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Denizens, to end the year on a good note, here’s a little Cute Overload-age-ery&#153 for y’all.&#160 My collie/sheltie D’ohji does this to me a lot, too, so I can identify with the little munchkin.

Happy New Year, guys.&#160 See you on the flip side.

UPDATE:&#160 Actually, I didn’t think I could embed the thing, but here y’all go:


As you may have heard by now, the Washington Compost’s&#160 Esther Ezra Klein went and stuck his head up his ass foot in his mouth head up his ass the other day when he said that the U.S. Constitution was “confusing” because it was “over 100 years old”.

I’d rip him a new one, but several others have already done so, not the least of which is Doug Ross.&#160 Hie thee hence and read it.

(Besides, it’s New Year’s Eve and I don’t feel like writing – I gotta *hic* uphold an old Venomous tradition. (*belch*))&#160


Denizens, as we start the final Perfect Football Weekend&#153 of the season, we have ourselves a WITY&#153 to share with you guys.

Remember about two or three weeks ago, I said this?

Jenn Sterger’s manager, Phil Reese, said Thursday that she would like the league to “implement a program” to prevent unwanted advances — similar to those she’s alleging Favre made. Reese said Sterger wants the league to discipline Favre before his career ends.

They’d best hurry. There’s a greater-than-zero chance Favre doesn’t play against the NY Football Douchebags – and, with his big consecutive-games streak done, and the ViQueens out of the playoff picture, there’d be no reason to play him any further – and the guess from here is that after this season, he’s done.

And true to form, the NFL…is sweeping the whole thing under the rug.

Down to the last few days of the season and maybe Brett Favre’s career, the NFL ended a slow-paced investigation of tawdry allegations against the quarterback with a $50,000 fine and a rebuke for not being candid.

The league punished one of its marquee players for failing to cooperate with investigators who were trying to determine if the 41-year-old quarterback sent inappropriate messages and below-the-belt photos to Jenn Sterger in 2008, when both worked for the New York Jets.

The ruling came days before what could be the final game for the three-time MVP. He’ll start for Minnesota at Detroit on Sunday if he’s recovered from a concussion sustained Dec. 20 against Chicago, and has said this will be his final season, though he’s unretired in the past. He made the declaration even before his NFL record for consecutive starts was snapped at 297 in mid-December.

Oh, yeah, that’s&#160 gonna put the hurt to Mr. Pants-on-the-Ground, YesSirreeBob&#153.&#160 How’s ol’ Brett gonna ever&#160 endure the pain, the humiliation, the absolute fucking shame&#160 of it all?&#160 And losing that $50 large is just a-gonna put him in the poor house!!!!, Bah Gawd (a little Good Ol’ J.R. lingo, there)!!!!!1!!ONE!!!1!!ELEVENTYMILLIONTEEN!!!1!

Well, guys?&#160 What’d I Tell Ya?&#153&#160

For her part, Sterger is…somewhat torqued about the whole thing:

“Today’s decision is an affront to all females and shows once again that, despite tough talk, the NFL remains the good old boys’ league.”

— Joseph R. Conway, attorney for Jenn Sterger

Well, Jenn, I’d say it’s time to put up or shut up.&#160 That lawsuit should be making its way westward to Minnie-haha Real Soon Now&#153, if your credibility is to remain anywhere near the size of your gorgeous chest.

Awright, on to the football.&#160 In bowl season, you don’t get many rematches of a regular-season game, but we have one tonight.&#160 Bo Pelini will take his 17th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers into battle tonight for the Holiday Bowl in San Diego, where Taylor Martinez (or Cody Green or Zac Lee, take your pick) will match wits against the UWashington Huskies’ Jake Locker.&#160 Locker’s the latest incarnation of Ryan Leaf – meaning only a few folks in Washington think he’s any good, while the rest us are are suitably unimpressed.

Big Red’s favored by 13&#189.&#160 If the Blackshirts are healthy, it should be considerably more.

