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Okay, Denizens, so I’m a little late with this week’s Perfect Football Weekend&#153, mkay?&#160 Bite Sue me.&#160 It’s not like I really had a lot of games to work with, y’know?&#160 (Although I prob’ly would have picked #22 USC to go over the Pelini-less Nebraska Cornhuskers, so we’ll go ahead and count that.)

We open up this week to find…that the consensus in Cleveland seems to be that the Browns are still looking for their franchise quarterback:

With coach Mike Pettine admitting this week that the Browns will have doubts about Johnny Manziel even if he hits “it out of the park” in the final two games and “a ton of doubts” if he doesn’t play well , the Browns will explore all of their options at quarterback, including trading up into the top five to draft Heisman Trophy winner Marcus Mariota.

Browns general manager Ray Farmer has repeatedly said that he’ll always explore every option at all positions — and Mariota is one glaring and tempting possibility for the Browns this offseason. The Browns have scouted him this season and will continue to do so.

This from the gang that drafted Johnny Football.

And then we wonder why some franchises never seem to get it.

Okay, let’s go.&#160 Cincinnati gets the wild card tonight, as they’re in Pittsburgh to play the Steelers for the AFC Central title…anyone who honestly thinks they’re gonna beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh…?


Yeah, thought so.

Wednesday, it’s Gary Patterson and his top-ranked sixth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs in the Georgia Dome to play the Peach Bowl versus Ole Miss.&#160 The Rebels should be respected – for one, they haven’t bowed (much) to political correctness, and still call themselves the Rebels.&#160 Secondly, they’re the only team this year to have beaten Alabama.&#160 That in itself raises an eyebrow or two.

Vegas right now has the Frogs as a 3&#189-point favorite.&#160 Means I won’t have any fingernails left by game’s end.&#160 Pisses me off, ’cause I have to work that day.

For the wildcards, we’ll take West Virginia in the Liberty Bowl over the Jekyll-and-Hyde Texas A&M Aggies (both teams will play backup quarterbacks; I’m betting WV’s are better than A&M’s)

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, Dabo Sweeney’s 17th-ranked Clemson Tigers over the Oklahoma Sooners in the Russell Athletic Bowl (Bob Stoops’ season comes to a merciful end), 13th-ranked Georgia to feast on Louisville Cardinal in the Belk Bowl, and a tip o’ the hat to the Vicar, as #7 Mississippi State runs over Georgia Tech in the Orange Bowl.

We’ll come back New Year’s Day with a recap, assuming the hangover isn’t too bad, and start another PFW right after that. GO FROGS!!!!


Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus

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, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city.

Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child.

While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened.

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior

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, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”

When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger.

When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.

The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.

—Luke 2:1-20 (NASB)

And may God add His blessings to the reading of His holy Word.

Merry Christmas, Denizens.&#160 This season, more than any other – remember why.


Folks, I do not make it a point to post mu sermons online. Those sermons are for the Congregation God has given into my care, and not for the world as a whole, but as tomorrow is the celebration of our Lord’s earthly incarnation, I thought I would post this one. Our weekly readings are based on a three year lectionary, and I have included the readings.

2 Sam. 7:1-11,

1 Now when the king lived in his house and the LORD had given him rest from all his surrounding enemies, 2the king said to Nathan the prophet, “See now, I dwell in a house of cedar, but the ark of God dwells in a tent.” 3And Nathan said to the king, “Go, do all that is in your heart, for the LORD is with you.”

4But that same night the word of the LORD came to Nathan, 5″Go and tell my servant David, ‘Thus says the LORD: Would you build me a house to dwell in? 6I have not lived in a house since the day I brought up the people of Israel from Egypt to this day, but I have been moving about in a tent for my dwelling. 7In all places where I have moved with all the people of Israel, did I speak a word with any of the judges of Israel, whom I commanded to shepherd my people Israel, saying, “Why have you not built me a house of cedar?”‘ 8Now, therefore, thus you shall say to my servant David, ‘Thus says the LORD of hosts, I took you from the pasture, from following the sheep, that you should be prince over my people Israel. 9 And I have been with you wherever you went and have cut off all your enemies from before you. And I will make for you a great name, like the name of the great ones of the earth. 10And I will appoint a place for my people Israel and will plant them, so that they may dwell in their own place and be disturbed no more. And violent men shall afflict them no more, as formerly, 11 from the time that I appointed judges over my people Israel. And I will give you rest from all your enemies. Moreover, the LORD declares to you that the LORD will make you a house.

