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Today’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ starts with a commentary on a commentary.

By now, you’ve heard about the Mike Gundy brouhaha. The Oklahoma State football coach went a little rantblog on the media (the tirade is here if you haven’t seen it) after their stunning surprising not-terribly unexpected upset of Texas Tech.

(SIDE NOTE: No, really, it wasn’t that unexpected. If SMU can put up 21 on ’em…)

Anyway, the question has been raised this week about whether college f’ball players should be held up to the same level of criticism as the pros. Certainly I dumped my share of abuse on Cowboys cornerback Quincy Butler when he was with TCU (and trust me, I didn’t call him “Toast” for nothing).

On the one hand, you think that if they can’t handle the criticism, why are they even out there in the first place. On the other, they are just collegians, and they’re supposed to be there to receive an education; playing football, even if on scholarship, is supposed to be secondary.

(Slight pause while the overwhelming majority of you recover from the ROFL jag. Sorry there was no spew alert.)

So how much criticism deserves to go to the player? Then again, how much criticism should be giddily heaped on the media? (Boy, do I give you guys raw meat or what?)

Discuss. (For my part, I dunno. If college f’ball players’ psyches are that damned fragile, why the Hell™ are they out there in the first place?)

Let’s get on with the PFW. My (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are back in action this week against the Kennedale Wildcats in Kennedale. Last week, the ‘Cats destroyed Azle, a team Heights just barely handled, by a score of 52-24. I’m going to go out on a limb (*cough*) and predict a Kennedale victory.

Saturday, Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls travel to Ball State to play…uh, what is the mascot of Ball State anyway?

The Vegas line is BS by 16½…

CADET BEAVIS:&#160 Hehheh, heh, hehheh, he said “BS”.

CADET BUTTHEAD:&#160 Huh, huh, huhhuh, huh, huhhuh.

LSIK&T:&#160 Shut up, you two.

…so as long as the Bulls can avoid losing by 31 or more, we’ll count it.

Saturday morning, second-ranked LSU has the Tulane Green Wave for breakfast. The line is 40, and it might get there unless Ryan Perrilloux plays, which will indicate that Les Miles is becoming an old softie.

Saturday afternoon, third-ranked Oklahoma takes their act on the road to Boulder to play Colorado. The Buffaloes are usually fairly tough at home, so the OU-minus-23 line might look a little misleading here. And if Bob Stoops decides to rest his starters for TU after the third quarter of this one, maybe it will be.

Saturday evening will find His Rudeness™ gnawing away at his fingernails in Ft. Worth as the Texas Christian University Horned Frogs are at home against the Colorado State Rams. CSU always brings a very physical team to Ft Worth, and usually the Frogs have been able to handle it. Then again, the Frogs usually had experience on offense and Tommy Blake on defense to counter whatever the Rams did. Neither one will be there this year (Blake’s out again on this mysterious “medical leave” thing), so this game is very much in doubt.

Sunday finds the Dallas Cowboys hosting Rams of another sort (the ones from St. Louis) at Texas Stadium.

Now, the ‘Boys are 3-0 and the Rams are 0-3, so this looks like a slam-dunk. But back on January 1, 2006, the Rams, who were already long out of it by then, came into Irving to play a Dallas team which still – mathematically, at least – had something for which to play, and the Rams promptly handed Dallas its ass on a platter (I had a mini-rant about it here). So before I jump on the Silver-and-Blue bandwagon, I wanna see an ass-whipping of the boys in gold and blue.

We’re back Monday for the recap. For now, I’ll entertain a general dogpile on Notre Dame…


So help me Cthulu, the same damned crew worked the Frog & Cowboy games this weekend.

at TCU 21, SMU 7
#3 Oklahoma 62, at Tulsa 21
at UBuffalo 21, Baylor 34 (UBuffalo covers)
at #2 LSU 24, #12 S. Carolina 16
Dallas 34, at Chicago 10

Baylor finally found someone they could beat besides Rice. Drew Willy threw three picks, and Blake Szymanski threw three TDs as the Bears held off a furious Bull charge.