Saturday, Bob Stoops takes his ninth-ranked Oklahoma Sooners to the Fiesta Bowl to take on the Connecticut Huskies.&#160 The Sooners won’t have running back Roy Finch, but they’ll have RB DeMarco Murray and QB Landry Jones.&#160 They should be fine.

Vegas has OU favored by 17.&#160 Let’s just say that UConn’s football team isn’t quite&#160 as good as its women’s hoops team.&#160 OU won’t have any trouble here.

The marquee matchup for us will also be Saturday, as the Rose Bowl features two PFW teams – fourth-ranked Bucky takes on Gary Patterson’s third-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs.&#160 It’ll be the Badgers’ size versus the Frogs’ speed.

Generally, I hate matchups like this – remember a couple years ago when I posted this? I was worried about Matt Panfil getting pushed around by Phil Loadholt, and I was right (in fact, that could’ve been a WITY&#153 right there).&#160 I’m just as worried this week that Bucky’s gonna pound on the TCU defensive front until it collapses.

Therefore, TCU had best jump out to a quick, big lead.&#160 Let it remain close into the fourth quarter, and Bucky will win this game.&#160 Don’t let that happen, Gary Patterson.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowgirlz bring a merciful end to the season, as they go to Pussydelphia to play Mikey “Woof Woof Yikes!!!” Vick and the rest of the Beagles.&#160 No way Dallas wins this game – but if there’s any justice (and if Dallas has any balls to speak of), DeShawna Jackoff leaves the game on a cart after trying to showboat one more time.

Then again, what am I talking about?&#160 These are the Cowgirlz – we’ve known they’ve had no balls since Owner Jethro whined about Dez Bryant getting his ankle tweaked in training camp.&#160 Dallas, just go, expose your belly to the Beagles and put us out of our misery for another year.

Final recap and the Benediction&#153 will be Monday.&#160 Hopefully, we’ll have something to celebrate around these parts.


possibly has been turned back on.  Check this one out.

Incoming House Speaker John Boehner and his Republican colleagues are acutely aware of public anger over how Congress operates… and plan to do something about it.

“They see a government in Washington that isn’t listening, doesn’t get it, and frankly the American people think that Washington doesn’t really care,” Boehner recently said.

And Congressman Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) says, “I was elected with a mandate to change the status quo. We have to change the way we do business in Washington.”

So when Republicans take control of the House, they want to implement some new rules.

Well, as several of the commenters mention, this sounds good but I’ll believe it when I see it.

But these paragraphs right here give me the most hope that change is coming.  REAL change and not the Jugears McHopenchange variety.

Republicans will also require lawmakers to take another step, says Jason Chaffetz. “When you submit your piece of legislation, you’re gonna actually have to cite constitutional authority for that bill.”

In fact, Republicans plan to read the constitution on the floor when they return next week.

And that’s only the beginning. They also want hearings to expose the details of any regulations proposed by the administration that are not specified in legislation approved by Congress.

Looks like the radar teams here at the Southern Command have a new target to track in the new year. If Boehner, Chaffetz, and other freshman reps can do what they are saying here it actually could be interesting to watch C-SPAN again. Just for the chance to see the progressives go into apoplectic shock.



Well, Denizens, she’s done it again.&#160 Or rather, she and her fat-assed pussy of an excuse-for-a-father have done it again.

Stephanie Dawn Stewart (she long ago forfeited any right she ever had to wear the Crager name) refused to allow my son to have the Christmas present I got for him.&#160 Or more to the point, they were too cowardly to even answer the door so that FedEx&#169 could give it to them.

Even when I followed her suggestion and put it in the form of a gift card, well, they’re above&#160 all that.&#160 Can’t have his father&#160 giving him a Chirstmas present, y’know.

And it’s not as if you can’t say you weren’t home.&#160 FedEx, after, all, tried three times&#160 and left three door cards&#160 to let you know there was something for Skip.

