set course for Vulcan, K’ha.&#160 Maximun warp.

K’HADIBAK’H (through the speaker):&#160 Aye, sir.

VENOMOUS (looking back at Korrioth):&#160 It would be my honor, General.

[Cut to exterior view as ISS Vengeance&#160 shoots into warp.]

The Realm&#153 offers its condolences to Arlene Martel’s family.


I’ll grant them this much:&#160 They upgraded their backup quarterback.

Dallas 7, at San Diego 27

at Detroit 13, Cleveland 12

at Arizona 32, Houston 0

Houston appears to have ditched Case Keenum for…Ryan Fitzpatrick?

Picked by the same Little Willie O’Brien who…decided to succeed Joe Paterno at Penn State.

This guy ain’t the sharpest push pin on the bulletin board, is he?

Sorry, General.&#160 Gonna be another long year in Houston.

Johnny Football looked pretty good.&#160 For a rookie.&#160 Cleveland quarterback.

(Yeah, I know – but they haven’t had anyone halfway decent since Kosar, so cut’m some slack, mkay?)

The Cowboys…can run.

And run well.

Good.&#160 Maybe El Choko won’t be quite as…er…um…exposed&#160 this year.

They’re gonna have to run…to shorten games and keep that POS defense off the field.

Let’s make one thing clear, Charger fans.&#160 You moved the ball on a swiss cheese defense the other night.&#160 You ain’t gonna do that against Kansas City.

There were a couple of bright spots:&#160 Brandon Weeden is definitely a serviceable backup quarterback. He looks a damned sight better than Kyle “Take His Ball & Go Home” Orton.

And…as much as I hate this clown and hate to admit it…the Cowboys may have found a safety that can bring some wood to the defense.&#160 I refer, of course, to Ahmad “Thug” Dixon, late of the Baylor Douchewads.&#160 Guy can hit & tackle.&#160 I give him three weeks, tops, before Jason “Red Headed Jesus” Garrett decides Dixon needs to start.

The PFW will return Saturday, when we will decry hanky-happy zebras and the No Fun League that employs them.


As his Rudeness kicks off another PFW season, I find myself thinking football whether I want to or not.

Last week I had the pleasure of attending a conference in Seward Nebraska which was attended by Lutherans from all over the Country. Among those attendees was a young lady from Green Bay; when I asked her about season tickets, it seems that her family has been on the waiting list for years, and is still years away from the top. According to her, and others, Green bay Season ticket holders put their tickets in their wills.

One just has to admire that level of loyalty.

Now if we could just engender that sort of loyalty to the Church.



Denizens we’re gonna get the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 machine started up with a Pro Football Hall of Fame&#153 induction that makes the bastards at Nobel look positively legit.

The excuse-for-an-inductee:&#160 Widdle Mikey Gaptooth

Strahan’s pro career got off at a turtle’s pace, as well. A foot injury limited his rookie campaign of 1993 to just nine games. Despite starting 15 games in ’94, Strahan posted a mere 4.5 sacks. The next year, New York’s defense was supposed to be a top-notch unit … until Dallas stormed Giants Stadium on the season’s first Monday night and rocked Big Blue 35-0 in front of a national television audience. Throughout that season and the next, though, Strahan began to hold his own, but still only produced a grand total of 12.5 sacks — not even close to Hall of Fame production for an edge player. Strahan showed potential in these early years, but he was still learning the game and definitely took his share of lumps.

Then in 1997, a light bulb seemed to come on under new defensive coordinator John Fox. Strahan got to the quarterback 14 times and earned first-team All-Pro honors. Meanwhile, Big Blue rode its defense to a playoff berth. The guy who barely knew the sport had developed into a dominant force. Over the next 10 years, Strahan racked up 109.5 sacks, including an NFL-record 22.5 in 2001 — a feat which earned him that season’s Defensive Player of the Year award. And of course, he rounded out his career by winning a ring in his final game.

That “NFL record” sack he got?&#160 Brett “Hey, Jen, lookit my wang!” Favre laying down for the bastard.

Here…have a look:

Boy howdy, he sure’s hell “earned” that one, didn’t he?

Add to that the fact that shitty officiating gave the NY Football Douchebags both&#160 of their recent Super Bowl wins – yeah, I said both&#160 of ’em, you East Coast fuckheads – and there’s absolutely no fucking doubt that this is the least deserving HOF inductee ever.&#160 (Well, at least until Donna McCrabby & his soup-hawkin’ mommykins get their ugly asses in.)

Let’s get to the football.&#160 Right now, we have the annual Harbaugh Bowl&#153, with Baltimore’s John taking on San Transexual’s Jim in preseason f’ball (Balt’s up 10-3, and just intercepted the Whiners’ eighth-string QB at their 25).&#160 On the toob this weekend will be games like Saints-Rams & Browns-Lions.&#160 Yawners, except we should get to see the NFL debut of Johnny Football, so there’s that.

Tonight, it’ll be the C’girlz vs. the SanDiego…SuperCharrrrrgerssssss!!!! (a little Chris Berman lingo, there).&#160 Romo’s not playing, so the ‘Girlz might actually win.

Oh, but Phillip Rivers will probably play a series & throw a touchdown. Never mind.

We’re back Monday or so with something resembling a recap.


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