16 And your house and your kingdom shall be made sure forever before me. Your throne shall be established forever.'”


Romans 16:25-27

25 Now to him who is able to strengthen you according to my gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery that was kept secret for long ages 26but has now been disclosed and through the prophetic writings has been made known to all nations, according to the command of the eternal God, to bring about the obedience of faith— 27to the only wise God be glory forevermore through Jesus Christ! Amen.


Luke 1:26-38

Birth of Jesus Foretold

 26In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, 27 to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph , of the house of David. And the virgin’s name was Mary. 28And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!” 29But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. 30And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. 32He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

 34And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”

 35And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy— the Son of God. 36And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. 37For nothing will be impossible with God.” 38And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.



Sermon, 21 December 2014                                                                                                                                                                                       David Hartung

2 Samuel 7:1-11,16                                                                                                                                                                                                       Advent 4b

God’s Covenant with David

Grace Mercy and Peace be unto you, from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen!

As our Old Testament reading begins, King David has consolidated his power in Israel, and has driven out the foreign powers who had threatened Israel since the time of Joshua, has conquered Jerusalem and has made it his capital. Things have settled down a bit and David has been able to build himself a nice house. All in all things have come a long way from the days when he had to hide in a cave for fear of Saul’s anger.

Now that he is no longer off fighting wars and such, David becomes concerned that he is living in the palace of a king, while the Ark of the Covenant, the dwelling place of the Lord’s presence In Israel, still resides in a tent; David has seen to to it that the tent was a nice one, but still the Ark is relegated to a tent. As one who is anointed of the Lord, David is very aware that he is where he is because of what God has done, rather than because of his own military and political savvy, let alone his brilliance. It is very likely this realization, which causes him to be concerned that the Ark is still in a tent, instead of in a house far more suited to the Glory of God.

Most of us can probably understand David’s thoughts. David is an honorable, God fearing man, and he determines to give his God the honor he deserves, and tells the prophet Nathan that he is going to build a proper House for God. Nathan appears to have been a close confidante of David, in addition to being a prophet, and he tells David to “go for it”, that God will approve. Nathan understands David’s feelings, and recognizes that David’s desire is nothing more than to give God the glory he deserves, but God has other plans. That night God came to Nathan and gave Nathan those “other” instructions.

Here is where things get interesting.

Speaking through Nathan God points out to David all that he has done for him and for Israel

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, and then essentially he goes on to say “You ain’t seen nothing yet!” I am going to do still more! I am going to give Israel a permanent home, one where they will never again have to worry about being dislocated, and I am going to make your house, your line, the head of that nation! God’s exact words were: “I will make for you a great name, like the name of the great ones of the earth.”(2 Samuel 7:9) These words are eerily similar to what God said to Abram in Genesis(12:2) “And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.” God promised to make of Abram a great nation, and now he is promising to make David’s family the head of that nation. With the advantage of 20/20 hindsight and three thousand or so years of revelation and study, we know that these words are messianic in nature. We know that these words, both to Abram and to David were the promise of the Messiah.

As most of you know, I do not always put a title on my sermons, but I have titled this one “God’s Covenant With David”. What is happening here is that God is in essence reinforcing with David the covenant he had made with Abram.

What is a covenant?

A modern term for covenant would be agreement or contract. God was contracting with David to guard and to protect his children Israel, to make Israel his own, and he was contracting with with David for his family to head Israel forever. Covenants like Contracts are always two way. Each party brings something to the table. In this case God was promising to guard and to protect his children, and in return David and Israel promised to be faithful. Included in that promise of God’s was and is the promise of a redeemer, because we always seem to be in in breech of our part of the contract. That redeemer is what God is speaking of when he tells David that his line will be a house.

Think about that for a minute. This contract God made with David included a clause which held that when we fail to keep our end of the covenant, God would provide a means to declare us in compliance. That means is of course Jesus of Nazareth, who as God’s only begotten son is at the same time a direct descendant of David, and the creator of David. In other words despite our legal default on our contractual obligations, and also because Jesus, the begotten Son of God has given his life as the full penalty for our default, we are declared to be in compliance of our contractual obligations.

