Posted by Darth Venomous @ 9:30
Six years ago today, she came into my life. One year to the day thereafter, we married
And my life’s been a living hell ever since.
Still sorta crazy about her, though, y’know?.
Happy anniversary, Mrs. Venomous.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:04
(The following is a column which appeared on my old web site, www.spatulacitybbs.com, on September 11th, 2001. It is re-posted now in remembrance of then.
This will very likely be the last time this ever gets posted, as I do intend to close Spatula City sometime next year.)
NOTE: This column contains some coarse language. Back out now if such language offends you, please.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 9:34
[SCENE: Onboard ISS Vengeance, inside Admiral Darth Venomous' quarters. Lt. T-Bone McManx, ship's communications officer, has just entered & handed His Rudeness a data padd.
Venomous takes the padd, reads it, and hangs his head in grieving. After a moment, he looks up.]
VENOMOUS: Thank you, T-bone, that’ll be all.
T-BONE McMANX: Aye, sir. [McManx exits.]
[Venoumous slumps in his chair as if badly discouraged. He remains that way for minutes, then straightens and reaches for the comm panel.]
VENOMOUS: Venomous to Korrioth.
[A brief pause, then the general's booming voice crashes through the speaker.]
VENOMOUS: Come to my quarters, please, General.
[One can almost hear the hesitation in Korrioth's response. The last time the admiral requested Korrioth's presence in his cabin, it wasn't a pleasant thing.]
KORRIOTH: On my way.
[Two minutes later, Korrioth is standing at attention in front of the admiral.]
KORRIOTH: Reporting as ordered, m’lord.
[Venomous hands Korrioth the padd. Korrioth begins to read.]
StarTrek.com is saddened to report the passing of Arlene Martel, who died on August 12 following a heart attack. The veteran television and film actress had a career that spanned parts of seven decades, dating back to the golden age of television, but she was arguably best known for her role as T’Pring in the “Amok Time” episode of Star Trek: The Original Series.
[Korrioth finishes and looks back at the admiral. It is difficult to deal with the news of the death of his mother, even moreso in front of his superior officer. Venomous breaks the silence.]
VENOMOUS: Take whomever you need with you, my friend. Our next mission can wait.
KORRIOTH: Admiral, I…I would request the entire senior staff accompany me. Including yourself, sir.
[Venomous ponders this a moment, then looks back up at his half-Vulcan, half-Klingon exec, saying nothing. He then reaches for the comm panel.]
VENOMOUS: Venomous to bridge. Mr. K’hadibak’h.
K’HADIBAK’H (through the speaker): Bridge. K’hadibak’h.
VENOMOUS: Set course for Vulcan, K’ha. Maximun warp.
K’HADIBAK’H (through the speaker): Aye, sir.
VENOMOUS (looking back at Korrioth): It would be my honor, General.
[Cut to exterior view as ISS Vengeance shoots into warp.]
The Realm offers its condolences to Arlene Martel’s family.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:09
Denizens, the “decision” to which I had referred back in April (yeah, yeah, I know…some “next few days”, eh, Venomous?) was going to be to close This Fine Blog. I have neither the time, nor inclination anymore, to write.
I have a new house. The workload at my job is ponderous. Ponderous, man, fuckin’ ponderous! (a little Casey Kasem lingo, there) And not to put too fine a point on it…certain in the Blogosphere have proven to me that it’s not worth putting up with it.
But, having said all that…I still have one last Perfect Football Weekend season left in me.
Those of you who’ve read me for any length of time know that about this time every year, I start jonesing for football (not to be confused with Jerry Jonesing for football, which means making stupid-assed decisions year after year, thinking having a Victoria’s Secret© at AT&T Stadium is more important than having a winning football team on that house’s field, that sort of thing), which means everything & everyone else take back seats.
So here we are. Once more through the breech, dear friends.
Same rules as always: I follow my teams here, you follow your teams in comments. I don’t give two flying fucks at rolling donut holes how your teams do – just how mine do. And the football weekend isn’t Perfect unless all my teams win. (Unless I declare Executive Fiat, which will always come with an explanation.)
Here are the teams I’m following:
1. High school: The (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets. Year Two for Phil Young and the Jackets, and the good news this year is that Aledo (a 7-84 loss last year) is not on the schedule. Thus, a 5-5 playoff team from last year looks to have a better season. They start with White Settlement Brewer (wait, not Azle? not Birdville?) in four weeks.
2. College: The Texas Christian University Horned Frogs. Year Three in the Big
12 11 10 However Many There Are for Gary Patterson and the Tadpoles. GP still has the delustional idea that Trevone Boykin is a quarterback, so look for another 4-8 year or so. But he has a couple of new offensive co-coordinators, and he still has a decent enough defense, so we’ll see what happens. Now to see which teams are crappy enough to lose to them…
3. Pro: The Dallas Cowboys. Another year, another Sean Lee season-ending injury – this time before training camp even starts. His knee, of course. Thus, a defense that was already suspect is probably going to be just as bad this year.
One more new piece for the offensive line, plus a new play caller (Scott Linehan), and they’ll have to keep the Cowgirls in games again.
Look for 6-10, and Jason “Red-Headed Jebus” Garrett’s exit from the franchise shortly thereafter.
In addition, this year we’ll play things a little differently. I’ll pick one or two games at random that interest me – some from past PFW teams, some from teams that have never shown up here before. (Look for Turner Gill’s Liberty University team a lot here. And anytime I sense that one of my least favorite teams is going to get their heads kicked in – you know, SMU, Arkansas, Boise State, that sort – it’ll show up in the list.)
