Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...

(Hat tip:&#160 Fox News – specifically, Hemmer & McCallum.)

Giving new meaning to the name “Hotel California”

Prisoners in Fremont, Calif., sentenced on misdemeanor charges can fulfill their prison stays in an isolated, less-crowded section of the city jail – for a price.

The new “Pay to Stay” program is new to Fremont, but not new to California, said Geneva Bosques, a spokeswoman for the Fremont Police Department. Similar programs, for example, exist in Southern California.

During sentencing deliberations, people can apply to be enrolled in the program. In order to gain approval from the judge, one would have to pass a health screening, which includes a TB test, and a background check to ensure that they do not have a violent past. Once an application is approved and a onetime $45 fee is collected, the inmate can stay in this “quiet” prison for $155 a night.”

“Mirrors on the ceiling, pink champagne on ice, and she said, ‘We are all just prisoners here…of our own device…'”&#160


Denizens, to at least try & start off your Monday on the right foot, I offer this from Denizen and Original Cast member Robert Mullane:

Have a good week.


Well, Denizens, now that the Texass stRangers are well on their way to Oblivion&#153 (six games out of first as of this writing, and falling), it’s finally time to turn our attention to the Official Sport&#153 of the Realm&#153…

MERLIN:&#160 Running libdouches through with bayonets?

OZY McCOOL:&#160 Knocking them upside the head with spiked maces?

KORRIOTH:&#160 Feeding them to the Sarlacc on Tattooine?

Ah, I love my job.&#160

No, guys, it’s time to crank up the phenomonon known around these parts as the Perfect Football Weekend&#153.

If you’ve been reading me for any length of time – and yes, I know, that’s only about Six or Seven&#153 of you – then you know what this is about:&#160 Every Thursday or Friday or so during football season, I chronicle the exploits of my favorite football teams – “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there), college & pro.&#160 I size up their games for a given weekend…and if my teams all win, it’s a PFW.

Occasionally, at my whim and mine alone, I will declare a PFW by Executive Fiat&#153 – usually because a team I hate with The Purplest Of Passions&#153 gets their heads handed to them (yes, even if it’s by one point).&#160 More on that later.

(And as usual, I don’t give two shits about your&#160 teams – that’s what the comments are for, of course.&#160 Knock yerselfs out.&#160 You people who are reading this and would like to get in on it – now’s a good time to get an account set up here.&#160 Email me.&#160 (Link on the right sidebar.))

Now, back in February, I promised that changes were coming – and, so help me Cthulhu, I bloody well meant what I said.

(Once again, Denizens, let me acknowledge For The Record&#153 that the World At Large&#153 does not revolve around me.&#160 I’m perfectly aware that all this angst-filled rhetoric has the net effect of a gnat’s fart in a whirlwind.&#160 This is as much for my entertainment as it is for yours, mkay?&#160 Bite Sue me.)

With all that in mind, here are the teams I’m following in 2013:

High school:&#160 The (Fort Worth, TX) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.&#160 I kept seeing indications that Ged Kates was coming back to coach the Jackets, and my heart raced.&#160 But it sounded too good to be true, especially after the disaster that was the Todd Whitten era.

Then I went to this FWISD page, and got my answer.

Arlington Heights High School has selected Philip Young to serve as the new Head Football Coach. Coach Young graduated from Texas Tech where he played football on teams that played in the Independence Bowl in 1986 and the Coca Cola Bowl in Tokyo, Japan in 1988. While completing graduate work in History, he worked as a graduate assistant coach for two years at Rice University. He later coached at the University of North Texas from 1991 to 1994. Later, Coach Young started coaching and teaching at Denton Liberty Christian High School was part of two state championship teams. He also coached two state championship games as the offensive coordinator at Gainesville High School, winning the title in 2003. Before joining the Arlington Heights High School staff this year, Coach Young also served as head coach at Cleburne High School.

Okay, then.&#160 Best of luck to you, Coach Young.&#160 You’ve got a near-empty cupboard with which to work, so I don’t envy you.&#160 Let’s see what you can do.

College:&#160 The Texas Christian University Horned Frogs.&#160 It’s Year Two of the Big XII experiment for Gary Patterson’s bunch, and even though there was once again attrition that we didn’t really want to see, this group should be better able to handle it.

