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As the Perfect Football Weekend jumps once more into the breach, dear friends…I must request that you stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

Widdle Terri Owens’ team loses.&#160 Widdle Terri Owens isn’t much of a factor in the game.&#160 Widdle Terri Owens refuses to talk to the media afterward.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Does kinda bring back memories of the last three years.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Aren’t you dead?

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Well, the character is.&#160 There are always flashbacks, though.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Point.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Besides, my agent’s in talks with your executive producer on a new role for me.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Oh, okay.&#160 Carry on.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 (salutes)

Owens, who missed most of the exhibition season with a sprained toe

MERLIN:&#160 Yeah, that’s our Widdle Terri, awright.

Anyway, Buffalo will learn, I’m guessing.&#160 The over/under is 3-9 before the light suddenly comes on.

On ot the PFW.&#160 Last year, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets were destroyed by the Celina (TX) Bobcats in their backyard.

This year, they get to destroy us in ours, tonight at 7:30.&#160 Gimme Heights and 80.

Continuing a theme of it being Bobcat Week here in PFW-land, Saturday’s the home opener for Gary Patterson’s 15th-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs as they take on the Texas State Bobcats.

This could conceivably be called the Jim Wacker Bowl – the connection is that Wacker coached Texas State (then known as Southwest Texas State – or, as I liked to call ’em, “Sweat State”), immediately prior to coming to TCU to revive the program, and I can imagine that Sweat State’s still a little steamed at us for snatching him up.&#160 They were, after all, winning national D-II championships under Wacker, and they’ve been pretty irrelavant since then.&#160 Not that it’ll matter – take the Froggies in a squash.

Also Saturday, Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls take another sunshine-filled road trip – this one to Central Florida.&#160 Central’s favored by 4&#189, but then UTEP was favored by eight, so we’ll see.

Tulsa’s Golden Hurricane plays the latest whipping boy for 12th-ranked Oklahoma’s post-BYU rage, as they’ll invade Memorial Stadium.&#160 Losing to the Fucking Mormons took a toll on Vegas’ confidence in the Sooners, as an almost-guranteed 25-point handicap has been whittled down to 17&#189 (Rice, by comparison is a 32&#189-point road dog to Okie State), but while Tulsa has&#160 been known to give OU a scare from time to time, there should still be enough in their tank to win comfortably.

Bo Pelini has the Nebraska Cornhuskers up to number 18 in the USA Today poll this week, but that’s in severe danger this week as they travel to 13th-ranked (AP) Virginia Tech and the 2nd-Ugliest Uniforms In College Football&#153.&#160 VA Tech’s a 5-point favorite – and, given their speed, I think it’s gonna be a lot more than that.&#160 Bo will have to play major ball-control if he wants to keep this one close.

Sunday night, my fair burgh will welcome Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth, Keith Overbite and the rest of Football Night in America as the Dallas C’boys host the New York Football Douchebags.&#160 Eli Manning’s still a pansy-ass who folds under pressure, and Widdle Brandi Jackoff is still an oversized pussy.&#160 And, unlike Texas Stadium, if Brandi tries to knock anything off the wall this time, I suspect the Douchebags will get a hefty bill for his trouble.

We’re back Monday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, Bucky hosts the Wofford College Terriers, and Vegas doesn’t even have the game rated.&#160 The question for HDD, therefore, is:&#160 Does that mean I should take Bucky and whatever points I’m offered?&#160