But none of that matters to you, does it?&#160 Long as you can stick it to me and deny me any&#160 contact with my son – well, that just makes you cream your granny panties, doesn’t it?

So, fine, Steffi.&#160 Have it your way.

You’ve whined in the past about how I keep saying “some aweful things” (no kidding, Denizens, that’s how an elementary school teacher&#160 spells it) about you in the past, even though I’ve pretty much documented things.

But you can’t keep him under your cowardly thumb forever.&#160 At some point, I’m going to get to tell Skip my&#160 side of the story.

And when I do, the things I’ve&#160 said about you will pale in comparison.

Bank on it, you miserable little shrew.


Saw this on David Barton’s “Wallbuilders” FB page.

Seems that the repeal of DADT in the military is having its intended affect.  Reducing the the American military eventually to a collection of pansy-assed enviroweenies.

But not in THIS mans’ military.  While it sucks that a LTCol is choosing to retire rather than force his troops into the mandated homosexual indoctrination sessions, his reasoning is 100% sound IMHO.  I knew something like this was coming when the talk of Al-Obambi & Co. hit that they were going to repeal the regulation.

The wussification of this country is now complete, thanks to the “progress”-ives.

Folks, if you haven’t gotten them already it’s really past time to do it.  Take your 4th 2nd [Fixed.&#160&#160 -Venomous]&#160 Amendment RIGHTS straight to the gun shop and SPEND.  Be sure to get plenty of ammo too, you’re gonna need it!



Coming from a metropolis FULL of rocket scientists as we are here in the Southern Command, this one DOES NOT TAKE ONE IOTA of brain power to understand.

SITYS as the great El Rushbo says…

111th Congress Added More Debt Than First 100 Congresses Combined: $10,429 Per Person in U.S.

Is it 2012 YET???


Y’all ever look up and wonder what happened to the time?


Sorry, guys – nothing tonight.


So much for the Jason Garrett era.

Dallas 26, at Arizona 27

The damnfools who’ve been insisting that Jon “10 wins, baby!” Kitna was ever&#160 a better quarterback than Tony Romo showed us how well they know what they had for dinner last week, as Kitty threw two quick pick-sixes in rapid succession.&#160 True, Miles Austin slipped on the first one, so it can’t really be blamed on widdle Jonny (though you just know&#160 I’ll try).&#160 But the second one?&#160 Only a moron who’s been a freakin’ loser everywhere he’s gone would even think&#160 about throwing a pass like that into double coverage.

Oh, hello, Jon Kitna.

Yet, even with all that, the ‘Girlz came back, and even took the lead on a Stephen McGee (in because Kitty had been injured earlier) TD pass to Miles Austin.

Enter David Buehler.&#160 The NFL-kicker-wannabe hooked the PAT attempt like it was his approach on the 1st tee – which, thanks in part to him, is where he’ll be spending his time after the season.

The point he left on the field left Dallas with only a two point lead…and true to form, the C’girl secondary allowed the Cardinals to march right down the field, convert a 4th-and-15 at midfield (thanks, in part to Paula Pasqualoni asking Keith “Molasses” Brooking to cover All-Everything receiver Larry Fitzgerald), which ultimately led to Jay Feely kicking a 48-yard FG for the win.

So the ‘Girlz have lost to one of the worst teams in the NFL.&#160 Which leaves them…where, again?

The report from Hidden Valley Ranch is that Jerry “Owner Jethro” Jones is, and I quote, “mad as hell”.&#160 Yeah, well – look in the mirror, fuckhead.&#160 You built this team.&#160 Own it.

Thanks, Owner Jethro.&#160 Way to condemn this franchise to several more years of just this type of shit football.&#160 You bastard.

This week:&#160 0-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 70-19.

The PFW returns Thursday for the Bowl Edition.&#160 See you then.


(This will stay on top all day.&#160 The PFW post is below.)

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.&#160 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.&#160 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet:&#160 “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” – which means, “God with us.”

