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Item:&#160 The Donks are in a bit of a tizzy over Bush’s calling them the “Democratic majority”.

Memo to Dubya:&#160 Whyn’t you just follow my lead and refer to them by their proper name: Demoscum.

UPDATE:&#160 Thanks to LC RobertHuntingdon for the correction.

(Hat tip, once again, to the SpatulaGoddess.)

This is People’s Exhibit Number One as to why we don’t want HillaryCare&#153 in the United States.

Denizens, your assignment for this evening is to read the following letter to the troops from Mr. Ben Stein, courtesy of LC MoMinuteMan.

It’s below the fold for your convenience.

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(Hat tip to the SpatulaGoddess – long may she exude massive quantities of hawtness. &#160 )

Item:&#160 Ted Nugent wore a Confederate shirt to the Big Dickhead Perry inaugural the other day.&#160 (And no, this is not to bash Ted Nugent – as long as Big Dickhead serves in any sort of public orifice, I’m going to call him that.)

Anyway, the NAA(L)CP is, typically, kvetching about it.

Gary Bledsoe, president of the Texas chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, has criticized Nugent’s decision to wear the shirt, saying it symbolized “the enslavement of African-Americans and more recently the symbol of hate groups and terrorists.”

Po’ baby.

Gary, son, perhaps we could revisit the Confederate flag issue if you people&#160 would consider giving up the “X” hats.

Or the hubcap necklaces.

Or the pants worn so as to expose six inches of the Underoos.

Or the gimme caps worn at every odd-assed angle.

Or the FUBU gear.

Or the oversized jackets worn in 90-degree heat.

Or…

No, I didn’t watch the State of the DisUnion show last night.&#160 Why anyone would want to watch a de-balled, spineless, limp-dicked excuse-for-a-President bow and scrape in abject supplication before the traitorous bunch of shit-for-brains asswipes known as the Imperial Socialist Congress (not to mention kissing the collective ass of Vinnie Fox, Calderon and the rest of the pendejo&#160 invasion) is beyond me.

But I do find it instructive that the Demoscummic reponse came from that noted author of pedophilic kiddie porn, Jim Webb.

And I think that’s all you need to know about the Donktards.

This just in from Valley Ranch:

“I am retiring from coaching football,” [Bill] Parcells said in a statement. “I want to thank Jerry Jones and Stephen Jones for their tremendous support over the last four years. Also, the players, my coaching staff and others in the support group who have done so much to help. Dallas is a great city and the Cowboys are an integral part of it. I am hopeful that they are able to go forward from here.”

All together now…

I s’pose I have to get this done sometime,&#160 don’t I?

TCU 37, Northern Illinois 7
Oklahoma 42, Mr. PotatoHead SmurfTurf Bullshit State 29, Desperate Trick Plays That Proved They Couldn’t Play OU Straight Up 14
LSU 41, Notre Dame 14
Dallas 7, Phuckadelpha Beagles 23
Dallas 31, Detroit (Detroit?!?!?!) 39
Dallas 20, Seattle Seahags 21

Garrett Wolfe was the nation’s leading college rusher this year, so TCU looked to have its hands full at the Poinsettia Bowl.

Then again, a University of North Texas back led the nation in rushing a couple years ago, and that didn’t mean much in their bowl game, either.&#160 TCU jumped Wolfe early and often, managing to make first contact with him behind the line of scrimmage on nearly every one of his carries.

This game was close for…oh…about 15 minutes and 11 seconds – about the time TCU needed to get their second touchdown.&#160 Ballard was 19 of 29 for 258, and fellow outgoing senior Lonta Hobbs gained 109 on 18 carries and actually made it through an entire bowl game without fumbling for once.

TCU’s performance this past year (a second straight 11-win season) was enough to merit some interest from the University of Minnesota before they settled on Tim Brewster from the Denver Broncos.&#160 It’ll be interesting to see how ’07 shapes up for the Froggies, but here’s a hint for Patterson:&#160 If you go 1-10 next year, sir – that one win had damned&#160 well best be against the SMUT Shitland Ponies.

…

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All y’all who had Fidelito the Ball-less in your dead pool – get the…well, whatever the Hispanic equivalent of ululating is…ready.