OU didn’t play one of its better game, especially on defense; in fact; there were times in the first quarter that Tulsa positively dominated. Talent won out, though, and the Hurricanes wilted under the overwhelming Sooner pressure.

Allan Patrick scored two touchdowns, DeMarco Murray added three and Sam Bradford threw a couple of bombs to Juaquin Iglesias.

And yet another memo to Mack Brown:

The Sooners (4-0) have put up at least 50 points in all four games. That’s only the second time in school history they’ve had such a streak — they also did it in 2003, capped by a 65-13 romp over Texas.

These guys are slightly better than Rice.

Steve Superior Spurrier’s squad gave Bo Pelini’s defense more trouble than anyone else so far this year, thanks to occasional trickery, but Matt Flynn and kicker Colt David pulled a bit of a surprise of their own with David catching a Flynn flip off a fake field goal attempt (try saying that five times fast) late in the first half to power the Tigers over the Gamecocks.

The Frog offense got a TD, the defense got a TD off a pick-six, and the kicking game even got in on the act, scoring one themselves off a blocked punt.

They tried to trick up the game and call it the “DFW duel: The Battle for the Iron Skillet”. (Why do they always have to try and trick something up like that? Why not just call it “TCU-SMU” and be done with it?)

Anyway, here’s the game in a nutshell: TCU sucked. SMU sucked. The refs really sucked. But they were sucking more in the Mustangs’ favor, and for once, the Good Guys™ survived an eleven-on eighteen beatdown.

Cases in point: In the 2nd quarter, SMU driving, the Frogs were called for a 15-yard pass interference penalty. Just a slight problem – the pass was not only uncatchable, the Frog defensive back turned to look for the ball during the coverage. Presumably, the DB has as much right to the ball as the receiver. Not to this crew, though.

In the 4th quarter, TCU intercepted a Justin Willis pass, only to see it nullified by a roughing the passer penalty. Only thing was, Willis wasn’t roughed.

Backup quarterback Marcus Jackson relieved a woefully ineffective Andy Dalton and guided the Froggies to their only offensive TD of the night. Starting tailback Aaron Brown returned to the lineup and added 92 yards on eleven carries.

And then this half-assed excuse-for-an-officiating-crew must have boarded a United flight and high-tailed it to Soldier Field for last night’s soirée.

In the second quarter, Romo completed a 14-yard pass to Julius Jones, who received a nice block from tight end James Witten on the play. Witten, however, was called for a block in the back, negating the play. Just one minor detail – Witten never even touched the guy’s back. Replays showed that he came in from the defender’s side to deliver the block.

Then at the end of the half, Chicago had the ball at midfield with about seven seconds left. Grossman went back to pass on fourth down, and was sacked by DeMarcus Ware with three seconds left. The ref, inexplicably, wound the clock instead of stopping it, ending the half. Nor did the replay official intervene to correct the blunder.

In the third quater, the Bears scored their only touchdown with a huge assist from our favorite crybaby/whipping boy, Widdle Woy Willie, when his POS tackling gave tight end Desmond Clark 20 extra yards on a 52-yard pass play; Chicago would score two plays later.

Fortunately for Dallas, Rex Grossman was…well…Rex Grossman. “Wrecks” threw three picks in all, one returned for a TD by Anthony Henry.

Romo was 22 of 35 for 329, and Marion Barber III had 102 yards on 15 carries. Demarcus Ware had two sacks on Grossman, helping to contribute to his sorry night. Look for a change at QB this week out of the Windy City.

This week: 5-0 (Perfect Football Weekend™ achieved (2)). Overall: 19-3.

The PFW will return on Friday to ponder the age-old question, “What in Cthulu’s unholy name were the Beagles thinking with those uniforms?”


This week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend launches starts off begins

MERLIN:&#160 Go ahead. Say it.