Josh Boyce & Stansley Maponga took their talents to the NFL – Boyce through graduation (apparently, he was a senior when I thought he was a junior), Maponga through listening to some fool agent who convinced him that he’d done all he could at TCU.

Devonte Fields will take over as the Defensive End To Stop&#153 – he already has a Big XII Defensive Player Of The Year under his belt, and should only get better.&#160 Jason Verrett & Sam Carter return to anchor a secondary that helped TCU lead the Big XII in defense last year

Casey Pachall is back, and even though Coach P is being coy about who will start against LSU, conventional wisdom dictates that Pachall is a better quarterback right now than Trevone Boykin.&#160 He’ll have Waymon James & B.J. Catalon to hand off to, and Cam White, LaDarius Brown & Bailey Desormeaux to throw to (and why Desormeaux isn’t playing for LSU, I’ve no idea).

It’s about a month to LSU at the Death Star, and we’ll find out a lot about this group in a hurry right about then.

College:&#160 The Liberty University Flames.&#160 It’s Year Two for Turner Gill as well at Jerry Falwell University, and things are looking up:

Seniors Kevin Fogg and Richard Wright have been named to 2013 Phil Steele Preseason FCS All-American teams, while 13 players are among those listed by the organization in its preseason all-conference lists.

Both Fogg and Wright were named to the Phil Steele Preseason FCS All-American first-team listing, with Fogg grabbing a spot on the team as a kickoff return specialist and Wright at long snapper.

Liberty was the only Big South program to have two first-team honorees on the Phil Steele listing. Players from Gardner-Webb (one second-team and one fourth-team) and Coastal Carolina (both third-team) were also named to the FCS All-American listing.

The first game is vs. Kent State in about one month’s time.&#160 As usual, Liberty will be under the SpatulaLine&#153, getting points when they appear way overmatched.

Pros:&#160 The Houston Texans.&#160 It’s time the Southern Command got some love from HQ, and I’m sick & tired of Cowgirl mediocrity, so the Texans get the nod this year.

Matt Schaub is back at QB, Arian Foster runs the ball, Andre Johnson catches it, and JJ Watt will anchor the defense.&#160 It got them a 12-4 record & an AFC South championship last year, and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be a contender this year as well.

More teams may be added to this mix as I see fit, or not.&#160 In the meantime, this is a good group.

First games are next weekend, and I have a helluva story to launch with, so watch this space.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this.

Here’s to football!

UPDATE:&#160 Oops – almost forgot.

The team that I hate with the Purplest of Passions&#153…

K’HADIBAK’H:&#160 You mean, besides SMU & TU?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Something like that.

…is the Penn State Nittany Lions.

For the way they dragged Joe Paterno’s name though the mud, they are on the Eternal Shit List&#153.&#160 Anytime they lose, it doesn’t matter what&#160 any of the rest of my teams have done – I will declare a PFW by Executive Fiat&#153, because they got their asses kicked.

Now let’s go have some fun!


Guys, a lot of you probably aren’t gonna give a rip about this, but it means something to me, for reasons I will explain in a bit.

Radio personality Dave “Kidd” Kraddick, who most recently was heard on KISS 106.1 (KHKS) in Dallas, passed away about an hour or so ago earlier today (it was only confirmed a short while ago).&#160 He was 53.

The staple of North Texas radio since 1984, he broadcast his nationally syndicated “Kidd Kraddick in the Morning” radio show from a studio at Las Colinas. It aired locally on KISS FM 106.1.


The cause of his death was not available.

In a bitterly ironic twist, Kraddick did a radio segment just last week on “what he would say to each member of the show in his final moments on earth” as a comedy bit.

“Have you ever thought about those last moments of your life?” he asked his radio crew. “Nobody wants a long, lingering illness; nobody wants just that; but it would be nice if you could have a day or two where you know it’s coming.”

He then spent several minutes saying goodbye to each member of his on-air staff.

“When I die, you have permission to take a bunch of creepy pictures of my body,” Kraddick said. “I want to thank all of you guys for being at my deathbed today. I’m going to miss you so much.”