When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.&#160 But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

&#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 -Matthew 1:18-25

And may God add His blessings to the reading of His holy Word.

It doesn’t matter what shape the economy has taken.&#160 It never has, and it never will.&#160 For it’s still not about fat men in red suits, little tiny elves, reindeer, pine trees decorated in lights & ornaments, turkey, ham, pumpkin pie, Playstations, Xboxes, Transformers or anything like that.

It is – and has always&#160 been – about the birth of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, and about the beginning of His mission to save us from our sins.

And we’d do well to remember that.

Merry Christmas 2010, Denizens.


Denizens, the Christmas edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153…kicks off…


VENOMOUS:&#160 Merry Christmas, guys.

MERLIN:&#160 And the merriest of Christmases to you as well, m’liege.

KORRIOTH, K’HADIBAK’H:&#160 QISmaS DatIvjaj ‘ej DIS chu’ DatIvjaj.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Nollaig shona duit.

T-BONE MCMANX:&#160 Bliain úr faoi shéan is faoi mhaise duit.

…kicks off with yet another story about everyone’s favorite Widdle Terri Owens-wannabe, DeShawna Jackoff.

Seems the little needle-dick pulled another showboating act during the game with the NY Football Douchebags, where the D-bags suffered a total collapse, losing the game on the very last play.

That play, as you all know, was a punt that coach Tommy-boy Coughlin told his punter to kick out of bounds, but saw him kick it to Jackoff anyway.&#160 Whereupon Jackoff muffed the punt, then picked it up and raced to the goal line.

At this point, it gets interesting.&#160 What you saw on your TV screens was Jackoff taunting the D-bags by running parallel to the goal line for about 25 yards before scoring.

What you didn’t&#160 see…was here.

DeSean Jackson’s goal-line grandstanding could have caused his miraculous game-winning punt return to be wiped out, a review of FOX replays show.

As the Philadelphia Eagles return man was running parallel to the end zone, delaying his touchdown for maximum showboating effectiveness, a number of his teammates ran onto the field from the sideline, a clear violation of the NFL’s “too many men on the field” rules.

The new wrinkle on Jackson’s return was first noticed at BallHyped.com. Because he took a turn at the 6-yard line instead of running into the end zone, a number of his teammates and some coaches spilled out onto the field in anticipation of his touchdown, which didn’t come until a few seconds later. A flag could have been thrown, bringing back the touchdown and sending the game to overtime.

Which, of course, it wasn’t.&#160 The zebras could have…and should have…called it.&#160 But…just as we saw with the aforementioned Widdle Terri Owens, his then-quarterback Donna McCrabbs and the now-infamous Roy Williams Rule, the league protected its butt-buddy honeyboys in Pussydelphia and looked the other way.

Which is to say that the Beagles are just like their NFL counterparts, the New England Pansy-asses, and the Smurf Turf Fucknozzle State Bronc-ettes…they can’t win playing straight-up football.&#160 They have to have help.

Of course, none of this would have happened if the C’girlz had had any testicular fortitude and taken out little Ms. Jackoff at the knees two weeks ago.

Speaking of the C’girlz, tonight we have them traveling out to the Arizona desert to take on the Phoenix Cardinals.&#160 Phoenix is starting a rookie quarterback, and their defense hasn’t stopped anyone this year – but they still have Larry Fitzgerald at receiver, and the C’girlz have a wire-strainer defense…it lets everything&#160 through.&#160 Cardinals in an easy win.

We’re back Sunday for the recap, then we’ll have the Bowl Edition&#153 next week.&#160 Keep it here.


Yet another holiday tradition hits us here at the Realm&#153, Denizens – the annual visit by everyone’s favorite General, the fat guy who wears all the red.&#160

Usually it’s a round-robin between Supreme General Rayegun, David Hartung and myself, each of us taking turns posting it, and the other two linking thereto.&#160 However, given that (even though each of them still have their own little corner of cyberspace Rayegun’s place is still intact) we’re all in one place now, it seems fitting that I tack the bulletin to the board.&#160 Raise the flag and see who salutes, as it were.