KORRIOTH:&#160 You know you want to.

LSIK&T:&#160 NO!!!…must…resist…

KORRIOTH:&#160 Surrender to the Dark Side™, m’Liege.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Give in to your hate!

KORRIOTH:&#160 That was actually pretty good, Lieutenant.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Thank you, Captain.

LSIK&T:&#160 OH, ALL RIGHT!!!!!

…kicks off…


(See what I’m up against? )

…with this blurb from the SpatulaGoddess (aka Beff, the Imperial Serving Wench™) concerning The Team With The Highest Payroll In College Football Today™. Here are some of the better ones:

1. What do you call a drug ring in Austin ?
A huddle.

2. Four UT Longhorns in a car, who’s driving?
The police.

3. The UT Longhorns have adopted a new “Honor System”. Yes your Honor,
No your Honor.

11. Why couldn’t the Longhorn get into a huddle on the football field?
It’s a parole violation to associate with known felons.

14. Book ’em, Horns!

Okay. Earlier this week, I guranteed that my (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets would not lose this week. Of course, it might have something to do with the fact that they don’t play.

Taking their place in the Friday night lineup is the third-ranked Oklahoma Sooners, who will toy with the Tulsa Hurricanes like a cat plays with its mouse before killing and eating it. The line’s 23½, and that’s being generous.

Tomorrow at 3:00, it’s the Wall Street Bowl as Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls host the Baylor Bears.&#160 This is one game UBeefalo might actually win, given the sorry state of Baylor football (Vegas has the line at Baylor minus three), so although I’m tempted to suspend the “line plus 14” rule, discretion will once again be the better part of valor here.

Memo to the Baylor faithful, however: If the Bulls do win this game, start saying goodbye to Guy Morriss.

Also Saturday, 2nd-ranked LSU faces its toughest test of the season at home vs. Steve Superior’s Spurrier’s South Carolina Gamecocks. The line is LSU by 18½, but this may be the best offense the Tigers face all year, so I’m not sure it won’t be just a touchdown difference.

Finally tomorrow comes the game I’ve been waiting for now for two years – Texas Christian hosts the Shitland Ponies from SMUT. Both teams are 1-2, and had Gary Patterson not been picking his nose his gee-tar on his weekly radio show the last two weeks, the Frogs might well be 3-0 and hot in pursuit of a BCS bowl.

As it is, they’re a 23-point favorite at home – and Patterson, if this isn’t the fucking Mother Of All Squashes™ for 21-9 two years ago, I won’t stop calling for your head on a silver platter until AD Danielle Danny Morrison fires your ass.

Sunday night, we are once again graced with Michaels’ and Madden’s presence as the Dallas Cowboys travel to Soldier Field to take on Brian Urlacher and whatever passes for that sorry clunker known as the Chicago Bears’ offense. The over/under on this one is three yards and a cloud of dust. The PFW does not recommend listening to the pre-game and the (hack, spit) artistic stylings of LaKeitha Olberdouche (hack, spit) unless you have plenty of BC‘s brain bleach.

Maybe not even then.

We’re back Monday or Tuesday for the recap. In the meantime…has anyone seen (Filthydelphia Beagles fan) Leoni???


Memo to Gary Patterson: One or both of you need to go. I don’t give a damn which.

Arlington Heights 41, at Paschal 34
Texas Christian 17, at Air Force 20 (OT)
UBuffalo 24, at #12 Penn State 45 (Buffalo covers)
at #3 Oklahoma 54, Utah State 3
at #2 LSU 44, Middle Tennessee 0
Dallas 37, at Miami 20

UBeefalo coach Turner Gill apparently got a mite peeved over what sounded like a spectacular play by Penn State receiver Jordan Norwood’s TD catch of a ball that very nearly hit the ground.

Memo to my old acquaintance:&#160 Turner, it’s not like you were going to beat these guys, even in your backyard. Hell, congratulate yourselves for covering the spread without my extra 14 point cushion.