How does this relate to the Advent season we are just completing, and the Christmas season which will begin on Thursday? It is simple really. You and I are in default of our contract or covenant with God. We have not been faithful, but yet God has faithfully kept his end of the bargain, even providing the redemptive sacrifice by which he has declared us to be in compliance. It is the birth of that perfect sacrifice we are commemorating and celebrating. Beginning on Wednesday evening, we will celebrate the birth of a baby.

More importantly, we will celebrate the fulfilment of the promise first made by God that day so long ago in the Garden the Day that Adam and Eve first disobeyed him; yet even as we celebrate, even as we coo and laugh at the beauty of a new born babe, we remember the purpose of that babe, we remember that he was sent to be sacrificed on a Roman cross, and we give thanks to God that through that sacrifice we have the gift of eternal life.

In the world of man, when someone breaks a contract, he is sued, in God’s world when a man breaks the only contract we have with God, God takes upon himself the contractual penalties and declares us to be in compliance. If there is a better reason to rejoice, I cannot think of it!

May peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.




DB 201412240001

ALL PERSONNEL, please read enclosed.


General Claus’ Visit

To: All Personnel

_1._ An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2014. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:

_a._ Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services.

_b._ Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2014. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2014.

_c._ Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.

_d._ Stockings

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, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2014, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.

_e._ At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3

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, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 1995, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.

_f._ Prior to 2400, 24 December 2014, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.

_g. _ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.”

_2._ MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2009, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In.

_3._ Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.

Colonel, US
OIC, Special Services

At ease, troops.&#160


Nice going, Mr. Dalton.

at Cincinnati 38, Denver 27

Nevada 3, Lousiana-Lafayette 16 (New Orleans Bowl)

Utah State 21, UT El Paso 6 (New Mexico Bowl)

Utah 45, Colorado State 10 (Las Vegas Bowl)

Air Force 38, Western Michigan 24 (Famous Idaho Potato Bowl)

BYU 48, Memphis 55

Texas U’s defeat at the hands of BigamY U just made Charlie Strong just that much sicker.

Also , there was a fight at the end of the game.&#160 BigamY U won on sucker punch points.

Way to embarrass the Mountain West, Nevada.&#160 At least when TCU got a bowl against a Lousy-ana opponent while in the MWC, they took care of business.

It wasn’t so much Andy’s night (17/26 – 146 yards, one pick) as it was the Bengal defense (four picks of Peyton, one a pick-six), plus a couple of sacks.

The Bengals winning with defense.&#160 Whoda thunk it?

With the win

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, Cincy assures itself of a playoff spot – which means the PFW will go a little longer than expected.&#160

This week:&#160 4-2.&#160 Overall:&#160 77-26-1.

The PFW will return Friday night, when we call the Peach Bowl (and maybe scarf down some Chick-Fil-A in the process).


Well, Denizens, it’s bowl season, and that means that as a lead-in for this week’s Perfect Football Weekend™ – I got nothin’.

About the only thing really going on in football right now is that…well, here’s the backstory.&#160 Back in May, there was a lawsuit filed in federal court against the NFL that claimed that…

the league illegally supplied them with risky narcotics and other painkillers that numbed their injuries for games and led to medical complications down the road.

The lawsuit alleges that the league obtained and administered the drugs without prescriptions and without warning players of their potential side effects, to speed the return of injured players to the field and maximize profits. Players claim that they were never told about broken legs and ankles and instead were fed pills to mask the pain. One says that instead of surgery, he was given anti-inflammatories and skipped practices so he could play in money-making games. And others say that after years of free pills from the NFL, they retired from the league addicted to the painkillers.

Well, I can’t find the link on it, but I was listening to the Ben Ferguson Show on WBAP yesterday on the way to work, and according to Fergie, a judge dismissed the suit.

(shrug) Meh.


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, let’s get to it.&#160 Bowl season starts…

MERLIN:&#160 Ahem.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Yes

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, Wizard?

MERLIN:&#160 The Core Teams&#153…?

Well, there’s only one – Cincinnati hosts Denver Monday night, and Peyton’s gonna torch the Bengal secondary, and Andy’s probably not gonna look too good against John Fox’s defense; thus, so much for the PFW.

