Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:28
Hey, Artie Briles! Hey, Widdle Bwice Pussy!
Not quite as fucking easy when it isn’t your hand-picked zebras calling the game, is it, you pathetic bastards?!?!?!
Baylor was penalized 18 times for a Big 12-record 215 yards. Seven were for pass interference.
Live by the zebra, die by the zebra.
Gotta. Love. It.
Posted by Supreme General Rayegun @ 0:01
Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city.
Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child.
While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened.
But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”
When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger.
When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.
The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.
—Luke 2:1-20 (NASB)
And may God add His blessings to the reading of His holy Word.
Merry Christmas, Denizens. This season, more than any other – remember why.
Posted by David Hartung @ 11:45
General Claus’ Visit
To: All Personnel
_1._ An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 1998. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:
_a._ Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services.
_b._ Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2009. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2009.
_c._ Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.
_d._ Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 1996, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.
_e._ At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 1995, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.
_f._ Prior to 2400, 24 December 2009, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.
_g. _ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.”
_2._ MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2009, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In.
_3._ Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.
__CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE__
OIC, Special Services
At ease, troops.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 22:30
DIE, SWINE, DIE!!!!!
Buford. T. Justice.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 0:45
Oh, really? That’s nice.
Damn, the Cowgirlz are gonna have to figure out how to replace Tyrone Crawford…
(*Incidentally, Jim Hoft, no – I don’t consider you part of the LSM. But everyone else is going all ga-ga for them, so…)
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 10:38
(Hat tip: M, via FB)
Drudge is reporting that Janet “Big Sister” Napolitano is out the door, outta here!!!.
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said Friday she will step down from her post to become president of the University of California system.
Yeah…she’ll fit right in: She’s a fruit, a flake and a nut.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 22:36
Denizens, remember when I kvetched long & loud about George “I Guarantee It” Zimmer, late of the Men’s Wearhouse? The bastard that threw in with the Occutards out there in Oakland?
Yeah, that guy.
Well, Men’s Wearhouse isn’t coming right out & saying it, but it looks as if some of our complaints finally made it up to the ears of the board. They fired the fuckhead yesterday.
The men’s clothier said Wednesday that it fired executive chairman and face of the company George Zimmer, 64, who has appeared in many of its TV commercials with the slogan “You’re going to like the way you look. I guarantee it.”
The company announced the move in a terse statement that gave no reason for the abrupt firing of Zimmer, who built Men’s Wearhouse Inc. from one small Houston store using a cigar box as a cash register to one of North America’s largest men’s clothing sellers with 1,143 locations.
Zimmer said in a written statement that over the past several months he and the board of directors disagreed about the company’s direction.
“Over the last 40 years, I have built The Men’s Wearhouse into a multi-billion dollar company with amazing employees and loyal customers who value the products and service they receive at The Men’s Wearhouse,” he said in a statement. But he noted that “instead of fostering the kind of dialogue in the boardroom that has, in part, contributed to our success, the board has inappropriately chosen to silence my concerns by terminating me as an executive officer.”
Sounds to me like your decision to side with the Occutards finally bit you in your ample ass.
About damned time, too. I can go shopping for suits again.
That karma, it do be a bee-yotch, don’t it?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 0:47
Now after the Sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to look at the grave.
And behold, a severe earthquake had occurred, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled away the stone and sat upon it. And his appearance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow.
The guards shook for fear of him and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid; for I know that you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified.
He is not here, for He has risen, just as He said.
And may God add his blessings to the reading of His holy Word.
1,980 years ago, it wasn’t about candy-coated eggs, fake plastic colored straw or bunny rabbits.
Today, 1,980 years later…it still isn’t.
The secularists can scoff & sneer all they like.
We’ve read the end of the Book. We win.
Happy Easter 2013, Denizens. He is risen!!!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:14
Satan has begun his eternal raping of Hugito the Needle-Dick.
Let the party…commence!!!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 0:31
Damn. Did we say “10-point lead”?
Soooooo very sorry.
How about a 12-point thumping???
Tea Party favorite Ted Cruz was headed toward victory Tuesday night, pulling off a stunning coup and besting veteran Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst in a fierce, hard-fought, multi-million dollar Republican quest for Texas’ first open Senate seat in a decade.