Matt Flynn sat. Early Doucet sat. Backup Ryan Perrilloux (a name for an LSU quarterback if ever there was one) was one of many reserves that started for the Tigers.

And Bo Pelini’s defense…was still Bo Pelini’s defense. True, they only got one turnover, but they limited Bag o’ Nothin’ State MT to 4-of-14 on third downs, zip-for-two on 4th, and 90 yards total (at least, according to the stat sheet; the write-up gave ’em 166 yards).

The dynasty would appear to be back.

Sam Bradford was 19-for-26 for 255 yards and three touchdown; Allen Patrick had 113 yards on 8 carries (69 of them on a TD run in the 2nd quarter) as the Sooners rolled.

Mack Brown’s nails are getting a little closer to the quick Right About Now™.

Between the heat, the humidity and the Miami defense, the Cowboys – hell, the entire game – started out about like I thought it would – as sluggish as Mikey Moron fighting through a mudpit trying to get the last eclair.

(There will be a short pause while the Imperial Torturer™ passes out the brain bleach.)

Then the 2nd half started, Miami scored to take the lead, then seemed to say to the Cowboys, “Okay, we’ve had our fun, you take the ball. No, really – take it. No, really – we insist. We’re serious – we really don’t want this ball.

Trent Green threw four picks out of five total turnovers which Dallas should have converted into at least 28 points, but had to settle for 13. Romo threw for 186 yards and two touchdowns, including one did-you-see-that Houdini-type job as Joey Porter was about to drag him to the ground.

Widdle Terri Owens caught the other TD pass, then drew a 15-yard unsportsmanlike call for a post-TD celebration that mocked Patsies coach Bill Belicheat Belichick:

“It was all in good fun,” Owens said with a grin. “I hope they don’t give me a hefty fine like they gave Belichick.”

Whatever. It cost the ‘Boys 7 points, as Miami, blessed with a short field after the ensuing kickoff, needed only three plays to punch it in.

Marion Barber III blasted through a bunched-up ten-man Miami box for the final margin.

Picture this: You’re an offensive coordinator. Your team is on the road. There’s less than a minute left in a tie game. You have the ball, first down just a tick outside the red zone (the 22-yard line, to be precise). You can kick the winning field goal right now if you want, or you can run the ball up the gut and get maybe a couple extra yards.

You decide to throw the ball. It gets picked. Your opponents run out the clock, then win in overtime.

Your name is Mike Schultz, and you are The Second Biggest Fucking Dumbass In Lord Spatula’s World™. Second only to Gary Patterson – the Biggest Fucking Dumbass In Lord Spatula’s World™ for having hired your moronic ass in the first place.

The Frogs also lost a fumble in the red zone, had a field goal attempt blocked and another one clank off the upright.

Patterson, however, defended his friend:

But to the tacky TCU fan who registered www.firemikeschultz.com as a Web domain Friday morning, behave yourself. Patterson and Schultz go back 24 years together, to when both were assistants on the staff at Tennessee Tech.

And they were back at work in the TCU football office, after a quiet flight home, Friday at 8 a.m.

“We talked about it,” Patterson said. “He’s feeling bad. What do you say?

“We’ve been together as a group for a long time.”

And just where was Patterson during all this?

Patterson explained it well in Saturday’s newspaper. He heard the offensive coaches talking about a running play and, satisfied, switched his headset channel over to the defensive staff, presumably to talk about what the Frogs were going to do after they kicked off. Before the timeout ended, however, somebody changed the play.

So, in other words, we have a football team whose left hand doesn’t have a fucking clue what its right hand is doing.


This week: 5-1. Overall: 14-3.

The PFW will return Friday, when I will guarantee that Heights will not lose, and that Texas Christian University (hat tip: Humble DevilDog) had damned well best not.


I have said, in the past, that the New England Pansies were completely incapable of winning without the help of the officiating.

