Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:36
The blog is closing this year (I’ll make the official annoucement later on), and this is likely my last ever blog post.
Okay, so I lied. This is the last-ever blog post.
Then again, I rather doubt anyone other than me will ever read this, so…
First things first: It was ten (10) years ago today – also a Saturday, as fate would have it – that I challenged the so-called Rev’r’nnnnnnnnnnd Mykeru of the Church of the SubTarded – known forever hereinafter as “Mykki Chickenshit” – to come out from behind his M-1 and his inflatable dolls and $66-wielding sock puppets, and show up on my doorstep and spew his anti-Christian bullshit to my face.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 6:00
Figures I’d go out on a clunker of a clusterfuck like that.
But then again, sportz fanz…that’s what Executive Fiat is for.
Cincinnati 10, at Indianapolis 26
Pittsburgh 17, at Baltimore 30
Detroit 20, at Dallas 24
at Arizona 16, Carolina 27
#19 Auburn 31, #18 Wisconsin 34 (OT) (Outback Bowl)
#14 UCLA 40, #11 Kansas State 35 (Alamo Bowl)
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:27
Posted by David Hartung @ 9:03
Perhaps it is time to call out the Realm ambulance chasers? Check this
Posted by David Hartung @ 7:57
Last evening Mrs. Vicar and I had the pleasure of attending the Starkville Christmas parade. We had a blast! Our parade may not have the glitz and glamour of parades in larger and more famous burgs, but it was a time for out folks to enjoy ourselves and to see our young people strut their stuff.
For me the highlight of the parade was the three bands who provided the music. The lead band, as in they were the second unit in the parade, was the Mississippi State University Famous Maroon Band. I may have developed an interest in College football, but it is still the bands which turn my crank. These young adults are really good! Following the Maroon band later in the parade was the local middle school band, and the High school band. While these kids did not have the polish and finesse of the University band, they made up for it in enthusiasm, and we could see the beginnings of some amazing musicians.
Venemous, General, I’m sorry, when the sportscasters cut away from a game during half-time, they miss the best part of the game!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:17
(Yeah, it’s a rerun of a rerun of a rerun. Of a rerun. Et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.
Bite Sue me, mkay? I’m busy cooking. )
I first penned (penned?) this screed (g) on 11/17/01. I thought it appropriate then (and still do), it being Thanksgiving and all, to jot down a list of those things for which I was thankful. This year the tradition continues, below the fold, as usual with only a few minor tweaks to keep things current:
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:22
Those of you who have read me for any length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.
For now, click the link. Go ahead. Click it. I effin’ dare you.
And turn it up. Waaaaaay up. )
That’s right, sportz fanz: It’s vacation time for His Rudeness. A chance to Get Away From It All, as it were.
For the first time in ten years, this is a multi-week vacation, as I get two whole weeks to spread as much hate & discontent as I possibly can.
MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet): You are not going to any strip clubs, you hear meeeeeee?!?!?!?!!
VENOMOUS: Yeah, yeah, whatever, woman.
MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet): CLAAAANNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!
Vicar, General – you guys have the conn. General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command, could I borrow a couple cases of Band-Aids©…?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 1:25
Guys, I am down right now. AT&T UVerse has decided, in its infinite lack of wisdom, to go belly up on me. Updates, therefore, are on hold until further notice.
That is all. Carry-on.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 9:30
Six years ago today, she came into my life. One year to the day thereafter, we married
And my life’s been a living hell ever since.
Still sorta crazy about her, though, y’know?.
Happy anniversary, Mrs. Venomous.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:04
(The following is a column which appeared on my old web site, www.spatulacitybbs.com, on September 11th, 2001. It is re-posted now in remembrance of then.
This will very likely be the last time this ever gets posted, as I do intend to close Spatula City sometime next year.)
NOTE: This column contains some coarse language. Back out now if such language offends you, please.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 9:34
[SCENE: Onboard ISS Vengeance, inside Admiral Darth Venomous’ quarters. Lt. T-Bone McManx, ship’s communications officer, has just entered & handed His Rudeness a data padd.
Venomous takes the padd, reads it, and hangs his head in grieving. After a moment, he looks up.]
VENOMOUS: Thank you, T-bone, that’ll be all.
T-BONE McMANX: Aye, sir. [McManx exits.]
[Venoumous slumps in his chair as if badly discouraged. He remains that way for minutes, then straightens and reaches for the comm panel.]
VENOMOUS: Venomous to Korrioth.
[A brief pause, then the general's booming voice crashes through the speaker.]
VENOMOUS: Come to my quarters, please, General.
[One can almost hear the hesitation in Korrioth’s response. The last time the admiral requested Korrioth’s presence in his cabin, it wasn’t a pleasant thing.]
KORRIOTH: On my way.
[Two minutes later, Korrioth is standing at attention in front of the admiral.]
KORRIOTH: Reporting as ordered, m’lord.
[Venomous hands Korrioth the padd. Korrioth begins to read.]
