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Already in poll quicksand, Malicious Malkin’s hand-picked candidate and honeygirl, Michelle Bachmann, all but torpedoed her own campaign over the weekend when she started channeling Pat Robertson, stating that Hurricane Irene was “God’s warning” to Washington, DC.

GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann says Hurricane Irene and last week’s earthquake are messages from God to warn politicians to start heeding divine guidance.

Bachmann made the remarks during a campaign stop Sunday in Sarasota, Fla., attended by about 1,000 people, the St. Petersburg Times reported.

“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians,” the third-term congresswoman from Minnesota said. “We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’”

Robertson, as you’ll recall, proclamed (among other things), that God wouldn’t protect the town of Dover, PA, over their dumb-assed tossing of intelligent-design advocates in their school board elections.  (Which may or may not be true, but I don’t think I’d be naming names when it comes to something like that, but rather speaking in more general terms, y’know?)

It didn’t help things any that Bachmann was already viewed as a flake – now she’s confirmed it.  And killed any chance she ever thought she might have at the White House.

Now, she did  try walking this dumbshittery back, calling her comments a “joke” – but the damage was already done.

S’long, Michelle, we hardly knew ye.  Now Malicious Malkin is gonna have to find another RINO to kiss up to. 

UPDATE:  Actually, I probably shouldn’t call Bachmann a RINO – her conservative street cred is probably sufficient.

But she is  an idiot.  We knew this when she hired Ed “I Hate Sarah Palin” Rollins to be her campaign coordinator.  Which, nowadays, is like begging Bob Shrum to run it.

So let’s say that Malicious Malkin has to find another fellow idiot to cozy up to, and leave it at that.

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Well, if this is the dress rehersal, I’ve one question:  Is Dallas that good, or is Minnehaha that bad?

Dallas 23, at Minnesota 17

Green Bay 24, at Indianapolis 21

at Detroit 34, New England 10

New Orleans 40, at Oakland 20

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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Denizens, we start the week off with some fantastic news.

Today is the Vicar’s wedding day…plus 31 years. (A little Paul Harvey lingo, there.)

Congrats, bride & groom! 

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Denizens, the more astute amongst you will have noticed by now that the name of Michelle Malkin no longer graces the blogroll.

(Not that that fact has any major significance beyond my feeble mind – as I’ve said before, give me at least partial credit for realizing that the world doesn’t revolve around me.  Still.)

There’s a reason for that – this.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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(Crossposted to the Rott – this was just too damned good not to share.)

(Hat tip Drudge – although I tend to wonder if he’d really want it, y’know?)

They use the corner of their huts as personal toilets.

They wipe their asses…with their hands.

They view women as less valuable than farm animals – in fact, they’d rather have sex with the animals.

They are the Most Offensive Creatures On The Face Of The Earth™

And they are offended…when they hear you fart.

(No, I’m not making this up. Or to be more succinct – I shit you not.)

So here’s the news: audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange because it offends the Afghans.

I know there are many things in the Afghan culture that don’t seem normal to Americans and it’s hard to spend seven months working in someone else’s back yard. Still, the Marines I saw downrange are doing a pretty good job at trying to do the right thing around the Afghans.

They’re not supposed to cuss because it could be misunderstood (that one goes out the window a lot). And they stay away from talking about politics, religion or girls because those topics could escalate into major disagreements (they can’t communicate anyway because of the language barrier).

But farting? That’s practically a sport. Ok, it’s not soccer, but a good contest could open the door for cross-cultural exchanges, jokes and other gallows humor.

So, for all Marines getting ready to go downwind, I mean downrange, be forewarned — you may have to hold it in… at least until you get back to your hooch where you can loudly crop dust your friends.

Doesn’t that just rip you a new one?

OTOH, I think we’ve found a way to rid ourselves of Bawney Fwank…

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Guys, this episode of the Perfect Football Weekend™ opens with some kvetching about yet another new NFL rule for the 2011 season.

We’ve already chronicled the one about a play being declared dead when the ball carrier gets his helmet yanked off (and I’m still  waiting for the explanation on why that’s not an automatic 15-yard penalty).  Here is yet another stupid rule that purportedly make the game safer  (), but also a helluva lot more boring.

Years ago, football (not just the NFL, either – colleges did this, as well) moved the kickoff back five yards, to a team’s 30-yard-line.  This year, in a half-assedhearted attempt to avoid concussions during runbacks, the spot has been moved back to the 35.  In addition, no member of the kicking team can line up more than five yards away from the ball; the theory is that the player’s momentum will be lessened, thus making impacts with opposing players less concussion-threatening.

(It also has the effect of making touchbacks pretty damned much automatic.  Unless, of course, you have Rayegun kicking for you.)

RAYEGUNHEY!!!!!

VENOMOUS

Never mind that a player is pretty much up to full speed after 15 yards anyway, so that prevailing theorem is about as useless as a screen door on a submarine (hat tip:  the late, great Rich Mullins).