But now it’s beginning to look like they can’t win without help, period.&#160 Last week at the New York J-E-T-S JETSJETSJETS!!!!!, the Pats apparently got caught with their hand in the cookie jar, as someone on their staff – posing as a credentialed reporter – was seen videotaping the Jets’ defensive signals.

Belichick reportedly has talked to NFL commish Roger Goodell about the matter, and a decision is expected on how to sanction New England by tomorrow.&#160 Probably’ll be a slap on the wrist.

On to the PFW.&#160 It’s week three on Friday night for my (Ft Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, which the last couple of years has meant former arch-rival (R.L.) Paschal High.&#160 The sibling unit & I went to see this last year and were treated to a 57-7 drubbing of pooooooooor Paschal (any Heights alumni reading this will get the reference).&#160 It’ll be Heights’ homecoming, and Rule Number One&#153 of homecoming games is that you schedule a squash.&#160 The Panthers should do very nicely.

Tonight, the TCU Horned Frogs are in Colorado Springs to take on the Air Force Falcons and attempt to avert a two-game losing streak.&#160 TCU’s an 8&#189-favorite against the Birds, but they’re still a young team, and they’re still on the road.&#160 A field-goal difference is not&#160 out of the question here.

Saturday, Turner Gill will (as mentioned previously) take his UBuffalo Bulls to Happy Valley, PA, to get their asses handed them by JoePa and the 12th-ranked Penn State Nittany Lions.&#160 The Vegas line is 34; thus, as long as Buffalo can keep it within 50 (48, actually), we’ll take it.

Even at that, the Bulls are still not as much of an underdog as Utah State is to the 3rd-ranked Oklahoma Sooners on Saturday in Norman.&#160 The line there is 46, and Bob Stoops might just let up enough on the Aggies to allow them to cover.

Also Saturday, Middle Tennessee plays the role of sacrificial lamb for the second-ranked LSU Tigers and Bo Pelini’s defense.&#160 This game is gonna be such a squash, Vegas doesn’t even have a line on it.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowboys will be in Miami to take on a bunch of guys wearing Miami Dolphin uniforms.&#160 The program’s in a little disarray since the departure of Nick Saban, and new coach Cam Cameron hasn’t quite gotten Miami’s offense up to speed yet.

Interestingly enough, this will be a matchup of last year’s San Diego Charger coordinators – Wade Phillips & Cameron.&#160 Given that Miami’s infamous humidity will also be a factor, this may not be the shootout that Cowboys-Giants was.&#160 But we’ll see.

We’re back Monday or so for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, the Humble Devildog has promised us a PFW of his own – one which looks to be “Bucky”-heavy…&#160


[We take time out from our hiatus to post this.]

(The following is a column which appeared on my web site, www.spatulacitybbs.com, on September 11th, 2001.&#160 It is re-posted now in remembrance of then.)

NOTE: This column contains some coarse language. Back out now if such language offends you, please.

I got four hours of sleep last night. I’m fighting the obligatory yearly case of tonsillitis. My throat hurts like Hell ™, my body is racked with soreness, and – not to put too fine a point thereupon – I’m in need of a tube of Prep H.

You get the idea. (sigh)

So here I am on LBJ Freeway in Dallas, plodding my way through traffic, fighting hard the urge to fall asleep at the wheel, literally. I’m listening to our sports-talk/guy-talk station on AM, the Ticket (KTCK 1310), when the sports jocks there suddenly exclaim something to the effect of, “WTF…?!”. Apparently, a heavy jet has veered off course and slammed into one of the World Trade Center twin towers in New York City.

“Wow,” I’m thinking, “they’ll likely stay with this one all day”, and I immediately turn over to the news/talk station here, WBAP 820, for all the coverage. Yes, I admit it – I’m fascinated by carnage.

At that point, though, I’m thinking tragic accident. Somebody’s plane lost its hydraulics and careened out of control, and the World Trade Center, unfortunately, was simply in the way.

That was 7:50. At 8:09, my worldview – and that of 280 million Americans, I would bet – changed radically.

