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Denizens, as we dive into the last regular-season edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™, we marvel at the apparent onset of What-Have-You-Done-For-Me-Lately-itis that seems to have infected college football.

Case in point:  Two years ago, Gene Chizik was the toast of the NCAA as his Auburn Tigers were the Division 1-A Football Bowl Subdivision™ champions.  (Having Cam Newton and a suffocating defense didn’t hurt him any.)  Chizik seemed to be set for years to come – Alabama is a football hotbed, and the Auburn program looked to be on solid ground.

Gene Chizik lost his job the other day.

The rapid fall from a national championship to 3-9 and the Southeastern Conference doormat led to Chizik’s firing Sunday, the day after a humbling 49-0 loss to No. 2 Alabama that showed just how far the program has fallen.

The Tigers endured the worst slide within two years of winning a national championship of any team since the Associated Press poll started in 1936 and hadn’t lost this many games since going 0-10 in 1950. The decision came 17 months after Auburn gave Chizik a contract worth some $3.5 million annually through 2015 with a hefty buyout.

“After careful consideration and a thorough evaluation of our football program, I have recommended that Coach Chizik not be retained,” Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs said in a statement. “President (Jay) Gogue has accepted my recommendation. Earlier this morning, I informed Gene that he will not return as head coach.”

Damn.  Just, damn.

But that’s college football for you:  Cutthroat in the extreme.

On to the actual games.  Wylie East, our latest Friday Night Heroes™, take on the Pirates of Mesquite Poteet up in the old SpatulaDigs™, aka Rockwall.  I have no idea who’ll win.

Now, for what I promised you on Monday:  There will be no PFW this weekend, and there are two reasons why.

The first is tomorrow at 11:00 am, when Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs host Bob Stoops’ 11th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners.  Vegas has OU as a 6½-point road favorite, and – though it kills me to say it – they’ll do more than cover.  This ain’t the Shortdicks of TU that the Froggies are playing, after all.  TCU will be a lot more competitive the next time OU visits Fort Worth – but not tomorrow.

From OU’s point of view, they’re playing for a piece of the Big XII championship (and the outright title should TU…(snicker)…beat Kansas State up in Manhattan.  (Like that’s  gonna happen.)

The other reason is tomorrow night, as Bo Pelini’s 12th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers & Bret Bielema’s Wisconsin Badgers travel to Peyton Manning Stadium Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis for the Big 10 11 12 13 Ten championship.  (Normally, this would be Ohio State & Nebraska; however, the Buckeyes are on NCAA probation, and are ineligible.)

Nebraska came from behind back in September to edge Bucky in Lincoln, and they’re only a three-point Vegas favorite here.  As usual, it’ll come down to how Taylor Martinez plays – which is why I think Bucky will win.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowgirlz will win their last game of the year, as Phuckadelpha’s Eagles, proud owners of a seven-game losing streak, come to play at the Death Star.  The Beagles are even more beat up than the Cowgirlz, if that’s even possible, and Dallas has already beaten them in Philthy.

Then again, they beat the NY Football Douchebags up in Joisey too and lost here, so…

We’re back Monday or so with the recap.  In the meantime, my message to HDD is…GO HUSKERS!!!!! 

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Item:  Actor Angus T. Jones, the “half” in See-BS’ Two And A Half Men, finally woke up the other day, smelled the coffee and blasted his own show, calling it “filth”

“Jake from ‘Two and a Half Men’ means nothing. He is a nonexistent character … ,” Jones said, starting about halfway through the video above. “If you watch ‘Two and a Half Men,’ please stop watching ‘Two and a Half Men.’ I’m on ‘Two and a Half Men,’ and I don’t want to be on it.

“Please stop watching it; stop filling your head with filth. Please. People say it’s just entertainment. … Do some research on the effects of television and your brain, and I promise you you’ll have a decision to make when it comes to television, and especially with what you watch.”

Good on ‘im…right?

Well, hold the phone.

Item:  Yesterday, Angus went back to sleep.

In a statement issued late Tuesday, Jones said he had the highest regard for all of the people he has worked with on the comedy, including creator Chuck Lorre and Warner Bros. studio chief Peter Roth.

“I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed,” said Jones, who reportedly makes $350,000 an episode. “I never intended that.”

Fucking.  Assed.  Coward.

This is one of my pet peeves, Denizens, as you yourselves well know.  If you’re going to say something, if you’re going to take a stand, be ready to catch the slings & arrows that are most certainly going to come your way.  Don’t worry about losing your Hollyweird gig, don’t worry about being blacklisted by a bunch of perverted pissweasels, and for the sake of Cthulhu’s left nut, don’t worry that they might not like you anymore.

And for God’s sake, DON’T FUCKING BACK DOWN FROM WHAT YOU SAY  if you’re going to say it!  Otherwise, STFU if you don’t have the spine for it!

Damn, people like Angus Jones piss me off!

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Zig Ziglar has been called home. He will be missed. While I never became as successful as Zig, I always found his messages to be inspirational and uplifting. For those in any sort of professional sales, Zig’s writings should be mandatory reading.

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Got this from a friend of mine over on FB.  Good stuff.

Drafting Guys Over 60

(This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier… New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60! )

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’ We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while..

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brain teaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however… I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too… I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50…in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!

Mheh. 

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Oooooooh, are they pissed off in Austin. 

Wylie East 63, Whitehouse 56

TCU 20, at #16 Texas 13

at #13 Oklahoma 51, #21 Oklahoma State 48 (OT)

#14 Nebraska 13, at Iowa 7

Wisconsin 21, at (hack, spit) Penn State (hack, spit) 24 (OT)

at Dallas 31, Washington 38

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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…like…uh…me.  (grin)

Hmm.  Gotta remember to stock up on wallets. 