During the mid-’80s, I was going through a great deal of problem & misery. I was separated (temporarily) from the Wife Of My Youth&#153 (i.e, my first one), and I was living in an efficiency apartment not too terribly far from where Realm&#153 Headquarters is now.&#160 Money was tight, and it wasn’t even my furniture in the apartment, but rather the complex’s.

Kidd was the evening guy at KEGL 97.1, back when it was pretty much Top 40 prior to becoming hard-assed metal, and he was a nightly listen.&#160 I mean Monday through Friday, every damned night.&#160 Later, he became a daily listen over at the aforementined KHKS, before it became all-sickening-crap, all the time.

I haven’t listened to him in many, many years, but I won’t forget that he helped get me though a lot of nights when I could have gone stir-crazy.

Rest in peace, Kidd.&#160 You are already missed, and I mean that most sincerely.


Our nation has survived over 200 years. In that time we have overcome many things, and generally come through our trials a stronger and more cohesive nation. That is until the last generation or so. Now our enemies are within, and they seek to destroy us by dividing us. Here is just the latest attempt. In knuckling under to the demands of this activist group, Chaplain Reyes commander has shown that he is unfit to command a latrine, and  he should be removed immediately. Unfortunately, given the current climate in our government, that will not happen.


Denizens, I got this off Facebook, so I’ve not the slightest whether there’s any bit of truth thereto.

But read it anyway. Dust alert.


My mom only had one eye. I hated her… She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family. There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, ‘EEEE, your mom only has one eye!’

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, ‘ If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?’ My mom did not respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings. I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.

Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts. Then one day, my Mother came to visit me. She hadn’t seen me in years and she didn’t even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, ‘How dare you come to my house and scare my children!’ GET OUT OFHERE! NOW!!!’

And to this, my mother quietly answered, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,’ and she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After there union, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My neighbours said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

‘My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see……..when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,
Your mother.’

Always LOVE your parents. They are a blessing to you.

We only have one mom, so love her, you will come to cry when she’s gone.

Well I know, Denizens. Well I know.


Little bit of trivia for a Thursday folks.

Exactly one thousand four hundred and sixty days ago, the Generalette and I exchanged our vows to each other in front of friends, family, and most importantly, God. It has been a blessed four years and we certainly are thankful for each and every day since then. We humbly accept each blessing as they come, knowing that our dependence is on Him.

And while we have had our share of exciting events recently, with the culmination being the new residence, stick around because there just might be some more news to report sooner than later. Can’t expound on it any further than this. For now.



(Hat tip:&#160 Twitchy.)

Item:&#160 A tweet delivered to Cherilyn Bono-Allman-whomever-she’s-fucking-now…



Been getting ready for photo shoot ! Cover,inside pics,press shots ! Go to Master album next wk &&& have Little Surprise ?

Jeffrey Whillans @Jeff_1983

@cher all this teasing! I’m beginning to think you’ve got a heart of stone, oh yeah, I said!

Item:&#160 In response, Cherilyn tweeted…

Cher @cher

2:58 AM – 24 Jul 2013

Y’know, I’m beginning to understand why Chastity changed her name & underwent that surgery.

If I were her, I wouldn’t want to identify with that Cupid Stunt&#153 mother of mine, either.


Oh, really?&#160 That’s nice.

Damn, the Cowgirlz are gonna have to figure out how to replace Tyrone Crawford…&#160

(*Incidentally, Jim Hoft, no – I don’t consider you part of the LSM.&#160 But everyone else is going all ga-ga for them, so…)


The long-awaited Perfect Football Weekend&#153 overview…

K’HADIBAK’H:&#160 “Long-awaited”, m’liege?

VENOMOUS:&#160 By me, K’ha.

K’HADIBAK’H:&#160 Ah.

…will appear in this space sometime next week.

Stay tuned.


(Hat tip: Sen. Ted Cruz via FB)

I knew there was something I liked about this guy from the very beginning. For the uninitiated, Sen. Ted Cruz is the junior senator from Texas who won the election to fill the seat that a certain RINO former State Comptroller vacated after retiring. AKA, Kay Bailey Hutchison.