So for the wildcard games, we’re doing Nevada over Louisiana-Lafayette in the New Orleans Bowl (always take the Mountain West team against any Sun Belt team), Utah State over UTEP in the New Mexico Bowl (ditto for the MWC over Conference USA), 22nd-ranked Utah over Colorado State in the Lost Wages Las Vegas Bowl (the Utes always used to dominate the Rams in the MWC; no reason they shouldn’t continue to), Air Force to run roughshod over Western MIchigan in the Potato Bowl (Western Michigan?&#160 Really?) and BigamY U. to cream Memphis Monday night in the Miami Beach Bowl.&#160 (The Miami Beach Bowl???&#160 Really???)

We’re back Tuesday or so with the recap.&#160 In the meantime…Vicar, have you ever thought about using football tie-ins in your sermons?&#160


Lovely.&#160 Now&#160 they decide they can beat Phuckadelphia.

Cincinnati 30, at Cleveland 0

Navy 17, Army 10

at N. Dakota State 39, Coastal Carolina 32

at Phuckadelphia 27, Dallas 38

at NY Football Douchebags 24, Washington REDSKINS, YOU FUCKING LIBTARDS&#160 13

at Seattle 17, San Transsexual 7

Denver 22, at San Diego 10

At least Coastal made a game of it.

Army made a game of things, too.&#160 Either that, or Navy’s QB isn’t very good this year.

In any event, the game was a lot closer than it should’ve been.&#160 The Middies pulled it out after trailing most of the day.

For a moment

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, it looked like the FairyWhiners were going to be able to shove the ball down the Seahags’ throat at will.&#160 But Gore’s touchdown was all they would get.

Peyton had the flu.&#160 Didn’t matter much.

As predicted, ARRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE started in place of Weenie Boy McCoy.

As predicted, it didn’t matter.

Memo to Cleveland:&#160 If it’s any consolation, Troy Aikman was shut out by N’awlins in his rookie debut, too.

Wonderful.&#160 Where was this&#160 Cowgirl team on Thanksgiving?

This week:&#160 6-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 73-24-1.

I’ll look through the schedule, see if there are any college games next week, but there’s gonna be pretty slim pickin’s until bowl season starts up next week.&#160 That said, the PFW will be back Friday or so.


Perhaps it is time to call out the Realm ambulance chasers? Check this

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Denizens, as we begin this somewhat-lighter-schedule Perfect Football Weekend&#153, I reflect on the problem associated with waiting too long to comment on an issue of the day:&#160 Everyone else has already beaten me to the punch and said everything I was going to say.

Here’s the deal:&#160 As you already know, TCU was shafted out of its rightful place in the first College Football National Championship Playoff by a half-assed, ball-less, dickless set of wonders known as the College Football Playoff Committee.&#160 (Notable on this august&#160 body (*cough*) is the presence of one Condeleeza Rice.&#160 (Yeah, that&#160 Condi Rice – W’s old Secretary of State.&#160 One pretty damn good reason not to trust it.))

This motley crew decided, in its infinite&#160 wisdom (*coughbullshitcough*), not only to drop TCU out of its playoff grouping in favor of Ohio State, but also to drop the Frogs to sixth, behind Baylor.

Now, from the committee’s point of view, I sorta-kinda see why they’d favor an Ohio State, especially after their 59-0 shellacking they gave Bucky.&#160 (Which rather goes to show that:&#160 1) Bucky wasn’t that good to begin with – if you have Joel Stave as your starting QB, you can’t be very good, and 2) if your conference’s second-best team can’t score in a championship game, how strong is your conference, really?)

What pisses me off, however, is that after all the props I give them for ignoring the shitty officiating that cost TCU against Baylor, they drop TCU based on (their claim) “head-to-head” – then&#160 they say that they couldn’t make a determination on that&#160 until after&#160 the Cubtwats played K-State – trying to claim “body of work”, as it were.

Okay, so let me see if I have this straight:&#160 TCU is three spots ahead of Baylor prior to the Cubshits playing K-State.&#160 Baylor beat K-State by 11.

TCU beat K-State by 21.

And that earns the Frogs a ranking below&#160 the Cubturds?&#160 The same bunch of pussies that went the very next week and lost&#160 to the same West Virginia team that TCU beat?&#160 On the very same field where the Frogs beat them?