Fidel Castro has had at least three failed operations and complications from an intestinal infection, and the Cuban leader faces “a very grave prognosis,” a Spanish newspaper reported Tuesday. A Cuban diplomat in Madrid said the reports were lies and declined to comment.

Time for Cuban propaganda protocol, Denizens.&#160 When they say the sky is blue…go outside to double check.

In a report published on its Web site, El Pais said: “A grave infection in the large intestine, at least three failed operations and various complications have left the Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro, laid up with a very grave prognosis.”

Uh-huh.&#160 That’s socialist medicine for you.

(Originally posted at the Rott.)

[SCENE:&#160 Rott headquarters.&#160 The place is empty and the lights are out, the Brood&#153 having gone out en masse&#160 to cele…well, just keep reading, mkay?

An enormous shimmer of light appears in the living room.&#160 As it fades, we see several large masses materialize.&#160 (Well, several average-sized masses and one Jabba-sized lump.&#160 Gimme a break, I’m working on it, okay???)&#160&#160&#160]

TIBERIUS:&#160 Ow.&#160 I still feel all prickly.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Trust me.&#160 You get used to it.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 I&#160 never have.

MERLIN:&#160 That’s because you’re&#160 a certified wuss.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Hey…!!!

SPATS:&#160 Hush, all of you! (fumbles around in dark) I knew&#160 I should have brought the night-sights.

[We hear a crash.]

B.C.:&#160 OWWWWW!!!&#160 G-d…!!!!1

CALIGULA (putting hand over B.C.’s mouth):&#160 Shhhhh!!!!&#160 What if he left the Imperial Firearms Advisor to guard the place?

B.C.:&#160 Shit, man, would you for once&#160 in your life keep up?&#160 D’ya know where Kim is&#160 right now?

CALIGULA (hanging head):&#160 Sorry.

CLAUDIUS:&#160 C-c-can you h-h-hurry and f-f-f-find the light sw-sw-switch, Your-r-r-r R-R-R-Rudeness&#153?&#160 I’m s-s-s-starting to r-r-r-really g-get the c-c-c-creeps.

SPATS:&#160 Korrioth, kindly step away from Claudius, if you don’t mind.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Hmf.&#160 I never get to have any&#160 fun…

MERLIN:&#160 Are you sure you set us down in the right flat, m’Liege?

[About this time, Spats finds the light switch.&#160 He flips it, raises the lights and takes a look around.&#160 A number of toys are strewn about the floor (note to His Imperial Jack Bauer-ness:&#160 It’s artistic license – I know they’re more disciplined than that).&#160 He turns to look at his engineer emeritus.]

SPATS:&#160 You were saying…?

MERLIN:&#160 I hate it when you do that.

THE SPATULAGODDESS:&#160 We need to clean this place up pretty quickly, just in case they get home soon.&#160 [She starts into her Tasmanian Devil whirling-dervish routine (complete with the tornado special-effects and everything).&#160 Spats stops her before she can rip off his hand.]

SPATS:&#160 We’ll all&#160 help, love.&#160 Won’t we, B.C…?

B.C.:&#160 Now just wait a damned minute!&#160 Where’s it say that I take orders…

[Spats gestures to Merlin, who waves his magic wand and causes a beer to appear right before B.C.’s eyes]

B.C.:&#160 …where do I start?

[Scene: 15 minutes later.&#160 The living room is now nearly spotless (the SpatulaGoddess couldn’t quite stop at picking up toys, and pulled a complete dust-and-Pledge&#169 job on the place), and Our Heroes&#153 are standing around, admiring a job well done.]

TIBERIUS:&#160 Nice job, everyone.&#160 You especially, B.C.

B.C.:&#160 (burp)

TIBERIUS:&#160 Yer welcome…(sniff, sniff)…what in the name of Plato’s left nut is that smell???

PLATO:&#160 Well, it’s not my left nut!&#160 I at least&#160 took a bath before that infenal device of His Rudeness’ plucked me out of thin air!

SPATS:&#160 Bath…bath?&#160 (eyes his Klingon-Vulcan hybrid tactical officer warily) Korrioth, I told&#160 you to take a bath before we beamed down!

