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…in a time-honored end-of-year tradition…IOW, go get drunk.

Okay, guys, I’m about to go off and give it the Good Ol’ College Try™ at inducing the Mother Of All Hangovers™ 

Thus, I leave you to your New Year’s celebrations with…fireworks!

Be safe tonight, Denizens – whereever you may be.  (And no, I’m not driving tonight, so neener neener, libtards.)

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Is it me, or does this indicate that our political leadership believe themselves to be above the rest of us? Eight years ago, the media was moaning about all of George Bush’s “vacations”. Now we see that Obama has spent even more time on “vacation”, but instead of going home, he goes to high dollar resorts. On top of that, the young miss Pelosi has scammed herself some USAF transport for her vacation, and it wouldn’t surprise me to find out that the taxpayers are paying her hotel bill.

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Found this one over at Andrew Breitbart’s (e.g Breitbart TV) BigGovernment.com site.

Gotta love it!!!

Funnies: New Years Edition.

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Denizens, your assignment for today is to pray.

Rush was taken to a hospital Wednesday evening because of chest pains.

God bless you and be with you, Rush.  You have our support!

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…then double standards must be twice  as good.

More Grab-baggy goodness from LC Rurik.  (Sir, are you sure you don’t wanna be on the staff here…? (grin))

Below the fold.  Enjoy.

If George W. Bush had been the first President to need a teleprompter installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have laughed and said this is more proof of how he inept he is on his own and is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes?


If George W. Bush had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take Laura Bush to a play in NYC, would you have approved?

If George W.. Bush had reduced your retirement plan’s holdings of GM stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had made a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had given the Queen of England an iPod containing videos of his speeches, would you have thought this embarrassingly narcissistic and tacky?

If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia , would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had visited Austria and made reference to the non-existent “Austrian language,” would you have brushed it off as a minor slip?

If George W. Bush had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with people who cannot seem to keep current in their income taxes, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to “Cinco de Cuatro” in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the 5th of May (Cinco de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, would you have winced in embarrassment?

If George W. Bush had mis-spelled the word “advice” would you have hammered him for it for years like Dan Quayle and potatoe as proof of what a dunce he is?

If George W. Bush had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a single tree on Earth Day, would you have concluded he’s a hypocrite?

If George W. Bush’s administration had okayed Air Force One flying low over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually get what happened on 9-11?

If George W. Bush had failed to send relief aid to flood victims throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in New Orleans , would you want it made into a major ongoing political issue with claims of racism and incompetence?

If George W. Bush had created the position of 32 Czars who report directly to him, bypassing the House and Senate on much of what is happening in America , would you have approved.

If George W. Bush had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so, would you have approved?

If George W Bush had proposed to double the national debt, which had taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had then proposed to double the debt again within 10 years, would you have approved?

So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant and impressive? Can’t think of anything? Don’t worry. He’s done all this in 5 months — so you’ll have three years and seven months to come up with an answer.

So hop on it, libtards.  Get crackin’. 

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From one of my weekly humor lists:

If you see a fat man
Who’s jolly and cute,

Wearing a beard and
a red flannel suit,

And if he is chuckling
and laughing away,

While flying around
in a miniature sleigh,
With eight tiny reindeer
to pull him along,

Then let’s face it…

Your eggnog’s too strong!

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Got this via email from LC Rurik – and since I didn’t have time to write squat tonight, here ’tis:

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

‘Fred,’ he replies.

‘Fred what?’ the officer asks.

‘Just Fred,’ the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. ‘Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’

The biker replies, ‘It’s a long story, so stay with me.’ I was born Fred Dingaling. I know — a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.’

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

As he should, Rurik.  As he should. 

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The entire college football world was in a state of shock yesterday when UFlorida head coach Urban Meyer announced he was stepping down for health reasons.

First reaction:  Yeah, well – I’d be sick over losing my cash-cow quarterback, too.

We later found out that Meyer spent a considerable amount of time in the hospital after the SEC championship game, suffering from chest pains.

(Side note:  There’s been a lot of pressure on Meyer and the Gators to repeat as national champs this year, which may lead one to believe the chest pains are a result of excessive stress.  His doctors, however, may want to look for a blockage somewhere.  I’ve got a stepbrother who was suffering from those types of pains, and that’s what they found.)

Well, hold the phone – looks like ol’ Urban’s not gonna resign, after all.

Florida coach Urban Meyer, who announced Saturday night that he would step down after coaching the Gators in the Sugar Bowl on New Year’s Day, will instead take an indefinite leave of absence following the bowl game, he said on Sunday.

“I was offered and encouraged to take a leave of absence,” Meyer said in a news conference on Sunday afternoon.

Can’t say as I blame him.  Man’s got a helluva scene going for him down there.