At that point, a second jet slammed headfirst into the other tower. At that point, it’s not just a major tragedy. This looks just a weeeee bit too organized to be a coincidence.

It’s 8:20 when I get to the office, and I meet my buddy and old Wingtip Courier dispatcher as he’s driving up. He hasn’t been paying attention to anything. We get inside the office, and I bring him and our other compadre up to speed on things (he wasn’t listening to the radio, either, which was surprising). I go into my office and try pulling up a video stream for any of this. It’s 8:25.

Fifteen minutes later, the message is clear: America is under attack for the first time in 60 years. Yet another heavy jet has crashed – this one into the Pentagon. Reports are coming in about multiple hijackings. I’ve read a report about a worldwide alert issued last Friday concerning our resident international terrorist, Osama bin Laden, Two & two are quickly starting to come together.

(Side note: Don’t let them tell you they had no warning. I’m not kidding about that worldwide alert concerning bin Laden. They knew. Damned right they knew.)

I can’t pull up anything on the ‘Net – and I have a T1 at work. The radio offers some details, but I want to know more. I run across the street to the CompUSSR to scope out the TV images.

And ohmigod – what TV images. I saw the second plane come in behind the first tower, and a plume of fire and deep black smoke explode out the other side. I saw the collapsed side of the Pentagon. I saw both WTC towers collapse – I had to ask someone if they’d collapsed all the way, so incredulous was the scene there. (A third building nearby would collapse six hours later.) I heard reports of yet another plane crash – this one near Pittsburgh. Rumor has it that the plane was headed to Camp David – we’re somewhere around the anniversary of the Camp David accords, so I hear.

Returned to work around 11:00 in a state of near-shock. Twenty minutes later, I received the go-ahead to go home. After a quick stop-off at the school to check on my wife, I arrived home and turned on the TV to Fox.

The images there were even more unbelievable than before. Fox had the direct angle on the second tower hit. They also had better angles on the collapse of both towers – although by that time, there was so much smoke & dust that one could hardly make anything out.

After a quick lunch, I sit down here to gather news stories, and I find this.

That’s right, sports fans. Here are a group of Palestinian squids laughing, dancing and cheering the attack on us, whom they call “the Great Satan”.

Compassionate people, those Palestinians.

Okay, now that I’ve bored you with my day, here’s my analysis: CNN early on was doing everything it could to avoid calling it a terrorist attack. But, Spatulaites & Spatulaettes, it’s too coordinated, too organized to be anything but. These events had to be planned months in advance. Certain people had to be installed at just the right junctures in order to pull this off – our airport security procedures, despite the fact that they’re handled by part-timers making minimum wage, are still way too strict. People who knew how to fly those planes had to arrange for passage on these planes. This would have been a major undertaking for simply one airliner – for four to have been hijacked in this manner and turned into suicide machines screams for the fact that this is more than just a Chinese fire drill.

So. Who’s got the capability to pull it off? Who has the money to train these thugs, place them right where they needed to be placed, and then turned loose? And who among them hates us enough to target us? Not to mention, who’s stupid-assed enough to try it?

If you haven’t figured it out by now, go back to school and take a comprehensive reading course. You think about it, there’s really only one man who qualifies: Osama bin Laden.

There can be no question. The mastermind behind the 1993 bombing at the aforementioned World Trade Center is so consumed with hatred for the United States that it sticks in his craw that he failed to bring us down eight years ago. So he decided to try and finish the job, gambling that we’ll be too chicken-shit to do anything about it.

(Second side note: Yeah, the Palestinians and the Taliban in Afghanistan are denying responsibility. Don’t believe the bastards. This is their baby.)

This is where George W. Bush needs to prove him wrong. Take this one to the bank, my friends: The Bush presidency – whether he believes it or not, whether he likes it or not – rides on how he handles this.