In the GOP battle that became “establishment” versus Tea Party, Cruz held 56 percent of the vote to Dewhurst’s 44 percent, with 6.780 of 7,957 precincts reporting.
Now that probably won’t hold up, especially if the Southern Command down there goes ahead and takes their foot off Houston’s throat (grin), but this is damned encouraging to behold.
Memo to Davey Pants Pee-yew-hurst: This is what you get for running like a Demoscum, boy. Don’t come to us calling yourself a conservative when your entire campaign against Cruz came from the leftards’ Short-Bus playbook – right down to that fuckheaded Sandy Fonzo “Ted Cruz should be ashamed of himself, I don’t know how he can sleep at night” bullshit.
Demoscum use those tactics, chump. And you gave a textbook demonstration on why you’re well-known in Texas as a “moderate” (read: libtard). The only good thing about your excuse-for-a-campaign is that, because he endorsed you, I can now go back to calling him “Big Dickhead Perry”.
Now. On to November, and yet another kicking of Donktard ass.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 20:55
According to Hoft over at Gateway Pundit, MSNBC has not only already called the race for Scott Walker in Wisconsin, Lt. Governor Rebecca “Babe” Kleefisch also wins tonight, 59-41.
SUCK IT, LIBTARDS!!1!!ONE!!1!!ELEVENTYBILLION!!1!!!~ BWAHHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!!!!!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 0:01
Those of you who have read me for any length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.
For now, click the link. Go ahead. Click it. I effin’ dare you.
And turn it up. Waaaaaay up. )
That’s right, sportz fanz: It’s vacation time for His Rudeness. A chance to Get Away From It All for the next 10 days or so.
Thanks to Bambi & his shitty economy, though, Mrs. Venomous & I are staying in town and not doing a helluva lot, due to the money just not being there.
MRS. VENOMOUS: Ohhhhhh, don’t worry, sweetie. We’ll find plenty of things to do. (wink)
Vicar, General – you guys have the conn. General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Occutards down there in the Southern Command, could I borrow another squadron of those black helicopters…?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 15:54
Rep. Ron Paul of Texas said Monday he will not compete in primaries in any of the states that have not yet voted — essentially confirming Mitt Romney will win the Republican presidential nomination.
Mr. Paul said he will continue to work to win delegates in states that have already voted and where the process of delegate-selection is playing out. He said that’s a way to make his voice heard at the Republican nominating convention in Tampa, Fla., in August.
“Moving forward, however, we will no longer spend resources campaigning in primaries in states that have not yet voted,” Mr. Paul said. “Doing so with any hope of success would take many tens of millions of dollars we simply do not have.”
Translation: “Mene mene tekel upharsin”.
If there is a Cthulhu, this will be the absolute last time we ever see the words “Ron Paul” and “presidential candidate” in the same sentence.
But then we are talking about the definitive blithering idiot, so I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 18:09
[SCENE: Deep space. The Realm's brand-new Federation-class cruiser prototype, ISS Poseidon, has been joined by Mrs. Venomous' personal vessel, Apparition. Poseidon, having been faster and thus first able to track the Facebook Nexus that apparently captured Lord Darth Venomous, has spent the last six hours scanning the energy ribbon that seems to serve as the nexus' gateway - without success.
On the bridge of Poseidon, Supreme General Rayegun is ship-to-ship with a highly-agitated Mrs. Venomous, and is desperately trying to calm her.]
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:38
And at long last, Widdle Jonnie Huntsboy has seen his personal “Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin” and decided to hang it up.
On Monday morning, Jon Huntsman announced his decision to quit his presidential bid following a poor showing in New Hampshire’s Jan. 10 primary. In his announcement, he derided the negativity permeating the GOP primary race and immediately threw his support behind Mitt Romney.
“Today, I am suspending my campaign for the presidency,” the former Utah governor and U.S. ambassador to China said during a news conference held in Myrtle Beach, S.C. “I believe it is now time for our party to unite around the candidate best equipped to defeat Barack Obama. Despite our differences and the space between us on some of the issues, I believe that candidate is Governor Mitt Romney.”
Oh, you really didn’t expect anything different, did you? One Mormon endorsing another, that is?
This’ll add, what? Another 1.54 votes to Mittens’ total?