Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...

[SCENE:&#160 Deep space.&#160 The Realm’s&#153 brand-new Federation-class cruiser prototype, ISS Poseidon, has been joined by Mrs. Venomous’ personal vessel, Apparition.&#160 Poseidon, having been faster and thus first able to track the Facebook Nexus that apparently captured Lord Darth Venomous, has spent the last six hours scanning the energy ribbon that seems to serve as the nexus’ gateway – without success.

On the bridge of Poseidon, Supreme General Rayegun is ship-to-ship with a highly-agitated Mrs. Venomous, and is desperately trying to calm her.]

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 For the last time, General – where?&#160 Is?&#160 My?&#160 Husband?

RAYEGUN:&#160 M’lady, please, we’re doing the best we can, we’re scanning every square inch of this region—

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, MAJOR!!!!&#160 GIVE ME MY HUSBAND BACK NOW!!!!!

[The “demotion” – inasmuch as Mrs. Venomous has control over that (she doesn’t) – has not escaped the General’s notice.&#160 (Besides, she still has the cast-iron skillet.)]

RAYEGUN:&#160 (ulp!)&#160 Mrs Venomous, please, I assure you—

[At that precise moment, Poseidon’s&#160 automatic defense systems snap on and alarms start to whoop.]

RAYEGUN (to K’hadibak’h):&#160 REPORT!!!

K’HADIBAK’H:&#160 Vortex opening in the center of the ribbon, General!&#160 Massive increase in energy output!

RAYEGUN:&#160 On screen!

[Cut to external view.&#160 There is a large energy discharge in the center of the ribbon, making it look very much like the boa that swallowed the elephant.&#160 Back on Poseidon’s&#160 bridge, pandemonium is reigning.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 Large object emerging from the ribbon, General!&#160 Headed straight for us!!!


[Cut to external.&#160 As Poseidon&#160 struggles to get out of the way, a large metallic mass flies out of the ribbon at speed.

It is what appears to be a Klingon bird-of-prey – but this bird is at least four times larger than any BOP known to exist.&#160 On it appear to be twice as many phaser banks as on a normal BOP, and even the gun turrets are three times normal size.

Oh, and it’s not a standard BOP configuration, either.&#160 To the untrained eye, it would appear to be flying upside down.

The vessel narrowly misses Poseidon&#160 and comes around to parallel Apparition, about 50,000 kellicams off her port bow.&#160 On Poseidon, the General’s jaw is very nearly on the floor, and no one else on the bridge is saying much, either.

Finally, Rayegun finds his voice.]

RAYEGUN:&#160 Mr. Korrioth…ID that ship, please, mister.

[Korrioth, at the science station, hunches over to stare into his viewer.&#160 His face lightens by at least six shades as he reads the ID of what’s just emerged from the ribbon.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 No.

[Rayegun’s head whips around to face the XO.]

RAYEGUN:&#160 Report!

KORRIOTH:&#160 General, the vessel is registering as a Worf-class bird-of-prey:&#160 NCC-2840…

[Rayegun’s jaw finishes hitting the floor.&#160 Several members of the bridge crew blanch.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 …ISS Pegasus.

[At that moment, T-Bone McManx’s communications board beeps.&#160 McManx turns to the board and touches a couple of switches.]

T-BONE McMANX:&#160 General, the vessel is hailing us.

[Rayegun lets out the breath he’d been holding.]

RAYEGUN:&#160 Uh…on screen, Lieutenant.

[Cut to the viewscreen.&#160 Deep space is replaced by a familiar image, sitting in the center seat on the bridge of Pegasus.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Hi, guys.&#160 Miss me?

Well, I think I’ve finally gotten the Linux box configured just the way I want it.&#160 I’ve placed a Windoze virtual machine inside the Ubuntu distro to run Outlook (let’s face it, Evolution sucks), told the Mozilla security repository what to go do with itself and manually installed Firefox 3.6.27 as the distro’s browser.&#160 It hates the Flash plugin, necessitating the installation of the beta version and generally making YouTube look like shit – but, it works.

In addition, there’s one more very significant upgrade that I completed yesterday.&#160 And I’ll tell you more about that&#160 next week.

Stay tuned.

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2 responses to “Upgrades”

  1. Just to clarify this FICTITIONAL recounting….


    Even now, my legal team here at the Southern Command is prepping the paperwork to be served to this so-called “author” for one UNIVSERAL sized slander lawsuit. And this “person” better think twice before mistakenly trying to use Poseidon or Pegasus for their surreptitious escape. Both have been tagged with a special tracking device that can find either vehicle an undisclosed distance away. AKA, you will be served.


  2. Cain’t fool me.&#160 I’ve seen how the Generalette handles you. (r, d & g)

    Besides, if you think you can get blood out of a turnip, we have to re-evaluate your judgement skills.

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