Anyway, the Chicago Bears – one of the teams to vote against this rule change – has been, during this preseason, thumbing its nose at Roger Goodfella and the NFL mafiosos.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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[SCENE:  On the bridge of ISS Poseidon, the Realm's new Federation-class prototype.  Admiral Darth Venomous is still mired away in Facebook Hell™, and the bridge is empty, save for a couple of technicians named (ironically enough) Berkeley & Zhamno.

Zhamno is fiddling around with the Ops controls.  Berkeley is egging him on.]

BERKELEY:  Yeah, yeah!  Do it!  C’mon!

[Zhamno touches one last control.  On the viewscreen, the picture changes.]

ZHAMNO:  Schweet!

[At that moment, the turbolift doors fly open, revealing Supreme General Rayegun, who isn't the happiest of campers right at that moment.]

RAYEGUN:  What in the name of Fek’lhr  are you two doing?!?!

BERKELEY, ZHAMNO:  GENERAL, SIR!!!  Uh…uh…(ulp!)

RAYEGUN:  Never mind that.  Quit playing with the effing tractor beam and prep this bridge!  We launch in fifteen minutes!

BERKELEY:  Uh…sir?

RAYEGUN:  We’ve located the Admiral.  We’re going to assist Mrs. Venomous in rescue operations.

ZHAMNO:  But…but, sir…what about your ship?

RAYEGUN:  The Generalette took it.  Something called a “girls’ night out”.  Don’t ask, just move!!!

BERKELEY, ZHAMNO:  Yes, sir, aye aye, sir!!!  {They scurry as Rayegun exits.]

Prayers & well wishes for the quake area.

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Phillip Tanner, who do you think you are?  Jason Witten?

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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Sure, we all know that a 5.8 quake hit Mineral, VA CAUSE ALL THE DAMN MEDIA IS FLAGGELATING ON IT!!!

But were you aware of the fact that the “Largest Colorado quake since 1973 shakes homes” occurred yesterday?  And that quake was a 5.3 (some reports stated 5.5).

Minor aftershocks continued Tuesday in the relatively sparsely populated area that the USGS says is not known for major quakes or active faults…

Hell, all the flaggelation has dumped the Libya debacle to below the fold status on most of the sites I was perusing… And it completely eliminated the Maxine Waters’ “the TEA Party can go to hell!”

{You first BEEZATCH}

antics from the radar screen. Anyone wanna take bets on how long it takes the Goreacle to say this was all due to Glow-bull Wormening™???

Sooooo glad to see that the media still can’t figure out how to get their collective heads outta their collective gigantic arse. {that’s sarcasm for you folks in Rio Linda that didn’t see it}

Dismissed™

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Denizens, this pre-season  edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™…

(Happy now, SpatulaGoddess?)

THE SPATULAGODDESS

What-evah.

Anyway, it begins with a lawsuit.  Seems Oklahoma State coach Mike “I’M A MAN!!! I’M FORTY!!!” Gundy was having some work done on his home, and he hired a contractor to do the work.

And said contractor showed up…wearing an OU t-shirt.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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Got this from Denizen & fellow blogger Alan K. Henderson:

Proving yet again that Alan Does Not Have Enough To Do™. 

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So here are Leo Hindery and Warren Buffet, supposed “patriotic billionaires” who want Al-Obambi to hike taxes on “the rich” .  (Of course, these two morons are Demoscum, and as we all know, Demoscum think you’re rich if you make as little as $36,000 a year.)

Memo to Mssrs. Hindery & Buffet:  You want the “rich” to pay more in taxes, dumbasses?  You want your taxes to go up?

Set the example, fuckheads:  Cut a check already.  The gummint ain’t too proud to beg – lead the way and pony up.

Asshats.

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I wouldn’t give two shits for how Stephen McGee looks as an NFL quarterback.

But he does  get the job done.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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(Hat tip:  Hot Air via Michelle.)

Not sure why it’s taken this long, but the Ayatollah’s approval rating (according to Gallup – everyone else’s mileage may vary ‘n all that) has finally crashed through the 40% barrier to settle at 39%.

Translation:  He’s lost all the independents, and is now beginning to lose part of the base.  (You can figure out for yourselves which part of it.  It ain’t the 99%-ers, that’s for damned sure.)

At this rate – assuming the GOP nominates the right candidate (and that’s by no means a given) – the only question will be whether it’s a 49- or 50-state landslide.

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…he’s out.

With Michelle Bachmann & Ron “Crazy Uncle In The Attic” Paul finishing one-two in yesterday’s not-really-all-that-scientific Iowa straw poll – one in which neither GOP front-runners Rick Perry nor Mittens the Mormon bothered to even participate – former Minne-haha governor Tim Pawlenty has seen his own personal “Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin”.

Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination on Sunday, hours after finishing a disappointing third in the Iowa straw poll.

“I wish it would have been different, but obviously the pathway forward for me doesn’t exist so we are going to end the campaign,” Pawlenty said on ABC’s “This Week” from Iowa.

The low-key Midwesterner, who had struggled to gain traction in a state he had said he must win, had told supporters on a conference call shortly before the broadcast interview that he was ending his White House bid.

Thanks for playing, T-Paw, g’bye.

Probably coulda told you this day would come, but, oh well.

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