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(Yeah, it’s a rerun of a rerun of a rerun.  Of a rerun.  Et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseamBite Sue me, mkay?  I’m busy cooking. )

I first penned (penned?) this screed (g) on 11/17/01.  I thought it appropriate then (and still do), it being Thanksgiving and all, to jot down a list of those things for which I was thankful.  This year the tradition continues, below the fold, as usual with only a few minor tweaks to keep things current:

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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Denizens, while we’re all recovering from our collective L-tryptophan stupor, there’s still football to be played, starting around 3:30 Central Standard Time.

Today, the Warshington Foreskins, with The Greatest Ever Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever!!!!!™, ARRRRRR GEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!, come to the Death Star™ to take on the Cowgirls.

Usually, the Girlz feast on rookie quarterbacks – except thie year, of course.  They let Seattle’s Russell Wilson beat them, and they had problems with Nick Foles at Philly, too.  So Griffin gets another presumably easy task, where a piss-poor team makes him look like Mr. Universe.

Tonight, Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs travel down to Austin to (hopefully) kick the snot out of the Texas University Short-dicks Longhorns Short-dicks.  TU seriously isn’t that good, and they’re ripe for an upset, so I have my fingers crossed.

Tomorrow, Bo Pelini’s 14th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers are off to Iowa for their annual Black Friday tilt with – wouldn’t you know it – the black-shirted Iowa Hawkeyes.  Big Red is a healthy 15-point road favorite here, so Taylor may actually get a bit of rest by the third quarter.

Saturday, it’s the annual Bedlam game between 13th-ranked Oklahoma and 21st-ranked Oklahoma State.  For once, the game’s in Norman (after the last two years in Stillwater), so I feel a little better about this game than I might’ve normally.  But Vegas only has the Sooners as a seven-point favorite at home, so watch out.

Also Saturday is probably my last chance for an Executive Fiat™ win this year. as Bucky travels to Unhappy Valley to take on the (hack, spit) Penn State Nittany Pussies (hack, spit).  If Bret Bielema’s boys ever needed a win, this is it.  Don’t fail me, Bret.

We’re back Monday with the recap.  And it’ll be Monday, too, now that I’ll finally have some time to get things done.

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Those of you who have read me for any  length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.

For now, click the link.  Go ahead.  Click it.  I effin’ dare  you.

And turn it up.  Waaaaaay  up.    )

That’s right, sportz fanz:  It’s vacation time for His Rudeness™.  A chance to Get Away From It All™, as it were.

Thanks to Bambi & his shitty economy, though, Mrs. Venomous & I are staying in town and not doing a helluva lot, due to the money just not being there.

MRS. VENOMOUS:  Ohhhhhh, don’t worry, sweetie.  We’ll find plenty  of things to do. (wink)

VENOMOUS

Vicar, General – you guys have the conn.  General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command™, could I borrow another squadron of those black helicopters…? 

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Well, if you THOUGHT your electronic mail was safe from the prying eyes of the guvmint….think again. Here comes the “Email Police”.

So here’s the basics (full article here):

Senate Judiciary Committee Chair Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., has drafted a substitute bill for the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, which was originally written in 1986 long before things like electronic archiving and cloud storage. The update, which will be under review next Thursday, modernizes rules for police seeking to obtain private email for investigative purposes — rules that had been surprisingly lax.

And in a nutshell, here’s what they’ll be able to do:

“Leahy’s rewritten bill would allow more than 22 agencies — including the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Federal Communications Commission — to access Americans’ e-mail, Google Docs files, Facebook wall posts, and Twitter direct message without a search warrant,” wrote CNET’s Declan McCullagh.

Oh yeah, that little Constitutional RIGHT called “due process” as well as “no illegal search and seizure” well we’re from the government and we don’t have to obey those pesky things that we don’t like. That’s EXACTLY the attitude that Leahy and his PROGRESSIVE co-conspirators are seemingly taking with this bill re-write. Folks, if you cannot (or worse, will not) see what this band of carpet baggers is doing to our country then personally IMHO you don’t deserve to be a citizen of this country. Now that they’ve got another four years to trash the Constitution, overthrow “We The People” and put the economy on a one-way trip to Hell….the America I grew up knowing AND DEFENDING has become something of an anathema.

Want to fight this?

Welcome to the world of encrypted email. Darth, Vicar, anyone else, just contact the Southern Command HQ and we can get the Cybersecurity team to assist in getting you set up. We have a tested, proven package that we can put in place that will thwart any prying eyes. Personally, your General uses this setup for his communiques and given that my email is protected with an encryption algorithm that is somewhere in the neighborhood of FOUR TIMES that of current Military Strength™ specs, I’m confident that the guvmint eggheads would be pounding away for quite some time trying to read my emails. Can you say millennia? Yeah, that sort of stuff.

But, you might want to get on board quick. This is a limited time offer.

ThatIsAll™

UPDATE:

This just in.

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Out of the fire…back into the frying pan.

Wylie East 70, Sulphur Springs 33

#12 Oklahoma 50, at West Virginia 49

at #14 Nebraska 38, UMinnesota 14

at Wisconsin 14, Ohio State 21

Liberty 33, at VMI 14

at Dallas 23, Cleveland 20 (OT)

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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One.

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Not that it’s of any major importance, but today is:

1) Name your PC Day
2) Absurdity Day

Keep reading, we’ll make more.

Dismissed™

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Two

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Denizens, your homework assignment to start the week is to read this.  It’s a well-written work of fiction from Matt Bracken over at Western Rifle Shooters.

Or is it…?

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