[Korrioth simply glares at Lord Spatula]

SPATS (shakes head disgustedly):&#160 Awright, here – use this.&#160 [tosses Korrioth a can of Axe&#169 body spray]

KORRIOTH:&#160 It’s not my usual.

SPATS:&#160 Axe doesn’t have it in “Landfill”.&#160 Just put it on, mkay?

[Just then, we hear the sound of a key in the lock]

SPATS:&#160 Shit!&#160 Everyone, behind the couch!&#160 Quick!!!

[Everyone dives behind the sofa just as the door opens.&#160 In walk Emporer Darth Misha I, his bride the lovely Empress and the Heirs&#153.

EMPRESS:&#160 Honey, didn’t I tell you to turn off the lights before we left?&#160 And where are all the kids’ toys?&#160 And who dusted the place?

DARTH MISHA I:&#160 I thought I did&#160 turn off…wait.&#160 What’s that smell?

[Behind the couch, Spats turns his head and glares at Korrioth.&#160 Korrioth just shrugs.&#160 In the meantime, Misha has pulled his Kimber and is looking to do somebody some Jack Bauer-style harm.&#160 At which point, the group is rather brusquely given away.]

B.C.:&#160 (braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!!!!!!!!!!!)

DARTH MISHA I (pointing gun at sofa with a menacing look on his face):&#160 Right, then.&#160 Very slowly, hands in the air, and… [Enlightenment dawns] …wait.&#160 I know that belch.&#160 B.C., how the hell did you get here, my friend?

[B.C. slowly peeks over the couch, followed in short order by Spats and the rest of the group.&#160 The Brood&#153’s eyes all widen significantly]

SPATS {with a very&#160 sheepish grin on his face):&#160 Uh…surprise???

LCs, in case you haven’t figured it out by now…today is Our Intrepid Leader’s Birfday&#153.&#160 And we should all wish His Imperial Dreadedness the happiest of happies and hopes for many, many more.

And that’s an order, in case you’re wondering.&#160 You, too, B.C.

B.C.:&#160 (belllch!!!)

SPATS:&#160

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISHA!!!!

[SCENE:&#160 Aboard the bridge of the Pegasus.&#160 She has arrived in Spacedock in response to an urgent hail from the Dockmaster.]

T-BONE MCMANX:&#160 I have the dockmaster for you now, m’Lord.

LSIK&T:&#160 (nods) Thank you, McManx.&#160 (to speaker) Dockmaster, this is Pegasus.&#160 I hope&#160 you have a good reason for dragging us back here.

DOCKMASTER:&#160 Quite the reason, indeed, my love.&#160 We were notified of a severe design flaw in Pegasus’&#160 computer core and have a tech crew dispatched and ready to effect repairs.

KORRIOTH:&#160 You see???&#160 I told&#160 you it couldn’t have been my targeting!!!

LSIK&T:&#160 Great, just great.&#160 Now I’m really&#160 gonna be in trouble with the insurance adjusters!

KORRIOTH:&#160 Why?&#160 It’s not like the Breen needed&#160 that moon!

LSIK&T:&#160 Hush, you…(chuckle)

Denizens, Hosting Matters&#153 has advised me of an imminent drive failure where the Realm&#153 files are kept.&#160 Ergo, they’ve started moving stuff here to another server.

Should be seamless. If you have any problems, lemme know.

Thatisall&#153.

Denizens tonight’s a busy night, so here’s something courtesy of the Sibling Unit&#153:

Subject: Hillary’s first night as President 2009

HILLARY’S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT IN JANUARY 2009

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.

She has waited so long……….

The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, “How can I best serve my country?” Washington says, “Never tell a lie.” “Ouch!” Says Hillary, “I don’t know about that.”

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears…Hillary says, “How can I best serve my country?” Jefferson says, “Listen to the people.” “Ohhh! I really don’t want to do that.”

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears…Hillary says, “How can I best serve my country?”

Lincoln says, “Go to the theater.”

Denizens, your faithful scribe is feeling a little burnt out – and, unlike some&#160 folks who disappear from sight and don’t tell you where they’re gonna be (SpatulaGoddess, call your office), I feel obligated enough not to want to drop off the face of the earth.