Let’s go to the Perfect Football Weekend™.  Four of my six teams are still in action (Dallas, more than once) this week.

Tonight, the Cowboys are in Warshington to take on the Deadskins.

OZY MCCOOL:  You mean…

MERLIN:  Nah, this time he’s got a point.  Did you see what they did against the Douchebags?

OZY MCCOOL:  Yeah, but that doesn’t mean they’ll do that against the Cowgirls.

VENOMOUS:  Point, McCool.  Incidentally, how d’ya like your new Realm™ Intelligence gig?

OZY MCCOOL:  Thank you, m’liege.  I shall not let you down like my predecessor did.  I prefer to keep my  head.

VENOMOUS:  Good man.

Memo to Coach Stay-Puf:  The win over N’awlins means exactly dick  unless you beat the ‘Skins tonight.

Tuesday, Bucky travels to Orlando to take on the University of Miami Windbags Hurricanes in the Champs Sports Bowl.  This game will hinge on how well Bucky can stop UMiami quarterback Jacory Harris.  Vegas has more confidence in them than I do at this point – the ‘Canes are only a 3½-point favorite in what’s essentially a home game for them.  Question for HSS:  can Bucky keep up with all that speed?

Wednesday, Bo Pelini’s 20th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers will be in San Diego to take on 22nd-ranked Arizona in the Holiday Bowl.  (Both rankings USA Today poll)  Vegas considers it a tossup, but I think it’ll come down to whether or not Arizona’s line can hold Ndomukong Suh long enough to let their quarterback throw.

Thursday, Bob Stoopes will take his Oklahoma Sooners to El Paso to play in the Brut Sun Bowl* against the 19th-ranked (USA) Stanford Cardinal.  (And So Help Me Cthulu™, they’re only ranked because they took apart USC in the Trojans’ backyard about six weeks ago.)  The over under is 400 male spectators attacked by over-40 football groupies. 

Next Sunday, Dallas will finish the regular season at JerryWorld against the Philthydelphia Beagles and TWGQBEITHOE,E™, Donna McCrabbs.  Memo to Coach Stay-Puf:  If history repeats itself here…it’s been nice knowing you.

Next Monday, the 3rd-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs will have the rubber match of the series against 6th-ranked Smurf Turf State in the Fiesta Bowl.  (Reports that Bronco coach Chris Peterson was still trying to get the University of Phoenix Stadium crew to paint the field blue were unsubstantiated at press time.)  The Frogs are favored by seven, which means that Ross Evans will have to win it for them with a field goal.  Set the over/under on fingernails I have left at game’s end at two.

We’re here January 5th or so with the recap and the benediction.  And my mood for that will depend on how well TCU did the night before.

*And those of you who know me know I never but never use the names of title sponsors when discussing bowl games, but this one’s too good to pass up.

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Its the day after Christmas, all the presents are exchanged, the dinners eaten, and relatives are heading home. Now comes the cleanup! This year my better half and I are in the “going home” crowd, and we can leave the cleanup to others! Life is indeed good. :)

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Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city.

Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child.

While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened.

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”

When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger.

When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.

The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.

—Luke 2:1-20 (NASB)

And may God add His blessings to the reading of His holy Word.

Merry Christmas, Denizens.  This season, more than any other – remember why.

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Denizens, Realm™ Headquarters is going to have a White Christmas™.

Hide the decline.

Merry Christmas.

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Yet another holiday tradition hits us here at the Realm™, Denizens – the annual visit by everyone’s favorite General, the fat guy who wears all the red. 

Usually it’s a round-robin between Supreme General Rayegun, David Hartung and myself, each of us taking turns posting it, and the other two linking to it.  However, given that (even though each of them still have their own little corner of cyberspace still intact) we’re all in one place now, it seems fitting that I tack the bulletin to the board.  Raise the flag and see who salutes, as it were.

Besides – it’s my turn, anyway. 

(And, wonder of wonders – this year, it’ll even be formatted properly.  Well – mostly, anyway.    )

General Claus’ Visit

To: All Personnel

_1._ An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 1998. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:

_a._ Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services.

_b._ Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2009. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2009.

_c._ Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.

_d._ Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 1996, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.

_e._ At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 1995, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.

_f._ Prior to 2400, 24 December 2009, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.

_g. _ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.”

_2._ MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2009, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In.

_3._ Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.

__CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE__
Colonel, US
OIC, Special Services

At ease, troops. 

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Darth!

How about sending a company of imperial clones to help with the packing! :)

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Got this one from LC Rurik via email:

‘Twas the night before Christmas & out on the ranch

The pond was froze over & so was the branch.

The snow was piled up belly-deep to a mule.

The kids were all home on vacation from school,

And happier young folks you never did see-

Just all sprawled around a-watchin’ TV.

Then suddenly, some time around 8 o’clock,

There came a surprise that gave them a shock!