America is screaming for justice. More to the point, America is screaming for revenge. This is nothing short of an act of war. Yes, war. There’s been a formally undeclared one on us now, by most of the non-Israeli countries of the Middle East, for several years now. The Muslims hate our guts. The Syrians, the Iraqis, the Iranians – we’re their enemy. “Death To America” has been cruising at #1 on the Middle Eastern Top 40 for several years. They’re getting bolder, too – because they think we’re too cowardly to fight back. They think we’ve forgotten how to fight.

If George Bush has any balls, now’s the time to prove them wrong.

This is your solution, like it or not: Any country harboring terrorists – that would include Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Libya, Syria, et. al. – must be wiped from the face of the earth.

Scramble 30 bombers. Five warheads each – six if the plane will hold it. Bomb the shit out of these countries – get rid of these raghead bastards.

So what if you take innocents out, too? This is war, people. They don’t care about killing our innocents; why should we give a shit about theirs??

And that goes for the Palestinians, too. Let’s do Israel a favor and eliminate those sons-of-bitches from the annals of history, as well. They want to laugh and make merry at our misfortune, they need to pay the ultimate price.

Show the world some balls, George W. Teach them that there’s a price for fucking with America. Demonstrate to them that we have not forgotten how to fight!


Po’ widdle Roy Williams.

The Dallas Cryboys safety…well, him be a widdle upset ’cause the Cowboys dared to release his buddy, Aaron Glenn.

When asked if he talked to anyone in the organization about Glenn’s release, Williams said Monday, “Why, I’m just going to be preaching to the choir. It doesn’t really matter. They took care of what they had to do, right.”


Williams said Glenn was the Cowboys’ third-best cornerback.

“Yeah, most definitely, he’s a great cornerback for us,” Williams said. “I feel that if Terence [Newman] couldn’t play, Aaron would be the person that would have started.”

Don’t let that fool any of youse guys.&#160 The fact of the matter is that for the last two years, anytime teams burned the Cowboys’ defense deep, the culprits were usually Williams & Glenn, as I chronicled here.&#160 So now that Glenn’s gone, Widdle Woy Willie has no one to blame for getting burned in coverage ‘cept himself.

Welcome to Real World 101&#153, Roy-Willie.

Let’s launch the Perfect Football Weekend&#153.&#160 Tonight, my (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are at “home” (that is to say, a stadium called Farrington Field about three miles from campus) to take on the Birdville Buffaloes.&#160 Birdville regularly manhandles Heights, and I don’t expect much different here.

Tomorrow, Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls go on the road to play the Temple Owls.&#160 Temple is one of the two teams UB actually beat last year, and the game’s at Temple this time, so look for a Bull bloodletting.&#160 The Vegas line is Temple minus 3&#189, so as long as the Bulls don’t lose by 18 or more, we’ll count it as a win.

Also Saturday, everybody’s (cough) favorite poster-child school for GUN CONTROL NOW!!!!!1, Virginia Tech, comes into the Baton Rouge swamp to take on 2nd-ranked LSU.&#160 VT has a damned good offense, so Bo Pelini’s defense will be sorely tested.&#160 The line is the Tigers by 11&#189, but don’t let that fool you for a second; this may be decided by a field goal.

In addition, the Miami Hurricanes will come in to Norman to take on fifth-ranked Oklahoma.&#160 These are not your father’s Hurricanes, as the program has slipped some in recent years, but this is no gimme for Bob Stoops’ Sooners.&#160 The line is OU by 11; I think it’ll be a touchdown or less.

The marquee game in this&#160 state Saturday will be down in Austin, as the 19th-ranked TCU Horned Frogs go up against seventh-ranked TU.&#160 (Yes, I still despise Mack Brown – so yes, they still get called TU.)&#160 Normally I wouldn’t give the Tadpoles much of a chance here (the line is TU by 9&#189), but the Cows are missing some people from suspension, and they lost one of their DEs to injury for this game, so there’s hope for TCU.