Yet.

I’m contemplating the PFW benediction, and at some point I’ll throw together at least a semi-comprehensive Year In Review for you guys.

I’m also contemplating a quasi-drastic pullback from everyday blogging.&#160 No fooling this time – the medical issues you and I have discussed from time to time are beating me over the head, and crunch time is rapidly approaching.&#160 Certain things are going to have to be sacrificed, and one of those things may very well be this nearly-a-post-a-day schedule.

(Which is not to say I’m going away altogether – just that everyday posting will likely turn into every-other-day posting.&#160 Or somesuch.)

Keep your eyes peeled and your RSS reader (snort!) tuned to this very blog.

Thatisall.

Most of you have probably heard in the news about the cheerleader incidents at McKinney North “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there).&#160 You’ve heard about how it caused the cheerleader sponsor to resign, citing a lack of support from school administration when it came to discipline – primarily because the ringleader of these miscreant girls was none other than the principal’s daughter herself.&#160 And you’ve heard about how it subsequently cost that principal her job, albeit with a $70,000 payout and a letter of recommendation.

Nice severance, if you can get it.

Anyway, the girls are now telling their side of the story:

“It was a stupid mistake,” Elizabeth Griffin, 18, one of the cheerleaders, told The Dallas Morning News on Saturday. “We will never live it down, but we never thought about that at the time.”

Awright, fine.

But in reading further down in that article, I find one paragraph to be extrememly disturbing:

Ms. Theret [The principal in question.&#160 -ED.], who resigned under an agreement before Christmas, canceled a scheduled interview Saturday. Bob Hinton, her attorney, said she wasn’t ready to talk. But he asserted that Karrissa and the other girls’ behavior wasn’t unusual.

“Wasn’t unusual”?

Let’s review what it was that brought this to the fore:

The five McKinney North High School cheerleaders, each in uniform and holding phallus-shaped candles, thought it would be funny to pose for the picture inside a condom store – a harmless joke for their friends to see on MySpace.

“Wasn’t unusual”?

Maybe that’s the problem.

Memo to the Donktards:&#160 When we tar and feather Limpdickya, and you pricks go “Yeah, yeah, we told you so!!!!” – well, I’m sure that the one-third brain cell that all you leftist morons collectively share thinks that you’ve gotten one over on us.

That’s to be expected from liberal fuckwits who couldn’t graduate Romper Room if all the test answers were placed on the seats of their shortbus.

But when you&#160 spew your bullshit about him, it’s because you hate him.&#160 No rhyme or reason for it, just an irrational hate (again, irrationality being something we’ve come to expect from libtards).&#160 When we&#160 rip His Gonadlessness a new one, it’s precisely because…well, because he’s governing like one of you.

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[SCENE:&#160 Aboard the USS RemoteAccess,&#160 the Kor-class scout ship, registry 1:130/103, that His Rudeness flew prior to winning the Pegasus from the Klingons in a game of fizzbin.&#160 RemoteAccess&#160 has been decomissioned for over 10 years now, but has been floating quietly in a little corner of spacedock.

Outside Cargo Hold 2.&#160 CH2 on the RemoteAccess is for old shit that even His Rudeness&#153 wouldn’t dare keep in the Grab-Bag&#153.

The doors are partially open.&#160 Every so often, a massive cloud of dust flies out of the hold, causing Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant to lapse into a coughing fit.]

LSIK&T:&#160 Dammit, McCool, what the hell are you doing in there???&#160 How fookin’ hard can it be to find one little phrase?

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 (cough) I’m sorry, m’Lord, but there are so many that you left in here that it’s diffi…wait, what’s this?

(pause)

LSIK&T:&#160 Well???&#160 Out with it, McCool, or I’m sending Korrioth in there!

KORRIOTH:&#160 Me???&#160 What did I&#160 do…?

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 M’Lord, I think I have it.

LSIK&T:&#160 Awright, then, Ozy, c’mon out and let’s see it.

[Ozy emerges.&#160 Right now, he would make Pigpen&#169 look like Mr. Clean&#169.]

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Here y’go, m’Lord.