Dale Hansen, as much as I dislike the heterophobe, said it best here:

Five of the top six teams have a loss, and TCU has the only loss that matters in this final poll. That’s quite a system.

It is, for all intents & purposes, the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) all over again – just with two extra teams.&#160 And it left out – again – the one team that could have beaten the fuck out of all of them, including Florida State.

Fuck you, BCS II.

On with the football.&#160 Cincy’s the only Core Team&#153 playing this week, and they’ll be the first victim of the Johnny Football Era&#153

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, as Manziel makes his first start at home against the Ben-gals.&#160 And the way Andy’s playing nowadays, Manziel will likely be the better quarterback on the field tomorrow.

The wildcards:&#160 North Dakota State hosting Coastal Carolina in the NCAA FCS Championship semifinals (the Bison are up 24-20 as I write this, and I like their 21-game home streak to continue); Army vs. Navy (the Black Knights may&#160 beat the Middies some day…but, as Gowron once said, “not today”.&#160 Besides, had it not been for my round gut & my flat feet, I’d have been a swabbie twenty years ago.&#160 GO NAVY!!!)…and in the NFL tomorrow, the Cowgirlz will once again get their asses kicked by the Phuckadelphia Beagles (Allas – no D – still has no secondary), the NY Football Douchebags hosting the WASHINGTON REDSKINS, DAMMIT!!!!!!&#160 (look for ARRRRR GEEEEEEE THREEEEEEE!!!!!! to start if Weenie-Boy McCoy can’t – not that it’ll matter), the San Transsexual FairyWhiners on the road against the Seattle Seahags (Russell Wilson’s bunch beginning to put it all back together), Denver on the road against the San Diego…Super-Char-gers&#160 (Manning torches the SD secondary again) , and the General’s Houston Texans on the road againt the Indian-hapless Horseshoes (doesn’t matter who the Texans start – Luck’s better).

We’re back Monday or so for a short recap.&#160 In the meantime…a question for the Vicar:&#160 How many points do you want from TCU?&#160


Basically just results & a couple of comments tonight, Denizens.&#160 I’ll tell you why at the end of the recap.

at #3 TCU 55, Iowa State 3

at Cincinnati 21, Pittsburgh 42

at #20 Oklahoma 35, Oklahoma State 38 (OT)

#13 Wisconsin 0, #5 Ohio State 52 (B1G championship game at Indianapolis, IN)

#1 Alabama 42, Missouri 13 (SEC championship game at Atlanta, GA)

at Connecticut 20, SMUT 27

Cincinnati was actually leading at the end of three in this game, 21-17.&#160 Then not only did the defense collapse, so did Andy & the offense.

Cincy’s probably officially sorry they gave Dalton that fat contract.

Memo to Mizzou:&#160 Offense wins games…defense wins championships.

Oh, great.&#160 Now&#160 SMUT wins a game.

If Kennycut hated the Shitland Ponies before… (shakes head)

Stoopes went conservative at the end of the game, then Michael Hunnicutt went all Ross Evans again&#160 and missed a chip shot.

They’re beginning to call for Stoopes’ head up in Norman.

Everyone seems to be marveling at how badly the Buckeyes manhandled Bucky, and I have to admit – the final score is rather disquieting.

But look at it this way:&#160 Wisconsin is a one-dimensional team.&#160 That dimension is named Melvin Gordon.

Joel Stave is not a college-caliber quarterback.&#160 You will not see this kid playing on Sunday

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, ever – unless, possibly, it’s as a safety in a defensive backfield.&#160 For Jacksonville.&#160 The kid couldn’t even start for the Cowgirlz, this is how bad he is.

So what Ohio State did was to load up the box against Melvin Gordon, and dare Stave to beat them.&#160 And – not surprisingly – he couldn’t.

The one thing I disliked about the Frogs’ victory over the Cyclones is the first touchdown – a long lateral back to receiver David Porter, who then threw it back to Trevone Boykin on a trick-play forward pass, whereupon Boykin raced, untouched, to the end zone.

Just like Smurf Turf Bullshit State&#160 would have drawn it up.