StarTrek.com is saddened to report the passing of Arlene Martel, who died on August 12 following a heart attack. The veteran television and film actress had a career that spanned parts of seven decades, dating back to the golden age of television, but she was arguably best known for her role as T’Pring in the “Amok Time” episode of Star Trek: The Original Series.
[Korrioth finishes and looks back at the admiral. It is difficult to deal with the news of the death of his mother, even moreso in front of his superior officer. Venomous breaks the silence.]
VENOMOUS: Take whomever you need with you, my friend. Our next mission can wait.
KORRIOTH: Admiral, I…I would request the entire senior staff accompany me. Including yourself, sir.
[Venomous ponders this a moment, then looks back up at his half-Vulcan, half-Klingon exec, saying nothing. He then reaches for the comm panel.]
VENOMOUS: Venomous to bridge. Mr. K’hadibak’h.
K’HADIBAK’H (through the speaker): Bridge. K’hadibak’h.
VENOMOUS: Set course for Vulcan, K’ha. Maximun warp.
K’HADIBAK’H (through the speaker): Aye, sir.
VENOMOUS (looking back at Korrioth): It would be my honor, General.
[Cut to exterior view as ISS Vengeance shoots into warp.]
The Realm offers its condolences to Arlene Martel’s family.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:09
Denizens, the “decision” to which I had referred back in April (yeah, yeah, I know…some “next few days”, eh, Venomous?) was going to be to close This Fine Blog. I have neither the time, nor inclination anymore, to write.
I have a new house. The workload at my job is ponderous. Ponderous, man, fuckin’ ponderous! (a little Casey Kasem lingo, there) And not to put too fine a point on it…certain in the Blogosphere have proven to me that it’s not worth putting up with it.
But, having said all that…I still have one last Perfect Football Weekend season left in me.
Those of you who’ve read me for any length of time know that about this time every year, I start jonesing for football (not to be confused with Jerry Jonesing for football, which means making stupid-assed decisions year after year, thinking having a Victoria’s Secret© at AT&T Stadium is more important than having a winning football team on that house’s field, that sort of thing), which means everything & everyone else take back seats.
So here we are. Once more through the breech, dear friends.
Same rules as always: I follow my teams here, you follow your teams in comments. I don’t give two flying fucks at rolling donut holes how your teams do – just how mine do. And the football weekend isn’t Perfect unless all my teams win. (Unless I declare Executive Fiat, which will always come with an explanation.)
Here are the teams I’m following:
1. High school: The (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets. Year Two for Phil Young and the Jackets, and the good news this year is that Aledo (a 7-84 loss last year) is not on the schedule. Thus, a 5-5 playoff team from last year looks to have a better season. They start with White Settlement Brewer (wait, not Azle? not Birdville?) in four weeks.
2. College: The Texas Christian University Horned Frogs. Year Three in the Big
12 11 10 However Many There Are for Gary Patterson and the Tadpoles. GP still has the delustional idea that Trevone Boykin is a quarterback, so look for another 4-8 year or so. But he has a couple of new offensive co-coordinators, and he still has a decent enough defense, so we’ll see what happens. Now to see which teams are crappy enough to lose to them…
3. Pro: The Dallas Cowboys. Another year, another Sean Lee season-ending injury – this time before training camp even starts. His knee, of course. Thus, a defense that was already suspect is probably going to be just as bad this year.
One more new piece for the offensive line, plus a new play caller (Scott Linehan), and they’ll have to keep the Cowgirls in games again.
Look for 6-10, and Jason “Red-Headed Jebus” Garrett’s exit from the franchise shortly thereafter.
In addition, this year we’ll play things a little differently. I’ll pick one or two games at random that interest me – some from past PFW teams, some from teams that have never shown up here before. (Look for Turner Gill’s Liberty University team a lot here. And anytime I sense that one of my least favorite teams is going to get their heads kicked in – you know, SMU, Arkansas, Boise State, that sort – it’ll show up in the list.)
Now, I was hoping to at least have a blurb about the Hall of Fame Game in Canton prior to publication, but that home thing reared its ugly head again. So I’ll just mention that the NY Football Douchebags beat Buffalo last night – seriously, who doesn’t beat Buffalo? – and leave it at that.
We’ll return Thursday with the first installment of the season, when I rip the Hall of Fame committee (or whomever picks these guys) for one of their stupid-assed selections.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:22
The question has been axed…yeah, I said “axed”, come say it to my face if that pisses you off…if Yours Truly intends to host a Perfect Football Weekend this year.
And the answer is…maybe.
I mean, at this point…what with This Fine Blog having basically gone the way of Yeah, Right, Whatever, and its pithy readership having trudged off for blogs that actually update…who’s gonna read it?
Still, there’s probably gonna be things about which I can vent, so we’ll see.
Now, to go find some non-Core teams that don’t disappoint from week to week…
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:30
Denizens, I have come to a decision regarding This Fine Blog, and will be announcing it sometime within the next few days.
Watch this space.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:45
Some dumbshits just do not know when to take a fucking hint.