The power went off, the TV went dead!

When Grandpa came in from out in the shed

With an armload of wood, the house was all dark.

“Just what I expected,” they heard him remark.

“Them power line wires must be down from the snow.

Seems sorter like times on the ranch long ago.”

“I’ll hunt up some candles,” said Mom. “With their light,

And the fireplace, I reckon we’ll make out all right.”

The teen-agers all seemed enveloped in gloom.

Then Grandpa came back from a trip to his room,

Uncased his old fiddle & started to play

That old Christmas song about bells on a sleigh.

Mom started to sing, & 1st thing they knew

Both Pop & the kids were all singing it, too.

They sang Christmas carols, they sang “Holy Night,”

Their eyes all a-shine in the ruddy firelight.

They played some charades Mom recalled from her youth,

And Pop read a passage from God’s Book of Truth.

They stayed up till midnight-and, would you believe,

The youngsters agreed ’twas a fine Christmas Eve.

Grandpa rose early, some time before dawn;

And when the kids wakened, the power was on.

“The power company sure got the line repaired quick,”

Said Grandpa – & no one suspected his trick.

Last night, for the sake of some old-fashioned fun,

He had pulled the main switch – the old Son-of-a-Gun!

-anonymous

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December 6th, 2009, 1905 hours, is a date & time which will live in Realm™ infamy.  Mark that date & time and remember it well, Denizens.

For it is the moment that I officially changed my mind on the BCS, and decided we needed a national playoff.

#20 Nebraska 12, #3 TU Shortdicks 10, Big XII/BCS Conspirators & Rule Violators 3

Denison 49, Sulphur Springs 35

Denison 28, Aledo 40

Wisconsin 51, at Hawai’i 10

Dallas 24, at NY Football Douchebags 31

at Dallas 17, San Diego 20

Dallas 24, at New Orleans 17

Denison stopped Sulphur Springs in a shootout, as DJ Jones caught four Jordan Taylor passes for 112 yards and a couple of touchdowns.  Taylor & Jones were also forces on the ground, combining for 391 yards on 42 carries.

Denison would lose to eventual 4A Div II champion Aledo the next week, as they simply could not stop Jonathan Gray (27 rushes, 185 yards, 4 touchdowns).

Memo to UHawai’i:  Next time you have a quality head coach who makes noises about going elsewhere if you don’t upgrade the program…upgrade the damned program, hm?

June Jones’ squads might have had a chance against Bucky.  This motley crew will settle for not being manhandled back into Oblivion™.

Jonathan Clay gashed the Rainbow Warriors for 172 yards and three touchdowns as Bucky shoved them aside and said “Out of the way kids, we’re going bowling.”  QB Scott Tolzien was 16-20-253.

Believe it or not, Romo’s actually played well the last three weeks.  Pity he has only one win to show for it.

Special teams and defense failed the Cowgirlz against the Douchebags.  Dominique Hixon (yes, the spelling’s deliberate, thank you) took a Mat McBriar punt back 79 yards on a punt return, and Widdle Brandi Jackoff took a swing pass and waddled 75 yards for a score.

(How does Brandi Jackoff run 75 yards on a swing pass?  I don’t give a shit if he is  6’4″, 265 – I’d  take a shot at the pussy, and the C’girl defense is supposedly bigger/stronger than I am.  There’s flat-out no excuse for that.)

They didn’t play much better against San Diego.  Jason Garrett suffered a brain fart in the second quarter, attempting to pound Marion Barber three straight times over Leonard Davis at right guard from inside the one.  And was stuffed each time.

Then, after a Phillip Rivers interception, Nick Folk missed yet another  field goal, making it five straight (at the time) where he’s missed at least one attempt.  (He would go on to miss a chip shot against the Saints this past Saturday night, fueling speculation that he won’t make the trip to Warshington.)

(UPDATE:  Wasn’t that hard of a call to make – as expected, he’s done.)

Rivers would lead the Chargers on scoring drives of 75 & 73 yards, for a touchdown and field goal respectively, to put the game away after Dallas had tied it in the fourth.

Against New Orleans, Dallas – a prohibitive road dog – jumped out to a 17-3 halftime lead, then added another touchdown in the third.  Drew Brees led the Saints on two fourth-quarter touchdown drives, and was on his way to a third when Demarcus Ware sacked him and stripped the ball.  Anthony Spencer recovered, ending the threat, the game and NO’s bid for a perfect season.

MERLIN:  Weren’t you saying something to the effect of “does anyone really  think they have a snowball’s chance”?

VENOMOUS:  Soemthing like that.  Not the first time I’ve enjoyed being wrong like that, y’know.

MERLIN:  Point.

Others have said this, but I’ll say it again:  The Cornhuskers won the Big XII championship.  They simply got screwed out of it by a half-assed conference that couldn’t bear  to not see the TU Shrimpdicks in the BCS Championship.