Since he arrived in office, he’s been on a terror for the Republic of Texas. A STAUNCH Constitutional conservative, Cruz has been putting the Al-Obambi agenda to task and stuffing it back where it came from. Now he brings this gem to the surface. Those of you who know me well enough, know that I have less than zero patience for the enviroweenie movement. Especially when it comes to homegrown crude oil discovery and production. So this one is the type of thing I notice.

A landmark federal study on hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, shows no evidence that chemicals from the natural gas drilling process moved up to contaminate drinking water aquifers at a western Pennsylvania drilling site, the Department of Energy told The Associated Press.

After a year of monitoring, the researchers found that the chemical-laced fluids used to free gas trapped deep below the surface stayed thousands of feet below the shallower areas that supply drinking water, geologist Richard Hammack said.

Damn straight! Fracking works, period. Move along enviro-nutcases, nothing to see here!

The industry and many state and federal regulators have long contended that fracking itself won’t contaminate surface drinking water because of the extreme depth of the gas wells. Most are more than a mile underground, while drinking water aquifers are usually within 500 to 1000 feet of the surface.

And it don’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that one. Considering there’s like 11,000 of them practically across the street from the Southern Command HQ, we routinely associate with plenty of them, so we know a thing or three about their qualifications. Not to mention, the lot of them are infinitely more qualified than any nutcase tree-hugging Greenpeace beatnik.

Keep bringing on the gems Sen. Cruz. Glad to know you’re on duty for us Texans!



Hat tip:&#160 LC SecondMouse from the Rott.)

Helen Thomas has assumed room temperature.

President Obama said in a written statement that Thomas “never failed to keep presidents – myself included – on their toes.”

“What made Helen the ‘Dean of the White House Press Corps’ was not just the length of her tenure, but her fierce belief that our democracy works best when we ask tough questions and hold our leaders to account,” said Obama, the last president in a string dating back to the 1960s to field questions from Thomas.

Thomas was known to legions of Washington reporters simply as “Helen.” She was the doyenne — and, unofficially, the dean — of the White House press corps since the Kennedy administration, but never succumbed to the allure of power, prestige and glitz surrounding the capital.

Pardon me a minute whilst I stop laughing/gagging.

Now, my dear sainted mother (may she rest in peace) always tried to teach me that, when speaking of the dead, if one had nothing good to say about a libtarded, anti-Semetic, half-assed excuse-for-a-journalist supremo bitch…then one should say nothing at all.

So I will report that Helen Thomas has died, and leave it at that.


Now this&#160 is Damn Fine Stuff&#153!!!

New parent?&#160 Learn it – love it – live it.

That…is an order.&#160


Question:&#160 What do Venomous & Detroit have in common?

Answer:&#160 We’ve both gone belly up financially.

Once the very symbol of American industrial might, Detroit became the biggest U.S. city to file for bankruptcy Thursday, its finances ravaged and its neighborhoods hollowed out by a long, slow decline in population and auto manufacturing.

And just why&#160 is that?

Could it have a teeeeeny weeeeeeny&#160 little something to do with…oh, I dunno…that town being run by Demoscum (and unions, but I digress) the last 50 years or so?

Why, yes…yes, I think it could.

See what happens when you let Demoscum (and unions, but I digress) run things?

Coming soon to a nation near you, America.

Batten down the hatches, sportz fanz.&#160 This is only the beginning.


Denizens, your homework assignment for tonight is to go read this excellent fisking by the good Emperor.

Damn, I wish I could write like that…


« Previous Articles    
Glossary -  Disclaimer - Privacy Policy - History - The SpatulaFAQ
This blog is best viewed with your eyes. 
It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer  set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated.  (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)

(KORRIOTH:  Oh, great.  More wormholes.)

Mozilla Firefox doesn't do too badly, either; in fact, it's His Rudeness' browser of choice.
You can  use Nutscrape,  if you so desire - but why in blazes would you want to use a browser from a company that had to hide behind Janet El Reño's skirt to be successful?

And don't even  get me started on Opera or Chrome.  I'm not about  to trust any browser that won't let me change its color scheme.
Hacked by ZAKILOUP was based on WordPress platform 2.6 (it's 3.05 3.31 now), RSS tech , RSS comments design by Gx3.