Sunday evening, Madden & Michaels will grace us here in Dallas with their presence as the aforementioned Cowboys take on the New York Football Giants.&#160 New York no longer has Tiki Barber, and only got Captain Gap-Tooth defensive end Michael Strahan back for the game, but they still have a pretty good defense, and they have Eli Manning & Widdle Jeremi Schmucky Jeremy Shockey, so this should be a close game (the line is Dallas by 6).

We’re back Monday with the recap.&#160 Now it’s your turn, LCs & Denizens – who wants to tell me how Michigan will respond Saturday against Oregon (aka The World’s Ugliest College Football Uniforms&#153)?


Memo to Guy Morriss:&#160 If you’re going to let your team talk trash against its opponent, then spend your entire spring & summer game-planning for one contest…perhaps your team should at least score a point or two, hm?

Arlington Heights 28, Azle 24
#22 TCU 27, Baylor 0
UBuffalo 3, #15 Rutgers 35
#2 LSU 45, Mississippi St 0
#8 Oklahoma 79, N. Texas 10
Dallas 13, Minnesota 24

My understanding had been that the poor-man’s version of Vince Young for Arlington Heights, a lad by the name of Donnell Dickerson, wouldn’t be playing for the Yellow Jackets this year.&#160 But according to this write-up:

The Yellow Jackets scored two fourth-quarter touchdowns to come back for a 28-24 victory against Azle in the season opener for both teams. Donnell Dickerson scored on a 29-yard shovel pass from Mark Grace, and Grace scored on a 14-yard keeper to give Heights the final lead with 9:18 left. Dickerson rushed for two touchdowns, of 1 yard and 29 yards, in the first half and finished with 150 yards on 16 carries.

Wow.&#160 May not be such a bad year for Heights, after all.

As expected, few starters played for the Cowboys against the ViQueens Dykings team from BridgeFallDownGoBoomVille Minnesota.&#160 Backup Matt Moore did okay, and his reward was getting cut.&#160 Oh, well.

UBuffalo surprised Temple in its first game last year.&#160 No such luck this year – the game was over early.&#160 Buffalo covered the spread-plus-14, though, so it counts as a victory (albeit moral).

WITY&#153 (What’d I Tell Ya?) regarding LSU and Missississississi…uh, the Bulldogs?&#160 Bo Pelini’s defense collected 7 turnovers (6 interceptions) and RB Keiland Williams bulldozed for a couple of TDs as the Tigers reauxlled…uh, rolled.&#160

Good thing that coaching careers aren’t defined by one game.

Memo to Todd Dodge:&#160 The competition on this level is just a weeeeeee&#160 bit more than that to which you’re probably accustomed.

New OU quarterback Sam Bradford probably thought practices were tougher.&#160 He went 20-for-22 for 350 yards in the first half as the Sooners also put this one away early.&#160 New OU tailback DeMarco Murray rushed for only 87 yards, but also scored five touchdowns.

What do you do after holding a Texas Tech-style offense to three points last year?&#160 You shut out its sister offense being run in Waco this year.

Last year, it was Baylor head coach Guy Morriss running down TCU head coach Gary Patterson.&#160 This year, Baylor tailback Brandon Whittaker took his shots:

“They have been talking a lot of noise about how they should be in the Big 12,” Whitaker said, “and so we are just going to go down there and prove to them that they shouldn’t.”

Mr. Whittaker, TCU can apparently do something you guys can’t:&#160 Beat Big XII teams on a regular basis.&#160 They’ve now won five in a row against Big XII teams, including your sorry asses twice.

New Frog quarterback Andy Dalton was 18 of 30 for 205 yards and one touchdown in his first start.&#160 Frog backs ran for 181 yards and two touchdowns, and the TCU defense held the Baylor attack to 78 total yards in the second half, forcing three interceptions on their way to four total.

This week:&#160 5-0. (the Dallas game doesn’t count, and Buffalo covered their spread as set by me).&#160 Overall record:&#160 5-0.

The PFW will return Friday as we start with the nailbiting early.&#160 Details to come.


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