LSIK&T:&#160 Yep, this is it.&#160 Good work, McCool.

[Ozy tries to stand up straight, coughs & wheezes, then slumps back down]

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Thank you, sir.

[Spats holds up the sign – “Imperial Socialist Congress”.]

LSIK&T:&#160 Damn.&#160 Never thought I’d have to use this again.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 I never thought we’d see this ship again.

KORRIOTH:&#160 (smacks Ozy upside the head) You weren’t around when we were flying this fleatrap, whelp!

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Ow.

LSIK&T:&#160 Awright, boys, that’s enough…

Jubilant Democrats on Thursday elected Rep. Nancy Pelosi as the first woman speaker of the House, the crowning celebration of newfound power the party won in the November electoral sweep.

Proving yet again that there should be a law requiring you to pass a civics test, or at least show some signs of intelligence in order to be allowed to vote.

“I accept this gavel in the spirit of partnership, not partisanship, and look forward to working with you on behalf of the American people,” Pelosi said. “In this House, we may belong to different parties, but we serve one country.”

KORRIOTH:&#160 Which would explain why the new Shrieker of the House is trying to make sure that all the Representatives are of one party.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 She can’t do that…can she?

LSIK&T:&#160 Remember, Ozy, these are Demoscum.&#160 They think they can do anything they damned well please.

Both Democrats and Republicans pledged cooperation despite years of bitter partisanship and gridlock, to try to get the 110th Congress off on a productive note.

KORRIOTH:&#160 When the fuck are the Republicans ever going to learn?&#160 One may as well negotiate with a (hack, spit) Romulan. (hack, spit)

MERLIN (popping in out of thin air):&#160 Oooo, but those disruptors up the ass feel so goooooooooooood!!!!!&#160

LSIK&T:&#160 Ah, Magician!&#160 Enjoying your retirement?

MERLIN:&#160 Quite, m’Liege.&#160 And thank you for hooking me up with the Dockmaster.&#160 Quite the frisky one, eh what?

LSIK&T:&#160 (shrugs) Eh.&#160 She owed me for rescuing her from that Breen that one time.

House Democrats also were ready to impose a ban on gifts from lobbyists and a clampdown on travel funded by private interests — measures crafted in response to the ethics scandals that weakened Republicans in last fall’s elections.

MERLIN:&#160 While naturally figuring out ways to get around it themselves.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Isn’t that what weasels are known for?

The first hours of the new Democratic-held House were devoted to Pelosi’s election and remarks — for which the Californian received numerous standing ovations, especially from the House’s record 71 women lawmakers, thrilled that one of their own had finally ascended to the speakership. Some of the women senators also came to the House side to cheer Pelosi’s history-shattering moment.

“This is an historic moment — for the Congress, and for the women of this country,” Pelosi said. “It is a moment for which we have waited more than 200 years.”

MERLIN:&#160 I tried&#160 to tell Hoover that women’s suffrage would lead this country to ruin!

LSIK&T:&#160 It’s okay, Wizard – we still have the guns.&#160 Here, have some Romulan ale.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Hey!

LSIK&T:&#160 Hey, yourself, McCool.&#160 Where do you think you’re getting the funds to pay for that, hm?

On the other end of the Capitol, Sen. Harry Reid, D-Nev., a soft-spoken but tough inside player — took the reins of the notoriously unwieldy Senate, promising to “work in a bipartisan basis in an open fashion to solve the problems of the American people.”

KORRIOTH:&#160 They’re going to work together to throw him off a cliff?

LSIK&T:&#160 (snicker) Hush, you.

Addressing his colleagues Thursday afternoon, Reid vowed to get the Senate back on track after an unproductive past two years.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Translation:&#160 “Unproductive” meaning the Demoscum weren’t getting what they wanted, despite their whining.

KORRIOTH:&#160 I wouldn’t be so sure of that, Oz.&#160 Remember how Limpdickya kept caving in to them at every turn.

LSIK&T:&#160 Set course for the Badlands, Korrioth.&#160 Time to go stock up on some ammo.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Aye, sir.

[Fade out as the crew, now back aboard Pegasus,&#160 goes into warp and winks out of sight.]