Now, I was hoping to at least have a blurb about the Hall of Fame Game in Canton prior to publication, but that home thing reared its ugly head again. So I’ll just mention that the NY Football Douchebags beat Buffalo last night – seriously, who doesn’t beat Buffalo? – and leave it at that.
We’ll return Thursday with the first installment of the season, when I rip the Hall of Fame committee (or whomever picks these guys) for one of their stupid-assed selections.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:22
The question has been axed…yeah, I said “axed”, come say it to my face if that pisses you off…if Yours Truly intends to host a Perfect Football Weekend this year.
And the answer is…maybe.
I mean, at this point…what with This Fine Blog having basically gone the way of Yeah, Right, Whatever, and its pithy readership having trudged off for blogs that actually update…who’s gonna read it?
Still, there’s probably gonna be things about which I can vent, so we’ll see.
Now, to go find some non-Core teams that don’t disappoint from week to week…
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:30
Denizens, I have come to a decision regarding This Fine Blog, and will be announcing it sometime within the next few days.
Watch this space.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:45
Some dumbshits just do not know when to take a fucking hint.
Posted by Supreme General Rayegun @ 0:07
And yes, I HAD to do that.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:37
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 1:19
DIS chu’ botIvjaj!
qaStaHvIS DISvam, reH qaDmeylIj DacharghmeH yapjaj HoSlIj, ‘ej not nIHoSmoHtaHbogh qaDmey DaHutlhjaj.
(May you all enjoy the new year!
During this year, may you always be strong enough to overcome your challenges, and may you never lack for challenges to keep you strong.)
KORRIOTH: And with a tolerable accent, too. You honor us, Admiral.
VENOMOUS: I try.
Happy New Year, Denizens.
Posted by Supreme General Rayegun @ 0:01
Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city.
Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child.
While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened.
But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”
When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger.
When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.
The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.
—Luke 2:1-20 (NASB)
And may God add His blessings to the reading of His holy Word.
Merry Christmas, Denizens. This season, more than any other – remember why.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 0:59
Those of you who have read me for any length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.
For now, click the link. Go ahead. Click it. You know you want to.
And turn it up. Waaaaaay up. )
That’s right, sportz fanz: It’s vacation time for His Rudeness. A chance to Get Away From It All, as it were.
We’re out of money at the moment, so it’s gonna be a staycation, which will give us enough time to finish decorating the new digs.
MRS. VENOMOUS: Along with other stuff…right, sweetie…???
Vicar, General – you guys have the conn. General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command, could I borrow another squadron of those black helicopters…?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 17:15
As you may or may not have guessed, Denizens, the PFW is done for the year. I’ve run out of ways to say that my teams suck.
In addition, the annual Fall Vacation Countdown isn’t going to be posted until maybe tomorrow. If then.
I know I tease, drop hints, etc, about hanging it up every now & again. This time, though, it’s a major case of burnout. I’ve been doing this now for over ten years, and I’m tired. There are only so many ways you can say Bambi & the Demoscum are fucking cowards, only so many ways you can dare them to grow a set and come go mano a mano. And when they don’t (see “Chickenshit, Mykki), what else is there?
So it’s a “sorta kinda” hiatus for Yours Truly for a little bit. (Not that I’ve been writing all that much before, but still.) I’ll come back when I fucking well feel like it.
When that might be…who the hell knows?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:38
There won’t be a Perfect Football Weekend column this week, after all. There just isn’t time.
And that’s getting to be a major problem around here. Remember how I’ve groused in the past about This Fine Blog going the route of the original BBS? Never having time to maintain it and such?
That’s getting to be the case, writ extra-large, these days. I can’t give this endeavor the time it deserves at this point, and I’m honestly wondering if I want things to continue that way going into 2014.
(For the One Or Two Of You That Still Care About This Blog, yes – that’s an indication that I may be ready to put SCBBS back on the shelf for the time being.)
Watch this space.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 1:09
[SCENE: On the near-powerless bridge of ISS Vengeance. Admiral Darth Venomous and General Korrioth are overseeing a minor refit of the communications module. Chief Engineer Ozymandias McCool carries a solid-state console module in his arms, awaiting instruction from Venomous.]
VENOMOUS: Anytime you’re ready, McCool.
OZY McCOOL: Aye, sir.
[McCool slides the module into the empty slot. Power comes to life on the bridge - for about two seconds.
Massive sparkage flies from the just-installed module, sending all three diving for cover. (Well, Korrioth & McCool, anyway. Venomous merely turns away with a disgusted look on his face.)
Venomous turns & glares at McCool.]
OZY McCOOL (looking very nervous at the moment): As I suspected, m’lord. Major flaw in the J2 circuit.
VENOMOUS: Fine. And in whose head is Kor going to sink his bat’leth this time?
OZY McCOOL: Personally, I’d start with the union writers. They’ve got all manner of plot devices up their sleeves, and they’ve had it in for you ever since you beheaded Allan.
VENOMOUS (chuckling): Mheh. That’s what I like about you guys – no foolin’ around, cut to the chase. Okay, Kor, see to it.
Okay, we’re officially back online here, and all it cost me was my primary keyboard. Fry’s will be furnishing me a replacement shortly.
In the meantime, we’ll catch up on the Perfect Football Weekend beginning tonight – Heights will play its annual one-and-done playoff game this evening, and I’ve some thoughts on Incognito-Juanita Martin (and no – that’s not a typo.)
Oh…and anyone who even dares breathe the number “51″ dies. You have been warned.