(Some background, in case you either didn’t watch the game or have forgotten what happened:  With seconds remaining in the fourth quarter, and TU trailing 12-10, Widdle Coltie McCoy dropped back to pass, was rushed, rolled out and threw an incomplete pass out of bounds as the clock went to 0:00.  The replay official buzzed down to the referee and had 0:01 placed back on the clock, whereupon TU kicked a field goal.  This field goal was illegal, as I’m about to show.)

Here is a direct quote from what used  to be on the Big XII’s website regarding instant replay rules:

Article 3. Miscellaneous reviewable plays include:

a. A runner judged to have been not down by rule. (Note: If a runner is ruled down, the play is not reviewable).

b. A runner’s forward progress with respect to a first down.

c. Touching of any type kick by any player.

d. The number of players participating by either team during a live ball.

e. A scrimmage kicker beyond the line of scrimmage when the ball is kicked.

f. Clock adjustment when a ruling on the field is reversed. (Emphasis added – DV)

g. A fumble recovery by a Team A player during fourth down or a try and before any change of possession.

I, and a helluva lot of other Nebraska fans, are still waiting for the explanation of what call on the field was reversed that supposedly warranted a review of time left on the clock.

Now, there are some pro-TU Shortdick assclowns that are trying to claim that further down that list of rules, there is a clause that states – and I quote:

ARTICLE 6. No other plays or officiating decisions are reviewable. However, the replay official may correct egregious errors, including those involving the game clock, whether or not a play is reviewable. This excludes fouls that are not specifically reviewable (Reviewable fouls: Rules 12-3-2-c and d, 12-3-4-b and 12-3-5-a).  (Emphasis added – DV)

In the first place, this is the dictionary definition of “egregious”:

1. extraordinary in some bad way; glaring; flagrant: an egregious mistake; an egregious liar

There was nothing “extraordinary in some bad way”, “glaring” or  “flagrant” about an extra second running off the clock after pass went out of bounds at that point of the game.  Were that the case, time would have to be put back on the clock for each & every incomplete pass anywhere, anytime, during any football game ever played.  Ever.

No other call was reversed during that last play.  Hence, the Big XII was clearly in violation of its own rule in putting that one second back on the clock.  The game should have been over; Nebraska should have been awarded the Big XII title; Texas Third Pro Team™ should have had to slink back to Austin again  having failed to win the conference championship.

Oh, and you know where I said where those instant replay rules used to be  on the Big XII site?  Go there now and you’ll find the page fucking blank.  Nothing but a fucking link to an NCAA FAQ about “Football Rules”.

Almost as if the Big XII had something to hide, hm?

So, the Big XII pussies get what they wanted – their honeyboy butt-buddies in burnt orange in the BCS title game.  Where – and I’ll go out on a limb here – ‘Bama will kick their shortdick T-sip asses all over Pasadena.  You heard it here first.

And where does TCU get to go?

TCU, in their first-ever BCS bowl, draws the Fiesta Bowl out in Arizona.

Against Smurf Turf State™.  The same Smurf Turf State™ to whom the Froggies spotted a 10-0 lead last year in the Poinsettia Bowl, then went and kicked their asses up the field and back down, allowing only two field goals the rest of the way while scoring 17 on the Broncos in the meantime.

In other words, sportz fanz, we have already played this school once in a bowl gameAnd beaten them.

But because the Powers That Wish They Were™ don’t want the possibility of another Utah-’Bama Sugar Bowl debacle, they take the easy way out and schedule the only two non-automatic-qualifying BCS-buster schools against each other.

Somewhat akin to sending the little kiddies off to the corner table to eat Thanksgiving dinner.

Up until that point, I was a staunch defender of the BCS and the bowl system.  I would beat playoff advocates over the head with their shortsightedness over how they would determine playoff seedings, and congraulate myself for my ingenuity in destroying their argument.

No more.

Congresscritter Joe Barton (R-TX) is attempting to bring the BCS bastards to account, putting them on the level with “cartels” (of which type, I’m not sure, but no matter).

I hope to Hell™ he succeeds.  Enough with the big schools getting bigger, the NCAA haves continuing to get, get, get – and the have-nots being shoved aside like the thorn in WC Fields’ side. (“Go away, sonny, y’bother me…”)

The fact is that the best college football team in this state is in Fort Worth this year, not  Austin.  TCU could – and would – kick the T-sips’ asses all the way back to Weirdville, given the chance.  And it’s high time they, and other deserving schools, got that chance.

Bring on the playoff.

This week:  3-4.  Overall:  54-26.

Keep your eyes peeled for the Bowl Edition of the PFW.  I’m not sure whether I crank it out this week or next – depends on when the first team plays (and yes, HDD, Bucky will be included in the list).

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