Lookit.&#160 I’m of the old school – line ’em up, eleven-on-eleven, this-is-what’s-coming-try-to-stop-it, and let’s see who the better team is on a given day.&#160 For a team (coughBoiseStatecough) to have to rely on trickery, to me, is an indication of just how inferior that team is.&#160 TCU is head-and-shoulders better than Iowa State, anyway – did they really&#160 need to pull that on them?


This week:&#160 2-4.&#160 Overall:&#160 67-23-1.

The PFW will return Saturday morning.&#160 I’m working on a Majorly Fucking Hellacious Rant&#153, and anyone associated with the College Football Playoff System&#153 should probably don their asbestos Underoos&#153 for it.

See you then.


Denizens, this Cham-Peen-Ship Eee-Dish-Shun&#153 of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 begins with the old adage, “If you have to tell someone how good you actually are…you actually aren’t”.

Exhibit #6…as in the sixth-ranked Baylor Cubbies…and their public-relations firm.

Baylor has hired Kevin Sullivan Communications, but the company’s founder and namesake says his company wasn’t hired to influence opinion.

“We were hired just to be an extra resource on the media relations front to help out (Baylor executive associate athletic director) Nick (Joos),” Kevin Sullivan told Fox Sports Southwest on Monday night. “He’s got a small staff and has a huge amount of activity going on right now.”

The university hired the firm last week.

Sullivan said Baylor had used the firm in the past and he’d had a long relationship with Joos. He also said any insinuation that the firm had been hired to influence the 12-person committee charged with selecting the four participants in the College Football Playoff was “inaccurate.”

“We’re just trying to set up some national interviews for (athletic director) Ian (McCaw),” Sullivan said. “It’s media relations, that’s all.”

So, essentially, the Dumb Fucks Down In Waco&#153 didn’t hire Sully’s group to influence public opinion, NoSirreeBob&#153.&#160 No, they’re&#160 just going to help with media relations.

To help them&#160 influence public opinion.

The simple fact is this:&#160 The Playoff Selection Committee has seen the 61-58 travesty that took place in Waco a few weeks back – and the more they’ve thought about it

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, the more they have realized that there’s no fucking way in Hell&#153 that Baylor’s a better team than TCU – a position pretty strongly reinforced by that selfsame Cubbie squad getting torched by unranked&#160 West Virginia the next week.

Memo to Widdle Artie Bwiles and the rest of the Baylor pussies:&#160 Save the PR money next time – and just beat West Virginia.&#160 (Oh, and playing someone other&#160 than the Little Sisters of the Poor in non-conference wouldn’t hurt, either.)

Okay, here we go.&#160 It’s finally put-up-or-shut-up time for Gary Patterson and his third-ranked TCU Horned Frogs.&#160 They have Iowa State at home – and though the Cyclones aren’t going to be the pushover everyone’s expecting…how bad are they?

They got beat by Rock Chalk.

If TCU wants to be taken seriously this year, they not only have to beat Iowa State at home, but beat them convincingly.&#160 None of this “we only need to score one more point than them” bullshit this week, Coach P.&#160 We have to have a beating of Texas Tech proportions tomorrow (sorry, General).&#160 Pull what Baylor did last week against Tech, and both Baylor and&#160 Ohio State will jump you.

One of your team mottos is “Leave No Doubt”.&#160 Well, now’s the time.

Sunday, Andy Dalton & the Cincinnati Bengals will play host to Ben Roethelisberger (did I spell that right?) and the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Pittsburgh…isn’t quite as good this year as in years past.&#160 They’re still 7-5, but they’ve looked postively horrible in those five losses.&#160 Still, it’s a technical toss-up (Bengals favored at home by three); it’ll depend on how well Cincy’s line protects Andy.

The wild-card games this week are as follows:&#160 Oklahoma State to play #20 Oklahoma in the annual Bedlam game (never mind where they go post-season – this is OU’s bowl game), 13th-ranked Wisconsin vs. #5 The Ohio State University in the B1G championship game (sorry, but OSU has no chance against Bucky with their third-string quarterback playing) , top-ranked Alabama vs. 16th-ranked Mizzou in the SEC championship game (I’d love for Mizzou to win here, ’cause it might actually propel Baylor to the top four and finally get them to shut up – but Bama’s too strong) and SMUT going up to play Connecticut (the Huskies were the Shitland Ponies’ first post-Death Penalty victim, and Kennycut’s never forgotten that; SMUT completes its winless season).