Besides – it’s my turn, anyway.&#160

(More to the point, neither the General nor the Vicar have volunteered to do the honors, so…)

And, wonder of wonders – this year, it’ll even be formatted properly.&#160 (Well – mostly, anyway.&#160 &#160 )

General Claus’ Visit

To: All Personnel

_1._ An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 1998. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:

_a._ Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services.

_b._ Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2009. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2009.

_c._ Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.

_d._ Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 1996, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.

_e._ At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 1995, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.

_f._ Prior to 2400, 24 December 2009, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.

_g. _ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.”

_2._ MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2009, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In.

_3._ Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.

Colonel, US
OIC, Special Services

At ease, troops.&#160


(Hat tip Dan Riehl – dammit, Dan, do you always have to be the bearer of bad news like this?&#160 Hell, let Sissy or Jen do it OneOfTheseDays&#153.)

Denizens, have any of you ever read the Mark Levin book Rescuing Sprite?&#160 If you haven’t, don’t – at least, not without about three boxes of Kleenex&#169 within arm’s reach.&#160 So help me Cthulu, I tell you that it will get mighty damned dusty in whatever room you happen to be at the time.

I reference this because it’s just been brought to my attention that the wonderful pup Mark’s wife & daughter got him to ease the pain of losing Sprite, has himself passed on.&#160 Griffen was somewhere in the neighborhood of 16 years old or thereabouts.

This hits me somewhat hard – one, because I love dogs, and two, because it won’t be all that long before I have to face that journey myself.&#160 Pup-Pup turned ten years old back in October, and even though she’s still a little ball of energy and people still can’t believe she’s not a puppy, I can tell she’s lost a step.&#160 And it’s gonna tear my guts out when I have to say goodbye to her.&#160 And it’s not as if I haven’t lost a pet or two before, as you guys well know.

So God bless you, Mark Levin.&#160 I understand where you’re comin’ from, buddy.


(Hat tip to Allahpundit.)

Pat Robertson, people, has jumped the shark.

Count this among the 10 things nobody ever expected to see in their lifetimes: 700 Club founder Pat Robertson, one of the cornerstone figures of America’s Christian right movement, has come out in favor of legalizing marijuana.

Calling it getting “smart” on crime

…Robertson became a fool.

Well, at least there’s Scriptural precedent, y’know?

Robertson aired a clip on a recent episode of his 700 Club television show that advocated the viewpoint of drug law reformers who run prison outreach ministries.

Yeah, y’know, Pat – drug runners have a “prison outreach ministry”, too.&#160 Usually, it has something to do with passing along instructions on how to run the cartel.

A narrator even claimed that religious prison outreach has “saved” millions in public funds by helping to reduce the number of prisoners who return shortly after being released.

Yeah, I’ll just bet.&#160 Or maybe it’s just a strong desire to avoid a return “engagement” as Bubba’s bitch, if you will.

“It got to be a big deal in campaigns: ‘He’s tough on crime,’ and ‘lock ’em up!'” the Christian Coalition founder said. “That’s the way these guys ran and, uh, they got elected. But, that wasn’t the answer.”

Uh, Patricia?&#160 Yes, it was.&#160 “Lock ’em up”, and keep locking ’em up until the drug-addled dumbasses get the clue.

Who knows?&#160 Maybe one of ’em will pick up the one you’ve lost, Pattianne.

I think, over the next few days/weeks, you will see donations to the 700 Club take a plunge off the cliff.&#160 Followed shortly, of course, by Pattianne Robertson’s sudden decision to “retire” to “spend more time with his family”.

Perhaps they can spend it toking.&#160


Memo to Smurf Turf Dickweed State:

We&#160 beat them 47-7.

In their own fucking backyard.

And&#160 we didn’t have to use trick plays to get there, either.

Yeah, I think we’re a helluva lot better than you pussies.&#160 We&#160 don’t lose to teams like Nevada.


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