I’m back at work Monday, so I’ll get to the recap ASAP – hopefully Sunday.&#160 In the meantime, Vicar, care to pick the SEC winner…?


Another WITY&#153 in the books, Denizens.

Canyon Randall 35, Wichita Falls Rider 28

#5 TCU 48, at Texas 10

Cincinnati 14, at Tampa Bay 13

at #1 Alabama 55, #15 Auburn 44

at Iowa 34, Nebraska 37 (OT)

at #14 Wisconsin 34, #18 Minnesota 24

Revenge acquired for Arlington Heights; thank you, Randall HS.&#160 We’re done with the high-schoolers ’til next year (if&#160 there’s a “next year” – jury’s still out on that).

No 109-yard comeback for the Tigers this&#160 year.&#160 Roll Tide!

I swear to Cthulhu – something’s wrong with Andy.&#160 Not even in his early days at TCU was he this&#160 bad.&#160 Granted, it looked like he was playing with the flu Sunday – but this goes beyond that.

Three more picks (all in the first half), and had they not been playing the Yukkaneers, it could have gotten even uglier.&#160 As it was, they had to come back from 10 down to win by one.&#160 (Think he got that from Gary Patterson.)

Too much Melvin Gordon, who damn near outrushed the entire Gopher team all by his lonesome (151 to 177 for UMinn).

Bucky now plays The Ohio State University&#153 for the B1G cham-peen-ship.

Speaking of Gary Patterson – for all the hullabaloo (ki-neck, ki-neck – sorry, little A&M lingo there) surrounding the revamped Frog offense, it’s still that swarming 4-2-5 defense that is TCU’s calling card.&#160 And with the exception of one bubble screen that went for a 73-yard score, that calling card got shoved up the Longhorns’ ass Thursday.

Six turnovers (including four picks, one a pick-six) four sacks of Texas QB Tyrone Swoopes – who will&#160 eventually be good, he just has growing pains like every other young quarterback – and an efficient (if not spectacular) effort from Trevone Boykin led to the Frog romp.

Give Iowa a defense, and there’s no telling where the Hawkeyes could go in the B1G.

But they don’t

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, and when Nebraska kicked the tying field goal following a 35-yard bomb from Tommy Armstrong to Brandon Reilly

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, one could pretty much tell that the Hawkeyes were going to piss this one away.&#160 Good teams don’t surrender 10-point fourth-quarter leads to teams like Nebraska.

This week…

MERLIN:&#160 Uh…m’lord?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Yes, Wizard?

MERLIN:&#160 The WITY&#153…?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Oh, right.&#160 Good catch.

Remember I said that we were witnessing the last days of Pelini’s reign of error in the Corn Nation?

Two days after the Husker win…

Bo Pelini was fired on Sunday, ending the seven-year run of the polarizing figure as Nebraska’s football coach.

“We weren’t good enough in the games that mattered,” athletic director Shawn Eichorst said in his meeting with the media that lasted nearly 35 minutes. “I didn’t see that changing at the end of the day.”

Translation:&#160 they were getting stomped in those big games (see: Nebraska 24, Wisconsin 59).&#160 That was becoming the rule rather than the exception.&#160 This is why Bo got shown the door.

So?&#160 What’d I Tell Ya&#153?

This week:&#160 5-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 65-19-1.

The PFW will return Saturday (or maybe Friday evening, who knows) to discuss the likelihood of TCU’s first major-conference championship in nearly 20 years – and the requisite gloating.&#160 See you then.


Last evening Mrs. Vicar and I had the pleasure of attending the Starkville Christmas parade. We had a blast! Our parade may not have the glitz and glamour of parades in larger and more famous burgs, but it was a time for out folks to enjoy ourselves and to see our young people strut their stuff.

For me the highlight of the parade was the three bands who provided the music. The lead band, as in they were the second unit in the parade, was the Mississippi State University Famous Maroon Band. I may have developed an interest in College football , but it is still the bands which turn my crank. These young adults are really good! Following the Maroon band later in the parade was the local middle school band

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, and the High school band. While these kids did not have the polish and finesse of the University band, they made up for it in enthusiasm, and we could see the beginnings of some amazing musicians.

Venemous, General, I’m sorry, when the sportscasters cut away from a game during half-time, they miss the best part of the game!


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